Bright Purple: Color Me Confused with Bonus Content (18 page)

BJ presses her lips tightly together, and I can tell she’s thinking. “Was anyone with Jess? There at the hospital?”

“I think so. She mentioned that some kids from the gay alliance had gone to show support for Joey.”

“I’ll bet they were standing around listening to Jess while she was talking to you. She was probably trying to impress them.”

“Maybe, but it was still pretty harsh.”

“Jess is in a hard place. Think about it. One of her gay friends tries to kill himself, probably because he’s been ostracized by family and friends after coming out of the closet. And there Jess is, trying to be supportive while other gay friends are looking on. She’s probably acting tough for their sakes.”

“I hope that’s it. But even so, I hate to keep feeling like the lines are being drawn. Like this is the gay camp and this is the straight camp. And don’t you dare step over that line.”

When we get to practice, it seems that everyone has already heard about Joey’s suicide attempt. And while some of the players’ comments are compassionate, some are not. Following practice, I overhear several disturbing things in the locker room. And finally I get fed up.

“That’s what happens when you let everyone know you’re gay,” a girl named Kelsey is saying to Amy. Kelsey’s a senior who barely made varsity this year. In fact, I’m pretty sure the only reason she made it was because she’s played every year and Coach Ackley felt sorry for her. “Better to keep your mouth shut,” she continues. “I mean you go around and tell everyone and you’re just asking for trouble.”

“Yeah,” agrees Amy. “Too bad someone can’t just ship all the homosexuals off to some deserted island somewhere. Let them live their own lives and leave the rest of us normal folks alone.”

Though I probably had that same attitude myself, and not so long ago, today I find it very offensive. Since I don’t know Kelsey that well, I speak directly to Amy.

“You know, Amy,” I begin, “It’s hard to deal with this whole homosexual thing, but that comment you made about shipping them all off to some island is pretty harsh.”

“Hey, it’s just my opinion, Ramie. Don’t get all PC on me.”

“But what if your opinion hurts others? Like I know that people have said or thought the very same thing about me. you know, bigoted people who think that just because I’m biracial, I should go live somewhere else too.”

Her eyes get wide now, but this seems to keep her quiet.

“Anyway, I just think it’s a pretty unfeeling thing to say.”

“Oh, I was only kidding, Ramie,” she says quickly now. “You know me, the freaked-out homophobe.”

“I know, but I’m thinking maybe we all need to lighten up on these guys. Like we should just get over it, you know?”

“Yeah,” Amy nods. “I should probably learn to keep my big mouth shut.”

“So, are you saying you think it’s okay, Ramie?” says Kelsey. She stands up straight, looking me right in the eye. “I mean we’ve all been noticing how you and BJ have been hanging with Jess lately, acting like it’s no big deal that she’s a lesbian.”

“Yeah. I guess we’re hoping we can set a good example.”

“Or maybe you guys are coming out too,” she says in a slightly mocking tone. Then she laughs.

“I’m sure you think that’s really funny, Kelsey,” I tell her. “But I think it’s pretty offensive.”

“Why should
you
be offended?” she continues. “I mean on one hand you’re saying that we need to accept homosexuals. But then on the other hand, you don’t want to be associated with them. What’s up with that?”

I consider this for a few seconds, wondering how I can get through to this girl. “So, do you accept
me?
” I finally ask her.

“Huh?”

“Do you accept me?” I repeat. The locker room gets pretty quiet now. Maybe the girls think we’re about to start punching each
other. Of course, I have no intention of getting physical. “I mean,” I continue, “if you haven’t noticed, my skin isn’t exactly the same color as yours. So, I’m curious, do you accept me or not?”

All eyes are on Kelsey now. “Of course, I accept you, Ramie. What’s your point?”

“So, are you biracial too?” Now I know this sounds ridiculous since Kelsey is a blue-eyed blonde, but I keep a very serious expression on my face.

“Nooo.”

“Then isn’t that kind of two-sided? I mean you say you
accept
me, but that doesn’t mean you’re
like
me.” I watch her taking this in. “That sort of shoots down your theory about BJ and me, doesn’t it?”

She shrugs.

“So maybe it’s possible for us to accept Jess without being gay.” I smile at her now. “Ya think?”

“Whatever.” She turns away from me, acting like she’s getting something out of her locker, but I know she just wants to get rid of me.

I look at BJ. She’s grinning now, giving me a thumbs-up. “I think we should go visit Joey at the hospital today,” I tell her in a voice that’s loud enough for anyone who still wants to listen to hear.

“Sure,” she says as she pulls on her jacket. “Sounds like a plan.”

But first we head over to Starbucks to meet Nathan. Naturally, he’s disappointed that Jess didn’t make it, but we explain what’s up and he seems really concerned.

“It’s so sad that Joey would feel that desperate.”

“Yeah, in a way it makes me worried about Jess too,” I admit. “I mean I can tell that she’s still depressed about how people are reacting to her. And I know things with her family are really stressed. It’s gotta be so hard.”

“I’ve really been giving this whole thing some very serious thought,” he tells us, “and praying about it too. And I think it’s high time that we, as Christians, start making an intentional move to restore relationships with people like Joey and Jess. I mean Jesus came for everyone. He didn’t shun them because they were sinning. He just loved them and told them to follow him and to sin no more.”

“Yeah,” I say.

“I believe God is calling us to a ministry of restoration.”

I nod. “I agree with you.”

“Me too,” says BJ. Then she tells him about my little confrontation with Kelsey in the locker room. “Ramie totally kept her cool too,” she says finally. “I was impressed.”

“That’s awesome, Ramie. Good for you.”

“I think it was God inspired,” I admit. “But I suppose I do know what it feels like to experience prejudice. And, believe me, it feels horrible to be hated just because you’re different. And it’s disturbing that kids like Jess and Joey are really getting targeted because they came out.”

“I don’t know if it’s just me,” says BJ, “but it really seems to be a hot topic in the news lately too. It’s like whenever I turn on the TV or read the paper, I’m hearing about people fighting about things like gay marriage or homosexuals who want minority rights. Did you guys see Bill O’Reilly last night?”

Neither of us had, so BJ gives us the lowdown. Much of the stuff about setting precedence and legislation and the Supreme Court goes over my head. But I think I basically get the drift.

“Even though I believe we need to reach out to homosexuals, it’s still a confusing issue for me,” I say. “I mean it’s hard to balance being a Christian and having convictions against loving everyone no matter what. I mean we don’t want to appear to be soft on sin, do we?”

“That’s a good point, Ramie,” says Nathan. “And I have to admit that even within our church leadership, not everyone agrees on how to deal with this issue. Believe me, it really is a hot button with some people.”

“I wonder why that is.”

“For starters, there’s the whole fear thing. Some well-meaning people are convinced that homosexuals are dangerous—they almost classify them as criminals, thinking that they have some secret agenda to infect our whole society with their twisted ways of thinking.”

“I’ve heard that some of them do have a political agenda,” BJ points out. “I did a paper on it in sociology last year. There are gay groups that make a point of acting out just so they can get on the news. The idea is to be in the public’s face until the public quits paying attention.”

“I’ve heard of that too,” says Nathan. “But I think it can backfire. Some of the stories, like the Boy Scout leader who turns out to be gay, only makes some people jump to the very worst conclusions. Some people just assume that the whole evil homosexual plan is to infect our children with sinful ideas. Or even worse, to sexually abuse them and infect them with things like HIV. And that’s the kind of thinking that generates fear.”

Of course, this Boy Scout comment only reminds me of Jess’s experience at soccer camp. Not that Jess contracted some horrible disease, at least I hope not, but I’m sure it messed up her mind. “But things like that
do
happen,” I point out. “I mean to some people. So maybe there is a reason to fear. Maybe we shouldn’t let our guard down.”

BJ looks at me, then nods. “Yeah. We actually heard a true story about someone who was sexually abused by a homosexual at a camp.”

He frowns. “Unfortunately, I’m sure that those things do happen. But my point is that not every gay person is like that. They aren’t all evil and twisted. Some of them are simply misguided and confused. And some of them really can’t seem to help their own sexual orientation. They just want to live and let live, you know? Take Jess. Now she wouldn’t try to hurt anyone, would she?”

“Well, she kind of hurt my feelings today,” I admit.

“Yes. But you need to remember she’s hurting too. Sometimes people hurt others when they’re hurting.”

“I know that’s true, but I’m still worried about Jess. She seemed to be opening up to us on Saturday. And now this thing with Joey . . . well, it seems to have set her back.”

“We thought we might go over to the hospital after this,” BJ tells him. “Try to show some support for Joey, to let him know that we accept him, you know?”

“That’s a great idea. Would you like me to come with you?”

So we agree to meet over there. But before we leave Starbucks, Nathan leads us in prayer.

“And remember,” he says as we’re going to our cars, “we are ministers of reconciliation. We are going to share Jesus’ love and acceptance.”

I
HAVE TO ADMIT THAT
I’
M FEELING PRETTY NERVOUS WHEN WE WALK INTO THE
hospital. And when we enter the waiting area of the psychiatric unit, I am downright intimidated by the “diverse” crowd gathered there.

There are about twenty or more people loitering around the waiting area, and it’s obvious that they are probably all homosexuals. Okay, I know that’s pretty prejudicial on my part, but there’s just something about them—the way they look or their clothes or the way they’re talking—that sets off all kinds of alarms in me. And, sure, I don’t like to judge appearances, but my first impression is that this could be a pretty rough crowd. Some of them might even be those militant in-your-face types that BJ was talking about earlier. I glance over at Nathan and BJ, and although I can tell they’re not quite sure about this group either, Nathan puts on a confident smile and heads straight to Jess. BJ and I trail right behind him.

“Hey, Jess,” he says. “I’m sorry to hear about your friend.”

“We wanted to come by and see how he’s doing,” adds BJ.

“I told them a little about him,” I say, almost feeling as if I need to apologize for this, or apologize for us coming. Should I have asked her first?

Jess’s eyes narrow slightly as she carefully studies the three of us, as if trying to gauge why we are here. Then she glances back to
her unusual assortment of friends, all of whom seem to be staring at us now.

“He’s doing okay, considering,” she says. “We’re taking turns going in to see him. Only two visitors at a time and only for five minutes.” She sighs. “But I don’t think he’ll want to see you guys.”

“Are these your friends?” asks a very butch-looking girl that I’ve seen around school before. Her hair is about an inch long, spiked and tinted midnight blue, and she’s wearing what looks like a motorcycle jacket over a faded pink T-shirt that has Girl Power written across the front in felt pen. She has numerous silver studs piercing her eyebrows and what looks like a miniature black barbell hanging through the center of her lower lip. I’m sure her appearance is all about keeping people at arm’s length from her, and it’s working for me. I basically want to turn around and run in the other direction.

“This is Casey,” says Jess.

Then Nathan introduces himself and us, sticking out his hand to shake, but Casey just ignores it, shoving both her hands into the pockets of her baggy jeans. “Are you guys friends of Joey?” she asks.

“We know Joey from school,” I say. “I have some classes with—”

“Aren’t you the one who teases him all the time?” she says to me.

“I used to tease him,” I admit. “But I thought he kinda liked it. Sometimes he’d tease me back. I thought we were just being goofy.”

“Goofy?” Her pierced brows draw together.

“You guys should go,” Jess says in a quiet tone.

“Can’t we say hi to Joey first?” BJ asks.

“Do you even
know
Joey?” Casey demands. “Or did you just come here to gawk?”

“I’ve known Joey since grade school,” BJ tells her in a calm voice. “Ask him if you don’t believe me.”