Nice Guys Don't Finish Last (16 page)

I
think I may have in fact found a potential boyfriend; things did not quite work out when Jeremy & I went out the first time. But I’ve grown to like this guy. He is untraditionally sexy, and I love that about him. He is also very mysterious, which makes me eager to learn more about him. Some of the things he says, I don’t expect for him to say. Some of the things he know, I would not expect for him to recognize. He’s like the Jay to my Bey, but I don’t want to talk so soon. People always tell me how frequently gay relationships fail. I refuse to be a statistic! Not to mention, he has a good paying job, his own apartment & car. I’ve always been taught to not settle for anything or anyone less than what I have to offer.

We sat in his Randallstown apartment, and shocked at his love for the ‘blues’. The entrance of his place hangs a vinyl black & white portrait of Billie Holliday on the wall in the dining room. Then there’s a portrait of Ella Fitzgerald seemingly belting a song with tears in her eyes, across from the kitchen. In the living room rest vintage magazines of Louis Armstrong, Lena Horne & some guy name “Howlin’ Wolf” on the glass table.

“I love it. I would have never guessed you were into Blues music like that. What’s your major,” I asked stirring the November 1954 copy of “Life” magazine with Dorothy Dandridge on the cover.

Blues, there’s nothing like it,” he shouted.
“Where did you get most of the books from? I am sure
they were worth a lot of money,” I asked.
“I found some of them at my granddad’s house, and I
purchased some of them from E-Bay.”
“I love Dorothy, she was so beautiful, and Ella was a
beast.”
“Boy, what you know about Ella? You don’t know a
thing or two about the blues,” he laughed. “And yeah, it was
worth a lot. But money ain’t a thing to me.” He walked into the
living room with a bag of Ranch Doritos.
“Summer time and the livin’ is easssyyyy,” I sung to
prove to a point.
“Oh, so you do know her. Look at you showing me,” he

laughed. “Do you want some,” he nudged the bag at me. “Well, what can I say? I am a singer, so I like to listen to
different influences. And no, that shit makes your breath stink.” “Don’t you get in trouble for that though? Most
Christians can’t listen to anything other than gospel music,” he
said. “My parents don’t like me to sing or listen to anything
secular music, but I’ve always snuck and listened to everything
else. My soul is originated from Gospel, but there‘s something
organic about the Rhythm & Blues music.”
“Wow… you really know music,” he laughed. “Yeah, I’m a theatre major. I have to know these things.” “So I see! If I decided to take to an open mic event,
would you want to go?”
“Sure, but it’d be straight people there right,” I asked. “It’s probably a mixed crowd, why,” he asked scratching
the top of his head with the clean hand.
“Because I can’t risk seeing someone from the church
there, my parents would kill me.”
“They’ll kill you for being at an open mic event or a gay
open mic event,” he asked.
“Honestly, they’d kill me for both reasons.”
“But I’m sure they already know about you,” he
laughed.
“How would you know? They do not know about me
and it is best I keep it that way,” I yelled.
“Okay, Delmar. Calm down, lil yo! It’s not that serious,
oblivious you’d become so defensive about it.”
“I mean, are you trynna call me feminine or something,”
I asked.
“No, but most people can tell when their child is gay.” “Stop calling me gay--- I don’t like that shit,” I yelled. “Okay, I won’t do it again. Jeez,” he apologized
whispering in the air with Doritos on his breath. Please someone
hand him the nearest pack of Orbit.
What does that supposed to mean? “I’m sure they
already know about you.”
For the remainder of the night, I remained silent as we
lied in his room watching “Boyz in the Hood” on his Plasma flat
screen.
“What’s wrong,” he asked.
“Nothing,” I answered.
“Why are you lying, you’ve been quiet the entire time,”
he said.
“I’m not lying. I’m just watching the movie, can we drop
this,” I asked pretending to view the film, but it held the least bit
of my attention.
“No, I want you to tell me what’s wrong with you.” “Can we drop it, damn? That’s why I choose not to date
because y’all don’t know what the fuck to say out your mouths,”
I yelled.
“Delmar, what are you talking about? I didn’t say
anything.”
“In reference to earlier, how you gon’ to tell me my
parents probably already know?”
“I think you’re blowing it out of proportion.” “Man whatever.”
“What the hell, Delmar? Do you have bi-polar or
something because you went from being the nicest person to
being a psycho,” he asked.
Oh no, he didn’t!

The
rain tapped against the window seal as the night grew cold and the palms of my hands began to sweat. My body felt like a pot boiling past a hundred degrees. I stripped out of my black sweatpants and favorite white tank top for comfortability and level my body. The crack of the gunshot ringed my ears and the blood rushed through my veins intricately.

It’s been two months since I got shot, and the dreams are still occurring. The doctor prescribed me to Ambien, and there has not been any progression. I’ll fall asleep for a good period of time; then the nightmares appear again. Nico said it has transitioned to the point where I’ve woken out of my sleep & attempted to walk long distances without my cane.

Physical therapy has shown progressive results, but it is frustrating attempting to walk without the cane. It’s almost like starting over again… the first seven or eight months of a baby’s life. They take their first baby steps, and finally let go of their mother’s hand to walk independently.

On a positive note, things have gotten better with Nico & I. He has been very supportive, and he seems like the person I met three years ago. It’s sad it took a gunshot & paralysis to wake him out of his bitterness. But I am responsible for fifty percent of it; I used to despise him for being too nice. After he turned into a monster, I learned to appreciate the guy I once had. Now he’s back, at least temporarily.

“Yes, I am fine. Just had another dream, go back to sleep,” I rubbed his head on the pillow.
“Are you sure? I can get you a glass of water if you want me to,” he asked.
“I’m fine. Just go back to sleep babe, I’m immune to this,” I continued rubbing his head.
“Okay, well you can’t say I didn’t ask,” he laughed with his head buried in the pillow.
“You’re right. I can’t lie about it,” I laughed. These are the moments that make life worth living. I would give the world for it to be the way it’s been lately.
I pulled his body over mine, and rested his head on my chest & couldn’t stop smiling. There’s nothing like peace & love, and I had them both written all over me. Nico was always the submissive type, but I’ve learned I am transitioning to this vulnerable person I never wanted to be. But I can shed any fear of it, and just allow him to love me the best way he possibly can. No reason to constantly battle over “who does what” or “who does who”, this is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. So this is it…
“Are you excited for Nahla to come here next week,” he mumbled.
“I’m excited, I miss my baby. Just don’t want her to see me in this condition.”
“I’m sure she will be alright, don’t worry about that.”
“You’re right.”
“Babe, I’m horny,” he mumbled under my broad chest that covered his mouth.
“You are?” I laughed rubbing the top of his head.
“Yes, it’s been months. But I want to top you though,” he mumbled.
“Huh? You do? I don’t think I’m flexible enough to bottom for you, yet,” I laughed.
“Ugh, I thought about that. We need to get your crippled behind working again,” he laughed grabbing the side of my ass.
“Now you know I hate anyone next to my ass,” I laughed.
“Well, I’m not just anyone. Besides, you know I tore that ass up a few times, so don’t even front,” he laughed thrusting his hips in the air, shaking the comforter.
“You know what, you’re right. I never been a fan of anything going in between my ass, but you made me feel comfortable when you did it.”
“Thank you, that’s because I’m the best you ever had,” he whispered.
“Yeah right, who told you that lie? I didn’t say all of that,” I joked.
“You don’t have to, it’s apparent in the orgasms sir. Don’t try me,” he laughed.
“Okay okay, you got me. I don’t know why I liked it though because you know your dick is about thirty inches,” I laughed.
“It is not, it’s only about nine and a half… I measured it a few weeks ago,” he said.
“All I know is that it’s bigger than my eight.”
“Abdul, mine may be longer. But yours is thick as hell and you know that, feel like my damn hole is going to split wide open,” he laughed.
“Why are we comparing penises,” I laughed.
“I don’t know, you’re the one who said mine was about thirty inches. I didn’t plan on talking about dicks tonight, I just simply want some,” he said.
“Oh really,” I asked.
“Yes really,” he said grabbing my erected penis through my boxer briefs and lowered his head underneath the sheets. Perhaps, I needed some sexual tension to release some paralysis steam.

I
could practically feel his manhood pulsating in my mouth as I played tricks with my tongue, and stroked my head up & down. I haven’t been connected to him in such a long time, and I don’t have to force myself to be sexual with him.

“Turn around,” he said.
“Huh, why,” I asked confusedly.
“Because I want to eat your ass, while you give me

head,” he whispered in a sexy baritone that switched my button on. I didn’t say a word, just positioned myself in
‘69’
mode & continued to blow. There’s no way he has ever ran into someone with ‘head’ game hotter than mine, and Abdul can go to work on your ass too. The sex was always good.

I anxiously desired him inside my love that my honey became moist with his tongue ravaging in between. I recoiled in motion with my mouth on the tip of his penis & my assets in the air. He knew the easiest way to get me to bust was to eat me out!

We moved in rhythmic motion, enticed in what felt like Heaven compared to the past few months of my life. We moaned and groaned, smashing our heads into the crevices of each other’s privates--

“What… what’s wrong,” I yelled with my ass still in his face.
“I just felt a sharp pain through my chest, I think we need to stop,” he said as I became annoyed.
“But I didn’t even get to cum yet.”
“Babe, did you not just hear what I said?”
“Oh I heard what you said, and I am blown,” I climbed off top of him and laid back on the bed to shove the covers back on me.
“So you’re mad because my body isn’t functioning like usual?”
“I’m not mad, but it’s been forever since we have done anything. I still can’t do anything because you are hurt.”
“You don’t think this bothers me, either,” he asked.
“I’m sure it does, but you don’t know how hard it is for me.”
“How hard it is for you? Nico, you’re not the one walking with a limp & a cane. You are not the one who can’t engage into sex for a long period of time because your body aches. If anything I should be the one frustrated, not you,” he blatantly said.
“Why are you getting loud,” I asked.
“Because you make everything about you! I have not complained once all these months, although I really want to. I try not to let this beat me; however, you have to find a way to make it seem like you are the lost victim.”
“Abdul, that’s not what I am saying. But you will give me credit for sticking with you day & night. Helping you bathe, feeding you & running you to the hospital all the damn time. So if I want to have sex, I don’t think I’m asking for much,” I yelled.
“Not much at all, but you know I want it just as badly. What frustrates me is the fact you make it seem like I don’t want to make love to you, I think about it every night that we lay next to each other. But I know the circumstances, and there’s not much I can do. What I need from you is understanding & consideration,” he slammed his hand down on the bed and became silent.
“Babe, I know I may come across as selfish. That is not how I want to be perceived, I want you to be able to respect where I’m coming from.”
“And I want you to understand that I want some ass right now, and I’m embarrassed because my body won’t allow me to,” he said as I smiled. There’s no way I could argue with him about this situation because I can only imagine how frustrating it is. I can tell that I’m growing up because a few months ago, I would’ve told him to sleep on the couch.
“I understand, and if we have to just lay here & cuddle then I am content with that,” I said. It felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, I always thought that being mean to him would bring me joy. In actuality, it brought pain, and hindered me from growing as a person. I grabbed him, and kissed him like it was the last time. He grabbed the back of my head, and pushed his tongue in my mouth. A sentiment of trust emanated over Nico ‘the person’, and my heart allowed him back in.

The
humidity hit like the Sahara Desert during this early May evening. If my dad assumes I will be in his hot ass church singing & sniffing underarms today, then he has one thing twisted! Because all I want to do is stay home in this good ol’ air conditioning & call it a day.

I’m in search of a summer job, and everyone including McDonald’s gave me the finger. Why is it so hard to find a job out here? Oh yeah, I remember why. Because we are in a recession, and Obama been in office for almost a year & I have not seen one change. I may not know it all, but I know when something smells funny, and his campaign was BULLSHIT!

Speaking of bullshit, where is Jeremy? He told me he was around the corner twenty minutes ago. I don’t know why we are together. The relationship proves I am not the boyfriend-type I thought I was. You must be a person that’s good with patience to deal with someone else, romantically. I mean, it even says it in the bible: