Nice Guys Don't Finish Last (13 page)

“Here’s the bag with your belongings & I have a granola bar and water,” Nico placed the bag in the chair with him. As I lied in the bed with the baked chicken, dry string beans & dinner roll the nurses brought me, barely touching one bite.

“Babe, I think you should eat something. You look kind of weak,” he said.
“I don’t want that it tastes like plastic, I want my granola bar & water, boy,” I laughed in a whisper.
“Your hard-headed ass, you have to get nutrients,” he said chopping some of the chicken with a plastic fork. “It actually looks good, I want some myself,” he laughed.
“Knock yourself out! I refuse to eat that plastic shit. I’m surprised you even want me to eat this, Mr. I Love the Gym,” I whispered.
“Well, I know that it’s hospitable, so I can’t argue with the food they serve. So what did the doctor say when I left?”
“Oh, he just said that the bullet hit a nerve, and I may be paralyzed for the rest of my life. That’s all he said.”
“What you mean that’s all he said? That’s a lot Abdul.”
“I know, don’t remind me,” I said calmly.
“Why are you acting so nonchalant about it,” he asked.
“If I act a fool, it will not change the fact that I cannot walk anymore. The only thing I can do is pray about it, and go to physical therapy.”
“You are right, and I will be with you every step of the way,” he smiled. He began to become the supportive person I fell in love with, I was wondered where the goodness of Nico dissolve.
“Thanks baby,” I said.
“Your welcome. Now, I want to talk about two things to you,” he said damn near swallowing his throat.
“Okay, you can ask me anything,” I whispered.
“One… why didn’t you tell me you were going to Iraq,” he asked as I nearly choked inhaling the scent of the hospital food in the air, and registering what he asked. Before giving a response, I collected the thoughts to avoid saying anything that could retract.
“I didn’t tell you because I found out during your visit to the doctor that day and it was heavy alongside the news you learned.”
“Understandable! The next question, how do you know Delmar,” he asked as I damn near swallowed my esophagus.
“Delmar,” I asked within a question.
“Yes, Delmar!”
“Well, ummm… I really don’t.”
“Abdul, please don’t piss me off right now. I just read the message he sent you, and it’s apparent that you two personally know each other,” he said.
“No, I really don’t. I met Delmar at the Hippo the last time I went there, and he gave me his number. We text a few times but that is it.”
“So why didn’t you tell me about it when you came home that night,” he asked.
“Because I didn’t feel like it was anything worth telling, nothing happened between us! We just danced and that’s it,” I said holding the rigid dinner roll.
“Okay, so sending you messages saying he is horny is acceptable,” he asked calmly than I’ve ever seen him.
“No, it’s not acceptable. What are you talking about,” I asked as he pulled the phone out of the bag to show me the message.
“This is what I’m talking about,” he pushed the phone in my face, and I could read the bolded letters. “So again, do you think this is acceptable,” he asked.
“No babe, it is not. But I’ve never seen that message before, and I hardly said anything out of context. I am being completely honest, how do you know him anyway,” I asked confusedly.

“Because he is the singer that recorded my song, and I already don’t like his ass,” he said as I inhaled.
“Damn, this is a small world,” I said.
“Oh, it’s a small world indeed!”

In
search of space & time, I sauntered in the house to get away from the hospital! If I had to halt there for another minute, those walls were going to be torn down. One thing to witness your boyfriend suffer, but another when you suffer a phobia of hospitals.

Flashbacks occur when I was a sever year old boy playing at the playground with my cousins, Trey & Brandon, and they caused me to fall face down off the see-saw. Talk about a busted face, the doctors had to pull seventy five stitches in my forehead, nose & mouth areas.

The thought of hospitals makes me cringe, a hassle consuming deoxycyclines for chlamydia and have an appointment next Monday. The pressures of helping Abdul, preparing for a funeral & disposing a disease are overwhelming.

I poured a glass of Bartenura Moscato, and sat on Abdul‘s favorite love seat next to Milo. This ride is a wake-up call, and I wish life could be normal again. I was determined to make Abdul hurt the way I did, but my antics did caused nothing but unnecessary drama.

When he tells me about a sudden occurrence with someone, my mind usually travels to negative thoughts & triggers my insecurities. However, when he explained the encounter with Delmar, I believed him for once.

One thing people may not know about me is that beyond this exterior, I am one of the most loving people you could ever meet. After dealing with many untrustworthy guys, I just lost respect for them and digressed colder throughout the years.

My father left my mother, when I was five. He moved to San Diego, California to start his own family and I have five brothers & sisters whom I encountered twice. He tried to derive back in my life when I was 17, but it was too late for him to reenter.

Why leave my mother with the “dirty dishes“, and return to the “kitchen” after everything’s been clean? After my nineteenth birthday, one of my brothers found me on Myspace & showed him to my dad and my father had me transported to L.A. for a week. It was the worst time of my life, and he definitely flipped after my sister told him my orientation on Myspace said that I was “gay” in my pre-PR Nico days.

Son, I know I haven’t been in your life and considered selfish. But I thought we could catch up during your trip with me. I guess I was wrong… it is apparent that nothing I can say or do change how you feel about me. I failed you as a father, and I blame myself for birthing a faggot. I know that if your mom and I were still together, you would not be a sissy flying around my house. You didn’t have a male figure to look to as a role model, so again… This is my fault.

The letter was followed by a five-hundred dollar check; and a picture of me when I was a little boy. First, my sperm donor begs me for forgiveness yet insults me in the same paragraph. Anyone deserts me like an alien doesn’t get respect from me!

In comparison, the first year of Abdul & I relationship, he would declare love for me but insisted my clinginess pushed him away.

“You need to be secure within yourself,” he would claim. I never knew how to saturate his thoughts because I intended to love the way I wanted. The only serious relationship I had besides Abdul was with Deja, and a different experience considering she is a female. I have dated many guys after her, but they weren’t serious.

Abdul would argue about my attitude towards limited time spent together & calling him before he called me. The terms “needy” or “clingy” were constantly thrown around, which opened a door for evolved insecurities. Anyone would react the way I did if they saw guys toss themselves at him, and he would entertain. Before we got together, I learned he created a reputation for dicking the boys down and leaving. The former made me diffident with him, and he never understood how insensitive he react to my emotion and said,”Nico, you are so dramatic. It’s not like I’m sleeping with the guys.”

I lied back on the couch, and the effect of the Moscato rushed to my brain. The world flipped upside down, and random thoughts of Abdul’s resistance exploded in my head. I would give him the world, informed him on my whereabouts and overly affectionate towards him, in contrast, I received nothing in return. There was a moment; he asked if I wanted a pat on the back for notifying him I would arrive home late because I was out with friends.

After one heated argument, I taught him a lesson. He fleshed his shit all over town like he was Tyson Beckford or Morris Chestnut, and there was reassurance anything he can do, I can do better!

One day, a plan was constructed to remind him who the real ‘boss’ in the relationship is. He believed an old ’friend’ took me out to dinner, and he did a complete three sixty. All of the ‘insecure antics’ he hated from me, he displayed them. A boomerang of repetitive phone calls & excessive text messages blew across my phone!

The next morning, I had one hundred twenty six missed calls from him, and seventy eight text messages with sobbing letters. He still isn’t aware I stayed home alone that night, but I loved every bit of it.

When I realized this was the only way to acquire him to appreciate me, I kept it going. The affectionate & needy little boy died the same day…while the cold, heartless bitch he fell in love with was born. It’s sad you must be cruel to someone, in order for them to appreciate you.

After I pushed him away, he displayed negligent and clingy behavior. When humans do not receive love from the person they are in love with, it is an excuse to go outside of relationships opposed to just ending it. Abdul committed the unthinkable! He cheated on me with a boy in our house, and created monster. As much as I claim I forgive him, I still envision the boy lying in my bed with his ass in the air while riding Abdul’s face.

He is blessed to have a tongue in his mouth & a pecker between his legs because many crazy bitches would have cut them both off.

People do not realize you can’t say “I love you” to a person, and don’t mean it. All he ever had to do was show me the love I craved in the beginning, but he seized to amaze & lusted after I pushed him away. Why does love work that way?

I know I conjured problems, and paid the consequences for my actions. But am glad I committed them, at least it allowed me to gain experience, since I am always Mr. Nice Guy! Abdul is a great guy, who made stupid mistakes.

When
we arrived to Corey‘s dinner at Copeland’s in Columbia, the guests turned towards Ty & I with distasteful regards in their eyes. The room was segregated; the conceited crew sat on the left side, as the gossip “queens” sat on the right side! Of course, Ty would direct me to sit on the right side with the gossip girls.

Following the stunt Ty pulled at the Gap, words barely escaped my mouth to his. The fraudulent moment pushed me over the edge, and I thought twice about hanging with him again. Any association with a thief could ruin my religious reputation. It is a hassle to remain ‘closeted’ no one will affiliate me with crafting. No wonder he’s always ragged because he steals that shit!

“Hey, how are you,” a heavy-set boy with a high-pitched voice greeted as I sat beside him.
“I’m good and yourself,” I smiled.
“Blessed, aren’t you the boy that used to talk to Raheem,” he asked.
“Yes, but that was a while back… why,” I asked.
“Nothing, just asking,” he said as his fat ass turned around and whispered in the guy’s ear sitting on the right side of him. How can people be so rude?
I turned to Ty on my left & told him the uncomfortable tension. He did not care; he was enthralled by the side conversations amongst everyone at the table.
“So what’s the tea, girls,” Ty asked.
“Girl, tea is the boy Deandre got the bug,” a light-skin boy with brown teeth said.
“Huh, what Deandre,” Ty asked.
“The down-low trade, you know who I’m referring to. Tea is that he gave it to his baby mother and she’s telling him they must get married after giving the bug to her,” the fat boy said, as my eyes widened & I turned towards Ty. He pretended not to realize, but those peripherals saw every bone moving in my body. I could not believe my ears, I was hoped the former was untrue but living in Baltimore every rumor starts from a truth. If that boy gave me a disease, I swear I will find him & blow his brains out.
“What’s wrong, hun,” the light skin boy asked.
“Nothing’s wrong, I just think that’s sad if someone gave their child’s mother such a conflicting disease,” I lied.
“Yes for the vocabulary,” the fat boy laughed, as everyone joined in the chatter and laughed together. As time passed, I became comfortable with the people at the table and disregarded any feeling prior to approaching the restaurant.
“JEREMY,” Corey yelled from the table to run over to someone, and I prayed it was a different person with the same name.
“Bitch, is that the same Jeremy you were talked to,” Ty whispered pointing his finger. I lift my head & noticed “Mr. I want to marry a Guy” Jeremey.
“Yes, that’s him,” I whispered.
“Girl, I always thought he was cute! But they say he sleeps around,” Ty insisted.
“Are you serious,” I asked.
“Mmmhmmm,” he sipped his Mai Tai and shook his head. My heart dropped as Jeremy & I locked eyes, confirming the attraction was far from over & the “gay marriage” dispute didn’t hold much weight. “Well, go over there and say something to him, bitch,” Ty whispered.
“No, if he has something to say, then he’ll come over here,” I said as he slowly walked into my direction.
“What’s up, Delmar,” he smiled.
“Hey Jeremy,” I responded.
“So you are going to sit there and not give me a hug,” he asked, as I swallowed my pride and chose to hug him. We embraced, and he smelled mixture of musk & tree leaves, I could not establish exactly what it was. But it directed my mind to Heaven!
Maybe, we could look past our difference of opinions. After Corey blew out the candles, the dinner suddenly became dry. I was ready to go, but Ty did not want to leave. April could not come soon enough for me to get my car, in case of situations like this.
“I can take you home, if you want,” Jeremey asked while Ty winked at me.
“Sure, I can leave with you,” I smiled as I removed myself from the table and put my jean jacket on.
“Why you have that tiny jacket on, you know it’s pneumonia weather out there,” he laughed.
“The same reason why you only have a polo shirt,” I laughed as I hugged Ty goodbye & told everyone goodnight. We both left out the restaurant together, and I began thinking this could actually be the one.

“
Open the drawer
,” the robber yelled while I tossed & turned. How did I return to this haunting place that will not escape me? His voice resonated through my ears, and he yelled “Would you die for America.” My mouth wouldn’t move an inch, and his eyes grew darker. He grinned robustly sensing the stench of my fear… it was so prominent, he could probably taste it.