Never Say Never (8 page)

It takes all the energy I have to pull myself together before seven-thirty. I can feel the sun beating down on the back of my neck, and it feels amazing. I almost get in a better mood, but it quickly vanishes when I see him.

I stop on the corner of West Jefferson Street and pause when I see Cameron coming out of Starbucks. Great, can this day get any worse? I still think about him, and the few moments that we have shared, but I know that’ll never happen again.

He flings the door open with his foot, looking directly in my eyes, juggling two cups of coffee and a skateboard. Our eyes meet as he sees me, and with one deep breath and one big step, I move closer toward him. He doesn’t miss a beat. He looks directly in my eyes, not wavering.

“Coffee?”

I look him over suspiciously, trying to figure out who the coffee is for.

“I can get my own,” I say, trying to put on my most sarcastic voice.

He chuckles, but still stares into my eyes.

“It’s for you Kat. I got this for you.”

I stare at the cup for a nanosecond, then take it from his hand, “Thanks.”

“No problem,” he says, as he drops his skateboard.

I start to walk away when I realize he’s following me.

He looks over at me, smiling.

I say, “Do you mind?”

“I don’t mind if you don’t mind,” he laughs.

“I’m serious Cameron, this is never happening,” I say, placing my hand on my hip.

He stops and pulls my hand off my hip. “Never say never, Kat.”

The smile hasn’t left his face. And I can’t help but stare at his mouth, the way the left side rises a little higher than his right when he smiles. I can’t stop thinking about how I want to kiss him again.

“See you at school,” he says, as he leans in kissing my cheek. I am left standing alone watching him as he slams the skateboard down to the ground and rolls away.

The nerve of him, kissing me. I mean what part of NEVER does he not understand? It’s not like I don’t want a boyfriend ever again, boyfriends have great benefits. I haven’t been to a movie in forever and I’m dying to do that with someone. I could ask Gabby I suppose, but it’s so much better with a guy. I miss going to the movies with Zach.

As I run into Chemistry, five minutes late from the Starbucks run in, I open my bag to grab a pencil. I fumble inside for a minute and pull out a clear CD case. As I stare at it, I hear my name being called out. I look back up to the front of the classroom.

“Miss Harper, is there a problem?”

“No, Mr.Powell.”

I glance back down at the CD and see the words, “Love Song for No One” written in black marker on the front. I look over my shoulder to see if anyone’s watching, no one is paying attention to me or Mr. Powell. It all comes together in a matter of seconds; Starbucks, Cameron, the kiss. He must have dropped it in my bag while he kissed me. Bold move, cheesy move, a wow of my life move.

My heart is racing when I walk into History. I glance to the back of the room, he’s sitting is his usual spot, grinning from ear to ear, nibbling on his pencil. As I walk toward him, his eyes stay fixated on mine. He looks at the CD in my hand and smiles. I look right at him and toss it on his desk.

As I lean over, I place my hands on his desk, his eyes stay focused on mine.

“Why do you waste your time?” I ask, shaking my head.

He sits up straighter, “C’mon Kat. You’re not even gonna listen to it?” He pushes it back toward my hand.

“No. I see straight through it all you know?”

“Really?” He says, sarcastically as his eyebrows go up.

“Yeah, and I already told you Cameron, never.

He smiles. God why does he do that?

“And I already told you, Never say Never, Kat.”

I start to take a seat, glancing around, looking for an open seat. Fabulous, I have to take the seat in front of him. I can still hear the quiet snickering coming from behind me as I sit and pout. I feel his warm breath on my neck as he leans forward, and whispers.

“Kat, please just listen to it. It’s only one song and I was up all night recording it.”

I reach over my seat, holding my hand out. He places it in my hand.

“Fine.”

I turn to look him in his eyes, and shove it back in my bag.

I have to hand it to him, he’s not giving up. As much as I want to give in to him and say yes, I still keep my guard up when it comes to him. He gets under my skin, like no other boy, but I don’t want to get hurt. Hurting sucks.

As I run out of class with Gabby attached to my side, I can’t help but wonder what’s on the CD. In fact, it was hard to pay attention to anything at all. The sheer knowledge that it’s

laying in the bottom of my bag freaks me out. I want to believe that Cameron isn’t attached to the senior mission list, but I can’t be sure. After all, it was his best friend Max who let me in on that little secret. It was driving me crazy, remembering the two times that we had kissed. For a brief instant in the beginning, I almost let him in to my world, into my heart. I wanted to let him in. I needed someone, but now everything is different and I’m still alone.

“Earth to Kat,” I hear Gabby say.

I look at her, “What are you talking about?”

“You haven’t said a word since we left class, everything okay?”

“Oh, yeah. It’s fine,” I pause. “Do you want to go see a movie tonight?”

“It’s Friday, Kat. And, you want to go see a movie?” she asks, like it’s completely ridiculous of me.

“What’s the big deal? I’m in need of a good chick flick,” I tell her.

As she contemplates the answer I can see my cousin Lauren and her crony cheerleaders walking toward us. She waves, and smiles at me. I smile back and nod. As they turn the corner, I hear one of them say to her, “What the hell was that, Lauren?” I don’t hear her response as they walk farther away. I can’t help but feel horrible for her. And hear I thought I had it bad. She may have to follow some cheerleading code, but I sure as hell don’t.

Gabby grabs my arm, “Let’s go shopping and then drive into town and walk around, see what guys are out and about?” She smiles.

I roll my eyes. Jesus is this all girls can think about at this age, shopping and boys? I can do one of two things: say yes and keep my one and only friend, or sit at home alone and miserable.

I sigh heavily. “Sure, let’s go shopping.”

It’s not that I don’t like to shop, it’s knowing that later on, we’ll be out looking for the one thing that I’ve been trying to avoid.

CAMERON

I am riding my skateboard with my friends, after a much needed band practice, when I spot Kat and Gabby walking through town. It’s Friday night and there are a lot of people from school hanging out until the party later. I stop, staring in her direction, wondering if she listened to the song I sang for her. It’s something I’ve never done for anyone, and never thought that I would be one of those guys. Yes, I am now of those cheesy guys you see in movies.

I continue to stare as she moves through the crowd that is standing on the corner, laughing with her stop-my-heart smile. My skateboard is dangling from my side, I can hear the sounds of boards riding behind me.

I don’t know why, but I can’t keep my eyes off her. She turns and looks in my direction, the smile fades from her face. She quickly looks away. I don’t want her to look away, I don’t want her to be afraid of being with me. There’s something about her I can’t quite figure out. She has no idea the effect she has on me, and all I can think of it making her understand.

I’ve never been in love, lust..yes, but love...no. I’m not even sure if this is love, but I know I want to find out.

Max screams out, “Cam, let’s get going. The party’s about to start, man.”

I look away from the one girl I’m crazy about, and head off with Max.

I’m three beers in when I see Gabby stroll through the front door. Alone. I look around her, waiting to see Kat walk in behind Gabby, but she never does. After some time passes, and two more drinks I walk up to Gabby. The beer is clouding my thoughts, but I want to know where she is. Her back is facing me as I tap her on her shoulder.

“Hey Gabby, how’s it going?” I ask.

She turns, “Hey, Cam.”

“Where’s Kat?”

She tilts her head, “Home, probably. Why?”

“How come she didn’t come with you?”

She chuckles. “Do I really need to explain this to you, Cameron?”

I pull her aside and whisper in her ear, “Can you do me a favor?”

“What?”

“Can you please talk to Kat for me? Put a good word in, I’ve been trying, but...”

She cuts me off, “Cam, I don’t think it’s just you. She’ll come around.”

“Yeah, all right. Thanks.”

I’m upset she didn’t come. I didn’t think she would, but I had hoped to see her here tonight. Half the school is here, except for the one person I want most.

I usually don’t drink this much alcohol at one time, and can’t for the life of me figure out why I’m pushing the tab back on another can of beer. I guzzle it back not paying attention to anyone. Stephanie is walking toward me, smiling. I had seen her earlier, and did my best to avoid any kind of communication, or even a glance in her direction.

I’m feeling good now, and the buzz from the beer is making me feel better. It stops me from thinking of Kat and what it would feel like to lay next to her. I feel her hand on my chest, pushing me up against the wall.

“Hey, Cam. You look good tonight.”

“Yeah, you too Steph,” I tell her.

“Thanks,” she says licking her lips.

All I want to do is forget about Kat, get her out of my head. I do the unthinkable. I lean in and kiss Stephanie, giving her exactly what I know she wants. Me. After several minutes of playing tonsil hockey, I open my eyes and push her away looking at her. The smile’s not right, the color of her eyes are not right, the hair color is all wrong, and even the absence of cinnamon is missing. Yeah, she’s good looking, but I know if I go any further my fate with Kat is sealed. Kat will never touch me again.

“What’s wrong?” She asks.

“Nothing, just don’t feel like doing this right now,” I say, trying to think of something to get away from her.

She looks behind her and calls over one of her friends, I start to walk away, she grabs my arm. “Lauren this is Cameron, Cameron this is Lauren.” She pauses, “Kat’s cousin.”

Then she smiles, pursing her lips.

Shit!

Now all I can think of is Kat again. I know girls can be calculating and I can’t help but wonder if this was all a setup. Cousin sees me kiss Stephanie, cousin reports back to Kat. This is not going well.

Even though it’s late and I’m completely out of it, I stumble out the party and head the four blocks that will take me to Kat. As I approach her house, it’s dark. There is only one light on, the light to her bedroom. I head to the back, toward the garage, peering in, feeling like a stalker at this point, but don’t care. I look through the windows, the garage is empty, no Range Rover. I make my way back out front, holding my breath, I ring the doorbell. I glance down at my watch as I wait for her to answer. It’s midnight. I have one hour to make this work, before I’m expected home. I admit it’s not the best idea I ever had. Showing up drunk to a girl’s house, that I am completely over the moon about, but yet here I stand on her front porch.

I watch her as she comes down the hallway toward the door. She stops and runs her hands through her hair. I think I see her mouth curl up, but I’m not positive. I wait. She opens the door and stares into my eyes. I stare back getting lost in hers for a moment.

“Cameron, what are you doing here? It’s late.”

“I know it’s late, but I needed to talk you. Can I come in?”

“No. The only reason I came down here, is I thought it might be Gabby,” She tells me.

Ouch, did she just say that?

“Kat, please five minutes?”

She studies me and then says, “You’re drunk.”

“I admit I probably had one too many, but that’s not why I’m here.”

She sighs. “Five minutes.”

I walk in closing the door behind me. I look around, the familiar house looks completely different from when it did when Ben lived here.

“Where are your parents?

“Out,” she looks away, almost in pain or something. I change the subject.

“Did you listen to the song?”

“No, not yet.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know if I want to.”

“C’mon, we’ll go listen to it together,” I say, as I start my way up the stairs.

She follows without saying a word. I’m surprised she lets me continue, so I keep going.

“So this your room?”

“Yeah, but you can’t be up here, my Dad will be home soon.”

“Where’s the CD?” I ask.