Never Satisfied: Do Men Know What They Want? (20 page)

Nicole had obviously switched it back on. I gave her the benefit of the doubt assuming it was either an urgent business matter, or a very brief conversation. What happened next completely and permanently diminished our relationship. She came rushing upstairs as if there was a fire.

“Honey, I’ll be right back. Tiffany just had a fight with her boyfriend and she needs someone to talk to.”

You’re kidding me, right? What about our day together?”

“This won’t take long. I’ll be back by the time you finish breakfast.”

Within fifteen minutes she was made up, slipped into an outfit, and was out the door. I couldn’t believe it. Instead of concerning herself with her own relationship, she chose to run to the rescue of her girlfriend. This time the gym wasn’t going to be enough. Instead, I calmly went downstairs, picked up the spatula and finished breakfast. Afterwards, I called into work and told them I would be coming in that afternoon.

“What’s the point of sitting around the house alone?” I figured. “I may as well get some work done.”

Before leaving out the door, I remembered to grab my gym bag. I usually went to the health club directly from work. As I cleaned it out, putting in fresh socks and towels, I came across the invitation to Jessica’s party. “Boy, I could use some of her good spirits right about now,” I said to myself. For the remainder of the day, I found myself anxiously looking forward to seeing her. I really needed someone to talk to.

At 5:00 p.m. sharp, I was out the door and on my way to the gym. This time the pool was my last priority. As I drove into the parking lot, I was hoping to see Jessica’s Honda Civic parked out front. And sure enough, there it was. I can’t remember the last time the sight of an automobile made me feel so elated. I was hoping to catch her at the door to say hello, but she wasn’t there. That’s when I remembered she was the instructor for the 5:30 p.m. high impact aerobic class. So, I decided to change into my sweats and join in. She was surprised to see me because I usually stayed in the weight room or the pool. As far as I was concerned, aerobics were for sissies and fat people. Boy, was I ever wrong. Ten minutes into the session I was ready to pass out. She took us through a workout more strenuous than Marine boot camp. It was clear to everyone in the class she was trying to kill me. Besides looking in my direction every five seconds, she made sarcastic remarks about my manhood.

“Well girls, do you think these macho men appreciate how hard we work to get into those tight mini skirts?”

“Hell no!” they all yelled all at once.

Of course, I was the only man in the class at the time. What a coincidence. After the class ended, she sympathetically came over with a towel and a container of water. In a friendly way, I wanted to choke her to death.

“How could you do that to me?” I asked with my hand on my chest.

“I was just trying to make sure all of your frustration was gone from last night,” she laughed.

“You did one hell of a job, let me tell you.

“Here, you big baby. Sit back and let me help you relax.”

She walked around to my backside and began massaging my neck, and it felt good.

“Why don’t you take your shower and meet me downstairs?” she said.

“Good idea. I think your workout will last me until next week.”

After freshening up and putting on my clothes, I walked towards the front door to meet her. When I got there, she was surrounded by a group of men hounding her for her number. As I said, she wasn’t a raving beauty, but she had lots of appeal. When she saw me coming, she politely told them she had business to attend to. I could see they were pissed off and jealous. But hey, that was their problem. She pulled me into her office and partially closed the door.

“I know this may sound rather forward,” she admitted. “But how would you like to join me for a snack and cocktail at my place.”

“Well, I think …”

“Wait, before you answer” she interrupted. “I want you to know that I understand that you’re a married man, and I would never …”

“Hold on for a second, Jessica …” I interrupted her.

“No, you hold on, please allow me to finish,” she said as she cut in. “It’s just that, I never get a chance to talk with you one on one, and I think we could be good friends. No expectation, no demands, just friends. Ok, now I’m done.”

“Are you sure?” I asked.

“Absolutely!”

In that case, let’s go.”

“Are you for real?” she said looking stunned.

“Look,” I said. “I’m hungry and I’m thirsty. If your refrigerator is full and you don’t have children from hell, I’m all in!”

“Cool, let me lock up and I’ll meet you in the parking lot!”

We exited the club as discreetly as possible. People are forever in your business, you know?

I followed her for about twenty minutes to her place. When we got there she broke out a bowl of spaghetti and garlic bread. We spent the next couple of hours on opposite ends of the couch talking about sports and our personal lives. It wasn’t long before she got around to asking me about my wife.

“So why doesn’t your wife ever join you at the club?”

“She’s too busy shopping and getting her nails done.”

“Have you ever fooled around on her?”

“Well, aren’t we getting personal?”

“I’m sorry,” she apologized. “I guess that was going a little too far.”

“No I don’t mind, I have nothing to hide. No I haven’t even thought about it. Now, let’s talk about you. Where is that special man in your life?”

“Nobody wants me,” she said as she walked to the kitchen to refresh her drink.

I believe women only say this because it puts the man in a position where he has to tell her how wrong she is. Of course, I took the bait.

“Jessica you are one of the most desirable women I know.”

“You really think so Patrick?”

“Sure I do. Any man would be lucky to have you as his woman.”

Although she set me up for that response, it was the absolute truth. Physically she was in outstanding shape. No doubt due to the daily workout like the one she put me through. And as for her appearance, she was a little above average. She wore her hair in the old school Toni Braxton style, and she had thick lips like Sade. But most impressively, she was a basketball fanatic. What more could a man ask for? As I said, she had appeal.

That night was the beginning of a wonderful friendship. The following weekend I went to her Bull’s basketball party, and had a great time. Needless to say, my wife did not attend. Instead my best friend the plumber, came along. The day after meeting Jessica, he made a very interesting observation. In his exact words, “Man, that woman treats you better than your own wife.” And then he said, “You two have a lot in common.” That was not the last time someone made this same comment. But Jessica and I are only friends. And no! We haven’t slept together, yet. Although I must confess, our relationship feels very much like an affair. Is that possible? I say this because she is the first one I call with good news, bad news, and when I need understanding. However, Jessica is not the woman I promised to be faithful to. And until that changes, I’m only going to call my wife when I desire sex. But you must admit, it’s a damn shame when another woman has to fill the empty void left by my marriage. Eventually, I will have to make a decision about whether Jessica and I can remain just friends. There is no way in the world I can guarantee my feelings won’t grow stronger being this close to a woman who treats me so good. And the tone that she uses when she speaks brings out the masculine caretaker in me. I can’t emphasis enough how much that impacts a man. I hope my story causes women everywhere to ask themselves two questions, do I speak to my man in a way that makes him feel like “The Man” And most importantly, “Am I my man’s best friend?”

One of the most significant reasons why both men and women find themselves in such disappointing relationships is because of the superficial standards they use in determining who will make a good partner. The man, who has watched too many rap videos, is looking for a woman with the perfect magazine face and video vixen body. While the woman, who has seen too many reality TV shows, is searching for a man who is six five, with a large bank account, and a nine-inch penis. Not once during courtship does anyone ask, “How do you feel about buying as opposed to renting? Or, “What percentage of your income do you believe in saving and investing?” And equally as important, “Would you be willing to support me if I wanted to start my own business in the future?”

These are questions that should be addressed before getting married and most definitely before having children. A gentleman named Michael I interviewed from St. Louis thought he had made the right choice for a mate. That was until he told her about his idea to quit his job and start his own business. Her reaction was not what he expected. She did not kiss him and say, “Oh honey, that’s a great idea, you can do it!” Instead, she put her hands on her hips and declared, “Not with my money you won’t.” All of a sudden her great cooking and physical beauty were irrelevant. She was instantly transferred into a selfish dream thief!

She failed to realize that her man was not necessarily seeking her financial support. However, he was hoping she would be there to rub his sore back and say, “Hang in there, baby, you can make it happen.” Or at the very least, offer to lend a hand in her spare time. Obviously, that was asking too much. She turned her back on his dreams, and left him no other choice but to seek support elsewhere. That’s right, another woman. She loaned him money, prepared late night meals while he worked, and provided much needed encouragement when no one else believed in him. And today, thanks in large part to her efforts, his business is off the ground and prospering. “So, why doesn’t he just leave his wife altogether?” you ask.

Again you are looking at this situation from the female perspective. As I stated earlier, other factors must be taken into consideration, the most important being his children. He realized a divorce from his wife would result in separation from his two kids and that was unacceptable. Not to mention the financial cost. Child support, alimony, and lawyer fees can be pretty expensive. It didn’t take him long to do the math and decide the price of leaving was too high. With the business finally making money, and his girlfriend fully accepting his situation, he discovered what so many other wealthy and not so wealthy men have, “It’s cheaper to keep her.”

The reason why many so-called decent men cheat on their mates often has nothing to do with support or understanding. You know as well as I do that the number one reason why most men are dissatisfied at home is because of sex. Either they are complaining about the quality they’re receiving or the quantity they’re being denied. First things first, let’s start with the quality issue. No man wants to come home to a woman whom he has to coach into good sex every night. Week after week, year after year, he patiently waits for his wife or girlfriend to elevate her sexual aggressiveness, physical endurance, and fundamental skills. “Ok honey, lift your leg a little higher,” he directs. “Don’t stop now baby, don’t stop.” “Ouch, not that way sweetheart, I can feel your teeth!” he shouts.

These frustrating situations take all of the fun and excitement out of sex. And sometimes the level of satisfaction never increases, no matter how hard he tries. As one man put it, “I could tape a cheat sheet on my chest, and my wife would still find a way to mess up.” Again, the man has to ask himself that all important question, “Now what will I do?” For the conniving D-O-G the answer would be quite simple, “Get a replacement.” For the so-called decent man, this decision takes a lot more studying. After all, he had every intention of living up to his commitment to be monogamous. When he pledged, “To forsake all others,” he meant it. However, that was before he discovered her inadequacies in the bedroom. Now all contracts promises and bets are off, at least where sexual obligation is concerned. Aside from inexperience and clumsiness, the quality of sex can be affected by the woman’s weight, or should I say, excess weight? Joe from Charlotte put it more colorfully; “It’s bad enough when you have to play traffic cop in bed, but a crane operator too. Now, that’s just not fair.”

Some men, however, prefer a full figured woman. And to them I say, “More power to you,” literally. You’re going to need it. But I think it’s safe to say that the majority of men would prefer a woman who was a bit easier to sweep off her feet. Of course, weight is only an issue if someone in the relationship makes it an issue. Nine times out of ten that someone just happens to be the man. Despite the fact he hasn’t seen his toes in years, he wants the woman with the perfect body, or near perfect. And God help her if he’s seriously into exercising. She’ll never hear the end of it. “You need to work on those calves,” he’ll say. “One hundred more sit-ups a night should flatten out that stomach.” This is very helpful advice coming from someone who can eat like a pig and never gain a pound. And by the way, when was the last time he gave birth? Men have no idea how difficult it is to lose those unwanted pounds after a pregnancy. Nevertheless, we demand absolute flawlessness. And if they can’t get it at home, they’ll simply have to order out.