Never Satisfied: Do Men Know What They Want? (18 page)

But the ultimate insult is when a woman expects you to help her out with her rent. As Michael Baisden would say, “Now, that’s some fragernackle bull!” And believe it or not, some men fall for it. The reason why is simple, he’s whipped. Or he’s giving up all of his other options and she is the only woman he is having sex with. That will never happen to me. I make sure to keep at least two women on stand-by, so when women start talking crazy about getting their hair done and paying rent, I can tell them to go to hell!

But dating multiple women is not always about the sex. As a matter of fact I spend most of my time alone. I work ten hours a day, play basketball three times a week, and I have my daughter every other weekend. With such a busy schedule I don’t want the obligation and expectation of a full time relationship. And I don’t have the time, energy, or finances to wine and dine women. When a woman I’m seeing comes over to my place, it’s all about the business. How was your day, what’s going on in your life, do you want something to drink? Then it’s time to handle the business. I mean, that’s what it all boils down to in the end is sex. Good sex that is! Because if the sex is horrible, neither of you will be around long. The best way to keep life simple is to date women who want what you want. That means I stay clear of the wanna be married types, the baby making monsters, and the where-is-this-relationship-going drama queens. It’s best to date women who’ve already been married, already have kids, are financially secure, and preferably over thirty-five. From my experience younger women bring nothing but drama!

A young lady I recently met at a concert is the perfect example of why I need back up. Her name was Valerie. She was thirty years old with no kids. That was mistake number one and two. For two weeks she called me on the phone boasting about how she was going to turn me out and make my nose curl, blah, blah, blah. But on the night we finally got together, she was whistling a different tune.

She arrived at my place at 11:00 p.m. wearing a pair of cutoff shorts and a tank top. I escorted her straight to the bedroom and threw my tongue down her throat. Within seconds we were rolling on the bed feeling all over each other. When things really started to heat up, I made my move by unsnapping her shorts. Now, guess what her reaction was after talking all that shit on the phone. She grabbed my hand, pushed me away and said. “I need more time to get to know you better before we have sex.” I wanted to curse her dick-teasing ass out. But instead, I kept my cool and took the opportunity to give her an education about men.

“Look Valerie, I’m sexually attracted to you and you’re obviously sexually attracted to me, so what’s with all the games?”

“I just want to get more comfortable with you, that’s all,” she whined. “I only met you two weeks ago and I hardly know anything about you. We haven’t really talked about a relationship or even gone out anywhere together.”

“Let me tell you something baby, I don’t have the time or financial resources to see you every week or take you out a hundred times before becoming intimate. And besides, this idea you women have of getting to know a man better is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because a man will never show you his true self until after he’s had sex with you, determined that it’s good, and gets it consistently. And then he still may never reveal himself completely.”

“So, what! I’m just supposed to give a man my precious temple without even knowing who he is? That’s crazy!”

“No, what’s crazy is that for the past week you’ve been having phone sex with me, then you show up with your ass and titties sticking out, and now you want to get to know me, woman please!”

After I delivered my speech, I politely walked her to the door and kicked her frigid butt out. My best friend Randy told me I was in the wrong and should’ve been more patient. However, he was more sympathetic two nights later when the same thing happened to him. A woman he met at a film festival came over to his hotel room at 1:00 a.m. dressed in a pair of shorts and a biking top. She kissed him, grind him, and let him suck her. But when he tried to reach for a condom she pretended to be upset and threatened to leave. And since Randy is one of those nice guys who doesn’t believe in having backup, he put up with her teasing all night. To top it off, she had the audacity to demand breakfast the next morning. And this fool paid for it!

Again, I don’t have that problem. If a woman can’t play by my rules, I’ll put her on waivers just like the NBA. There are too many free agents out there who are more than willing to fill her slot. An unrestricted free agent, if you will. This process is known as Drafting. And if you live in a city like Miami, there are plenty of good recruits out there too. Just go down to South Beach and watch the parade of fine women of every race, shape, size, and color. The grocery stores, for example, are great places to scout good rebounders. The laundromats, on the other hand, are prime locations to find that agile woman who can put it in the basket. Even church can be a great place to recruit if you’re looking for an unselfish player who will pass the ball. The bottom line is this; I need a solid team to keep my life simple. You can call it immaturity, insecurity, or whatever. But I’m not going to be like these other suckers out there wasting my valuable time and money trying to find Mrs. Right, when all I’m looking for is Mrs. Right now!

Now that playtime is over, let us turn our attention to the more serious examination of why a so-called decent man would stray away from home. Revered as the most honest, trustworthy, and family-oriented of them all, he, too, has needs. Needs which aren’t being met at home, for whatever reasons. But unlike the D-O-G, he is not deliberately seeking out women for sexual conquests. In his case, sex with the other woman is driven by what he’s not getting at home. Many times the idea to have an affair never entered his mind, but over time due to the close proximity to women in the work place, common interests and an appreciation for their professional talents brings them together. In other words, sex is often the unexpected result, not the motivating factor. Now before you men start beating your chests and slapping five over that assessment, consider this. Although these explanations for cheating are much less premeditated, they are just as painful for the wife or girlfriend who eventually finds out.

EVERYTHING I MISS AT HOME

H
ome Sweet Home. Home is where the heart is. And last but not least, A man’s home is his castle. These are touching phrases used to express the attitude of the man who is looking forward to coming home to his woman. He may not necessarily live in a mansion or have a perfect life, but he has a roof over his head and his needs are being met. But what about the man whose needs aren’t being met? What does he have to look forward to? Those catchy phrases mean nothing to him since he is often neglected, disrespected and misunderstood when he steps foot in the door. From his point of view, home is not sweet, but sour. And as for his castle, it may just as well be a ragged Hobo’s shack because unless the queen is performing her duties, the King will be unhappy and unfulfilled. What are these so-called duties, you ask?

Well, at the risk of being labeled a male chauvinist, I would have to say there are basically three. One of which is satisfying the man’s egotistical needs. Men are over-grown babies who must have their egos stroked constantly. We need to be told how wonderful we are, how smart we are, and how much you admire how we are handling our business. In other words, we need cheerleaders! Another responsibility of the wife or girlfriend is to see to the supportive needs of her man. If a man makes a conscious effort to educate himself or get ahead in life, he deserves a pat on the back. And he wants to know that she is behind him one hundred percent. One who is totally committed to standing by his side through thick and thin. Many men see the so-called independent women of today as having no staying power. At the first sign of trouble, she’s packed and ready to move on. Over the years of hosting my radio show, men complained about the lack of support more than any other issue in their relationships. On one hand, you have women complaining that men aren’t stepping up, on the other you have the men who are making an effort who are not being supported. Which one is it?

Finally, there is the issue of the man’s sexual needs. Aside from long tiresome workdays, menstrual cramps, and other feminine problems, the man expects his woman to be sexually available to him twenty-four seven. The last thing he needs is a mate who is never ready, and is rationing out sex as if the supply was limited. This is an area where most men are unwilling to compromise and must have absolute compliance, or else! “Or else what?” you ask. Or else he may decide to seek the affection of another woman who is willing to give him what he wants, when he wants it. No man wants to be put on a sex schedule. It takes all the spontaneity and fun out of sex. And once sex becomes a chore to a man, it’s over!

If a woman neglects or refuses to provide her man with these so-called basic needs, is he then justified in pursuing outside relationships? Most women would say, “Hell No!” They believe men who feel dissatisfied at home should either talk it out, seek counseling, or leave the relationship altogether. However, men know their choices aren’t always so cut and dry. Other factors must be taken into consideration, ones that are emotionally draining and economically costly. A gentleman from Los Angeles typified my point. “I’ve been with my wife for twelve years, married for ten.” He says. “I can’t just pack my suitcase, gas up the old Lexus, and drive off into the sunset. I have a mortgage to pay and two beautiful children who depend on me. Not only that, but my wife would take me to the cleaners in the California divorce courts.” After making a thorough evaluation of his financial situation, he determined that a move would be impractical. For the moment, he is trapped. He sincerely wants to leave, but can’t. So now what? The cheating man must make a decision. To leave or not to leave? Or rather, to cheat or not to cheat? That is the question.

Patrick faced this same dilemma in his marriage a year ago. He became fed up with his wife’s constant nagging and attempts at trying to change him. Like so many marriages, things became routine and boring. “While we were dating she was a free spirit and seemed to accept me for who I was,” he says. “But after we got married and started to make good money, she became snobbish and expected me to act differently.” However, Patrick was not that kind of man. He was raised in Detroit by a hard working, blue collar, father who taught him to judge people by their human wealth not their net worth. His idea of a good time was watching basketball and drinking beer with his buddies. His wife Nicole, in contrast, was from a well-to-do family in New Orleans. She was basically a spoiled brat who fit in very well with the uppity crowd. Watching basketball and sipping on beer was definitely not her cup of tea. A year after graduation, they both landed great jobs in Chicago. After 4 years of climbing the corporate ladder they decided to get married. But after only one year of what seemed to be the perfect relationship, he found himself becoming deeply involved with another woman. Inquiring minds want to know … what happened?

Patrick’s Story

O
ur marriage started out like a fairy tale. We were both college graduates and very much in demand in our respective fields. And with combined salaries of over $100,000, we were well on our way to living the American Dream. As it turned out, all that money could not buy a dime’s worth of understanding and consideration. After getting settled in our new home in Schaumburg, IL we began aggressively pursuing our careers.