Never Letting Go (Delphian Book 1) (10 page)

I
STOOD AROUND
in my bedroom, wondering if I had the guts to do it. I was alone in my room with just my thoughts, in a house I had lived in all my life that had seen so much sadness and pain. For a second, an image of my parents flashed before my eyes and I knew they would be disappointed in me. But I remembered my dad’s dying words, and I knew I was making the right decision.

For me at least.

“Don’t worry about me, sweetheart. Now I can be with your mother.”

I was doing the same thing to be with Ethan.

When I heard that Ethan had died, had killed himself, I was in denial for the longest time. I couldn’t believe that he would do anything to tear us apart. I knew he had been hurting inside all those years, but I strongly believed that I could bring him out of the torment that he felt inside.

I was wrong.

But now I had the chance to be together again with him. All I had to do was this one thing. No one would miss me, save Liam. And Liam would eventually get over me—move back to Spain and find someone he could love more than me.

That was what I wished for.

I took a deep breath and walked over to my medicine cabinet in my bathroom and opened it. Seeing the sleeping pills that had been prescribed to me after Ethan died, I opened the cap, peering down inside at all the tiny pills that would soon lead me to Ethan. Without hesitation, I turned on the pipe and filled a cup with water, swallowing the entire contents of the bottle before I dropped it on the floor.

The pipe was still turned on but I ignored the gushing water as it drained down the sink. I stared at myself for the last time, as if memorizing my face. I blinked a few times, tiredness washing over my body. I walked back toward my bed lethargically. But before I could reach it, sleep instantly took over me and I fell to the floor, my eyes closing softly.

I could still hear the rushing sound of the water as his voice echoed in my head, finally taking my last breath.

“Just like I said before, Kitty Cat. Everything has consequences.”

Then nothing.

But it was like a light switch flicked on and I was violently ripped away from everything that I knew to be me: my tendons, ligaments, muscles, flesh. I didn’t know how long I stared down at the body—it could have been minutes, or hours. The sound of a cell vibrating against the wooden vanity was nothing but background noise. So was the persistent banging of the front door downstairs.

I didn’t know how to feel staring down at a dead body.

Suddenly the door to my room swung open and a frantic Liam appeared, eyes wild. They finally settled on what I had been staring at this entire time.

Me.

A cry pierced the air and I looked past Liam to see a freaked out Jill screaming her head off. If I hadn’t kicked her out for next month, she would totally deserve a discount on her rent fees. I’d laugh if this weren’t such a non-laughing matter.

Liam ignored the screams coming from behind him but still turned to Jill. “Call the ambulance,” he ordered, then stared back down at
her
lying on the floor.

I couldn’t connect the dead person on the ground as me. So for all intents and purposes, it was
her
.

Liam quickly rushed to
her
, kneeling by
her
side, attempted CPR as he tried breathing life back into
her
. But she remained motionless.

I saw the realization finally sink into him as he leaned back, slowly shaking his head back and forth, watching the still form. A tear slipped from his eye. “Why? Why couldn’t you have just stayed with me?” he whispered.

He brushed her auburn hair away from her face. She looked as if she were only sleeping. Liam brought his face down to her ears, whispering angrily, “No, Sophia. If you think you’re getting away from me that easily, you better think again. You’re not the only one that refuses to let go.”

At the statement, Liam’s face turned hard. I suppressed a shiver. Embracing her limp body, he rocked back and forth, ignoring the screams of the girl yelling into the phone, as I continued to watch on. The water poured down from the pipe in the bathroom, and I smiled sadly at my best friend, as the body in his arms started to look rigid. I started to feel faint and looked down to see my body slowly disappearing before my eyes and I stared back at Liam for the final time, hearing him whisper over and over again one thing before I vanished from this realm.

Until we meet again, Sophia.

•••

Ethan

“D
O YOU THINK
she’ll pass?” a sultry voice asked curiously.

The person beside the one who had voiced the question sighed. Gray eyes stared intently at the image of the unconscious girl lying on the floor. It was the first time in a long time that he had seen her looking so peaceful. He shook his head in pain, regretting the decisions they’d both made—he wished he had been stronger for the both of them.

Hopefully the situation wouldn’t get any worse.

“She’d better.” He ached to touch her skin, knowing that for the moment it would be impossible.

Why couldn’t you have just let me go, Kitty Cat?

He asked himself this question but knew it was his own fault for not forcing her away from him. He had been selfish.

“The alternative would be grave, Ethan honey.”

He turned when he heard the endearment coming from his female companion. She smiled deviously at him, winking, then glided a lean finger along the side of his cheek. Ethan clenched his jaw at the touch, swallowing thickly, and nodded his head in agreement.

“Very grave indeed.”

There was nothing more that Ethan could do for Sophia but wait. This was a journey she’d have to take on her own and one she’d have to discover for herself. He hoped more than anything that she would succeed in her task.

Because if she doesn’t,
he thought, turning back to the she-devil beside him,
we’d both suffer the consequences.

“I
S IT TRUE
, what they say about the dead?”

Empty eyes stared forward, waiting for an answer.

The young woman looked at the young man of Spanish descent beside her and a shiver ran down her spine. She wished her grandmother was still with her and not on the other side. She’d have been able to handle this … person a bit better. Although around her age, those empty eyes told her one thing.

His soul was missing.

She licked her dry lips, desperately wanting him to leave her presence, knowing he wouldn’t without an answer. “What is it that you’ve heard?” she whispered hoarsely. She felt shortness of breath and for the first time in her life, wished she didn’t smoke.

He was sucking out all the air around her.

“In my travels I’ve learned that there’s a gateway.” She tilted her head forward, using her braids as a way to shield herself from his stare. She didn’t dare look at him again so instead listened quietly, taking calm, shallow breaths as he spoke. “That no matter if you die, there’s a way for that door to re-open.”

“It—” she paused, wondering if she should disclose this to him. This information wouldn’t be used for good, she was sure. “It depends on who you’re looking for … if they would have a reason to stay and haven’t completely passed on.”

“And what if they’ve killed themselves?”

She raised her head sharply and purposely made eye contact with him.

“Why do you ask?”

His dark eyes seemed to look right through her. “Hell. When you kill yourself, you end up in Hell. Right?”

She looked away. “Perhaps. Grave punishment for a grave act.”

“But I’ve heard whispers that it’s not always the case, that there’s a way for them to come back.”

“You’re correct, there is a way. But the alternative is a task not too many people are willing to take.”

For the first time throughout their interaction, something flashed in his eyes, something wild, fiery.

She froze under his direct gaze.

“Show me.”

What neither of them saw at the front of the store was a figure watching silently, a wicked smile on her face.

I
WALKED OUT
of my room and saw Dante passed out in the front of the television. Approaching him, I noticed the small, shallow breaths he took.

Kneeling beside him, I slowly drew my hand up to his face and stroked the hair that fell across his cheek. I saw moisture land on his face and realized with awe that I was crying.

At that moment, his eyes fluttered opened and he stared up at me, pinning me with those blue eyes. It was like he knew exactly what was going to happen because he sighed, whispering, “You really are an angel.”

“Sophia,” I said calmly. I was definitely no angel. My voice sounded foreign to me; I hadn’t heard it in a lifetime.

He closed his eyes, smiling. “Sophia. Such a beautiful name. Can I get our final kiss, Sophia?”

I cast my eyes downward, crying for the precious life I had to take.

“I’m sorry.”

They were the only words besides my name that I would ever say to Dante.

Bringing my mouth toward his, I took a long deep breath as I connected our lips, breathing in his essence.

His soul.

Looking back down at his face, he looked so peaceful, as if he were only sleeping and not dead.

The front door suddenly swung open and Briggs stood there. He looked at Dante, then down at me kneeling beside him.

He was quiet for only a moment, looking foreboding, a dark presence just taking everything in. Then he said, “It took you long enough to remember, Kitty Cat.”

Feeling a rush of relief sweep through my body, I stood up and ran toward him. He opened his arms wide and embraced me hard. I relished the feeling of his arms around me; tears started to form in my eyes again. Blinking them aggressively back, I stood and gave Briggs a long look. I then moved my hands toward his face as I withdrew his dark glasses away from his face, finally seeing his clear gray eyes.

Ethan.

He’d kept his eyes hidden all this time, knowing that the moment I saw them I would recognize him. He’d kept his distance because as soon as we touched everything would have been revealed to me.

Looking up at him, I smiled. I had missed smiling all this time.

“Where did this come from?” I asked softly, running a finger along the birthmark on the side of his face that although had been Briggs, wasn’t Ethan’s.

Ethan shivered at my touch and grasped my hand in his. “It’s an illusion. Just another way to make sure you didn’t know who I was.” As soon as he spoke, the mark disappeared and I stared at him in awe, speechless.

“You passed the test, Grim.”

Grim
.

I sobered up completely.
Yes.
We were the Grim, forced to take the souls of others. This was all a test as punishment for taking our lives. Ethan and I, we weren’t privy to stay in the afterlife so we had been sentenced to remain here on earth to do this tedious job.

There were other departments made up of people within the afterlife. In the pearly gates there were Guardians, protectors of Beacons against Phantoms, light against dark; the Abiders, the law-abiding angels who ensured order in the afterlife; the Muses, the force behind everything creative in the human world; and the Weavers, there to input a soul into a new life during birth—the opposite of me, I suppose.

As Grim, we didn’t belong in Heaven or Hell, sentenced to remain here on Earth yet not truly belonging anywhere. Almost like the fallen.

I couldn’t let go of Ethan, even in death. When I killed myself I woke up with the task of becoming Grim. If I failed, I would be sentenced to the Delphian, the underworld, never seeing Ethan again for eternity. If I passed, we would be able to stay together just as I had wanted. If I could form special bonds with people knowing I would have to take their life … I was no longer human.

I traded my soul for Ethan.

“I guess it’s time for us to go now?”

“Yes.”

I stared down at the hand he offered me, still for a moment. He noticed my hesitation. “I know it was hard … but you did good.” His voice was rough. It was the first time since I’d been placed here that I saw “Briggs” with such raw emotion.

He must have loved Dante too.

Dante.

I looked over at him as he lay peacefully on the couch. He had been sick this whole time and hadn’t told anyone at all, holding his secret inside of him. I then looked back at Ethan, my soulmate.

“You weren’t suppose to fall in love with him,” he whispered softly, catching the tear running down my face with the base of his thumb.

I brought my hand to my face, not realizing I was still crying. Ethan and I would have to leave all the bonds we had created and move on from this place. Even so, I knew a piece of Dante would always be with me. “I know. I know that now. What about Kaede and Amy?”

A piece of me had fallen in love with them, too.

“They won’t remember us. It will be like we never existed. Because we don’t exist—at least not in this world. Not anymore.” He saw the worried look in my eyes, and he brought his hand down to my neck, caressing softly.

God, I’ve missed his touch.

“Fear not the unknown. For out of recognizing fear comes wisdom.”

I looked at him curiously, knowing I’d heard that before. Then remembered the note slipped under my door.

“It was you,” I whispered, bringing my hands to his chest, holding on as if for dear life.

“It was always me, Kitty Cat. I’ve always been here with you. Now, are you ready?” He offered his hand.

I looked at it, his strong hand that I had ached to have hold me for so long. His strong hands that I would have done anything—and did—to feel them again against mine. And I knew what he said to me was true. We didn’t exist, he and I, not in this world. But there was nothing to fear. So I took the hand that he offered and grasped it tightly as we walked away together, disappearing like mist.

Because no one would remember us.

We were the reapers.