Never Letting Go (Delphian Book 1) (7 page)

T
HE FIRST TIME
it happened was exactly three days after the funeral.

I could hear the waves of the ocean crashing behind us, our feet buried in the warm sand, the grains getting between our toes. We held each other firmly, as if either one of us would instantly drop to the ground without the support of the other. His large hands gripped my waist, then loosened oh so slightly. He trailed his fingers up and down my sides, my body shivering in response. In return, I clutched the back of his neck and smiled against his skin. Showering tiny kisses along the column of his neck, I breathed in his intoxicating, familiar scent that reminded me of a warm embrace after a rainfall.

“You know, you’re eventually going to have to let me go,” his low voice rumbled over my head.

I paused, my mouth millimeters away from his skin, and looked up into piercing gray eyes that stared down at me in sadness. The sun shone brilliantly from behind him so it was difficult to see the rest of his features. Blinking against the intensity of the sunlight, I frowned, then turned my head, resting the side of my face along his solid chest.

“No,” I responded firmly, and shook my head in protest. “I can’t let you go.”

I felt his arms tighten around my waist and he gave a low chuckle. I marveled in the sensation of his voice vibrating against my ear as it pressed against him. “You are stubborn, Kitty Cat.”

I drew back and smiled lazily up at him. I enjoyed it when he called me by my special nickname, said only by him. I would have smacked any other person who attempted to do so. “But you love me for it.”

I saw a faint smile cross his features. “That I do.”

“This is nice,” I remarked. I leaned closer into him. “Don’t tell anyone but I prefer it when it’s just you and me. Everyone else takes too much energy.”

“I prefer it too. We make sense together,” he murmured confidently. “Always have.”

“And always will.” I bit my lip, then jumped right into what I really wanted to say. “I was thinking,” I started eagerly, and I took a hold of his hand, squeezing tightly with both of mine. “Why don’t we take a vacation, somewhere far away from here, just you and me? We could play chess for days. I’ll even let you win.”

As geeky as it sounded, it was one of our favorite pastimes.

The smile on his face faltered, instantly replaced with anguish. He ran a hand down my thick, shoulder-length hair, almost regretfully. “You know we can’t do that, Kitty Cat.” His voice sounded so miserable that it pained my heart to hear him speak as I stared up at him.

I frowned again, this time near pouting. “Why not?” He’d never said no to anything I asked for in the past.

Why was this time any different?

I watched as he brought a hand to my left cheek to brush a tear that had fallen from my eye without my knowledge. I inhaled a shaky breath, wondering why I was suddenly crying. There was absolutely no reason for me to be crying right now.

But I was soon given the answer as he spoke next, his gray eyes glittering with his own tears.

“I’m sorry, baby, but this is only a dream.”

My body instantly froze, my eyes widening in shock. I felt my heart breaking into tiny fragments and I grabbed at my chest, another tear helplessly falling down my cheek. I closed my eyes in denial, his voice still echoing in my head. Never in my life had I wanted to reject something as much as those words.

Only a dream.

I
INSTANTLY WOKE
up to tears streaming down my face.

I realized everything I had just experienced was nothing more than a figment of my imagination. I was no longer on a beautiful white beach with strong arms wrapped around me as we spoke loving words to one another. There was no sun beating down on our skin as I used my hands to block out the strong rays. I could no longer hear the sound of the ocean crashing as it engaged in an internal battle with itself. No, none of that ever happened.

Because he was dead.

I was alone in my bedroom. It was a rather dark and depressing room—shades closed, windows drawn. I lay on my back staring up at my white ceiling. I could hear the tick, tick, tick of my clock above my computer desk far off in the corner. It was a constant reminder of the days that still moved on without him. I had an itch to walk over, rip the clock from the wall, and hurl it out the window. I wanted to hear the sounds of splintering wood and broken glass. But that would take too much energy and bring in the dreadful light.

So I blinked instead.

And I did not want a reminder of the happiness that was most certainly brewing outside on a Sunday morning, birds chirping, little children playing, a most guaranteed scenario.

Instead I wanted to drown in my sorrows, however pathetic that may sound.

I rubbed both eyes aggressively with the palm of my hand and wiped away my spilt tears. Sighing, I slowly rolled out of bed, and shuffled toward the bathroom adjoined to my room. I flicked on the light and blinked a few times against the sudden brightness.

Then I looked in the mirror.

I was a mess. My thick hair was in a tangled disarray around my head. Eyes were presently bloodshot from crying every night since
that
night. I felt dirty, knowing that I probably hadn’t showered in a while, maybe a day or two—I honestly couldn’t recall.

Not that I cared.

I could still remember the feel of
him
though, that familiar scent of him. I closed my eyes at the memory. He smelled like a breath of fresh air … and cinnamon. I always found myself with my nose buried against his skin, inhaling his essence, much to his amusement. His rumbling laugh would give me goose bumps every time I heard them; his eyes would look down at me with so much tenderness and want that it would make my heart ache every time I saw them.

His lips…

I flinched at the successive knocks on my bedroom door and snapped out of my daydream. Giving my head a shake, I looked over at my door in irritation. Then I shuffled back out of the bathroom and stared silently at the entrance, sizing it up. I wondered if I should even open it, not really in the mood for small talk among my roommates.

They didn’t know how to deal with someone in mourning.

“Hey,” the voice whispered softly through the doorway, almost achingly.

A lump formed in my throat hearing that simple word being said by that particular voice. It was a voice I hadn’t heard in such a long time. Tears started to well up in my eyes again. I had an incredible desire to sink down to the floor, not knowing if I would be able to handle the impending onslaught of emotions that I knew were sure to come.

“Come on, now. Open the door.” This time it was said more firmly and I could clearly see the doorknob rattling.

I blinked once, then I unlocked the door, opening it, ignoring the creakiness of its hinges. I was then left standing in front of my intruder, my head bent down as if in defeat, looking at a pair of white tennis shoes.

“You wore your shoes in the house,” I said plainly as a form of greeting.

“Sorry.” He immediately kicked them off and my intruder was left standing in a pair of non-matching socks, one blue and the other, green. “This better?”

I could actually
feel
the intensity of his gaze at the crown of my head. It demanded that I look up and meet his eyes. Blowing out a puff of air, I tilted my head up and finally caught his stare.

“Liam.” My voice broke on his name.

As soon as I spoke his name, he rushed toward me and enveloped me in a tight embrace, lifting me in his arms, and I wrapped myself around him like a lost puppy.

“I’m sorry,” he said gruffly against my hair. “I’m so sorry.”

I sobbed in his arms. Liam, my best friend. There were only two people in the world that I loved and he was one of them.

Well, as of six days ago. He was now the only one.

He stood me back on my feet as he closed the door behind him and we stood staring at one another. Maybe if we lived in an alternate universe it would have been he and I together. Everyone always thought that was how it would be. Best friends who have known each other all their lives, the fact that Liam probably knew every little thing about me, that I knew everything about him, down to each and every freckle on his skin; hell, even I had thought we would be together, eventually.

But that was before I had met Ethan.

“I should have been here for you.”

I closed my eyes for a moment as I took a calm breath. “Liam, you were halfway around the world. I can’t expect that of you.” Liam had left town to spend his last two years of high school abroad in Spain on an exchange program. He’d always had a fascination with the place, where his parents were from.

“But you needed me.”

“What I need—” I broke off roughly. “What I
need
isn’t here anymore.”

Liam winced at my words and I immediately felt sorry for speaking so harshly. I knew he was only trying to help, and me being a B-I-T-C-H wouldn’t make things any better.

Or easier.

“I’m sorry,” I said solemnly, reaching up to stroke his hair.

Before I could bring my hand back to my side he trapped it with his own, tenderly squeezing my lean fingers as he slowly brought them down between us. The contact was comforting yet painful at the same time. “You shouldn’t have had to deal with this alone is all I’m saying,” he said softly.

“I know that.” I looked up from our clenched hands to his familiar face. “Although, I did have Alexandra.”

“That bitch?” Liam scoffed lightly.

I smirked at his words. Alex was Ethan’s sister. She’d hated me on sight, never giving a particular reason as to why, or even a chance on any sort of friendship. She’d always stare at me with a look of disdain whenever we saw each other. I tried to be civil with her but it came to a point where there was only so much I could take, and it just became easier to ignore her negative energy. This was of course difficult considering I had been dating her brother and we had all gone to the same high school after I had transferred to his public school.

I always felt she hated me because she thought I’d taken her big brother away from her.

Liam glanced around my dreary room, noticing the stuffiness and piles of clothing that cluttered the ground. “How long have you been cooped up in here?”

I didn’t answer and drew away from him, walking back toward my bed. I sank down into the mattress with a huge sigh; I wanted the mattress to envelop me and make me disappear from this world.

Maybe if I did I could return to Ethan.

Liam walked over to the windows and swung the curtains back and opened a window.

“Hey,” I said angrily. I stood up again and marched over to him and grabbed his arm. “Knock it off, Liam. Keep them shut.”

“No,” he stated firmly. “You need to breathe.” He opened all the windows until a warm breeze filled the air, then walked over toward me and dragged me over to my bathroom, throwing me in. He then sneered at me as he sniffed the air.

“
Damn
. You seriously need to take a shower—you stink.” He stalked over to my closet and grabbed a t-shirt, a pair of shorts—hell, even my bra and underwear—then tossed them at me. I had no other option but to grab them as he leaned in to my face and murmured, “Go wash up and I’ll meet you downstairs when you’re ready, okay?”

I glared at his expectant face, annoyed by his presence, wanting him to go away. But I saw the sincerity in his eyes and I knew that he was only doing what he thought was best.

“Fine,” I barked, slamming the door in his face, much to his surprise. Alone again, I stripped naked and turned on the pipe, running the shower as I slipped underneath the warm water. I hated to admit it but it felt good to have the water beat against my skin. It was almost like my body was fighting to awaken from the depression I had allowed to take over.

I stayed underneath the shower until the water began to cool. Reluctantly, I turned off the pipe and quickly changed into the blue t-shirt and shorts that Liam had thrown at me. I looked back into the steamy mirror to see that I looked a bit better than before, the warmth of the water reddening my face, my hair darker due to the wetness. I scowled at my reflection, then opened the door and walked across my room, making my way down the stairs and into the kitchen.

Liam was leaning against the counter as he drank a cup of coffee, staring off into space. Since he didn’t notice my presence, I took a moment to look him over. His face was set in concentration, his dark hair falling into his deep brown eyes. I always said he had the eyes of a puppy dog. When he landed those big brown eyes on you, you couldn’t help but say yes to anything he asked for. He had lashes any girl would kill for and a dimple in his left cheek that always made me want to press a finger into the space. He was tall and lanky, his strength not as obvious as Ethan’s, who had exuded raw masculinity with even a single look, but it was there nonetheless.

Liam’s eyes immediately landed on me as my mind wandered to Ethan, as if he knew my thoughts had quickly changed to that of my love.

“See, that wasn’t very hard now was it? You clean up pretty nicely.
Muy bonita
.”

I rolled my eyes at him. “Alrighty,
señor
.” I walked over to him and swiped the coffee from his grasp.

“Hey!” he exclaimed. I ignored his protest and took a huge gulp from the mug before sitting down on one of the kitchen chairs.

Liam softly growled at me but I just smiled to myself and he sat down opposite me. His face instantly lightened at my expression and I looked over at him in distrust.

“What are you staring at?”

He grinned widely. “You! You’re smiling for the first time since I’ve seen you. I haven’t been back in two years and I have to say the thing I missed most was your smile.”

“Shut up,” I immediately said, nose twitching.

I hated compliments from anyone. Ethan had been the exception.

“Well, it’s not the same video chatting, my dear.”

“Aren’t you a sweetheart?” I replied dryly, trying to hide the blush that was forming on my face.

“I try to be,” responded Liam, who grabbed the mug and took a drink before placing it down between us while we sat in comfortable silence.

“How long have you been back?” I finally asked.

“I came straight from the airport. My stuff’s still in the rental car.”

I looked up in surprise. “You didn’t see your parents first? You know how much they’ve missed you.”

“And they’re going to keep on missing me,” replied Liam. I didn’t understand what he was saying. He explained further, noting my confusion. “They left for their twentieth anniversary. They’re in Spain for two weeks. They brought me to the airport. Mom and Dad send their sympathies and well wishes by the way.”

Tears formed in my eyes. “Liam, you didn’t have to come home. Your parents left to spend time with you.”

Liam said nothing. He reached over to clasp my hand, looking intently into my eyes. “And I’m here to spend time with you.” Then in his usual Liam fashion, he let go of my hand and leaned back in his seat.

“So deal with it.”

•••

I
T WAS NICE
spending the rest of the day with Liam. I had missed him immensely over the last few years but I didn’t know how much until he was back. We spent the entire day together doing normal teen things like going out for fast food and coming back home to binge watch our favorite shows. For a second it was just like old times and my life didn’t become one tragic event after another.

But when it was all said and done with Liam crashing in one of the spare rooms, I was left to myself with my own tormented thoughts. And just like the night before, I had another dream.

This time I was alone. It was funny but I didn’t realize before then that I was wearing an almost Grecian style dress. The white silk flowed over my skin, caressing all the way down to my ankles. My hair was loose and down to my shoulders.

Looking around, it was like a canvas, the view I was seeing, everything just raw nature, the sand and the ocean and the forest off in the distance on what looked like another island. It was like I had been dropped on an island that hadn’t been touched by man.

“Ethan,” I whispered softly.

I was answered by a change in the air and I knew I was no longer alone.