Never Letting Go (Delphian Book 1) (8 page)

I spun around to see those familiar gray eyes that I missed so. Walking to stand right in front of him, I reached out and clutched the sides of his face, memorizing every feature.

“You’re here.”

He rubbed his fingers against my hands on his cheek and I inhaled shakily.
God, this feels so real.
“Of course I am, baby.”

“I thought I would never see you again.”

He gave a slight chuckle. “You are making it quite difficult.”

I pouted. “You sound like you don’t want me here.”

“How can I not want you by my side? You were the only thing that made me happy.”

I gave him a kiss, smiling, then drew him down to the sand so he lay on his back and I straddled him. I looked down into his face.

He stared up at me seriously. “Thank you,” he said, tugging at the ends of my hair playfully.

“For what?” I asked, one eyebrow raised as I teased him, skimming my fingers along the hem of his shirt.

“For coming into my life.”

I didn’t say anything for a moment, memorizing every perfect inch of him. Then I said, “Thank
you
.”

It was his turn to give a lazy grin as he clutched my sides. “For what?”

“For being the one person that I could count on.” I cuddled against his chest. “You and me were perfect,” I whispered.

He shook his head, his eyes growing dark. “It wasn’t always perfect, Kitty Cat. You’re forgetting the bad times.”

I thought back to his frequent mood swings and depressive state. When I had thought that my love was enough to save him.

“I don’t care,” I mumbled, my lips brushing his neck.

“We fought,” he said above my head.

“We also loved.”

He smiled softly against my hair. “That we did.”

“I wasn’t perfect, Ethan.”

“I didn’t ask you to be.”

Tears began to fill my eyes. “But maybe if I—”

“Shh. Let’s just watch the ocean.” He drew us both up and turned me in the direction of the waters, whispering, “Just watch those beautiful waves. Right now there’s nothing else in the world except us and the ocean, okay?”

Lips trembling, I nodded firmly, trying to see the water through my tears.

“Okay.”

We stayed like that for what seemed like forever. But I was selfish and I wanted to hear his voice whispered in my ears again.

“Remember when we first met?”

He peered down at me. “At the bluffs?”

I shook my head, craning my neck to look up into his face. “No, the first time.”

His face was serious and I knew he was thinking hard.

I gave him a playful smack on the arm. “I guess I’m forgettable.”

He kissed the side of my cheek. “Never.”

“I’ll give you a clue.” I grazed my fingertips against his. “Sparks,” I whispered.

I stared into his face until it finally registered with him. “That was you?” he asked incredulously.

I chuckled, shaking my head. “I know puberty came late for me but damn, you sure know how to make a girl feel like shit.”

“You’re beautiful, both then and now.” He shook his head. “I just never put two and two together. But now it all makes sense.”

I clasped my hand in his. “You never wondered about the girl on the train?”

“Always,” he said immediately. “I thought maybe we were kindred. You know, those people you instantly connect with for the first time for no apparent reason.”

“We were. We are.”

He grinned. “I just never knew the girl with the dyed black hair, thick glasses, flat chest, and business suit was you.”

I glared at him. “I was in a Goth phase and uncomfortably wearing my mother’s clothes for an interview. I was just playing a role, Ethan. It wasn’t truly me.”

He looked deep into my eyes. “No, it wasn’t. I prefer the real thing.”

I looked back at him and realized this simple conversation with the love of my life was nothing more than a figment of my imagination. I rested my back against his chest once more and stared out into the ocean in front of us. The waves crashed like it was creating its own orchestra. The sky was so clear that if I looked closer, I swear, I’d see my own reflection. It all seemed so
real
.

Yes,
I thought to myself, staring up into Ethan’s face as he stared forward.
I prefer the real thing as well.

But, I’d take what I could get.

L
IAM TRIED GETTING
me to stay with him at his parents’ place but I refused. As much as I appreciated his company, he could be overwhelming at times, wanting more than I could give him.

I couldn’t be the person I was two years ago. I wasn’t the lighthearted, carefree girl who laughed at even the simplest of things. I was harder, smiled less, often preferred the quiet.

Ethan’s death had changed me.

I had to admit I was dreaming of him almost every night. The dreams almost seemed too real—I’d wake up actually feeling the sensation of his touch, tasting his skin. It was getting to the point where I wanted to stay in bed thinking of him rather than face the realities of the world.

It was the end of spring break and that meant I had to go back to school. Liam had actually transferred back and was spending the last few months here with me. He was true to his word when he said he didn’t want to leave me. Although it gave me comfort, I dreaded going back to face the stares and whispers of annoying classmates.

Who knew what the ignorant assholes would say about Ethan’s death.

And I especially did not want to see the all-too familiar look of Alex. I hadn’t seen her since Ethan’s funeral and that was still too soon. She had always been the bane of my existence, trying to find ways to make my life as horrible as possible. She wasn’t a bully to others, but it seemed I brought out the worst in her.

No, I would not be looking forward to seeing her.

Dressing myself in a green tank and casual jeans, I put my contacts in before pulling my hair back into a messy bun. I grabbed for my bag and sauntered down the stairs to the kitchen to make myself a bowl of cereal.

“Good morning.”

I looked up to see Stacy, one of my roommates. I lived with both her and Jill, two girls who went to the nearby college. After my father had died, not wanting to be put in the system, and not having any other family, I filed for emancipation. The house that I lived in was my family’s house and fully paid for so I decided to rent some of the bedrooms out so I’d have some extra cash flow coming in without me actually having to do any work. A comfortable amount of money was left for me from my parents so I didn’t have to struggle being on my own.

Stacy was a few years older with long light brown hair down her back, and clear blue eyes. Jillian was her opposite, with short black hair, glowing brown skin, and deep brown eyes. I wasn’t close to the girls. I didn’t know if it was because they were older and technically their landlord was younger than them.

Or maybe it was because they’d both had the hots for my boyfriend and they had no qualms about making it public knowledge and rubbing it in my face every chance they got.

Stacy was peering cautiously at me. She hadn’t seen me in quite some time, with me being cooped up in my room and all, and I knew she must have heard my muffled crying these past couple weeks.

“Morning,” I responded, making my cereal and taking a seat at the kitchen table. I frowned then took the first bite of my corn flakes.

We both remained silent after that: me eating my bowl of cereal, Stacy timidly sipping a cup of coffee. When I was finished, I placed the bowl into the sink where I quickly cleaned and rinsed, placing the bowl and spoon to dry. I turned around to grab my bag and exit the kitchen when Stacy spoke up again.

“I’m sorry.”

I paused at the threshold of the kitchen. Stacy was now fidgeting with her fingers.

“Excuse me?” I stared back at her, thinking I had heard wrong.

There was no way Stacy was actually
trying
to engage in conversation.

She glanced up. “About Ethan. I’m sorry that he’s gone, that he
left
you.”

I was quiet for a moment, breathing silently, processing her words, hearing the almost sneering tone. I realized then why I didn’t like her. While Alex was direct, Stacy chose the sneaky route. She was trying to hurt me. She seemed to be uncomfortable with my attention so I turned back around. Before I left, however, I finally responded.

“He’s not gone,” I said softly. I remembered the time that we had just spent together in my dream. I shook my head in denial. “And he will never leave me.”

And with that I walked out of the kitchen, slipped on my flip-flops, and went out the door to wait for Liam. I had my own car but Liam had insisted on picking me up, so I sat on the porch as I waited for his familiar black SUV.

Just as his car pulled up, Stacy opened the door, leaving the house. She ignored me from where I sat, and I watched her walk away, but she stopped upon seeing the SUV pulling up in front of the house. As the passenger side windows rolled down, she caught a glimpse of Liam and smiled suggestively at him. Liam, wearing sunglasses, nodded his head in return, a large grin on his face.

Annoyed, I stood up from the steps and stalked over and opened the passenger side door, pushing Stacy away in the process. She stumbled back. As I sat down, I buckled up my seatbelt and looked over at Stacy, who was glancing from me to Liam, a small frown on her face.

I took the opportunity to charge. “You know, Stacy. Your lease will be coming up in a few months. Unfortunately I will no longer be renting at the moment. Be sure to tell your BFF. I’m sure this will give you plenty of time to look for other accommodations. You have a good day, now.”

Before she could respond, I looked over at Liam, who gave a small smirk and then gunned the engine as we drove away, leaving Stacy standing there, the rage apparent on her face.

Bitch.

I heard Liam chuckling beside me and I turned toward him again, crossing my arms over my chest.

“What?” I said darkly.

Perching his shades atop his head, Liam glanced quickly at me with a huge smile before his eyes went back on the road. “Don’t let me get on your bad side.”

I shook my head, irritated. “Piss off, Liam. The little tramp had it coming.”

I had always been quiet, not wanting to cause any trouble with both Stacy and Jill. But how
dare
she say that about Ethan and me? She had just ruined a perfectly good morning. For her to try to taint my memories of Ethan with her cruel words was the last straw. She had no right to bring up his death.

It’d been less than two weeks for Christ’s sake.

“Why, someone’s angry this morning.”

I snapped out of my internal venting and responded. “I was relishing my dream and then I had to wake up to hear her annoying voice as I ate my breakfast. I don’t need this right now, Liam. I don’t need those stupid girls putting me down.” I hated to admit it, but sometimes I really did feel like Ethan
had
left me.

Did he die because of me?

You could always get him back.

I stilled at the strange thought that passed through my mind. It was strange because, well frankly, it didn’t seem like
my
thought at all.

Liam immediately sobered up as he looked over at me with sad eyes. He didn’t notice that I was focused on something else entirely. “I’m sorry. I know it’s hard for you right now, but it’ll get easier. As the days, weeks, months go by, you will get better. It won’t hurt as much.”

Shaking my head, I tried focusing on Liam’s words, disregarding the bizarre moment earlier as nothing but stress. I looked out the window. “What if I want to hurt?” I murmured.

“What?” Liam was surprised at my words.

“If days, weeks, months pass that means I will slowly forget. What if I don’t want to forget?” I glanced back at him sharply. “You know, I can still see him. It’s in my dreams, but I still see him nonetheless. God, sometimes I wish I could stay asleep forever.”

“You don’t mean that.”

I nodded my head vigorously. “Yes I do. I mean every word of it.”

I didn’t even know that we had reached the school until the SUV stopped and Liam put the car in park. Turning off the ignition, he shifted toward me. I turned to see the fresh tears in his eyes, matching my own.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, stroking the side of my face. “I wish this never had to happen.”

“It really hurts,” I managed to say, a tear falling from my eye.

Liam looked up confused. “What hurts?”

I gently brought my hand up to clutch my chest. “It hurts. The only time it stops hurting is when I dream of him.”

Liam stayed silent, his face becoming hard. “But you can’t live in your dreams.”

I looked away from his gaze and sighed, staring back out the window again, and at the many clouds in the sky. I watched as the clouds slowly changed against the blue.

Ethan had always loved looking up at the sky.

“I can try.”

And again, that thought flashed through my mind.

You could always get him back.

•••

“I
SEE
L
IAM’S
been keeping you company.”

I smiled up at Ethan then gave him a peck on his chin. “Why? Are you jealous?”

The sun wasn’t so high in the sky, so I could pick out his features better. I could never get enough of looking at him. To me he was pure perfection. His gaze would hold me, his full lips looked good enough to eat. His hair, a mixture of every shade of brown and gold, was soft to the touch. His strong chiseled jaw…

Let’s just say I was a very lucky girl.

If it was even possible, Ethan tightened his hold on me. “Yes I am, baby girl. Although I shouldn’t be—I don’t have the right.”

I shook my head stubbornly, frowning up at him. “You have every right.”

“But we’ve got to stop meeting like this.”

I stayed silent. Why exactly
were
we meeting like this? “Where are we, Ethan? I thought this was a figment of my imagination. Aren’t I dreaming?”

He blinked a few times, as if he had something in his eyes. Then he sighed. “You’re not dreaming. We’re in the
in-between
. Before they determine my fate.”

“Your fate?”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing—this couldn’t actually be
real
.

Could it?

His smile didn’t reach his eyes. “There are only a few places someone like me will end up after we pass. Let’s hope it’s not the Delphian.”

I raised my eyebrow, confused by his words. “What’s the Delphian?”

He shook his head, somber. “You really don’t want to know.”

I remained silent then decided to change the topic back to our original subject. “So if this is truly real, are you a ghost or something?”

“Not exactly. I wouldn’t say I’m haunting
you
. You’re the one that keeps coming to me. Some people just have an affinity and inability to let go.”

I blinked then looked up at Ethan. He cupped the side of my face and gave a sad smile. “You won’t let me go.”

I frowned, trying to process what he was saying. If this was true and it really wasn’t a dream, if our bond was so strong even in the afterlife, maybe I didn’t have to say goodbye to him.

Maybe I
could
get him back.

I smiled hopefully. “Like I said before, I can’t let you go, Ethan.”

He stayed silent for a moment, then linked my fingers with his. I watched our fingers as they intertwined together. “I have to admit it’s getting difficult to want to stay away. You’re making me remember the good things in life, Kitty Cat.”

“I’m just wishing it were good enough that you didn’t have to leave.”

He winced and squeezed my hand tighter in his, then looked off into the distance. “That wasn’t your fault, what happened,” he whispered. “All the love in the world wouldn’t change a damn thing. I’d still be gone. I had demons inside of me.”

I said nothing. I grasped his hands tightly as a tear streamed down my face.

“I’m sorry but it was the only way I could think to make them disappear.”

Before I could respond, it felt like something was pulling me away from him. I looked up in fright, hearing my name being called over and over again. I could see Ethan slowly disappearing as I shook my head in frustration.

“No,” I whispered, dropping to my hands and knees. My body wracked from the tears and I started hyperventilating on the ground. “Ethan, come back. I—I can’t bre—breathe without you.”

Successive tears plopped onto the sand as I shook my head back and forth.

“No!”

My head lifted swiftly as I realized that I was now sitting at a desk in the middle of class.

The class was openly staring at me in shock at my loud outburst. One particular pair of eyes looked on in anger and I quickly turned away from the accusing stare.

“Dear,” a voice said gently.

I looked at Ms. Prescott, my English teacher. She was a handsome woman in her forties with graying black hair pulled back into a ponytail, and kind eyes.