Never Letting Go (Delphian Book 1) (13 page)

I
LEARNED UNIVERSITY
wasn’t all it was cracked up to be.

Carter Johnson, aka CJ, was an asshole. Certified Grade A asshole. If I knew he wasn’t about to die soon, I’d have killed him myself. But does being an asshole warrant an eternal life sentence in Hell?

That was for me to find out.

I’d always thought reapers were just takers of souls, but we were so much more than that. I’d liken it to a scout, or head hunter. Like a job application. As reapers, we had to get to know the
true
soul of a reap, decide whether they should end up through the pearly gates or the pits of Hell. Or if we weren’t quite sure, end up in the
in-between
, like Amber.

If they were really unlucky, they’d end up like Ethan and me.

So here I was, the rejected angel, dressed in a cheerleader outfit, standing on the sidelines of a football game as I cheered on the South Ridge Lions.

I glanced down at my burgundy, white, and black cheer uniform and grimaced. Staring toward the field, I saw Ethan dressed in his football uniform, and that frown instantly changed to a grin while I checked out my man. They did a bunch of plays that I had no idea about, and all of a sudden it was halftime. Ethan walked over and lifted his helmet off to kiss me.

“Nice butt,” I observed, glancing down at the tights he wore.

He smirked. “Nice legs.”

“Who knew you could play, Mr. Football.”

“Definitely not me.”

I grinned. “Honestly, I have no idea what you’re doing out on the field, but it looked good, you running around like that.” I held up my pompoms in mock joy. “Now I gotta go cheer!”

“Go get ‘em, Kitty Cat,” he replied, smacking me playfully on the butt as I walked back. “Or should I say Lion?” he called out.

I blew him a kiss and he pretended to grab it in the air, placing his hand over his heart. I rolled my eyes at him and made my way onto the field. As I got into position, the music started over the intercom and I began to do the choreographed cheer with the rest of the squad. I was thankful for the dance lessons I’d had as a child years ago, before quitting to engage in other extracurricular activities, aka Ethan. I glanced at Jeannette, Ethan’s reap, and saw how into the routine she was. Straight black hair flew around her petite face as if she were in a whirlwind. I shrugged as I danced, realizing we all had to be obsessed with something.

Jeannette’s obsession was cheerleading. Mine happened to be my boyfriend.

I tossed my pompoms in the air, gave the Lions’ signature roar, then caught them, waving them around as I stared out into the cheering crowd. Suddenly a person in the bleachers caught my eye and I faltered, almost dropping the pompoms on the ground. My heart ached.

It couldn’t be.

Our routine finally over and done with, I remained standing on the field, unable to move, trained on the brunette sitting in the bleachers staring straight back at me with dark eyes.

“Liam?” I whispered.

“Julie!”

The sound of my pseudo name being shouted by Ethan snapped me back to reality and I immediately left the field, ignoring Ethan’s concerned face, as well as the sidelines where the other cheerleaders waited as they watched the game.

I needed to get to the bleachers, to Liam.

As I made my way over, I saw that he’d stood and looked like he was trying to leave, his feet moving down the steps. I moved faster, trying not to lose sight of him, my heart beating rapidly in my chest. I saw flashbacks of water fights, late night movies, and just hanging out in my backyard as we stared up at the stars. My eyes started to water.

Liam.

A hand firmly grabbed my arm, spinning me around. Startled, I looked up at Ethan’s puzzled face.

“Where are you going?”

“I…” I turned back to where I last saw Liam, but couldn’t find him in the crowd. Eyes trailing over to the parking lot, all I saw was a group of guys hanging out next to a red pickup truck. It was like he had never been there at all, my best friend.

I lost all the fight in me and I shook my head, glancing back at Ethan. I tried to smile. I must have imagined it. “Nothing. I just … thought I saw someone I knew.”

A very long time ago in a different world, unlike the one I was currently living in.

Did I imagine it?

I
SAT IN
the cafeteria, Ethan’s arms wrapped around me while I leaned into him, feeding him food off of his plate. We stared at each other adoringly.

Keeping up appearances, that was what Ethan and I had to do.

Jeannette’s syrupy voice interrupted. “Aww, look at the cute couple.”

I looked over at the raven-haired cheerleader staring at us in envy.

“Maybe if you’d fed me, we’d still be together,” said CJ as he grabbed his roast beef sandwich off his tray and proceeded to shove it down his throat.

Jeannette bristled as she looked at her ex. “Maybe if you weren’t such a jerk and ate like an actual
human being
, I’d have been happy to do things like that with you. But you’re not, so shove it!”

I sighed. This is what Ethan and I had had to deal with since we’d taken on this latest assignment. Daily fights with our reaps. I was so glad Ethan and I weren’t that kind of couple. Yes, we had fought in the past. What couple didn’t? But geez!

These people made me want to slit my wrists.

As future reap Number One and Number Two continued to argue with one another—our personal background noise—I snuggled closer into Ethan’s warmth and pretended this was all real. After high school, Ethan and I would have gone to the university close to town. We’d spend our days just in the moment, not worried about the future, the what ifs, the maybes.

Turning toward Ethan, I saw he was already staring at me with a knowing look.

“What?”

He looked sad for a moment, then cupped the back of my neck his fingers tangling in my hair. He drew nearer as if to kiss me, but his lips brushed my ear instead.

“This isn’t real, Sophia.” He kissed the side of my face, then looked down into my eyes with regret. “None of this is real. Remember that.”

He was right. “How long are we going to stay here?” I whispered. I didn’t like it here. It was way too close to what life could have been.

“I don’t know,” he breathed against my skin. “Hopefully not long.”

He understood. “Yeah, hopefully.”

“Hey, what are you two whispering about?” interrupted CJ. He looked me over lewdly. “Can I hear you whisper in my ear, baby?”

I opened my mouth to cuss him out, but bit back a reply when Ethan gave me a squeeze.

Ethan grinned this easygoing grin that was
so
not him. “Hey, dude! I’m right here.”

CJ had the decency to look remorseful. “My bad, Ryan.”

I tried not to laugh at that.
Ryan
. And I was Julie.

“Hey…” one of Jeannette’s friend, Libby, interrupted. She was a petite Trinidadian girl who apparently was in love with a lot of eyeliner. “Did you hear about the kidnapping?”

I froze in Ethan’s arms.

“What kidnapping?” I asked.

Ethan hands moved up and down my arms and I knew he was trying to calm me.

Libby leaned forward, like she was telling a secret. “I heard the Crimson Killer struck again. Some chick’s been missing since this morning. I heard it on the radio coming in to school today.”

CJ nodded. “Ditto. Heard he snatched up some high school ginger.” He looked over at Ethan. “I’d take care of your girl if I were you,” he said, his eyes skimming my face and hair. “She fits the Crimson Killer profile to a tee.”

“You don’t worry about Julie,” Ethan replied. He glanced down at my pensive face, stroked the worry lines away. “I won’t let her out of my sight.”

“Plus, how can you be so sure it’s the Crimson Killer?” asked Jeannette. “Maybe she ran away, or she’s off with her boyfriend or something.”

CJ gave his ex a look. “I know you’re a brunette, but are you having a blonde moment, Hun? I doubt they’d have an alert on her if she was
off with her boyfriend or something.
” He looked at her disgustingly. “God, what did I ever see in you?”

Jeannette looked livid but was interrupted by Libby. “CJ’s right. With all those girls that were kidnapped months ago and their bodies found later, I wouldn’t be surprised if she had the same fate.”

“What’s her name?” I asked.

Libby looked at me in confusion. “Who?”

“The girl, the girl who was kidnapped. What’s her name?”

Libby shrugged. “I didn’t catch it.”

CJ glanced at me. “I think her name was Cathy or Connie—”

“Colby.”

I tried breathing calmly, then turned to Ethan. He turned straight to me. “Her name is Colby,” he said again.

I narrowed my eyes at him then glanced back at the others.

“Excuse us.”

Dragging Ethan by the arm, I yanked him out of his seat and dragged him behind me until we reached the empty hallway outside of the cafeteria. I looked up at him expectedly.

“What?” he asked.

As if he didn’t know.
“You knew.”

Ethan looked back at me, direct. “I did.”

“And you didn’t think to mention it to me? It would have been quite easy, you know.
‘Hey, Kitty Cat, guess what? Your crazy best friend decided to kidnap another redhead in your honor.’”

He shook his head and I could tell he was frustrated with me. Well, it went both ways. “Like I said before, it doesn’t concern us.”

“You’re kidding me, right? How can you say this doesn’t concern us—
me?”
I failed to mention that I could have sworn it was Liam I had seen the other day in the crowd. “He’s my best friend, I lo—”

“You what?” he said, quietly. He looked me up and down. “You love him?”

I paused, looking back at my soulmate, my love.

My everything.

Ethan didn’t like Liam. He never out and out admitted it, but he was never really comfortable with how close Liam and me were when we first started seeing each other. For a time I don’t think he understood how I could love the both of them at once.

“You scare me. You scare the hell out of me.” Ethan sat on my bed, playing with the book on my nightstand. He flipped through the pages. “I don't like it.”

“Like what?” I asked, the brush in my hand stalling as I sat in front of my vanity. I turned to look at him. 

He sighed and stared straight at me. He looked like he was struggling to speak. “You and Liam,” he finally managed to say. “The fact that you’re so close. That he’s so dependent on you.”

“We’re dependent on each other.” What else could I say? It was true. We had known each other our whole lives and had been each other’s support in that time. The one time I didn’t take that support was when my dad died and I had run away to the bluffs, seeking solitude.

Where I found Ethan instead.

“Liam and I are a package deal,” I continued, placing the brush down. “If you don’t like it, I’m not forcing you to stay.”

It was probably the most difficult thing I’d  ever said to him, but it was true. 

“It’s not normal,” he muttered.

I stood up and approached him until I stood in front of him where he sat on my bed. He looked up at me and I brought a hand up to his golden brown hair, stroking it gently.

He closed his eyes briefly, then looked back at me. 

“Is life always meant to be normal?” He said nothing as I stared back at him, so I continued. “You’re my soulmate. My heart beats for you and only you. I can’t see myself with anyone other than you. But Liam’s my other half, a bond that can never be broken. As my soulmate, you could break my heart someday. You have that power over me, Ethan. But it would be Liam that would pick up the pieces. Liam and I, we’re two sides of a coin. His last girlfriend didn’t understand that. I’m really hoping you can, because I’m pouring my heart out right now. But if it’s too much for you, I get it.”

I cupped the sides of his face, looking him directly in the eye. “You can just walk away, Ethan. I won’t be angry, I promise.”

Just extremely heartbroken.

He didn’t say anything for the longest time and for a second I thought he would take my advice. Then he sighed softly and grabbed my waist, pulling me in between his legs.

“You’re really something, you know that, Kitty Cat?”

I grinned, sitting on his lap, and wrapped my arms around his neck. “Depends on what that something is,” I whispered, then I showered kisses along the side of his face.

Ethan was happy when Liam left for Spain shortly after to study abroad. Our love for each other grew even stronger, and even though people called it puppy love, that it wouldn’t ever last, we both knew better.

“Do you love him?” Ethan asked again.

I lifted my chin. “I do.” I would never deny what I felt for Liam, not even for Ethan.

“Like me?” he asked. “Do you love Liam like you do me?”

I watched his face and I knew he’d know my answer. “No,” I said finally. “I love you both in different ways. I could never love anyone as much as I love you. How could you even ask that, after everything?”

“If you love me like you say you love me, you have to let this go, Sophia. Let it all play out—”

“With innocent girls dying in the process? We should be doing something—”

“That’s the only way the two of us will survive this!” he yelled. “Don’t you get it? I’m doing this for you.”

“Doing what?”

“I’m trying to keep you safe,” he pleaded. “There are other places we could have gone after we died, babe. Being Grim was the best alternative. Interfering in the land of the living, other than as Grim, is out of the question. We made our bed, now we have to lie in it. Can you do that? For me, please?”

There was so much Ethan wasn’t telling me, yet I heard him loud and clear.

“Yes.”

“Good,” he said, calmer. “Because right now I need Julie.”

•••

S
O
I
BECAME
Julie once more. Went to classes, went to cheer practice, studied at the library, hung out with my so-called friends as we shopped for dresses for the upcoming formal.

All for the sake of the reap.

I sat in the library waiting for Ethan to finish his last class before we headed “home.” It had been a week since I heard about the missing girl, and like clockwork her body was found days later.

Poor Colby. Another demon to add to the list.

The saddest thing about it was that another girl was missing. Her name was Emilia Grant. She was eighteen, this tall wispy thing with the prettiest red-orange hair and forest green eyes.

She also went to the university I was currently attending.

To say that people freaked would be an understatement. There were only two reactions when people felt threatened—fight or flight. The majority of people chose the flee route, so the school was pretty bare. I saw the ones who stayed giving me looks, comments under their breath at how “brave” I was when they saw my auburn hair and shocking green eyes.

Or how stupid, depending on who it was coming from.

Like now. A girl sat at the table beside me giving me the strangest of looks. She was sitting alone, dressed in black—black tights, black oversized shirt, and long braids obstructing her face.

But I knew whenever she’d lay those dark eyes at me. She kept staring at me like she knew my deepest, darkest secrets.

Like she knew the demons hiding within me.

“Can I help you?”

She looked startled by my presence at her side moments later. Her chocolate brown eyes blinked, then darted around as she bit her full bottom lip. I continued to stare and she swallowed.

“Excuse me?”

I slowly pulled out the empty chair next to her and sat down, facing her head on. “You’ve been staring at me the entire time I’ve been in this library. Can. I. Help. You?”

“I’m sorry.” Barely above a whisper.

I frowned at her, confused. “For what?”

She finally looked into my face and I saw the tears, the torment there. “The kidnappings, the murders. It’s my fault.”

My body immediately went on alert and I stiffened. “What are you talking about? How is a serial killer’s actions
your
fault?”

“Liam.”

I narrowed my eyes at her. “How do you know that name? Who are you?”

She looked around the library, biting her lip. “Can we talk about this somewhere else?” she asked, moving to stand up.

I grasped her wrist, refusing to let her budge. “Sit down. Talk.”

She swallowed and I could smell the fear coming off her in waves and she lowered back in her seat. “He came to me,” she murmured. “Liam. Months ago. My grandmother used to own a shop in the village, basically selling trinkets and stuff. She also provided … other services…”

“Like what?”

She shrugged. “Spells and stuff. Mostly harmless stuff like love and wealth potions. She taught me, and when she died she left the store to me, and I’ve been working there ever since. It seemed like a lifetime ago but it’s been mere months. I was at the shop. It was almost closing time when the front bell rang and I looked up from the register to see this guy standing in the front of the store. He didn’t say anything, he just looked around the store before staring over at me. I didn’t know until he came closer, but his eyes…”