My Guardian Angel (20 page)

“Why are you so angry at me?” I screamed.

“You fuckin’ broke your promise, Kass,” he growled. It was the first sign of him losing his composure.

“What promise?” I bit back.

“To keep yourself fuckin’ safe!” he fired back.

“What about you?” I yelled. “You promised to stay with me!”

We both glared at each other, our heavy breathing the only sound, which broke the deafening silence in his condo.

I relented. I couldn’t not touch him anymore. I walked over to him and reached out, but he backed away.
I finally cornered him and took his hand. It was warm and calloused, a stark difference from mine, which was cold and soft.

“If you can touch me and not want me
, then I’ll leave and never come back.” I gave him my last ultimatum.

I was hoping the touch of my skin would make his cold exterior melt, making him fall back into my arms.
I took his hand and reached for my face. I watched Jason intently, hoping to see the shift in his eyes. I felt the warmth of his touch as it rippled through me, lighting me up from the inside out. I smiled at the feel of him on my skin.

“I feel nothing
,” he said flatly.

The moment I heard him speak
, my moment of euphoria was taken away from me. I held onto his hand hoping he was wrong, but he yanked it away.

“Go
, Kassia,” he ordered.

“Fine, I’ll leave, but know this
, Jason. I love you, but I never want to see you again. Never cross my path for I will never forgive you for lying to me.” I summoned all the strength I had and left.

I nearly ran to the elevator.
I pressed the call button and waited. The fuckin’ thing wasn’t coming fast enough. I kept pressing the button, trying desperately to make it appear in front of me.

A hand grabbed me from behind and pulled me.
Jason grabbed my face and kissed me hard, knocking our teeth together. I could taste both our tears as we kissed, trying to mend the wounds we had just inflicted on each other.

“KASS! Wake the fuck up already!” My brother’s voice bellowed from downstairs.

I had fallen asleep in my office dreaming of Jason again.
I was dreaming of the ending I wanted. The reality was he had let me go the night I stepped into the elevator and watched as the doors closed, separating us.

Three months had passed and I still was fused in that moment in time where Jason found the strength to push me out of his life.

“You’re going to be late for your book signing!” Darios screamed.
Tiff was now next to me as she massaged my back.

“Screw you
, Dar!” I yelled. I sat up in my chair and turned to look at her.

“Does he serious
ly have to follow you everywhere? Doesn’t he understand this is business time not family time?” I berated her. I wasn’t really angry at her, but the man was in every aspect of my life right now and it was irritating me.

“I know.
I’ll talk to him. I just think he’s excited for you. This book, Kass, it’s huge. It might be different, but the reviews are amazing. You might even be nominated for a few awards.” She smiled, beaming like a mother to a child.

“Just use the ‘I’m sweet and cute’ routine on him and have him leave me alone,” I begged.

“Will do.” She winked.
  

Book Signing

Here I sat at my latest book signing.
My book wasn’t a fantasy or an epic romance about vampires. It was a simple story. It was my story. My little love story between myself and the man I fell in love with. He was the first man who entered my life and pushed down the walls I had built. Jason would always be part of me even if we no longer were a part of each other.

Writing this book wasn’t a form of escapism like before, but rather a story that needed telling.
I wrote not to feel better, but because I had a need to. I wanted the world to know me and the Jason I knew. I wrote it expressing the thoughts and emotions as best as I could. It was a stretch for me, only because I exposed a part of myself I held close to my heart and soul. However, by the end of it, I felt like the words were meant to be in my book; the heart he so stupidly broke had started to heal. I wouldn’t be the same again, but at least I was able to write and mend who I was.

“Kass, the turnout is amazing!” Tiff said, as she stood behind me helping me with the gifts.

“I didn’t expect so many people
,” I said, surprised the bookstore was full of people carrying my book, waiting for my signature. This was a first for me. Yes, I was popular author, but I never felt this kind of emotion before. It was completely overwhelming.

I must have been there for hours.
My hand cramped up, but I insisted on continuing even though it was past the scheduled hours for my signing. My fans waited for me, so I would at least do this for them.

“Your name
, please?” I asked while trying to find a new pen.

“Jason, Jason Theroux.”

I picked up a new pen and looked up. There in front of me stood my muse, the love of my life whom I wrote about. I laughed at how ironic this was. I took his book, not uttering a word and signed it.

I slid the book back and looked
past him to see the other fans who stood behind him. I didn’t bother to see the look on his face. I had told him that I would never forgive him for hurting me the way he did. I wanted to keep to that. I didn’t know the reason Jason was here, but I wasn’t about to let him or how I felt about him take away this day from me. The book I wrote had touched many and I felt like I had finally come full circle.

“I’ll take you home,” Tiff offered. The bookstore was closing now and the van was filled with numerous gifts from everyone who had come here.

“No, it’s all good. I’d rather walk a bit. I’ll cab it the rest of the way
,” I said, stretching out my body. God, this was hard on my back.

“Are you sure?”
she asked.

“Yes, I really want to.
It’s snowing, plus I need the fresh air.” I took my bag and headed out.

“
Okay, but be careful,” she yelled after me.

I pushed the doors of the bookstore open and a gush of cold air hit me.
I finally felt awake after hours of being cooped up inside. I took my scarf and pulled it up to cover my mouth and nose. Nothing was prettier than New York when it snowed. I made it a few steps when I heard…

“Is it true? What you wrote?”
I turned to see Jason standing at the doors of the bookstore. “Is it true the things you wrote? Is this how you really see me?” he asked again. I said nothing and began to walk away.

“
Was he truly a man or a mere dream I had dreamt of? A person like him could only exist in my mind. For how can a man as beautifully scarred as him, hold my beating heart? I knew. I knew when I saw him that he carried the other part of my soul. I must have willingly given it to him in my dreams, for it was always his to have.”
Jason had memorized a part of my book. I stopped dead. My body grew numb. I was confused, even amazed with him.

“
Those are my words and how I saw the world and how I saw you,” I replied. “So yes, they are true.”

Jason
’s eyes fixated on me, his gaze held me to him. He stood for a long while as the snow slowly fell down around us. New Yorkers passed us by and went on with their lives as Jason and I just stood, frozen in our moment. I broke from his intense stare by wanting to leave, but Jason stopped me. He grabbed my arm, pulling me close as he kissed me. I held my mouth closed as I put my hands up to his hard chest and pushed him away.

“Let go of me
,” I said quietly and controlled. Jason held on tight, but the moment I told him to let go he did. “You don’t get to decide when you and I happen. You pushed me away,” I stated as he held his head down.

“I know, but I had my reasons
,” he challenged.

“Don’t we all
?” I said bluntly. “Good night, Jason.” I left him there and continued on my path.

It wasn’t long before I realized Jason was behind me, following me. I ignored him and continued on my way.
The snow was coming down harder and the streets were emptying out. It was well past eleven o’clock at night. I debated whether I should go into a coffee shop or take a cab.

“Are you done with your walk?” Jason asked
, annoyed. I chose to ignore him, but he ran in front of me and stopped me from going further. “I’ll take you home,” he said, making it sound like an order.

“You have to be
fuckin’ kidding me? Do yourself a favor and run along, junior,” I fired back.

“Kass!”
he warned.

“What?” I cried out.
“What can you possibly say to me, Jason? What? You were wrong. You did this for me. You did this for you. What, Jason? What?” I yelled. Jason’s breathing became heavier as he stared at me.

“When you were taken
, my world stopped. Everything ceased to exist. The thought of you being hurt made me go crazy. You don’t understand, Kass. The guys at work had to hold me down. They had to stop me from killing Frank. I was going to kill him, Kass. No fuckin’ man can hurt you because so fuckin’ help me God, I will kill them,” Jason growled. “Kass, I wanted you to find your own life away from all this, away from our past and me. I'm fuckin’ broken, Kass.” he snapped. “I thought I was doing the right thing. But I know now all I did was hurt you more. I did the fuckin’ thing I swore I wouldn’t do,” he said ruefully.

“It’s not only you
, Jason. I'm broken too,” I cried.

“I know
, baby. Do you know why I know?” he asked, but I didn’t answer. “Because I hold your heart and you hold mine and only together can we be whole. I know because that night when you saved me and held me in your arms you became my only one.” He inched closer and took my face into his hands. His warm hands forced warmth into my cold face. “You’re always so cold,” he murmured as he slowly leaned in and kissed me.

His soft lips
melted away every inch of fear I had of him leaving me again. I knew this time Jason was finally mine. He gently kissed me, pulling me in tighter. His tongue slowly slid in and out of my mouth, wanting me to fully let him in. I opened up to him completely. I raised my hands and wrapped them around his neck as he leaned down and held me. Our kiss was sensual and soft as we both melted in each other’s embrace.

“I missed you
,” he whispered. “Kassia, I missed you so much that I ached all over. Thank you.” He smiled widely.

“Why?” I asked breathlessly.

“For giving me back my heart.” He kissed my forehead and took my hand into his.
“Come on, let’s get you home.”

Overcoming My Fear

Jason walked into my home holding my hands.
The moment he closed the door I felt a quiet, little nervousness creep up. He still held onto my hand, leading me to the counter. With his free hand, he took my purse and put it down. His gentle schoolboy smile made the butterflies, which were already fluttering go crazy. He let out a heavy sigh when he finally let me go. He reached up and took off my scarf. Without looking, he placed it on the counter next to my purse. He then began to take off my winter coat. I shivered at the loss of heat. I watched as he took off his coat and threw it on the barstool. He took my hand again and intertwined our fingers, his thumb gently rubbing my knuckles. He walked me towards my spiral staircase, but I stopped him. He looked back. An anxious look was painted on his face.

“What is it
, Kass?” he asked. He felt my apprehension. I looked down and stared at the floor, not being able to look him in the eye.

“Kass?” He placed his hand underneath my chin and raised my face.
I looked over his shoulder and looked at my couch. My pillow was on top of my folded comforter. Jason followed my line of vision and stared at it for a mere moment, then looked back at me. “Fuck, Kass,” he murmured. “So, you want me to sleep down here?” he asked.

“No…” I stopped
, not wanting to go further.

“Kass
, tell me,” he ordered in his cop voice.

“I haven’t been able to sleep in my room since that night
,” I finally admitted. “I tried hard to break out of my shell to move forward, but entering that room…It’s hard for me,” I said in a quiet tone. I averted my eyes again, but Jason wouldn’t have that.

“Look at me!”
he ordered again. I looked up and he smiled. “I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere,” he reassured me. He pulled on my hand and began to go up the stairs. We reached the door to my bedroom, but I froze.

“Kassia
,” Jason whispered in a deep voice, as he leaned in and began to slowly bite my collarbone. I could feel his hot tongue slowly licking up my neck as he made his way to my mouth. He softly sealed our lips together. The slow movements of his kiss made me melt. I let my tongue gently lick the seam of his mouth, earning me a small growl. Without breaking our kiss, Jason lifted me up and carried me to my bedroom.

My body grew ridged, but Jason kept kissing me.
He gently placed me onto the bed and pushed me down, cradling my head in his hands. He broke from our embrace and began raining hot, wet kisses down my neck. He reached for his shirt and took it off. The all too familiar sight of Jason’s tattoo and piercings made my heart smile. I stretched out my hands and placed them on his stomach as I felt his hard abs. He groaned softly at my touch. I slowly breathed as I focused only on Jason, not wanting anything of that night to enter my mind. All I wanted was to be here with him. I leaned up and knelt in front of him. I took the hem of my shirt and pulled it over me. Jason’s hands instinctively found their way to my body as he tenderly touched me. My body shivered as he feathered my skin and began leisurely kissing my breasts.

“So beautiful
,” he murmured between his kisses. His hands slowly found their way to my back. He reached up and undid my bra. My straps fell off my shoulders. Jason leaned down and kissed the top of my chest as he yanked my bra off me.

“Hmmm
,” he murmured as he looked over me. He licked his lips slightly and bit his lower lip. His grey eyes turned molten as he looked towards my waist. With one swift move, Jason had me on my back. He took the top of my jeans and unbuttoned them. He pulled them off with such aggression. I scarcely knew what was going on. He hooked his finger in my panties while sliding his knuckle along my seam. “Hmmm, wet,” he breathed as he tore them off my body.

“Jason
,” I said breathlessly. He leaned down and slowly licked my bellybutton, his hot tongue inching closer to my core. I arched up, my body wanting more of Jason’s caresses. The lower he went the more my body quivered. He grabbed onto my thighs and pushed them apart as he nestled his face into my already wet pussy. The feel of his hot breath made me lose all control. My head fell back at the moment Jason’s tongue flicked my clit. His fingers leisurely played with the seam of my folds, spreading my juices up to my clit and down to my ass.

“Jason
,” I cried out again. He used his thumb to circle around my nub as he licked eagerly at my wet lips. He ate away at me, like he was a starved man. I withered slowly with each torturous touch of his lips to my core. I could feel my orgasm coming like a tidal wave, one I couldn’t stop even if he asked me to. I called out his name as I clenched my teeth together; my orgasm rippled through me. He continued to eat at me, licking me all up.

I
laid breathless on my bed as Jason slowly made his way up to my face. I turned to look at him and smiled as I reached up and took his lips and feverishly kissed him. He growled in between our kiss as he grabbed me and pulled me up to straddle him. He weaved his fingers through my hair and pulled my strands away, exposing my neck to him. He nestled his face and he bit hard. I yelped as the sweet pain flowed through my body. He then licked his mark, soothing me. He reached his hand between us and undid his fly. He took out his beautiful cock. I felt it as it nuzzled between the lips of my pussy. I craved him. I needed him. I began to swivel my hips, stroking his length. He moaned as he kept kissing and nipping at my body, driving me crazy with his touch. He effortlessly picked me up and slid me down his cock. He entered me, filling me up. I scratched at his back. The need for him to go deeper made me go wild. He growled as I slowly began to ride him. I eased my hands to his face and held his gaze as we moved together
.
The haunting look he gave me as I rode him, driving him closer to the edge was slowly undoing me. My pussy was swollen and wet, my clit beckoned to find release. I pushed harder. Jason became like a live wire as he took my hips and began surging inside me. He pushed harder and faster, seeking his climax.

“I'm going to
come, Kass. Fuck, I'm going to come. Fuck, I love your fuckin’ pussy. Kass!” he barked. My pussy clenched around him, milking him as he came. I still rode him slower, now easing him off his high as my orgasm began to build up.

“Fuck baby!”
he gritted out. It was his grey intense stare that was my undoing. I came. I came hard. “Hmm.” He licked my lips and kissed me. “You’re so fuckin’ wet, baby. I can feel your juices dripping down to my balls.” He grinned. “I love that I can make you come like that,” he said with his voice husky and low. “How are you feeling, baby? Are you feeling better in your room now that I'm here with you?” He asked with such care that I felt it tug at me. Tears prickled my eyes as I watched Jason try to reassure me that nothing would ever hurt me again.

“Yes.
Yes, I feel better. You always make me feel better,” I said softly. He laughed and laid me down carefully, not wanting his length to leave my pussy.

“Is it
okay if I want to stay inside you as much as I can? I missed the warmth of your pussy so much,” he murmured.

“Is that all you missed?” I scoffed, laughing a little.

“You have no idea how much I missed every single part of you
: your eyes, your mouth, your laugh, my heart.” He grinned and laid his head on my chest. Jason’s cock slowly slid out as both of us lay in each other embrace, not wanting to ever let go.

Joey

I slept for the first time in my room since that night. I felt safe with Jason’s arms wrapped around me.

“You’re finally awake.” Jason’s voice sounded husky and hoarse.

“Did I wake you?” I asked
, reaching up and holding his hand.

“No, I’ve been awake watching you sleep.” He held me tighter.
“You know you snore,” he laughed.

“What the fuck
?” I scoffed. “I do not!”

“That’s what all girls say
,” he noted and smiled. I tried to fight him off, but he wouldn’t let me.

I elbowed him and he finally released me.
I rose up from the bed and froze. I closed my eyes and breathed in trying to look past that night’s events. I felt Jason’s arms wrapped around me. I leaned my head back and nestled it into the crook of his neck.

“This is our space. Nothing is ever going to happen to you here
,” he whispered and kissed me.

“I know. I just need to deal with it. No more hiding away. That Kassia is gone
,” I said, wanting to show him how much I changed.

“She better not be all gone, I liked her very much. The snore I can do without
,” he mocked.

I stomped on his toe and he grimaced, but he held in his groan.
I turned and gave him a look and walked over to my clothes. I was thankful to Tiff for these few months. She helped me with getting my clothes and cleaning my room. She told me when the time was right I would be able to come back in here. I was happy that Jason was with me and helped me get over the first hurdle.

I couldn’t wait to eat breakfast, but that didn’t happen for a while
because we took a shower together. Jason and I were making up for lost time. Each and every place we could do it in, we did. I don’t think there was an inch in my home that we didn’t touch. We smiled and laughed together as we finally ate our late breakfast. New York had a huge snowstorm during the night. The streets were deserted as everyone had mostly stayed home. Sometimes even adults get snow days.

We bundled up and decided to take a walk outside.
The sun was already setting even though it was four o’clock. But I didn’t care, I had Jason and to me he was my sun. I let go of his hand under the guise that I wanted to take a photo for Instagram. I carefully picked up some snow and formed it into a ball, but Jason beat me to it as he threw one at me.

“I can’t believe you did that!” I snapped, faking
anger.

“Why? You were going to.” He shrugged and laughed.

“That’s beside the point.” I reached back and threw it at him.

“Typical girl, you missed
,” he teased.

“You did not just say that!” I said pointedly at him.

“And what if I did?”

I turned to walk back home, but Jason took me by the shoulder. I took his hand and flipped him onto the snow bank.

“How do you like being played?” I stuck out my tongue at him. I watched as a surprised Jason lay in the snow, shocked at how I turned it. The look on his face told me to hightail it out of there.

I
ran but Jason was quicker. He cradled me in his arms and dropped me into the snow. We both laughed. Jason stood up and stretched out his hand. I took it and he lifted me up and dusted me off.

“I missed this.” He
said as he kissed my forehead and smiled.

“Me too.” I breathed.

Jason and I spent the better part of what was left of our day outside.
It was our way to get to know each other again. I hated all the months we were apart. Each day seemed arduous and never ending. The way Jason spoke yesterday and the way he opened up to me slowly undid the small, carefully stitched up heart, which was ripped open by him. I had known he was pushing me away, but after that night I gave into his wishes.

“You left pretty quickly that night. I guess I got what I wanted
,” Jason said sadly, as he pushed his food around on his plate.

“I did leave pretty fast.” I put my fork down and stopped eating. Jason was busy pushing his food around, but finally looked up.

“I thought I had to fight with you. I was even trying to come up with things to say. But after I said I felt nothing when you touched me, your face changed. I knew I had crossed the line, but I thought for sure you would fight back. But all you did was stare at me, like I had gutted you. It took everything inside me to stay ridged and cold. I was a fuckin’ prick,” he admitted, as he reached over and took my hand in his.

“I’m not going to lie and say I thought you would push me away the way you did.
I knew we’d fight, but I figured we’d somehow end up together. Only when you continued to push me away, did I realize that what I believed would be an easy battle, ended up being far more difficult than I thought.” I said sadly.

“Then why go? Why did you not fight back?”
he asked.

“Would you have given in?
I knew you wouldn’t. So, I was prepared to do everything you wanted, even leave you if that’s what you wished,” I admitted.

“How
could you ever doubt the love I have for you? How many times do I have to show you? Or tell you? I waited forever for you Kassia. I wanted you to find your own way without me forcing myself and my desires on you.” He took my hand and his thumb strummed along my knuckles.

“Kassia, I want you to know I’m not going anywhere.
Even if in a few years you might not want me. This longing I have, this yearning for you, it burns from deep within me. You have been what I have wanted all my life. I’m never going to give you up or leave you.” He slowly kissed every knuckle and gazed up at me.

“Jason, don’t you know that you have sewn yourself tightly to me
? I highly doubt I can go one day without wanting to be near you.” I smiled.