My Guardian Angel (15 page)

Lost

Darios stayed with me.
Well actually, he moved in. He decided I needed him and this time he wasn’t about to let anyone hurt me. He blamed himself for what happened. I tried telling him not to, but he insisted that it was his fault.

“Is that why you won’t commit to anyone?
Are you afraid to fail them?” I asked over takeout.

“Drop it
, little girl. You might be my sister, but I can still tackle you,” he murmured.

“Don’t you have to work?” I asked.

My voice sounded so foreign to me. For the last couple of days, I was living through the moments, not really dealing with anything. I didn’t know what to think of first. Should I think of the night that scarred me? Should I think of Jason or the fuckin’ stalker who was now plaguing me? My life had become such a mess. A small part of me felt better for knowing about that night, but it was so small I hardly felt it was there if I didn’t look for it. Jason must have known who I was. Why didn’t he tell me then?

“Earth to Kass. Are you willing to come back to the planet or are you going to stay lost in space?”
Darios waved his hand in front of me.

“Yeah
, sorry, what were we saying?” I asked.

“I'm going to leave for a few hours. I’ll be back,
okay?” he waited for my response and I nodded.

Darios left but he gave me the same speech that Jason did, making sure I deadbolted the place and put the alarm on.
I walked over to my couch, lost in my thoughts. The memories were so vivid that I felt like it had just happened to me. The thing was I didn’t remember all of it. My phone chimed, I looked over and it was from Tara. I picked it up to read it.

Tara:
  Hey what time r we going to the club?

I ignored it. I was going to throw it, when it chimed again.

Jason:  It’s me. Can we talk?

Jason wanted to talk, but my heart wasn’t ready.
I had fallen for him and now everything was so complicated. I sat down on my couch. I was too exhausted and emotionally spent to care about anything right now.

It was raining again, but this time there
weren’t any thundershowers just a heavy rainfall. I got up to try to eat something. I wasn’t up to eating anything, but I knew I needed to or else Darios would have a shit fit.

I walked over to the kitchen to eat something when my cell began to ring. I picked it up from the table.
MY BOY
was written in bold letters over a pic we had taken of both of us. I put it down and chose to ignore it, until a faint knock on my door caught my attention. My phone chimed.

Jason:
  It’s me.

Jason was outside in the rain. He hated the rain just like I did.
I made my way slowly to the door, but I couldn’t find the strength to open it. I watched him through the peephole. He was completely drenched, from his hoodie right down to his Converse. I watched as he paced back and forth.

“Kass?”
he said meekly. He leaned in, his hands on the door to steady himself. “Fuck, I know I fucked it up, but at least let me explain to you what happened. Kass?” he said with regret in his voice.

I watched as he struggled with himself. He tried to knock again, but stopped. He paced back and forth, trying to figure out a way to talk to me.

“Kass?’
he choked out. “You know I hate the fuckin’ rain. Now you know why. But you make it go away. The rain, it doesn’t bother me when I'm with you,” he murmured. “Fuck. Kassia, please?” he begged with his voice cracking.

I unlocked the deadbolt and held onto the door.
I swallowed hard and opened it. Jason stood with his hands in his jean pockets, his head was lowered and his hoodie soaked.

“Come in.” I gestured for him to walk in.
He stepped inside and stayed at the door entranceway. I closed the door behind him and walked back inside.

We stood in silence. He and I had an
eighteen-year history that I knew nothing of.

“Tell me what I don’t remember
Tell me your version,” I asked, my eyes brimming with tears.

“My brother came and broke into the house.
My parents had cut him off, telling him that if he chose to do drugs then they would no longer deal with him. We hadn’t heard from him for over a year. He came in from the back door. My dad confronted him. That’s when I hid under the stairs, in the cupboard. I heard them arguing and then I heard two loud bangs, which turned out to be gunshots. He had shot my parents. I watched from a small slit as he went around the house trying to find money.” Jason stopped and took two deep breaths. He stood far from me and didn’t once try to look at me. “Then you came. I heard you calling. My brother hid, but you came inside asking if we needed help. I saw you. I saw the way you looked at what had happened. That’s when I inched out and you found me. You saw me and smiled a little. You told me it was going to be okay. You took my hand and squeezed…you told me you were taking me to your house. Then it happened,” Jason said grimly.

“What happened?” I asked
, afraid of what he was about to tell me.

“My brother ran out to stop you. He stood at the door waiting for you.
He hadn’t seen me I guess, but you threw me in the cupboard and told me it was going to be okay and to be quiet. All I heard was you running around the house to get away from him. He finally caught up to you and threw you down onto the ground. I was watching from behind the door, through the little slit. You were fighting him, telling him to get off you. I ran out and took the small marble statue my mom had and used it to stop him.” Jason’s voice broke and he began to cry. My heart shattered as I heard him tell me his version of the story we shared. I instinctively moved forward, but Jason backed up. “You pulled me into your arms and asked if I was okay. You then ran to your house and held me.” He wiped his tears with his wet sleeve.

“Jason
,” I whispered softly.

“You kept telling me it was going to be
okay. I felt safe with you. That’s when I promised you that I would help you and protect you when you needed me. But you only gave me a blank stare,” he said ruefully. “It wasn’t my intention to seek you out and start all this, but I couldn’t help but want you. God, Kassia. I fell so fuckin’ hard for you. I'm sorry for not telling you. I tried to so many times, but I just couldn’t.” Jason still hadn’t looked at me.

“I don’t know what to say right now
,” I sobbed. “Jason, I'm…” The hard lump in my throat stopped me from speaking any further.

“If I lose you now, I feel like I would lose everything that meant anything to me in this world
,” he said, still crying.

“Jason, I can’t just…” God, why can’t I say anything right now?

“I understand. I do. But Kass, don’t throw me away, okay? Don’t push me out of your life,” he pleaded.

I began to cry uncontrollably
; there was a heaviness in my heart, that pulled me down to my knees. What do I do now? Jason ran to me and held me.

“I'm so sorry
, Kassia. I'm so fuckin’ sorry,” he cried.

I held onto Jason
, desperately trying to deal with all that had happened. A sense of utter loss came over me.

“I remember
,” I said, my voice breaking.

“You were in the little cupboard under the stairs. I heard a noise and opened the door
; you were peering out at me with your big grey eyes. I felt this need to keep you safe and to run, so I took you all the while telling you it was going to be okay.” I continued to cry. “Fuck! I remember him; he looked sickly. I shoved you back in and ran in the opposite direction, not wanting him to find you. He was trying to hurt me, but you ran out and hit him,” I whispered as Jason began to rock me.

“I know. I'm so sorry my brother did that to you
,” Jason breathed.

“He did that to all of us
,” I choked out.

“What the fuck is going on here?” Darios roared.
He had come back from work. He ran to Jason, lifted him up and hit him.

“Darios
, NO!” I cried.

Jason stood up from the ground and tackled him. They started to fight and I didn’t know what to do to stop them.

“ENOUGH!” I yelled at the top of my lungs.
They both froze, each one glaring at the other. “Can’t you understand this is so fucked up for all of us?” I seethed. “Darios, I need you to understand. I don’t know what is right and wrong right now!” I shouted. “Jason, I don’t know what I'm feeling either. I'm fuckin’ confused. So please, can you both just make it easier on me and leave me the fuck alone?”

They stood up and straighten
ed their clothes. “Can you both just leave me alone? I need to process all this and I can’t with both of you thinking for me.” I began crying again.

“I'm not fuck
in’ leaving here. You need me and I'm not going to let this fuckin’ stalker hurt you. I let my guard down once, Kass, once! I'm never doing that again!” Darios threatened.

“Why? Do you think I would hurt her? I would never let anything happen to her
,” Jason yelled.

“Enough!” I
cried out “I'm going to sleep.” I walked up my staircase and left them both downstairs.

The Club

It was Saturday night and I
readied myself to go out. Darios was angry about it, but after I yelled at him, he pretty much left me alone. Jason, on the other hand, had distanced himself from me completely. I had a few days to think things through and I was still left completely broken. My mind wasn’t on what had happened to me so much as it was on Jason and how much he had lost. Both his parents were killed by his brother who, in the end, he ended up killing. In one night, he lost everything including his innocence. I now knew why I wanted to protect him when I first saw him all those years ago. He had protected me by hurting his brother and what he got in return was a life left all alone. He had to deal with it all and had no one to call his own.

I called Tara to meet me before we went
to the club. I needed her now and I knew Genna was too busy. Don’t get me wrong, Genna would drop everything if I needed her, but I didn’t want to interfere in her work.

“So girl, what’s up?” Tara asked, as she picked up her glass of wine at the bar I had asked her to meet me at. “That bad?” She put it down and looked at me.

“Yeah
,” I murmured under my breath.

“Well, you know the rules. Spill it.” She waited.
I let out a breath and began to play with my wine glass.

“I remembered
,” I finally admitted.

“Remembered?” Her face changed and her
tone quieted.

“I remember everything
,” I said softly, one tiny tear escaping from my eye.

“Kass, are you
okay?” she asked as she reached for my glass and put it aside.

“I don’t know
,” I whispered.

“Talk to me
, Kass!” She grabbed my hand and made me turn to look at her. I began telling her everything about that night, about Jason, about his brother.

“Shit. Now what?”
she asked.

“Jason suffered more than me.
So why am I making this about me?” I asked, wanting her to answer.

“You were there
, Kass. It happened to you, too.” She took my hands in hers and held them.

“Tara, he lost everything that night. I can’t…I can’t help but think of only him right now.” I reached for my glass of wine and nearly gulped it down.

“Why don’t you go home? Genna will understand
,” Tara offered.

“No. I want to be there for her. Besides what am I going to do at home? Sulk? Cry? I need to stop thinking of this and try to move on.”

We paid the bill and headed out; my mind still wrapped up in my problems. Tara tried to yank me out of my haze. She helped, but I was left still feeling dejected.

“
Okay, listen, we’re here. Last chance, Kass. ‘Cause once you walk in there, there’s no way I'm going to let you be this way. Plus, Genna will smell it a mile away. Tonight forget everything and try to have fun.” She reached for my hand and squeezed it.

“Let’s go
, bitch.” I smiled, trying my best to fake it.

“What’s wrong?” Genna shouted over the music blaring through the speakers.

“Nothing, why?” I tried everything to act as normal as I could.

“Don’t give me that shit
, Kass. I’ve known you for seventeen years!” Genna accused.

“Hey, I thought we weren’t allowed to talk about our numbers.” I half smiled.
She narrowed her eyes and shook her head.

“Fine, don’t tell me
,” she huffed.

The night was great. Genna did a fantastic job like always.
Celebrities were there and so were the who’s who of New York. The free drinks flowed and I took advantage of it while Tara and Genna were busy dancing. I kept drinking, hoping whatever I felt would go away.

I waved at the girls as they were dancing, telling them I’d be back. I needed to go to the bathroom. I was waiting in line when someone bumped into me. I nearly fell over. I stood up to tell the person off, but they were gone.
I continued to wait in line, but my head started to spin. Fuck! I must have drunk too much. I leaned up against the wall, but it didn’t help. The room around me began to spin and I lost my bearings. All I remember was the faint sound of a thud as I hit the floor hard.

“Kass!” I scarcely could hear someone calling my name
. “Kass!” Then it was gone.