My Date From Hell (10 page)

I barged into Theo’s room without knocking. Hannah followed me in. Festos hovered outside in the hallway.

Kai looked over at me. Just lounging as if he hadn’t a care in the world. If you ignored the “tied around his middle to a chair with a magic chain” part.

My low simmer cranked up to full boil. Then I remembered my plan. Dazzle him. I smiled coyly. “Sorry I got so upset back there.” I sat down on the edge of Theo’s bed so I was next to Kai and placed my arm on his leg.

Kai’s eyes narrowed suspiciously at me but I kept up my blithe good cheer. He blinded me with a full wattage smile. “Apology accepted.”

My smile only faltered for a millisecond. “Wonderful.” Note to self. Become immune to his hotness, and fast. Otherwise I was going down. And that couldn’t happen before he surrendered.

Love, apparently, really was a battlefield.

“Spare me,” Theo muttered, not even bothering to look up from his laptop. Which was typical for him. “We need to see Aphrodite. She can help us with Pierce and
this
mess.”

I used to think Theo’s lack of social niceties was due to awkwardness but once I’d learned he was a Titan, I’d realized it was because he couldn’t particularly be bothered.

“Whatever. What’s another goddess or seven to this gongshow?” I straightened up. Kai tried to catch me around the waist but I sidled out of his reach. I leaned over so my lips brushed his ears. “When you’re ready for our date, I’ll be waiting.”

Kai’s eyes darkened. “Theo, unchain me.”

I patted his cheek. “I don’t think you’re ready yet. Posse, with me.” I tried to keep my voice light as I headed into the hallway. “You know,” I said to Hannah as we exited, “I may have been wrong about Kai and the whole betrayal thing, but I was actually completely correct in my impression of him as an absolute rat bastard.”

I know it hadn’t been Kai’s fault that he’d been shot. But when even magical arrows fired by the God of Love himself failed to make the guy fall for me? Yeah, I got somewhat irrational about it. Because what was the alternative? Admit that I was
that
lacking in appeal?

Hannah stopped me halfway down the corridor. “The arrow not having an effect on Kai is merely accentuating what’s really got you so pissy.” She threw me a pointed look.

I was never telling her anything again.

“This is skating perilously close to ice cream territory,” Festos cut in.

Hannah stroked her chin thoughtfully. “I’ll have to figure out how magic use skews any data I collect.”

“Collect for what?” Festos asked.

“Dating a god,” she replied.

“Oh, honey,” he sighed, “it’s all skewed.” He brightened. “Although not necessarily in a bad way.”

Hannah cut her eyes sideways at him, considering, then headed toward the door that connected the boys’ dorms with the girls’.

“That’s it?” I called after her.

“For now,” she called back, not even breaking stride.

Whatever. Now that I had an in with Pierce, maybe once this was over he could hook me up. Arrow me so
I
just loved some regular guy and didn’t make a single comparison to broody, beautiful gods and how useless they made me feel.

Except, I didn’t really want that either.

Was wanting to like and be liked in return, just for me,
as me
, too much to hope for?

Theo came out to find me. Festos smiled at him. Theo’s response was to pull me off to the side.

“That wasn’t very nice, ignoring Festos,” I said, freeing myself from his grasp.

“You’re gonna talk to me about nice?” he demanded, glancing past me at Festos, then quickly away again. “How could you bring him here?”

“You sent me to him.”

“One of many mistakes I’ve made where you’re concerned.”

“Really? That’s where you’re gonna go?” At Theo’s glowering nod, I took a new approach. “Look, I realize you’re still upset about the past but you have to get over it.”

Theo crossed his arms. “Like you did with Kai?”

“Festos didn’t act like a giant douche,” I shot back.

Theo raised an eyebrow.

“Technically, Zeus was the one who … with the eagle eating your …” This wasn’t helping my case. “Kai is making me nuts. I hate him.”

“Yeah?” Theo replied. “Well, double that for the artificial redhead. Much as I wish otherwise, we actually
need
Kai.”

“Astoundingly reassuring.” I smiled tightly.

Festos cleared his throat and stepped forward. “It would seem you need me too.” He blinked innocently at Theo.

Theo shook his head. “Can’t imagine how.”

“Well,” Festos rocked back on his Keds. “Once young Sophie can recall everything, you’re going to need help warding up the ritual location.”

Theo stared him down. “Not a problem.”

Festos didn’t let it faze him. “Depending on how big an area it is, it might be. Not to mention it has to withstand everything. And I do mean everything.” He scratched his cheek, all casual. “You might be in need of one of my little creations. Say, a bonding and amplification device?”

I looked between them. “He’s right. We need all the help we can get. And he is good.”

“What’s the catch?” Theo glowered.

I punched him. “I’m sure there’s no
—
”

“A date.”

“Fee,” I scolded.

Festos shrugged, unapologetic. “You and me, Thesi. You can pick the place.”

Theo ignored that, asking me instead, “Fee?”

Festos grinned and cut in before I could answer. He looped an arm through mine. “We’re at nickname stage now.”

Theo opened his mouth, shut it again, sent me a steely-eyed glare of death, and left.

Interesting.

“That went well,” Festos said as we headed back to my room.

We reached Hannah’s and my bedroom and let ourselves in. Life would have been so much easier if I’d never met Kai. Although, given the prophecy of the two of us working to save the universe, I guess that wasn’t an option. “Being sixteen and involved with a god really sucks.”

“So it would seem,” Hannah agreed, typing furiously on her laptop. No doubt drawing up data charts.

“Amen, sister,” Festos said as he shut our door. Hannah and I looked at him. “All right. Not sixteen but so there on the rest.”

We decided his statement could stand.

Festos waved his cane at our closets. “You’re certainly not going to pay your respects to the Goddess of Love dressed like that, darlings. Full-on ninja wear or bust.”

“Remind me,” I said a moment later, sorting through clothes in my closet, “which myth it was where Aphrodite met the stealthy Japanese assassins?”

Festos re-adjusted his fedora in the mirror. “Costumes make the character. And you need to channel sneaky and deadly.” He cast a critical eye over Hannah. “You look fabulous.”

She did indeed. Very sleek in fitted black pants and another great top. Black, yes, but with tiny black bows on the cuffs and over the buttons.

I made Festos turn around while I changed, then struck a pose. “Well?”

He turned. “It’s so …”

“Cute?” I supplied, smoothing a hand over my black leggings and a short black knit dress.

“Etsy.” He tugged the dress up and over my head.

I tried to protest at getting half-naked but he ignored me. “Seen it before. Doesn’t interest me.” He checked out my pink bra. “At least it’s not beige.”

I hurriedly grabbed a black turtleneck from a drawer, tugged it on over a tank top, and then found a black ruffled short skirt and stepped into it. “Better?”

Festos leaned in to sniff me. “Not a single taint of handicraft. Much more suitable.”

Hannah watched the entire exchange, highly amused. “Confess. You just wanted to play dress up.”

He raised his hand. “
Guil
-ty as charged.” He mugged. “But wasn’t it more fun than moping about Their Royal Broodinesses? Or is it ‘Broodinessi’? I never was any good at plurals.”

Hannah and I looked at each other and then both leaned over to kiss Festos on a cheek.

“Shucks, girls.”

We hid Festos in our closet for bed check, then just killed time until it was late enough that all adults would be asleep and we could leave unnoticed.

Festos, meantime, fell asleep, curled on my bed, leaving Hannah and I alone and awake.

I scooted onto her bed. Hannah moved over to make room for me and we sat back against her shark pillow. I nudged her with my leg. “How are you doing?”

“It’s too weird.”

“Welcome to my world.”

She laughed. “I
was
in your world. An innocent bystander.”

“Hardly innocent, doll. How’s the data collection going?”

She made a face.

“For the record, Pierce seems a lot nicer than most of them. I still vote for ‘jump him.’”

Hannah plumped up her pillow and slid down to lay her head on it. “You’re impossible.”

I shrugged. “I’m not saying you have to marry him and have little half gods or anything.”

“Demi-gods,” she said patiently.

“See? You’re obviously far better equipped to deal with this than me.” I twisted my hair into a ponytail and tried to pin it in a bun but the loose ringlets kept sliding out.

“I guess.” She was silent for a minute. “I missed you.”

I sighed and laid my head down beside hers on the pillow. “Me too. A ton. I’m sorry. For pulling the disappearing act.”

She brushed my shoulder with hers. “Not your fault. Was it bad?”

“Yeah. Psychopathic tendencies aside, Zeus is weird
—
”

“All dads are weird,” she cut in.

“I’ll take your word for it. I thought … I’d hoped maybe we could be like father and daughter, you know? Not have it come down to him or me. Because that freaks me out. How am I supposed to defeat Zeus? And Hades?
That’s
impossible.”

“Improbable,” she replied. “Not impossible. Provided you and Kai don’t kill each other.”

“At least I’ve got you and Theo.”

“Always.” She snuggled deeper into the bed.

“Did I miss much?”

“Nah, the usual. School did its cheesy holiday talent show.”

“Logan played the clarinet, Amanda did a Lady Gaga lip sync, and some grade nine girl read bad poetry?” I guessed.

“Logan had the stomach flu. Randall played sax, but otherwise, bang on. And of course, Bethany kickstarted her global domination plans.” She pulled the edge of the comforter up and over us. “Though it was kind of sad watching Veronica be the model BFF and ride the train to entourageville.”

I yawned and yanked the blanket a bit harder so I could cover my feet. “Theo spend the holidays with you?” He tended to be with one of us. We’d always thought it was because of a dysfunctional family he didn’t like to speak of. That he couldn’t or wouldn’t go home. We now knew how right we were.

“Of course. When we weren’t trying figure out where you were or how to help you, we played endless games of Rummoli.”

That sounded nice. “Wish I’d been there. Did your dad know? That I was gone?”

She shook her head. “I didn’t say anything. And there was no way he could understand this. Theo and I pretended all was well.”

Hannah’s dad Oliver had handled all of Felicia’s divorces. I guess I was lucky she was between legal entanglements. Although knowing Felicia, she probably wouldn’t have even bothered telling him that I was missing.

Hannah rolled over to face me. Her eyelids were half closed. She was going to crash any second. “I’m sorry Felicia sucks,” she murmured drowsily.

There was the understatement of the century. “Me too.”

But if the tradeoff for having a dad who wanted me dead and an adoptive mom who couldn’t care if I was alive was Hannah and Theo, I’d happily take that deal.

I would have told Hannah that, but she was fast asleep.

So, happy to play sleepover with my best friend and pretend at least for now that everything was normal, I did too.

Nine

Hannah shook me awake at 5AM. We grabbed warm winter coats and slid our feet into boots. She kept the ninja vibe going with her black boots with scary pointed toes and sharp little heels. My fuzzy black flat boots killed my carefully calculated look, but fashion took a backseat to continued blood flow. Even Festos allowed us to bundle him up and sacrifice some of his precious cool.

No one wanted to be left behind. I had to go, for obvious reasons. Kai was once again welded to me, and Theo refused to let just me and Kai go alone. Hannah wanted to see Pierce, and Festos wanted to stay with Theo. Even if he was ignoring him.

What a bunch of happy campers we were.

We snuck out a side door, then skulked out down the drive, past the small parking lot, and toward the main road. A few Gold Crushers and Infernorators hung silently in the night sky, watching. So long as they stayed on their side of the wards, they could stalk me all they wanted.

I focused on playing it cool with Kai.

On a scale of one to ten, I averaged about a two, since Kai had my hand in his and was stroking his thumb over my palm.

I think I had that photographic memory disease around him because I seemed able to take in every minute detail with a single glance. Now
that
was a lame power. He’d thrown on a thick deep green sweater, over top of which he sported a worn leather jacket. His hair looked slightly wet, as if he’d come from the shower.

And if you think my mind wasn’t running wild with that image, you’re nuts.

Kai looped a strand of my hair around his finger and tugged gently.

I untangled it. “Down boy.” Strong, modern chicks did not need beautiful boys touching their hair and sending shivers to their toes.

“Pretend I’m fatally ill and nurse me accordingly,” he suggested.

“If only.” I turned to Theo. “What are we going to do about leaving the wards?”

Theo handed a phone to Festos. “Call her.”

“Oh, now he speaks,” Festos grumbled as he took the cell and began to dial a number.

“You have a phone?” Hannah asked aghast.

“It’s against school rules,” I added.

Theo waved us off, unconcerned.

“Who dat?” I asked Festos, curious.

“Aphrodite,” Theo said. “His ex.”

“Huh?” Hannah asked. “Aren’t you gay?”

Festos nodded. “As Paris in the twenties. You bet your sweet patootie I am. But I wasn’t always so clear.”

Theo choke-laughed.

“We can’t all be as perfectly evolved as you, Thesi,” Festos shot back. “Aphrodite?” He grinned as he readjusted the phone to his ear. “It’s me. Fab, darling. Et vous? Listen, I’ve got a merry little band of motleys who want to drop in on you.”

“We are definitely in funhouse territory,” Hannah whispered to me.

“Thesi, Sophie a.k.a. Persephone, Kyrillos, and this lovely human girl, Hannah. Ask Pierce.” He paused, then laughed at whatever she said. “Well, I certainly won’t repeat
that
. Thing is, doll, we’ve got a wee issue with the Photokia and Pyrosim and … You. Are. A. Sweetheart. See you soon.”

He ended the call and tossed the phone to Theo. “Done. We’re under her protection now. They won’t touch us before we reach her.”

“Just like that?” I asked.

“Exactly like that,” he replied. He batted his eyelashes at Theo. “Feel free to be impressed.”

“You wouldn’t know how to handle it,” Theo said matter-of-factly.

Festos’ mouth fell open. “Well,” was all he could manage.

“Is Theo showing an ounce of flirtation?” I muttered to Hannah. “Make it stop.”

She changed the subject like a loyal friend. “You must have been quite the boyfriend for Aphrodite to help you out like this,” she said to Festos.

Kai laughed. He stuffed his hands into his jacket pockets and since he still held one of mine, it went too. It was weirdly boyfriendy.

But I didn’t pull away. Because it was warm. “Why is that funny?” I asked.

“You think
I’m
a dog?” Kai asked.

“You’re just jealous of my superior charm, as always,” Festos replied.

“The reason Aphrodite adores him is that he single handedly upped her love quotient by a third when he first came out,” Theo explained, glancing up from his phone to frown at Festos.

Festos beamed at him. “I’m touched. I thought you hadn’t noticed.”

“Well, I
was
busy having my liver eaten.”

“Oh, that old chestnut,” Festos said.

Theo’s gaze hardened and he returned his focus to the phone.

Hannah squeezed Festos’ hand. He shot her a sad smile.

We stopped to wait at the end of the drive.

Theo resumed playing some game on his phone, with Festos trying to watch over his shoulder.

Hannah had a thoughtful look on her face. Her hands were shoved in the pockets of her black wool coat and she clearly wondered about something. “How? The love quotient.”

“Aphrodite’s powers are tied to love,” Kai explained. “The more love in the world, the better she feels. The stronger she is. And Festos’ previously untapped manlove was a rush.”

They bumped fists.

“Really?” I asked. “That’s where you two bond?”

“What can I say,” Festos added bashfully, “I simply love boys.”

“That’s not love. That’s lust,” I accused.

“It’s love,” Festos said. “I have the scars on my heart to prove it.”

“Just like McDonald’s,” Theo said. “Billions served.”

“Then you don’t deserve Theo,” I told Festos.

Theo stuffed his phone in his coat pocket. “What she said.” But he glanced over at Festos with a look I couldn’t quite decipher.

“Did you check on that detail I asked you about?” Kai asked Theo.

Theo nodded. “You were right.” He turned to me. “Somehow, those bracelets we used to get into the Underworld had trackers on them. That’s how Hades knew we were there. I bet if you hadn’t asked for the pomegranate seeds, he’d have found a way to bring them out anyway.”

I had told Theo at the time that sneaking into the Underworld to retrieve my sapphire pendant had been a very bad idea. I conceded that the pendant had been important to retrieve, especially given its tree-jumping awesomeness, but we’d also been framed for poisoning Hades on that trip.

I really couldn’t wait for the day when my biggest concern was … I ran through my options … my everyday teen life. That was a pretty good big concern. Yet still smaller than death, world endangerment, Bethany power, and Kai one-upmanship. I punched Theo’s shoulder. “Told you those bracelets were crackpot!”

Festos punched me back. “Punchbuggy, don’t hit Thesi. No punchbacks,” but he shot a glance at Kai to see if he’d go into an arrow rage.

I dimly registered that Kai tightened his hold on my hand but left Festos intact. What was way more fascinating was the flicker of concern in Theo’s eyes when I punched Festos back.

A sparkly pink limo pulled up alongside us. Silently the back doors swung open.

“Our chariot has arrived,” Festos said. “Last one in doesn’t get any say in the tunes.” He scrambled inside, followed by Hannah and Theo.

I glanced up out of instinct, but the minions didn’t make a move on us.

Kai pulled my hair to one side and traced his knuckle down my bare neck. Damn, that made me feel better.

“Stop head tripping me,” I muttered, swatting his hand away. I could still feel the graze of his finger.

“Sophie, you and I
are
a head trip. I doubt even Aphrodite could undo that.”

“Not fair. I can’t remember,” I protested.

“I’m not talking about Persephone.”

And with that he tugged me into the limo.

Well.

I laid back against the pink, padded leather seats with their “new car” smell, Kai’s arm possessively around me, listening to Hannah and Festos’ banter. And as entertaining as it was to watch Theo and Festos deliberately avoid eye contact, I couldn’t say the same for me and Kai.

Now that all my indignation had evaporated, I was at a bit of a loss on how to proceed in making him fall for me when even a love arrow hadn’t worked.

I twisted around to face Kai, who drummed his fingers on his thigh, staring out the tinted window into the dark night. “Shouldn’t you be composing odes to my beauty?”

He raked his gaze over me, making my stomach flutter. “You’re wearing too many clothes.”

“That’s it? That’s the big love ode?”

He shrugged. “I’m male. You’re in a big coat. You were hoping for something else?”

Obviously. I shifted back on my seat, annoyed. “How about ‘your lips are like strawberry-stained bows?’”

Kai considered my lips with a puzzled look. “So you’re saying you want me to taste you?”

I shoved him away.

He pulled me back against him. “I was shot with an arrow, Sophie, not hit over the head. And little girls who can’t deal with the follow-through should keep their mouths shut.”

“I’ll keep my mouth shut. But in my head, boy am I giving it to you, mister.”

“And in your head, I’m definitely enjoying it,” he replied blandly, totally twisting what I’d meant.

“Phrasing, Soph,” Theo muttered.

“They’re better than cable,” Festos stage whispered.

“Wait till they really get going,” Hannah replied. “It’s hardcore.”

“Voyeuristic pervs,” said Theo. “Both of you.”

It was a long ride.

Eventually, the limo pulled to a stop and the doors noiselessly swung open. We all scrambled out.

We were at an outdoor firing range, lit by strategically-placed banks of florescent lights. It was cold enough that the ground had frosted over, which meant that every footstep sounded crunchy. Had it not been overcast, I’m sure I would have been able to see my breath.

Theo put the chain back around a willing Kai’s wrist to keep him in place as I moved forward to meet our hostess.

Just up ahead, a petite, curvy platinum blonde was poured into a skin-tight, hot pink leather catsuit. On her feet were impressively kick-ass matching boots, made even more awesome by their three inch stilettos. She even had matching ear protectors.

Aphrodite’s feet were planted in an immovable stance and she ripped the target at the far end of the range to impressive shreds with a wicked looking revolver.

I peered at the target more closely. Actually, she had nailed it in the heart, over and over again.

“That looks personal,” I said, as she fired off the last round and whipped off the ear guards.

She turned slowly to face me. If she wasn’t Aphrodite, then I had no idea why she wasn’t a mega famous supermodel, because she was stunning. Her hair fell in a kind of 1940s starlet wave over one eye. Not only was each individual feature perfect, from her large violet eyes to her lush mouth, but put together, she was out of everyone’s league.

Guess her face had to be exquisite though. Because that rack of hers was so Penthouse forum overkill that she needed a miracle for anyone to ever look her in the eyes.

Aphrodite pointed the revolver at my chest.

“I always wondered what a love gun was,” I said.

She laughed and lowered the gun. “Geez, you’re a live wire, Persephone,” she said in a high-pitched, screechy voice.

Hannah and I traded incredulous glances. The others didn’t seem to notice anything. Either this was a giant joke they were all in on, or they were too immune to her voice to notice what an abomination it was.

“Sophie,” I clarified.

“But youse is Persephone.”

“I’m both. But I prefer Sophie.”

“And I prefer not having to shove my dawgs into these mini torture chambers” she said, wriggling her foot. “Whatchya gonna do?” Said with a sad sigh.

“Hey Thesi,” she trilled in her girlish voice, nodding at the chain that led to Kai, “you done developed some innerestin’ tastes.”

“Dominatrix,” Festos coughed.

Theo stomped down on his foot with an angelic smile.

“Though I’m real approving of your playmate. Hiya, Kyrillos,” she waggled her fingers in a coy wave.

He blew her a kiss. She beamed at him.

Gag.

“She’s Lina Lamont made flesh,” Hannah came forward to whisper to me. She was right. Aphrodite had the dubious honor of sounding exactly like our favorite character from
Singin’ In The Rain
. A sort of screechy, über-Brooklyn accent.

Hannah’s discreet observation had caught Aphrodite’s attention. Her eyes widened. She stepped over to her and inhaled deeply.

Hannah, understandably worried at why the crazy goddess was sniffing her, threw a “help me” look at Theo.

“Stop smelling the human, Aphrodite,” he said.

“But she’s full ’a it,” the goddess gushed with a happy shudder that made everything on her body jiggle and all the guys, gay, straight, and dog, stare. “All that looooove. No wonder Piercie is crushin’ on ya.”

At the mention of Pierce’s name, Hannah glanced around.

“Pierce is getting a time out for
dee
-reliction of duty.” She giggled. “And ‘cause I can.” Pronounced
kiiin
.

Festos stepped forward. “Always with the hardlining, darling. Here’s the skinny.” He pointed at me. “She needs her memory back. Big picture ‘no more humans, no more love for
you
’ time. Pierce has the know-how. Give us five minutes with the boy.”