My Date From Hell (11 page)

Read My Date From Hell Online

Authors: Tellulah Darling

Tags: #goddess, #Young Adult, #Love, #YA romantic comedy, #teen fantasy romance, #comedy, #YA greek mythology

BOOK: My Date From Hell
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“Or ten,” Hannah said casually.

Pathetic
, I mouthed at her.

Bite me
, she mouthed back.

Aphrodite smiled sweetly at me. “Help me. I’ll help you. Since you ruined alls my finely laid plans.”

I stared at her, genuinely confused. “How? Your Cupid shot Kai.”

“Cupid is Roman,” Theo and Festos chided me.

“I could’a used Kai if you hadn’t distracted him,” she said.

Over my dead body. “I kind of need Kai to fall in love and save the world. So, sorry. He’s taken.”

“Getting assertive, Sophie Bloom?” Kai murmured into my hair.

I gasped as I felt his fingers curl over my waistband. He tugged me back against him. Guess he’d gotten free. I glowered at Theo who stared back, totally unrepentant.

Aphrodite really laughed then. “Fall in love and save the world?” She clapped her hands in delight.

“It’s a long story,” I muttered, trying to keep some distance between me and all of Kai’s heat.

“Even better.” She nodded at Kai. “Start at the beginning and gimme all the dee-
tails
, Kyrillos. You two have always bin so entertainin’.”

“You’re thinking of Persephone,” Kai said. Aw. That was nice. He finally got it about me, Sophie, not just being a fake her, Persephone. “Sophie’s a whole new level of entertainment.”

Fond thoughts dead now.

“Please let me see Pierce,” I cut in.

She held up a hand. “What
I
wanna know is what are
you
gonna do about Bethany? It’s your fault that dragon found her in the first place and gave her ideas about gettin’ above her station.”

I thought about it. “I dunno. I could try and talk to this Jack Wing character.”

A crafty look stole over her face. “I’ll help.”

“Oh no,” Kai said.

“Shut it, Kyrillos.” She pointed at me. “Get that big dope Jack to kill her campaign.”

Kai clarified. “Jack a.k.a Hermes. Her current lover.”

“Ex,” she corrected in a hard voice.

“So that’s what he’s up to these days,” Theo said. “All makes sense now.”

I rolled my eyes for Hannah to see, but she was totally zoned, as if all her brain power was busy making mental tabulations on gods and relationships. Which it probably was.

“Oh, come on,” I protested to the group at large. “Another god? You mean he’s not some poor human under Bethany’s influence. Great.”

Although, that had to suck. Aphrodite’s ex was the one that wanted to make Bethany a star. No wonder she was so pissed.

“I don’t want no one worshiping her.” Aphrodite was on the verge of stomping her foot and throwing a tantrum. “Jackie can do all the silly shows he wants but no helpin’ anyone else to be adored.”

“If he’s doing this out of break-up spite, can’t we forget about his co-operation?” Hannah asked.

Aphrodite blinked at her. “If he refuses, I’ll be very displeased.”

Hannah glanced at me. I was glad to see she looked as confused as I felt. “But you’ve broken up,” she said. “Why would being displeased matter?”

“What does broken up gotta do with anything? I might not show him any more affection again.”

“Dysfunctional and probably co-dependent,” Hannah said so only I could hear.

No kidding. “What if he doesn’t want any more of your affection?” I asked.

The look Aphrodite sent me almost fried me on the spot, combined with Kai’s sharp nudge into my back; I backpedalled. “Sorry,” I mumbled.

“It is a sad day when a man loses sweet Aphrodite’s affection,” Festos said.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “Turned you gay.”

“Sweetie, it doesn’t work like


“Sure did,” Theo cut in.

“Enjoying yourself?” Festos asked him.

Theo smiled. “Immensely.”

“Rigardliss,” Aphrodite continued, “Jackie ain’t had his fill of me yet.”

This all sounded messy. And possibly icky. Did I really want to get in the middle of it? “Can’t you just go yourself? Cut out the middleman? I mean this basically sounds like I’m playing messenger.”

Aphrodite gasped. “I’m a Goddess.”

I didn’t get to fire back, “d’uh Dingbat, so am I,” because both Theo and Festos were shaking their heads “No” emphatically at me.

I bowed to their wisdom. “So you are. And I am always delighted to ruin Bethany’s world. Just tell me where to go and provide me with safe passage. I’ve got that whole Zeus and Hades out to kill me issue.”

She nodded and said “Normally, I can talk circles around those two. They’re always givin’ in.”

“Out of exhaustion,” Kai muttered in my ear.

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing and incurring Aphrodite’s ditzy displeasure.

“But I don’t think they’ll listen to me this time. Just stay a step ahead’a them. You’ll be fine.”

That was helpful.

Hannah nudged me.

“At least let Hannah see Pierce again.”

A slight hesitation, then another nod. “Soon as the campaign is dead.”

Now for the big one. “Undo the arrow on Kai.” I felt Kai’s grip on me tighten, then relax and let me go. Oh, the force of will that must have taken.

Aphrodite pointed her gun at me again, kind of casually. “Your problem is you’re too hung up on the past. You gotta move forward with yer life.”

I heard Hannah give a smothered laugh.

“You got this cutie pie in love with ya, and instead of enjoying his company, all you do is whine.” With a quick flick, Aphrodite opened the cylinder to reload.

“He’s not in love,” I said.

She peered at Kai. “Whattya talkin’ about? Sure he is. Everyone knows Kyrillos loves Persephone.”

“I’m Sophie,” I ground out.

She waved the gun around. “Ya ya. That too.”

That too? I took a deep breath, folded my fingers over my palms and looked slightly to the left of her in case I accidentally started blasting. Didn’t want to go down in history as the girl who killed the Goddess of Love.

“Nope. It’s just desire,” I said with faked calm. “Kai is so resistant to the idea of being in love with me that your arrows don’t work. Besides which, when he actually does
fall so hard for me that he doesn’t know which way is up
, I want him to know he chose that of his own free will. That he chose me.” I threw him a sweet smile.

“Chose you?” Kai got this look of “have we had this conversation before?” on his face.

My smile got tight.

Aphrodite scooped up a saclike pink purse laying on the ground. She rooted around in it. “Desire is part of romantic love, silly,” she said to me.

She pulled out a handful of bullets and dumped them in Festos’ hurriedly outstretched hands before turning back to Kai. She gestured with the still-open chambered revolver toward him. “Your body knows what’s what. Stop fighting it.”

Kai glowered at her.

She laughed it off, reloading. “And you,” Aphrodite said to me, as she plucked more bullets from Festos’ hand to load into the chamber. “Yer just as bad with your own issues.”

She couldn’t know about my insecurities around Persephone could she?

Aphrodite narrowed her eyes at me.

I gulped.

Aphrodite shot me a look of disgust and popped the final bullets into the chambers. She gestured at each of us in turn with one pink, sparkly manicured finger. “I’m gonna start gettin’ real mad about how youse is all dealin’ with love.”

“There’s a whole bunch of drags around here where love is concerned,” Festos agreed.

“Thanks so much for inviting him along,” Theo said to me.

I grimaced an apology at Theo, then shot back at Festos, “Seems there’s a whole bunch of dogs here, too.” I looked between him and Kai.

“Oh don’t forget Pierce,” Festos replied cheerfully. “He’s a total mimbo.”

“He is not,” Hannah defended. “He’s pure love.”

Aphrodite threw her a fond smile. “I like you, girlie.”

“Love in name, hormones in game,” Theo countered.

“Look at us all in agreement,” Festos replied.

“No, because you’re talking about lust,” I protested.

“Lust is pretty good too,” Aphrodite said, “but it ain’t nothin’ like the real thing.” She clicked the cylinder into place and looked at me. “We got a deal? You’ll get Jack to kill the campaign?”

“You’ll undo the love thing?” I asked.

“Nope. You could do with a little love in your life. Kyrillos is obviously brimming with love for ya now,” she ignored Kai’s snort, “so you’re gonna enjoy it.”

“Meaning what?” I asked.

“A date,” Kai piped up. “I’d say I’m ready now.” He arched an eyebrow as if to say “ball’s in your court.”

“I think it’s a great idea,” I slid my arm around his waist and pressed myself up against his side.

A look of surprise flashed across his face. “Perfect.”

I could outdate him any place, any time. I brightened. This was going to be fun. The touching part wasn’t a downside either.

“The fate of the world does
dee
-pend on you loving each other,” Aphrodite said. “So, good. We’ll start with a date.”

“Still say it’s a euphemism,” Festos burst out. “And Kai doesn’t date.”

Kai snaked his arm around my waist before pressing his fingertips into my hip. “Never wanted to before. Sophie’s the exception.”

“The euphemistic exception?” Festos asked.

“Shut up,” Kai and I fired at him in tandem.

Festos took it in stride, waggling his eyebrows cheerfully at Theo who pretended to look disapproving but totally wasn’t. Even Hannah didn’t bother to hide her smile.

“Only thing is,” I told Aphrodite, “I have to be back at school by Sunday morning. I have a meeting I can’t miss. So I’ll have to get this thing with Jack done quickly to have time for the date.”

“Going together to find Hermes
is
the date.” Aphrodite looked at me like I was an idiot. “You two need as much together time as possible.”

No way. I needed all my wits about me to handle Kai. Something that couldn’t happen if I had to track down Hermes at the same time. I tried a new tactic. “A date involves dinner and a movie. Something romantic. Finding Hermes hardly counts.”

She pinned me in her gaze. “Had so miny of them, Miz Expert? All a date is, is two people spendin’ time to deepen their attraction.”

“Or kill it,” Hannah piped up.

Aphrodite scrunched up her nose. “Huh?”

“There are far more first dates than second,” Hannah explained. “Which means that after spending time, those people realized they were not a match.”

“What she said,” I seconded.

Aphrodite narrowed her eyes at Hannah. “I don’t get ya. You talk like that but you’re so brim up with love.”

“I’m a confounding enigma,” Hannah replied cheerfully.

Aphrodite threw her hands up. “Enough’a this nonsense. You’ll go together to find Hermes. And you’ll be date-like doin’ it.”

That sounded like a threat.

“Almost like you planned it that way,” I said to Kai.

His smile grew wider as he gave my waist a squeeze. “Told you I get what I want. Feel free to let that sink in.”

I gave Aphrodite my best winning smile. “I really do want this date. But how about we go deal with Jack, get all that sorted out, lift the memory spell, and once that’s all out of the way, you can undo Kai’s arrow and he and I will have a lovely time falling in love.”

Or at least as Kai fell for me. I was still planning on having Pierce shoot me right before the ritual.

“That makes sense,” she said.

“Thank you,” I replied, glad that this ridiculousness was dealt with.

“Shake hands with Kai and be friends.”

Kai shot Aphrodite a surprised look.

“Shake,” she said. “I’m tired of the fighting. And besides, I’m payin’ for this range by the hour.”

I held out my hand. Kai took it. I gave him a smug look which turned to a gasp when I felt a sharp pain in my side.

I looked down to see a gold arrow sticking out of me. It shimmered and then disappeared.

“Oops,” Aphrodite said sweetly, “I lied.”

Ten

“That was so underhanded. You’re amazing.” Hannah beamed delightedly at her. Even though Hannah couldn’t see the arrow, she’d figured out from my expression what Aphrodite had done. “I didn’t know you use arrows, too.”

“I don’t usually but I wanted the dramatic effect.” Aphrodite tossed her head proudly. “These two need all the help they can git. Besides, teen love is the most intense love there is. The power I can git off that? Don’t be a selfish girl.” She chided me, then laughed, delighted with herself.

“I’m not selfish. And this isn’t funny,” I said, glowering at Aphrodite.

“Is that your ‘in love’ face?” Kai asked with a smirk.

“Yes please,” Theo muttered. “Let’s have them spend more emotionally dysfunctional time together.”

“You know, you used to be a lot more fun,” Festos said to Theo.

“You mean frivolous?” Theo retorted.

I tuned out their bickering and twisted around to look at Kai only to discover with horror that my hand had somehow snaked its way up his neck and threaded itself through the slightly curled ends of his hair. “Ack!”

I yanked my hand away but the compulsion to touch him was overwhelming. I rubbed myself against his chest like a cat. My body bristled, hot and cold at the same time, craving the steely feel of him against me. “Make it stop!”

“Don’t cha love love?” Aphrodite asked happily.

“Are you insane as well as daft?” I sputtered.

That was the wrong thing to say because the next thing I knew, Aphrodite waved her hand and the shooting range, the insane goddess, and all my friends disappeared.

I found myself in a very warm space. A red light cast a warm glow over the room.

Well, I guess it did. I couldn’t really see much since I faced Kai who stood with his back against a wall.

“Nice one,” Kai said to me.

His voice triggered a blind need to touch him. I groped for his hand.

“That’s not my hand,” he said blandly.

I blushed as I reached for and, this time, found his hand.

“Where are we?” I whispered.

“Alone,” he said.

Simultaneously, I thought this was the best and worst thing ever.

I fumbled on the wall behind him for the light switch, blinking as the room got very bright. I craned my neck to look around. We were in a bathroom. A really nice bathroom. I’m talking Italian marble floor and glass and tile shower stall with six heads, but still, a bathroom. I cast a longing look at the shower. I’m telling you, it was high end.

I don’t love Kai
. This extremely reassuring thought popped into my head. I craved him like crazy, but love? No way. Which meant that (A) Aphrodite’s powers may have been wildly exaggerated and (B) with both of us shot and neither of us in love, it was a level playing field again between us.

Albeit, a lust-induced one.

I could work with that. I grabbed Kai’s shirt front and tugged him closer.

Someone moaned. Kai’s sharp inhale as he shoved his knee between my legs and leaned in led me to believe it may have been me.

My lizard brain had taken over and was hellbent on satisfaction.

And my oh my, did that boy comply.

Beautifully. With a single, lazy, deep kiss that had me curling my toes and crumpling his shirt in my fist in an attempt to meld our bodies.

He pulled away.

I tried to follow and felt the rumble of his chest as he laughed. “I bet you eat dessert first.”

I grinned at him. “Of course. And I bet you save it for after.”

Kai blinked innocently. “I’m a very good boy.”

I shook my head as I smoothed out his shirt. “Who doesn’t want treats first?” I placed my hands on my hips. “Will there be treats on this date?”

Kai smiled. “Yes. Me treating you like a queen.”

“Ooh. Nicely done.”

He tilted his head in thanks.

“But how are you going to do that while we’re tracking down Jack? Not sure you thought your little plan through properly, Kai.”

“Hmm.” He scrunched up his face as he thought. “You have a point. I guess it’ll have to be a lesser queen. Of a poor nation. Or a deposed queen. A monarch on the run.”

I smiled stupidly at his teasing. “I think you’re going to have to up your game.”

Kai’s gaze swung between the fancy shower and me. He shot me a deliberately provocative look.

“See, that would count as dessert,” I said. I turned and reached for the knob.

“Sophie,” he said mildly.

“What?” I asked, exasperated.

I felt a tap on my right hand. Where was my hand? I gave a half turn.

Crap. I was holding fast to Kai’s shirt. I hadn’t even realized.

I forced my fingers to release.

Immediately, Kai laced his fingers through mine. He glanced down at our hands. “Problem.”

“Stupid freaking arrow,” I muttered. “Can you manage?”

“I’ll try. But you’re welcome to rub up against me some more.”

I swatted him.

“Before we go out there. You need to know something.”

I glanced up at him, worried by his serious tone.

One lock of hair flopped into his eyes as he gazed down at me. “I’d never treat you just like a queen. Only and always a goddess.”

Then he opened the door and stepped out, pulling me after him, attached and dazed.

Danger, danger. He’d blindsided me big time. I was playing with the big boys now. I had to get back on top of this.

But first we needed to deal with wherever we were.

It seemed like a fancy schmancy corporate office. The walls were a subtle, muted taupe. Expensive art, like I think I saw a Picasso and it wasn’t a poster, hung illuminated by discreet spotlights. Massive yet tastefully framed posters of all Jack’s hit shows were mounted on one wall with the place of honor, dead center in the reception area, reserved for
Endgame
. Even the air smelled high end. Like wood and old money. No cheap plug-in fresheners here.

The floors were dark wood, polished to a high gleam. Floor to ceiling windows ran around three sides of the room.

I peered out of a pane so clean it seemed invisible and looked down dizzying heights to the street below, where churches and buildings that must have been several hundred years old shared a neighborhood with an enormous, crazy glass skyscraper that looked like a rocket. “We’re high,” I said, taking an involuntary step back.

Kai squeezed my hand reassuringly.

I squinted at a familiar red object. A double decker bus, far below, winding through the streets like a toy. “We’re also in London.”

Kai sighed. “Be careful. Whatever security Jack has in place is going to mess with us physically and psychologically. Hermes is the master of head trips. God of Tricksters.”

“And we’re in his lair. We’re at Wing Media corporate headquarters,” I asked. “Aren’t we?”

“Just so,” said a woman in clipped British tones.

We turned, still holding hands, and found ourselves before a stern-faced matron, dressed in a perfectly tailored navy suit, that had to cost as much as my yearly tuition. “I am unclear as to how you managed to get this far, but rest assured, I will be calling security unless you can give me a very good reason not to do so.” Her voice could freeze ice.

“We have an appointment with Mr. Wing,” I said, attempting to brazen my way out.

“Indeed?” She clicked across the floor to an equally polished massive mahogany desk, on which sat a sleek sliver laptop.

We followed, stopping beside the desk.

She sat down in her ergonomic chair and checked the screen. “So you are Ban Ki-Moon?”

“Yes,” I said confidently.

“The Secretary-General of the United Nations?”

“Yes.” I tried to project maturity. Well, I was stuck with the lie now. Hopefully, she’d never met Ban either. I glanced at Kai and could tell he was trying very hard not to laugh.

“The
male
Secretary-General.”

“He’s male,” I said pointing at Kai. “Ban, I mean. I’m his assistant.”

“The South Korean

” she began, frigidly.

“All right, already. I get it,” I shot back.

Kai laughed outright now.

She hit a buzzer on her phone. “Security on


Kai reached over smoothly and clasped her hand, cutting off the buzzer.

“Mathilda,” he said, throwing the full force of his charm at her.

Suddenly Kai didn’t seem like his usual seventeen-year-old self. He looked more bulked up. Older.

I guess he’d let a bit more of his god-self show through.

Mathilda blinked.

I did too. Mostly because he wasn’t touching me any more and I was getting twitchy.

“Forgive my friend. She enjoys practical jokes. Jack has told me how indispensable you are.” He gazed at her with utter focus.

I barely refrained from snorting. Or ripping Mathilda’s throat out.

“I do pride myself on my professionalism,” Mathilda said, clearly falling under Kai’s charm.

“You’re too modest.” He gave her a slow smile.

She smiled back dreamily.

My hand bunched into a fist and reared back, heading for her nose.

She rose to her feet, which caused me to falter, and before our eyes transformed from a pinched, middle-aged Executive Assistant to a beautiful young woman with dark ringlets and heavily lashed green eyes. I stared outright, fist hovering, punch momentarily forgotten.

While not as va-va-voom as Aphrodite, there was no question this chick was stunning. And familiar. Before I could figure out why, she reached out a hand and stroked Kai’s face.

Kai was momentarily transfixed.

My heart broke as my fist dropped to my side. That stupid arrow. I had to have him look at
me
that way.

I couldn’t help myself. Despite preferring to walk on hot coals right now, I flew into Kai’s arms and hugged him. My body silently willing him not to leave me for her.

“Let go,” he said.

“I’d love to. But. I. Can’t.”

My verbal stupidity was compounded by the fact that my head was buried in his chest. I tried to pry my arms off him but they were locked in an iron grip.

“Kyrillos?” Mathilda asked in a musical voice.

“Don’t even answer that,” I snapped. “You are supposed to be in love with me.” I swear, someone else had taken over my vocal cords because no way in Hell did I just say that.

“Like I could forget,” he said, his arms coming around me. He swore. “Great. Now I have to comfort you.” He began to stroke my back consolingly.

“Release her!” Mathilda commanded.

She walloped us across the room. We hit the far wall with a resounding crash.

“Since when do Executive Assistant duties include pounding people to smithereens?” I asked, gingerly removing my face from the wall.

“Mine,” Mathilda cried, lunging for Kai.

“Head trip,” Kai said. “Jack’s outdone himself.”

“How? Because he Optimus Primed her ass into a hopped up, mega Kai groupie? Nice psycho bimbo, you got there,” I said as we struggled to our feet, still locked together with Kai stroking my back. The gymnastics involved in getting upright were impressive.

I saw Mathilda loom over us, fists transformed into iron hammers raised for the strike.

We threw ourselves sideways. Kai still stroking me.

‘She morphed into
you
. Persephone.” He tried to shake me off. “Let go, Sophie, so I can fight her.”

I twisted my head around at his words to look at her. No wonder she’d seemed familiar. Man, I’d looked good as Persephone. At least some of it had transferred with the awakening of my powers. But even so … Kai had never looked at me the way he stared at her.

Enthralled.

I felt numb inside. Did I have any chance at all against the love Kai had had with Persephone? Could he even move on when she was still present as a part of me? A constant reminder? Even if the world depended on it?

Kai nudged me sharply. “Get out of your head. It’s just an illusion.”

An illusion that could still dazzle Kai. I ignored the hollow feeling in my chest and planted myself in a firmer stance to help take her on. “Why would Jack have me, I mean Persephone, attack random intruders?”

“Nothing random about it,” Kai said grimly, tensing as Mathilda charged us again. “Different images for different people.”

“And maximum mind trip.” I pulled left, just as Kai pulled right. We ended up frozen in place for a split second and only Kai’s lightning fast reflexes kept us from being pancaked by this supernatural security alarm.

“Pull back on the emotion so we can get free.” Kai ordered.

He managed to contort himself to send out a blast of his pointed, scary black light, but it missed her and slashed into a wall, tearing through it like scissors in paper.

“Comforting you is killing my aim,” he ground out as Mathilda picked us up and pounded us against the floor.

Through extreme force of will, I managed to pull one of my arms off of Kai. It was the best I could do, but seemed to work. Kai held me in a half-hug and the two of us hit the offensive.

Kai slashed her legs out from under her. They crumbled to toxic ash. But her torso and giant hammer hands kept coming.

“I don’t look as good without legs,” I commented, as I tried to get a vine around her torso.

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