More than Survival: A Post-apocalyptic Love Story (5 page)

“It’s going to leave a pretty nasty scar, but it should heal okay as long as we keep it clean.” He screwed the lid back on the bottle, then wrapped the clean bandage around me. When he got up, he said, “You can put you shirt back on.” 

He headed to the kitchen as I eased my shirt over my head, wincing at the pain in my shoulder. Sawyer hadn’t even tried to sneak a peek, which made me trust him just a little bit more. But not completely. Not yet.

He came back out with a bucket of water and poured it into the pot we kept resting over the fire, then added the rags. He frowned and shook his head. “Not sure if the fire will be able to get hot enough to boil it, but it’s worth a shot. Some of this wood might be dry in a couple hours, then we can make it hotter.”

To my surprise, he dropped into the chair and leaned his head back.

“I thought you wanted to go to bed,” I said before I could stop myself. Why did I keep talking to this man?

“Have to take care of the fire.” His eyes were closed and the words were quiet. Like he was half-asleep already.

For some reason, I felt bad for him and wanted to help him out. Which was nuts. Even though he saved me, I couldn’t help feeling a little trapped and invaded with him in the cabin.

“I can do that.”

He shook his head, but kept his eyes shut. “No, I’m good. I’ll just rest for a bit, then take care of it.”

“Sawyer,” I said in a stern tone that suddenly reminded me of my mom.

He lifted his head and cracked one eye, and I was shocked when a small smile curled up his lips. It made him even better-looking. Rugged and handsome. Exactly the type of hero I’d imagined would swoop in to save me.

Which was something I needed to stop thinking about. This man was
not
my hero.

“That’s the first time you’ve said my name,” he said, grinning even more.

I tried not to smile, but I couldn’t help it. Even though it was small and a little timid, it helped ease some of the worry inside me.

“If you’re tired, go to sleep,” I said. “I can take care of the fire.”

He chuckled and pulled himself up. “I guess you’re right. You’re not going to try to kill me in my sleep with that little knife you have tucked away, are you?”

My heart jumped and my hand went to my pocket. I’d thought he hadn’t notice the knife. That I’d done a good job of hiding it. I guess I’d been wrong.

“I won’t try to kill you, but I will lock my door,” I said, unable to really meet his gaze.

“Fair enough.” Sawyer rolled his neck from side to side, then headed for the bedroom that used to belong to Uncle Seamus. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Goodnight,” I whispered, watching him walk away.

Once the door was shut, I leaned back and let out a deep breath. The events of the day had been unexpected to say the least, but now that the initial shock and fear had worn off, I was starting to wonder if it was a good thing. Sawyer seemed nice enough, and he didn’t act dangerous. Even though I’d gotten into a routine since Seamus disappeared, I was tired of being alone. The cabin was secluded and scary at night, but the threat of someone finding me was always present. Sawyer could be a welcome addition.

Plus, there were other things. The feeling of his knuckles brushing against my nipple went through my mind and caused that warmth to spread back through me. I thought about his cool blue eyes and the strength of his arms when he’d carried me, and thinking of what it would feel like to be in the arms of a man was too tempting to push away. The more I thought about it, the more the ache in me built until it settled between my legs once again. I squirmed, and this time I didn’t resist the urge to press my thighs together. The pressure caused the ache inside me to build. My body wanted more, only I had no idea what to do about it. Other than strip down and offer myself to Sawyer, which was something I knew I wasn’t ready for just yet. So, for the time being, I was just going to have to live with the ache.

I woke up shivering, and pulled the blanket up to my chin. It didn’t help, but I was too groggy and exhausted to go for another blanket, so I tried to stay warm by curling myself into a ball. I drifted in and out of sleep for a bit, shivering and half aware of the fact that I was supposed to do something. I just couldn’t wake up enough to remember what.

“Lucy.”

Sawyer’s voice broke through my dreams, waking me with a start. I sat up, alarmed by the warmth of his body in front of me. He was so close.

I looked around, and it hit me that I was on the couch and the fire had died almost completely.

“Crap,” I said, trying to get up. “I forgot about the fire.”

Sawyer put his hands on my shoulders, pushing me back down. “Forget it. The wood is still too wet. I woke up freezing and came out to check, but of course there was nothing I could do. Your teeth were chattering in your sleep.”

Goose bumps covered every inch of my body, and I pulled the blanket back up to my chin. It didn’t help a whole lot. “It’s freezing.”

“I know, scoot over.”

I did as I was told without giving it much thought, and Sawyer climbed onto the couch next to me. He pulled my body against his and every muscle in me tightened.

“Relax,” he whispered, spreading another blanket over us. “Body heat is the best way to keep warm.”

“Body heat,” I said, uncertainly scooting myself closer to him. “Like this?”

“Yeah. Well, the best way is to get naked, but I have a feeling that might be a little much for you.” He chuckled quietly and put his arm around my shoulders, and even though my stomach twisted and my face got warm, I found myself laughing with him.

Sawyer settled into the couch and somehow I found my head resting on his chest. He was right, I was warmer within seconds. We didn’t say a word after that, and only minutes later his breathing slowed and grew heavy. But I stayed awake, too focused on the warmth of him pressed against me to allow myself to fall asleep. When I inhaled, his masculine scent seeped inside me. It was earthy and strong. Like the outdoors, only better. Between that and the comfort of having his arm around my shoulder, I was able to slowly relax. It was nice having him so close. Plus, it was the first time anyone had bothered to hold me since my mom died when I was seven years old.

he next morning I woke in my bed, tucked under the covers with no memory as to how I’d gotten there. Just the thought of Sawyer tucking me in made my cheeks flush, but for once I wasn’t sure if it was from embarrassment.

After I got dressed, I headed out to the living room. When I saw Sawyer standing in front of the fire wearing almost nothing, I stopped dead in my tracks, my breath catching in my throat. He wore a pair of pants that I recognized as my uncle’s, but nothing else. The pants hung low on his hips, and I didn’t move a muscle as my eyes swept over his broad shoulders to his muscular back, then down to his waist. Even from behind he was beautiful.

When he turned, I couldn’t hold in my gasp. The front of him was like a piece of art. The way the glow of the fire played across his sculpted chest and stomach, and how is arms flexed when he balled his hands into fists. The pants hung low enough that a tuft of brown hair was visible a few inches below his belly button, and I couldn’t help wondering what was below that. Making my cheeks flush more than ever.

Sawyer tilted his head when my eyes met his, and the hair on my scalp tingled. When he looked at me like that it felt like he was trying to read my mind. Maybe he was. He seemed to be trying to figure out what to say to me.

“Sorry. It’s been a while since I had clean clothes, and you have such a good set-up here. I figured I’d take advantage. I hope that’s alright.”

I nodded slowly and forced my legs to move. My eyes went over his stomach, and even though I tried to resist, moved lower. Heat rushed through me, and when I looked up, he was smiling. I’d been caught staring. Even though my face and neck grew warm, I couldn’t feel guilty. I’d never been around a man other than my uncle, and the one standing in front of me was breathtaking. Like a dream I’d never dared allow myself to have. It only seemed fair that I took the chance to enjoy him.

“It’s fine,” I said. “Make yourself at home.”

“Thank you.” Sawyer was still smiling, and I got the feeling he liked having me look him over as much as I enjoyed doing the looking.

We stood in awkward silence for a moment while I sifted through all the questions in my head. I wanted to figure out if he was someone I could trust so I could tell him the truth about my uncle, and if he’d be willing to stay here. He had a home somewhere, but he’d told me my cabin was the nicest place he’d seen. Maybe staying was on his mind as much as it was on mine.

“Where did you come from?” I asked, then flushed again. “I mean, you said you were on your way home. Where’s that?”

“I think I got a little off course thanks to the weather, but as best as I can tell I’m still a good five miles from my place. It’s a little cabin I found a couple years ago. It wasn’t much, only two rooms and barely even a kitchen. Not like this place. But I’ve been working hard to build it up and collect supplies. It’s not easy, though, especially on my own like this. Living closer to town would be good for trading, but dangerous.”

Even though Seamus had always said the same thing, I couldn’t help wondering what exactly was so dangerous about town. Seamus had worked hard to keep me sheltered, which was endearing, but left me feeling a little unprepared now that I was alone. Sawyer might be able to give me the answers to my questions, if nothing else.

“What’s so dangerous about town? I’ve never been and my uncle won’t tell me much. My memories from before are vague, but I get the feeling things are very different now.”

Sawyer raked his hands through his hair and again I noticed how greasy it looked. He needed it washed, which was something I could help him with. But first, I wanted answers.

“It’s nothing like it used to be,” he said, frowning like he hated thinking about how much things had changed. “Sometimes, I wonder if that world ever really existed at all.” He let out a deep sigh, then sank into my favorite chair.

I followed his lead, sitting on the couch across from him while I waited for him to continue. The expression on his face was sad, almost torn. It must have been hard for him to remember the past. I was only a child when it all ended, and even though the first few years had been rough, I barely remembered the before. This was the life I knew. But Sawyer was older, he had to remember more.

“There’s no government like there used to be, which means no law. People try, but they’re enforcing rules and have nobody to back them up. Lawlessness is pretty much the way the world is run at this point.

“There are good people too, don’t get me wrong, but you have to be careful. When you go in to trade, you need to act like you have nothing to your name. Some of the people there would follow you home and slit your throat, then take every supply you have. If you have women, even better.” His mouth dropped open and he shook his head. “Shit. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have told you that.”

Even though his words made my heart pound harder than the wind blowing around outside, I tried to hide it from him. “It’s okay. Seamus—that’s my uncle—has told me about those men. How they’d love nothing more than to steal my virtue. It’s why he won’t let me go.”

“Your virtue?” Sawyer frowned, then his eyebrows shot up. When his eyes met mine, they were full of understanding, as well as something else I didn’t quite understand. Whatever it was, it made every hair on my scalp prickle.

He cleared his throat and ran his hand through his hair again. “Right. Anyway, I’ve been on my own for a few years now, so throwing my time into making a safe home has been my priority. It keeps my mind focused and off the loneliness if nothing else.”

“Who were you with before?”

He looked away, but I was pretty sure I saw a bit of sadness in his eyes. “Just a friend.”

I didn’t believe for a second the person he’d been with was just a friend, but it was obvious talking about it would hurt him too much, so I let it go. Maybe his situation was even more perfect than I had originally thought. If he was trying to keep busy so he could forget, I could help him with that. There were lots of things to do around the cabin that would take his mind off…whatever it was he didn’t want to remember.

“How’s your injury today?” he asked, his eyes still on the fire.

I shrugged, which hurt, but not as much as it had the day before. “I’m sore, I won’t lie. But it isn’t that bad.”

“We should clean it again, just to be on the safe side.” He stood and moved toward the fire, feeling the clean bandages that hung on the line. “They’re dry.”

I gnawed on my upper lip as an idea formed in my head. An idea that would help me judge how much I could trust this man. But I wasn’t sure if it would be taking the whole thing too far. Sawyer was still a man after all, and he had clearly been affected by my nakedness. But he hadn’t tried anything, and this was probably the best way to figure out how much he could be trusted. Plus, I still had my knife.

“Sounds good,” I said, pulling my shirt off before I could talk myself out of it. This time, I didn’t bother to cover myself.

Sawyer turned my way with the bandages clutched in his hand, and when he saw me sitting there without a shirt on, his eyes got huge. He swallowed, and his gaze swept over my bare breasts and down to my trim stomach. Every inch of my skin tingled as his eyes moved their way back up, and when his gaze met mine, I almost expected him to tell me to cover myself. But he didn’t.

He sat next to me, slowly unwrapping my bandages while the same warmth as before moved through me. I held my breath and waited, not sure exactly what I was hoping for. Twice Sawyer’s hands brushed against my breasts, but I could tell it was accidental. It didn’t make the contact any less…enjoyable. The heat in me grew and I squirmed, suddenly finding myself wanting more from Sawyer. Wishing his hands would grope my tender flesh.

But still, he never touched me.

He cleaned the wound and recovered it, and the whole time we sat six inches apart, never saying a word. When the clean bandages were finally secure, he sat back, and his eyes moved over me one more time before he let out a deep breath. Then he stood and cleaned up, heading into the kitchen without a word.

A mixture of disappointment and relief flooded my body as I pulled my shirt back on. The ache inside me had grown stronger, and I now knew that the only way to ease it would be to have Sawyer’s hands on my bare skin. But I just wasn’t ready. Not yet. Not until I knew this man a little bit more.

When he came back, I stood. “I can wash your hair if you want.”

He cocked his head to the side and a smile tugged at his lips. “Really?”

“I make soap,” I said with a nod. “I used to wash my uncle’s hair, so it’s no big deal.”

“Used to?” Sawyer’s eyebrows pulled together and I instantly realized the mistake I’d made.

Crap. I wasn’t sure how I’d let it slip, but it was careless of me. I needed to be more careful.

I forced out a laugh as I headed into the kitchen for soap and a towel. “He’s practically bald now, so he just shaves it off. Says it’s easier.”

It was amazing how natural the words came out. I didn’t have much practice at lying, so I’d never expected to be so good at it.

When I came back, I held up the soap and smiled. “Ready?”

“Sure, why not.” Sawyer shrugged, but I could tell he was looking forward to it and I understood. There was nothing like that first day after I cleaned my hair.

The pot was already full of warm water, which made the process that much easier. I had Sawyer lay on the couch, moving him sideways slightly so his head was hanging over, then I positioned the pot on the floor underneath him. I scooped up a cup of the water, and poured it over his head. He let out a sigh that for some reason made me smile. The second one was even louder.

“Feel good?” I asked, rubbing the bar of soap between my hands to create a nice lather.

“You have no idea.”

Once I had a handful of bubbles, I began working my fingers through Sawyer’s hair. I rubbed and scrubbed and massaged his scalp until he moaned, and for a reason I couldn’t even explain to myself, the sound made that ache build inside me again. I tried to ignore it and focus on washing him, but it was impossible with the sounds he was making. Then he opened his eyes and gazed up at me, and even though I was totally inexperienced I could see the desire in his gaze.

“Let me just rinse it out,” I whispered.

He nodded, holding my gaze. I didn’t look away from his blue eyes for even a second as I poured cup after cup of water over his hair. When I was sure the soap had all been rinsed out, I finally broke the spell by pulling my gaze from his so I could find the towel.

I’d never dried my uncle’s hair, but with Sawyer I couldn’t stand the thought of taking my hands off him. So I ran the towel over his damp locks, trying to soak up all the moisture, then urged him to sit. Then I stood behind him and did it again, running the towel over his head. Loving how he sighed.

“Lucy.”

The sound of my name on his lips startled me, and I dropped the towel. His hand moved my way, and I thought he was going to pick it up, but instead his fingers wrapped around my wrist. He pulled me around until I was standing in front of him, and put his hands on my legs. Slowly, he ran them up my thighs to my hips, then over my butt, stopping at my waist. My heartrate picked up, and just the feel of his hands on me made the warmth in my belly turn into an inferno.

“I think we’re treading into very dangerous territory,” he whispered. “You’re just a girl, and you don’t know me. What would your uncle think if he came home to find us…” Sawyer swallowed like just thinking the words was difficult to resist.