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you will never learn here. I have no idea which it is.”

“That’s where I’m stuck. I just don’t know. On any given day I vacillate wildly depending on the

circumstance I’m in.”

“That’s why it would help to get your eyes off of the circumstances and look to him. He can take you through

anything and perfect his purpose in you as he does it.”

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“I just don’t know,” Bryce said, shaking his head. “Maybe I’m just afraid of losing my income.”

“Are you?” John asked.

“I wouldn’t be honest if I said I don’t think about it. I trained for this; I don’t know if I’m qualified for much else.”

“You’d be surprised what Father might ask you to do and how he might resource you. But all you can do is

take that fear to him and ask him to show you the way.”

“I have. A thousand times,” Bryce sighed.

“Then it isn’t time,” I found myself saying to my own surprise and in the corner of my eye I saw John smile

and subtly nod.

“What does that mean, Jake?”

“Part of the journey involves doing what he makes clear to you. If you’ve submitted it to him, then let him

sort it out. If he were asking you to leave today, I think you’d know that, even in the face of your fears. If he hasn’t made it clear to you then wait. Just keep loving him and following him every day. I’m learning the joy

of resting in him, doing what I know to do and not doing what I don’t know to do. It’s been one of the

hardest lessons to learn, but also the most freeing.”

“But I want a right or wrong answer,” Bryce’s frustration was bleeding through.

“Don’t we all,” I said, appreciating his frustration. “Until he becomes answer enough? This is his decision,

not yours, and it will be clear when it is clear.”

“Just ask him whom he wants you to be walking with right now,” John offered.

“Don’t try to sort out what you want or what you think is best. Follow the growing conviction he settles in

your heart over time.”

“This may not even be your decision. Someone else may get to decide it for you,” I added.

“He often works that way, too,” John agreed.

“How so?”

“Well, I didn’t choose to leave City Centre, Bryce. I got fired, remember?”

“That does sound like fun,” Bryce’s voice dripped with irony.

“Jake’s right,” John spoke up. “Sometimes we don’t know what God wants because there are stories yet to

play out and people’s lives still to be impacted by yours.”

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“So it really is a day-to-day walk of letting Jesus sort out his way in us?” Bryce said.

“Yes it is, Bryce, and when you learn to live that way you’ll never want to go back. Jesus is really good at

showing you how to do it, especially when your desire to please him is not competing with doing what you

think is best or easiest.”

“Like putting my financial security above my spiritual passion.” Bryce mumbled more to himself than the

rest of us.

“That’s probably the hardest one. They don’t call it the Puritan work ethic for nothing,” John smiled.

“I have so much invested here, John. I don’t know if I could walk away if I knew that’s what he was asking.”

“You’re right, you don’t know. You’ll be surprised what you’ll do when the way is clear. Some day you might

just have more valuable things to do than what you’re doing here.”

“So what am I supposed to do about all of this in the meantime?”

“Keep following your hunger. Be honest about it with yourself. Do each day what he puts in your heart to

do.”

“What if that creates some real conflict?”

“Such as?”

“I don’t know. I’m already starting to hear some rumblings because I’m not hyping the offering enough or

pressuring people more into helping with children’s church. When I encourage people to rely on God, my

associate thinks I’m just trying to neglect my job.”

“Believe me, I know,” John answered with a measure of sorrow in his voice. “But you need to follow him,

even when it creates conflict. Always be gentle and gracious to everyone, but never compromise what is in

your heart just to get along. I have no idea how this will all play out for you, but it always does in ways we

can’t imagine.”

“But I could get killed this way.”

“Yes, you could. But if you’re going to follow him, what choice do you have? Follow the hunger, Bryce. It

will continue to shape you and give you courage for whatever lies ahead.”

“If I end up leaving, should I tell others to leave too?”

“Why, what would that help?”

“To save them from all of this and point them to something more real.”

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“Pointing them to Jesus is always helpful. Telling people to leave rarely is. What if Jake had told you to do

that five years ago?”

“I would have thought him a divisive rebel and wouldn’t have had anything to do with him.”

“How would that have helped you? It would have only made you more resistant to what God has done in

you in the five years since.” Bryce was deep in thought now. “You see, Bryce, truth has its time. If you tell

someone the truth before they’re ready to hear it, you can push them further away no matter how well

intentioned you might be.”

“How do I know they aren’t ready?”

“Do you really think hundreds of people will be ready, on the same day, some Sunday morning?” John was

smiling and Bryce soon joined him.

“I get that, but what about individuals?”

“You have to let Jesus show you. He can help you sense when people are ready and when you need to hold

back. Make sure you really have their best interests in mind, and not using them to validate your own choice

by pushing them to agree with you. That never works. Also, listen to the questions people are asking and it

will help you know if they’re hungry for more. Even with Jake, I’ve put nuggets out there and watched to see

what he did with them. If he listened, struggled and asked more, I took him further. If he didn’t, I let it go!

I was trying to serve him; I didn’t need to validate myself.”

I was surprised at his answer, and I couldn’t help but wonder what I had missed because I hadn’t caught

where he was going. It made me wonder if this is why Jesus spoke in parables and metaphors—to help

hungry people see without unnecessarily hardening those who were not ready. I’d have to explore that

more.

“I guess the bottom line is that if I want to find an expression of church life that fulfills what the Scriptures

talk about, I either have to change this organization or leave it.”

“Or stop looking for it.”

“What? Are you serious?”

“No institutional arrangement will ever contain all that the church is. Don’t look for it institutionally; look

for it relationally. Certainly the New Testament talks about the priorities of that church—Jesus as its sole

head and focus, daily encouragement among believers, plural and lateral leadership, open participation,

and an environment of freedom so people can grow in him.”

“Like what I have with Jake?”

“And there will be others God will give you as you simply follow him,” John added. “Some for a time will

help you on your journey, others you will help on theirs but mostly you will find yourself mutually sharing his

life together. ”

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“But if we structured around that passion…,“ Bryce’s voice faded away as he tried to figure out how to finish

that question. Finally his head cocked to one side, “Are structure and passion polar opposites?”

“No, they’re not. Not all structure is wrong. Simple structures that facilitate sharing his life together can be

incredibly positive. The problem comes when structures take on a life of their own and provide a substitute

for our dependence upon Jesus.”

“So I don’t need to look for the perfect church, or try to put one together?”

“How you mean that, I’d say, no. But Jesus is putting together a church without spot or wrinkle. It includes

everyone in this community and around the world who live in a growing relationship with him. It’s okay for

you to look at how that church expresses itself every day in the people and events around you. Just don’t try to

corral it into something you control. It just won’t work. Jesus saw the church as a reality, not an assignment

for his followers to construct. She is growing, all around you. You just can’t see it now because your focal

point is far short of her beauty and immensity.”

“How can I change that?”

“There’s only one way—stay focused on him. Where Jesus is given first place, the church simply emerges in

wonderful ways. He will place you in the body exactly as he desires. And as those relationships grow, you

may find yourself surrounded by a group of people who want to walk in more intentional community

together. That’s an amazing thing when it happens, but still you have to keep your focus on him. Even

groups that start out centered on him are easily and quickly tempted to organize themselves to death. When

Jesus ceases to be the object of our pursuit, our touch with his body will fade into emptiness.”

“I don’t know what to say.” The struggle was evident on Bryce’s face. “This goes against everything I’ve

been taught. I’ve been trained to do this, to stay in control. I feel so powerless to live the way you’re

talking.”

“That’s how the system controls us,” John shook his head, empathizing with Bryce’s struggle. “It’s a system

we think we can work through our own initiative and effort, but that is also why it cannot produce the life

you hunger for. That’s only found in him.”

“And only when I give up control.”

“Or the illusion of it, Bryce,” I said. “The hardest-won lesson of this journey is that I was never in control. I only thought I was.”

John sat quietly so I continued. “Real community is not something we fabricate by any means. It is a gift

God gives.”

“But doesn’t that directly conflict with most of what I do here?”

“Does it?” John asked.

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“I’m wondering that. Oh, we’re generous about it. We don’t overtly manipulate people, but nothing we do

directly encourages people to live this kind of life. We talk about it, we want people to do it, but our efforts

are geared to the growth and success of this institution. We’re not teaching them to depend on him in any

practical way, but to find their security in being part of what we do.”

“Maybe it’s time to live it differently,” John suggested.

Bryce sat quietly for a moment. “I know the best we can produce falls far short of the life I watch Jake living.

We call singing together ‘worship’ and regular attendance ‘fellowship’ and we’ve convinced ourselves

we’re actually doing those things just by coming, whether they’re real in our hearts or not. We’ve taught

people to be committed to our services and programs and let them think that doing so validates them.”

“Whether or not they are really coming to know him,” I said.

“That’s it! I’ve had a greater depth of fellowship with you, Jake, in the last two months than with anyone I

have known here for years. With you I can be honest about my hungers and not feel judged. Here, people

seem to be looking for ulterior motives.”

“The freedom to be honest and the freedom to struggle are key to a real friendship,” John said.

“Here we’ve tried to do it as an obligation for believers. We tell people to be committed to our gatherings

and to one of our small groups.”

Wow, I remember thinking that way in what seemed a lifetime ago. “How could obligation ever produce

real relationship, Bryce? Obligations are only necessary when the experience is ineffective or lifeless.

When people are living in the life of Jesus, they will treasure every opportunity to connect with other

brothers and sisters who are also on this journey. It will not be something they have to do, but something

they wouldn’t ever want to live without.”

“It always comes back to that, doesn’t it? If we’re seeking to live in him, these other things sort out. If we’re not, no matter what else we do it will always fall short of our hungers.”

“Absolutely. He is the impetus that brings us together and without that no commitment will suffice.” As I

was talking it was becoming far clearer to me than I had thought it through before. “I’m becoming

convinced that the church Jesus is building transcends every human approach we’ve tried to use to replicate

or contain it.”

“You mean there isn’t some way that we can gather as God’s people that fulfills the hope of the New

Testament church?”

“Oh, there’s a gathering that does that,” John said with a certainty that took me by surprise.

“Really? I’d like to hear about it,” I said.

Just then another flock of squawking geese flew over the trees and drew all our eyes skyward and held our

gaze as the ever-shifting V headed southward.

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“They get it!” John said with a smile as we all looked back down.

“Get what?”

“There’s a gathering going on. They are all headed south to warmer weather. It’s not so important what

group they’re with at the moment, but that they’re headed in the right direction.

“So we should all fly south?” Bryce asked, clueless what John was talking about.