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“We’ve had better days.” I answered noncommittally. I had no idea where this was going and my gut was

roiling.

“I’ve been wanting to talk to you for a long time but I just haven’t had the nerve. Initially I was so angry that

you wouldn’t back me up and when you left so many people got hurt.”

“Listen, Jim, we don’t need to rehash all of this. It was painful enough the first time.”

“I’m sure it was. I just want to tell you how sorry I am for what I did to you and let you know I’m resigning

my pastorate.”

“You’re what?” I couldn’t believe it.

“No one knows yet. I was supposed to meet with the chairman for lunch today to tell him. He got called

into emergency surgery, though, and had to reschedule.” He stared across the distance between us. “I’ve

had it, Jake. I’ve been spiraling into depression for a long time. My own doctor told me the stress of

ministry was killing me.”

“But I thought things were going well, Jim?”

“On the outside, sure! City Center has never looked better. On the inside, not at all!” He shook his head,

unable to speak for a moment. “Do you know what it takes to keep that thing alive? Do you know how many

fires I put out each week, how many people I have to prop up to keep it going? And inside I’m as dead as

I’ve ever been. And every time I think of you, it only gets worse. You were one of my closest friends and I

stabbed you in the back to save myself.” He looked straight at me through his tear-filled eyes. “I am

incredibly sorry, Jake and I want to make this right with you.”

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I had no idea how to respond to him. I felt sorry for him and I felt no small amount of joy that his mistakes

had finally caught up to him. I didn’t like the latter feelings, but they were there.

“You probably don’t know that my dad passed away. I’m going to move back East to take care of his

business for a while. And I’m going to get some help for myself. I’m also going to recommend that the

church ask you to be their pastor.”

My heart stopped. “I’m sure that will go over big,” I finally said with a nervous laugh.

“I don’t think you have any idea how well-respected you are there. You’d do a great job and I don’t know

anyone else to recommend. Would it interest you at all?”

“Not in the least, Jim.” I was surprised at my own answer. Being in ministry again sounded good, and so

did a steady paycheck, but not that kind of ministry, and not that kind of paycheck.

“Don’t give me an answer now, Jake. Just think about it. But I want you to know how sorry I am for what I

did to you. It wasn’t fair. Of all people you didn’t deserve it. If I could take it back, I would in an instant.

My life was such a mess in ways you don’t even know and I was just trying to survive. That was my mistake. I

should have given up a long time ago.”

I didn’t know what to say. I wrestled with forgiving him, but wasn’t sure I wanted to so quickly. No one had

hurt me more and I wasn’t ready to wash it all away with a simple, ‘I forgive you.’

“I don’t want to keep you now, Jake, and I know we have a lot more to talk about before we will have sorted

it all out. But I want to do that, if you will.” Then he reached into his coat pocket and pulled out an

envelope and handed it to me. My name was typed out on the front of it with City Center’s logo and address

in the corner.

“What’s this?” I asked.

“It’s a gift, if you like. Truthfully, it is your severance pay. Our board spent some time last month talking

about how we parted ways and most felt like we had treated you unfairly. It’s $10,000 Jake. It probably isn’t

as much as it should be, but maybe it will help ease the pain some. There’s a letter of apology in there from

the board, too. I was going to bring it by your office after my lunch, but when I saw you here...”

Part of me wanted to give it back and be above all of this. Part of me knew how much I needed the money.

“I’m not sure I can accept this, Jim.”

“Take it. You earned it! Maybe this will open a door to healing.”

I nodded at him and let the envelope rest under my hands. Then I knew I had to press on. “Jim, I’ve been

meaning to call you.”

“Really? Why?”

“I’m in touch with Diane and she wanted me to set up a meeting for the three of us.”

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His eyes popped open and the fear in his eyes was obvious. “Do you know what this is about?” he asked, his

eyes probing mine to figure out how much I knew. I nodded and inexplicably tears formed in my eyes.

His head dropped. The silence hung between us for some time. Neither of us knew what to say. Finally

after a couple of attempts, Jim spoke. “It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done, Jake, and I was hoping it wouldn’t

have to come out.” He blew out a deep sigh and just stared at the table for a moment, fidgeting with John’s

fork. “But I’m not going to run from it. I need to deal with this.” He pulled out his cell phone and scrolled

through his calendar. “How about tomorrow afternoon at 4:30. Do you think that would work?”

“I’ll check with her, Jim, and get back to you.”

“Please do. I really do have to run, Jake, but I do want things resolved between us. And use the money,” he

said, nodding at the envelope. “We wouldn’t put it to any better use anyway.”

I nodded as Jim slid out of John’s seat. He leaned over to the side of my head and whispered, “And think

about coming back as pastor. I get the sense you’re a very different person from the one I knew and they

could sure use your help.” And with that he was gone.

I sat and stared out the window for a while, completely at a loss to form a coherent thought. At some point

John returned and put his hand on my shoulder. “Listen, Jake, I need to get going.”

We counted out money for the check and I gathered my things and headed for the door.

“How did it go with Jim?” he asked.

“I’m still in shock. He apologized, we scheduled an appointment with Diane and he gave me $10,000

from the board as severance pay.”

“Wow! How long was I gone?” John laughed.

“I’m just in awe at all the things that have converged in the last hour or so. How could God schedule all of

this?”

“And without our help.” John slapped me on the shoulder. “Don’t always expect so many things to sort out

that quickly, Jake, but it sure sounds like God has answered some of your concerns.”

“He’s also leaving the pastorate, John, and he asked if I would take his place.”

“Are you going to do it?”

“I don’t see how...” I shrugged as John laughed and we walked out into the bright afternoon sunlight.

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- 11 -

Taking Flight

The last thing I thought I saw, before my burning eyes clinched shut, was Laurie walking toward me out of

our sliding glass doors with a look of utter delight. It was a look I don’t often see on her face especially on a

day like this.

I couldn’t wait to get my eyes open again to see if that’s what I’d really seen, but a gust of wind had blown a

cloud of smoke into my eyes and they were watering fiercely. As I grimaced, waiting for the pain to subside,

I could hear the chicken sizzling on the barbeque in front of me and the surrounding laughter and

conversation of forty or so people who filled our backyard. Before I could open my eyes I felt her hand on

my shoulder and heard her whisper in my ear.

“You’ll never guess who I have been talking to!” She was taunting me playfully and I had never seen her this

relaxed with her yard full of people waiting to eat.

“So that’s where you’ve been,” I said blinking my eyes rapidly against the pain as I fought to see clearly. “The

chicken will be done in about 20 minutes and nothing looks like it’s ready.”

“Relax,” she grinned. “We’re here to have fun, not to put on a production.” The smirk told me she knew

this was as out of character for her as I did.

“Come on , guess! You’ll never believe who stopped by!”

“I don’t know. Your sister?” She was Laurie’s favorite person in the world, but they rarely get to see each

other since she lives five hours away.

“No,” Laurie said, her shoulder sagging a bit at the thought. “That would be fun, too. It’s John.”

John? I thought as I ran through a list of last names. I couldn’t figure out which one had excited her so

much. But her mockingly, exasperated how-stupid-can-you-be look, finally made me realize who she was

talking about. “You’re kidding! Where is he?” I said looking around her at the house and feeling silly that he

hadn’t come to mind first. It had been almost a year since I’d seen him and I had long ago given up the

thought of seeing him again. “He went to freshen up,” Laurie answered. “He said he’d stay and enjoy the

meal with us.”

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“Why didn’t you get me sooner?”

“I tried, but he said you looked busy and he wanted to help me with the salad and relish tray. We had the

best talk, Honey. He made me feel as if I’d known him all my life and could tell or ask him anything. In

fact, he helped me sort through some things that have hurt me in this process. I can’t wait to tell you all

about it.”

“And I can’t wait to hear it.”

“I wonder if your first impression about John might be right after all…”

“Now, you think he’s John the disciple? Why would you say that?”

“I don’t know… There’s something about him—depth, certainly, and when he talks to you, you know he

really cares about you as an individual. I’ve never met anyone like him. He says the strangest things that are

at one level so incredibly simple, and yet on another challenge your religious comfort zone by rearranging

everything you’ve ever thought before.”

“I tried to tell you…”

“I know, but I never realized it was so freeing. Do you think he could be the John?”

“Why don’t you ask him?” I smirked, knowing she never would.

“I’d feel like an idiot,” she said, motioning to the house as John appeared.

“There you are!” John called, walking out the door and heading toward the barbeque.

“I hear you’re pretty good kitchen help,” I said, grabbing him about the neck and pulling him in for a hug.

“It is so good to see you.”

“You, too! You have a big party today, I see!”

“We didn’t mean to. We were going to invite a few folks over, but somehow lost control and people started

asking us if they could come.” We looked over the yard at the spirited volleyball game in the left corner, with

a healthy dose of heckling spectators in the shade, a swimming pool full of happy splashers, some pockets

of conversations going on in various shady spots and a ping-pong table filled with food and underlined with

ice chests full of soft drinks and a freezer or two of home-made ice cream.

“This is great. Are you sure I’m not crashing anything?”

“Of course you are, but we’d love to have you. It’s been so long, I wondered if I’d ever see you again.”

“I actually came to town to visit some other people. They are in bad shape at the moment—angry over some

congregational politics that have wasted them. But Father is doing something wonderful in them through

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it. They said they knew of you, and I wanted to give you their number,” he said, pulling a piece of paper out

of his pocket. “I told them I’d ask you to call them.”

“We’d love to” Laurie said, snatching the paper from his hand and heading back inside.

“So how are you doing, Jake?”

“It’s an adventure, John, to be sure. We’ve been through some incredible ups and downs since we were last

together.”

“Ahh, so you must have taken that pastoring job!”

I’d forgotten all about that and the thought made me explode with laughter, “Yeah! Right!”

“Why not? Steady income, credible job, personal validation? Weren’t those the important things to you

when we first met?”

Wow! That was a long time ago. I began to think back over the four years since I’d met John. In some ways

it seemed so much longer. “It’s crazy, John. I don’t even think about those things anymore. I am having so

much fun sorting out this life in Jesus and helping others do so, that I’m not even worried about what others

think, or about my career.”

“So what has happened?” John asked as I turned the chicken on the flaming grill.

“I couldn’t begin to summarize it. Look around you and you’ll see most of it. God has opened up so many

relationships to us and we’re seeing people capture a hunger for Jesus like we haven’t seen since the earliest

days in this faith. We are seeing new people come to know him and others growing in him. I rarely have a

conversation now where Jesus isn’t the focus of it somehow.”

“And were you able to get your old pastor and Diane together?”

“We did and I can’t tell you how excited I am about how that has sorted out. If we get some time alone, I’ll

tell you about it,” I said with a nod at people nearby to indicate we could easily be overheard.

“I’d love to hear it. Are you still working real estate?”

“A little, when people ask me to help, but I’m not trying to build that business. I’m spending most of my

time helping people sort out their relationship to God. I’ve been asked to share my story with various