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groups and spend time with people who are at critical moments in their own journey. I’m so excited to

watch him change lives as I just help them get free from the condemnation that makes them feel excluded

from Father’s affection.

“As I read the life of Jesus now, I see more clearly that’s what he was doing—freeing people from shame so

that they could embrace his Father. And I’m seeing that with increasing freedom in my own life too. That’s

probably the greatest gift you’ve given me, John. I no longer labor under the oppressive guilt of how far I fall

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short, nor under the demanding obligations of self-produced righteousness. And I’m no longer putting that

on others.”

“That’s fabulous.”

“I never realized how much of what I thought was ministry was only manipulating people’s shame—whether

it was to make them feel guilty for falling short or to earn other people’s approval.”

“That’s what religion is, Jake. It’s a shame-management system, often with the best of intentions and always

with the worst of results.”

“But it did work, at least externally.”

“Yes, but it only drove the bondage even deeper. In the end people are still addicted to shame and bounce

between self-pity and self-glory, never finding freedom to simply live in him. It makes people think God

wants a cause and effect relationship with them. If they’ll be good, he’ll be good to them.”

“I’m now seeing that’s why so many people live alienated from him. I visited two terminally ill people in the

last month and both of them were distraught over the idea that they had done something wrong to deserve

it, though they weren’t sure what. It took a long time to get beneath the surface of their pat answers, but they

both finally admitted how angry they were at God for not healing them and full of guilt for having such

thoughts.”

“Most never own up to that anger because they’re afraid something worse will happen to them. So they go

on feeling as if God is unfair to them and they are never able to resolve that—sort of like you were in the

hospital that night.”

“I remember it well, John. I love how God has been changing me one small bit at a time. Sometimes I

don’t even notice he’s doing that until I’m in a situation and I watch myself respond in ways I never would

have before. I am enjoying immensely the Jake he is allowing to emerge.”

“Just like a butterfly taking wing from its cocoon, Jake. Isn’t it sad that we thought we could press people

into spiritual change, instead of helping them grow to trust Father more and find him changing them? You

can’t press a caterpillar into a butterfly mold and make it fly. It has to be transformed from the inside.”

“And it is so much more exciting lifting shame off of people than burdening them down with it. No wonder

Christian fellowship has to be sold as an obligation. Who would want to hang out with people who are

always laying a guilt-trip on you or pressuring you to meet their expectations?”

“Which is why body life often ends up so performance-based and manipulative. Isn’t this so much better?”

John said surveying the yard.

I wasn’t sure what he meant by that, but nodded in agreement. “I’ve even started posting the story of our

conversations on a web site, John. I hope you don’t mind. The response has been incredible. People all

over the world have been on similar journeys, rethinking their life in him and what life as his church can be.

It seems that many people are seeing through the emptiness of religious form. I’ve lost count of the people

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who have told me that my story reflects theirs in so many ways, except for you of course. One guy was even

upset that in all his desperation to sort out God’s life, he hadn’t met you if you were still a….” Oops! I

thought it best not to finish that sentence.

But John wouldn’t let me off so easily. “Still what, Jake? What have you told them?”

“I left it open that you might be John the disciple of Jesus. You know I wondered that in the beginning, so

I’ve been honest about that.”

“And what conclusion have you come to?” John looked up with a smirk.

“I don’t know. Jesus told Peter that it was possible. And you’ll have to admit, some incredible things have

happened in my life since we met. You seem to have a grip on this journey like no one I’ve met before.

You’ve confirmed some of my deepest hopes and helped me live them more freely. So the question of who

you are has honestly become far less important to me. But I’ll admit to being curious. And you’ve never

denied it.”

John smiled and just as he opened his mouth we were interrupted. Marvin came over and threw his arms

around John from behind. “Look who’s here!”

John turned around and smiled. “Marvin, isn’t it?”

“You remembered? That’s amazing. I saw you over here with Jake and thought I’d get in on the action. No

one told me you were coming.”

“They didn’t know either. I just happened by. You were a pastor at one time, too, weren’t you?”

“I won’t focus on your sins if you won’t focus on mine,” Marvin laughed.

“You can focus on mine, if you like. It just leaves me more in awe of him,” John answered.

Marvin laughed awkwardly like he couldn’t quite find the joke that surely had to be there. After a bit more

banter between them, John turned back to me. “I notice quite a few people are here from that home group.

How is that going, Jake?”

“There isn’t much ‘that’ to talk about, John. We’ve never gotten back to any kind of regular meeting since

your visit. I don’t know why, really, but the relationships have grown and we see each other often. It hasn’t

bothered me, but sometimes I wonder if it should.”

“Well, it bothers me,” Marvin said.

“And why is that?” John asked

“Because I don’t feel like I’m doing anything that counts?”

“Such as…”

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“I don’t know. That’s the funny part.” Marvin said, shaking his head and sighing in frustration. “I’ve never

had more fruitful relationships and I’m seeing people from my own neighborhood and at work open their

lives to Jesus. It seems I’m with people all the time.”

“And that’s not productive?”

“I don’t know if ‘productive’ is the right word. It just doesn’t seem focused somehow. Some folks I know

aren’t finding fellowship like I have. They seem adrift without the focus that regular fellowship provides. If

our old group was meeting, I’d invite them.”

“And what would that change?” John asked.

“I don’t know. I think it would anchor them somehow to a group.” It looked like Marvin expected John to

answer, and when he didn’t, the awkwardness kept him going. “They need something.” He paused again

but John still wasn’t biting. “Some identity, I guess.”

“Would a meeting provide that, or would it simply mask the lack of it?” John asked.

I just kept turning the sizzling chicken grateful I wasn’t the one being grilled this time.

“My hope would be that it would provide focus and motivation.”

“So that comes from a meeting?” John asked.

Marvin just looked at John with a confused look on his face. I’m not sure he knew what to say or perhaps he

was trying John’s technique.

“It would help, wouldn’t it?” Marvin finally blurted out a bit frustrated.

John put his arm on Marvin’s shoulder. “I am not trying to frustrate you. But it is important that you think

these things through. If you’re going to have a meeting to hopefully provide some focus, it will probably turn

out to be more distracting than helpful. People will come to the meeting thinking that’s their focus and in

time it will prove insufficient for that.”

“Why?” Marvin’s tone had softened a bit.

“Because it is knowing Father that provides the motivation. Meetings are a poor substitute for that.”

“So we just sit around and do nothing?” Marvin’s frustration resurfaced.

“Who said anything about doing nothing? I am only encouraging you not to start a meeting just to start a

meeting. Every time people see God moving, someone has to build a building or start a movement. Peter

was that way at the Transfiguration. When He couldn’t think of anything else to do, he proposed a building

program. If you’re going to walk this way, Marvin, you’ve got to find freedom from the overestimation of

your own capabilities.”

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“My what?” Marvin laughed. “I don’t even know what that means.”

“It means that the work of building the church is his, not yours or mine. Don’t think you can put something

together by your own ingenuity. That has been tried a zillion times in the last 2,000 years, always with the

same results. Sure it’s fun initially, and the excitement of seeing God touch lives overshadows our own

attempts to organize it. But that doesn’t last forever. Eventually people end up cemented into that which is

designed to protect God’s life among them. But it often ends up shoving him out in deference to their own

wisdom. We’re just not bright enough to control the ways in which God works.”

“Nor would I want to,” Marvin answered.

John smiled, “Which is why we’re having this conversation…”

“But what is the church, John, if it’s not getting together regularly?”

“I’m not saying it can’t meet, Marvin, I’m just saying that meetings won’t accomplish what you’re looking

for. Look around you,” John’s hand swept the back yard, “Aren’t people together all over?”

“You’re calling this a church, John?” Marvin was as surprised as I was.

“Yeah! I thought it was a barbecue,” I added.

“No, I’m saying the church is here. Here are people who love him. Over the course of this day they will

share a lot of his life together, I’m sure. Jesus said it only takes two or three and he never said anything about having to do it at the same time, same place or same way every week. He didn’t seem to think of the church

as something we do at all, or even go to, but a reality we live in every day.

“Don’t you see you’re already doing it? Living as his body we will encourage each other daily and stimulate

each other to love more deeply and to live more graciously. It can be as simple as having a barbeque.”

“Even without worship or Bible study?” Marvin asked.

“We’re already talking about how Father works, aren’t we? And worship isn’t having a song service or

prayer time, Marvin. It’s living as a daily sacrifice in the life of Jesus, which is letting him demonstrate his

reality through you. This is the joy of living in the kingdom—watching him work in you. But I’m sure if

someone here wants to pull together some people to sing, praise or pray, others would want to and it would

be awesome. It looks like those people over there are praying.” John pointed to a group on the patio who

were holding hands in a circle.

“But it’s not what we learned to call church.”

“Of course not! It can’t be this easy. It can’t be this much fun. We have to work at it more, be more

miserable. Don’t you see that’s how the life of the kingdom is snatched from your hearts?” John shook his

head with a sigh. “There will be trouble enough as you move along in this world. Wouldn’t you rather share

life together as believers with joy and encouragement?”

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“But how will new believers grow, John. Don’t we need teaching?”

“What are we doing now? I’m trying to help you discover something that will set you free in ways you can’t

even imagine. Isn’t that teaching?”

“But not everyone’s involved. Some are missing out.”

“They might be missing this conversation, but I doubt they are missing out on what God wants to do in them

today. He’s pretty good at that.”

“Are you saying it is better not to have a meeting where we all share together?”

“It’s not a matter of what’s better. It’s a matter of what’s real. There are lots of ways the church can

celebrate its life together. At the moment you only seem to grasp one of them. Seeing the church as a reality

instead of an activity will allow you to celebrate the church however she expresses herself around you. I

wouldn’t say this is better. But it certainly isn’t worse. Lots of incredible things will happen today because

you’re together.

“Sometimes that life is best expressed in a conversation like this. Sometimes it’s best expressed in a larger

conversation that a meeting might facilitate. When you can only see it one way, you miss so many other ways

in which Father works. Instead of thinking about what kind of meeting or group we should have, ask what

would help people best grow in his life. Jake had some good thoughts on that a few minutes ago.”

“What?” I said, pulling the last of the chicken off the grill. I was unsure what John was referring to. “We

weren’t talking about the church, were we?”

“Sure we were. People learning to live in relationship to Father in freedom from shame is the core of body

life. Find out how to share that life and you’ll be the body.”

Marvin was set to ask another question, but I picked up the platter of chicken and motioned them to follow

me over where the rest of the food had all been laid out and people were gathering. I welcomed everyone,

made reference to John joining us and asked if he would pray for us. He smiled back at me, paused a