Maxwell: Not Without Guilt (Phoenix Club) (14 page)

♦

“W
hat’re you doing?” Carl approached Max from behind and slid his arms around his neck, kissing his hair. He followed Max’s gaze to the two kids holding each other and whispering softly, oblivious of their observers.

“They look so innocent, don’t they?” Max whispered. There was a notable thickness to his voice, and Carl had a pretty good idea where – and to whom – his thoughts had wandered. Max was trying desperately to convince himself, and Carl, that he was letting go and moving on, but in truth – the man was still crumbling beneath his love for Horatio Kaplan.

A great love never dies...nor can it be replaced
. He’d heard that somewhere once, and now he was seeing it in action. It seemed unfair – cruel, even – that two people in Max and Horatio’s situation should share such great love between them. Because it left them with nowhere to go, no one to go to. Max was trying to love him, but though there was deep affection and care in his heart for Carl...he could never really “love” him. That reality hurt, but Carl couldn’t blame the man; his heart was not his own.

“They’re sweet,” Carl murmured. When Max didn’t say anything else, Carl kissed his ear softly. “Is something wrong, Max?”

Max remained silent a moment, just watching Maddy and Savannah. “Horatio is moving away,” he said thickly, a lost tone to his voice. “For good. Overseas.” A slight shudder ran through him. “Him and Seth.” He swallowed, his throat working against Carl’s forearm. “He isn’t coming back.”

Unsure what to say, Carl just pressed his lips to the man’s head.

“He thinks I want him to go away.”

Carl held him a fraction tighter. “Do you?” he whispered.

“I should,” Max said quietly, unsteady.

“But
do
you?”

“It’s best for everyone.” He turned and faced Carl and slipped his arms around his waist. “I’m sorry if I seem...unstable,” he murmured, eyes wet with tears. “But once this trial is over, once...Horatio is gone, then everything will be better.” He hugged Carl and rubbed his back gently, affectionately, and kissed his throat. “I promise. And we can focus on us.” He drew back and kissed his mouth. “I want this, Carl. I do. I’m sorry if...” He touched his head to Carl’s brow. “If my actions around Horatio have hurt you. But I promise you, there’s nothing between us.”

Carl kissed him softly. “You don’t have to apologize.”

Max hugged him tighter and kissed his neck. “You’re a good man, Carl,” he whispered thickly.

“So are you.”

Laying his head on Carl’s shoulder, Max trembled. “I’m not so sure about that.”

Carl held him close and caressed his back tenderly. “I am.”

♦

T
he urge to throw up again was rising fast as the time ticked away, drawing them closer and closer towards their return to the courtroom. Abel had been encouraged by everyone to try and eat something, but all he had managed were a few bites of some sliced fruit, his sandwich remaining untouched.

When Maddy and Savannah returned to the table to eat their lunch, it was left up to Abel whether or not to mention to his sister Jensen’s suggestion. She was about as enthusiastic about her food as he was, though she at least ate half of her sandwich. He waited for her to be finished before he decided to bring up the subject of her testimony.

“Savannah,” he murmured, “Jensen might want you to give your testimony today.” He added on quickly, “But you don’t have to, if you don’t want to.”

“Today?” Savannah looked at him. Her thick lashes retained dampness from earlier. “I thought I didn’t have to do it until tomorrow?” Her face paled a little as a sick look crept into her eyes.

“It’s your choice, hun,” Max told her. “If you really don’t feel like you can do it today, then you don’t have to.”

Savannah glanced around the table. Abel held her hand. She asked, “Why does he want me to testify today?”

Max answered, “He feels that, under the circumstances of Abel’s testimony, that...” He looked at Abel then shifted his gaze back to the young girl. “Maybe the jury will be more receptive of your testimony if you give it now.”

“It...it will help Abel’s case?”

“No one can know that for sure,” Abel told her. “You don’t have to do this.”

“But it might help?”

“Yes,” Max said.

Abel shook his head. “Savannah.” He looked at her, and she still seemed so much younger than her sixteen years, so fragile and vulnerable. He knew he wasn’t giving her the credit she deserved. She was strong; she had proved that in how she’d been dealing with her condition. But his need to protect her remained steadfast. “It isn’t easy being up there on the stand. And Tate, he won’t be nice. He’ll try to twist everything you say and use it against me.”

The girl didn’t look in favor of taking that scrutiny today, yet she pointed out rationally, “I’ll still have to do it tomorrow anyway.” She leaned against Abel and curled an arm around his back. “I’ll do anything to help you.”

Abel’s throat tightened. “Savannah...”

She hugged him tighter. “I’ll do it. I don’t care if it’s hard.” Tears thickened her voice, as well as a hint of anger. “You’re innocent. Craig wasn’t a good man, and he got what he deserved.”

Abel wrapped his arms around her. He had protected her all her life, and now she was ready to step up and protect him, too. Devlin touched his back then kissed his shoulder.

“She’s right,” he whispered.

“Are you sure about this, sweetheart?” Cole asked with concern.

She nodded. “Yes.”

Gabe suggested, “Maybe you should wait until after Abel’s cross-examination before you decide. See how you feel then.”

“I think he’s right,” Abel said, his nausea welling up at the idea of being under Tate’s attack.

A shaky breath escaped the girl as she continued to hold onto Abel. “I’m still going to do it.”

♦

C
aleb and Samuel walked with Dane and Angel back to the courthouse, lingering behind the others. “This is some rough shit,” Caleb murmured and squeezed Samuel’s hand. “I’m so glad my court thing is an open and shut case. I don’t know if I could deal with a full on court battle with Coulson.”

Reaching over, Dane slipped an arm around his shoulder and hugged him briefly, then released him. “I think that fucker got the message not to mess with our boys.”

“Yeah,” Caleb chuffed and shook his head. “That was harsh.” He smiled. “Fucker deserved every bit of it too.” Caleb wasn’t oblivious to the fact that Dane, Cole, and Gabe had had a hand in Coulson’s punishment, though no one openly “confessed” to anything. He hadn’t been with the club more than a couple weeks or more when all that shit had gone down with Coulson, and still they had come to his rescue, treating him like one of their own right from the start. That told him all he’d needed to know about the kind of men the Phoenix Club produced. It made him feel safe, even now, to be part of that family.

When they reached the front of the courthouse, Dane and Angel went on inside, but Caleb drew Samuel aside. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” Samuel frowned. “Why?”

“It just seemed like you got all quiet when we mentioned Brock.”

Samuel shook his head and rested his hands on Caleb’s waist. “No, babe. Nothing’s wrong. I just don’t have anything to say about that prick.”

Caleb wrapped his arms around Samuel’s neck. The guy still hurt over the way he had treated Caleb, the things he’d said to him after discovering the videos of Caleb and Brock. It had broken Samuel’s heart when he’d learned what Brock had done to Caleb, and the healing process was a slow one. Caleb had some moments of his own, usually at night after Samuel had fallen asleep, when he would suffer sudden panic, fear swarming over him. But it always passed, and he would be okay again. He had never told Samuel about those little episodes. They were coming on less frequently, and Caleb hoped they would just fade out altogether.

“All this tension,” Samuel murmured in his ear. “I might need some major release later this evening.”

Caleb smiled and kissed his neck. “I think I might be able to help with that.”

“I’m counting on it,” Samuel whispered and pulled back a little, kissing his lips. Heat and tingles swept through Caleb’s body, as always happened whenever Samuel kissed him or touched him. Right from the start, Samuel had been the “thunderbolt” that had struck his heart and stolen his breath. And the effect had yet to wear off.

♦

H
oratio sat in the limo out in front of the courthouse. The trial would resume in fifteen minutes, but he was having a hard time making his body move and leave the car. He thought about Seth, their plans to move away. But just what had he been proposing when he’d asked Seth to move with him overseas? What was Seth supposed to think? Did you ask someone to take such a huge step with you – if you weren’t planning to spend your life with them? Did he mean to ask the young man to marry him?

His head touched the tinted glass of the window, his heart heavy. From the moment Max had first kissed him, he knew he had wanted to marry him. He couldn’t imagine his life without Max in it.

Can you now?

He closed his eyes, chin trembling. He knew the answer to that question, but it hurt too much to admit.

We can’t be held accountable for the things we said and did back then.

“Why can’t we?” Horatio choked softly. “Why?” He pushed his forehead against the cool glass, sobs catching in his chest. “You promised to marry me.”

*  *

“Y
ou should be a professional stripper.” Horatio loved to watch Max dance, especially at night – and in the nude. He laid on his back in the grass, his own clothes discarded somewhere off to the side, eyes following Max’s every move. A small portable radio played a slightly upbeat song that seemed to flow through Max’s body.

“You think so?” Max grinned, his hands caressing his bare skin and following the contours of his lean frame. He danced closer to Horatio, the moonlight revealing his strong arousal.

Horatio smiled and tucked his arms under his head, just enjoying the “show” and the view from below. “Yeah.” His heart pounded as Max danced all around him, occasionally straddling his body and teasing him with a few dips of his hips, brushing down against Horatio’s hardened member. “We should open a strip club. That would be so cool. We could be partners and have our own flock of gay boys.”

Max laughed. “Flock of gay boys? Sounds rather...fowl.”

“I’m serious,” Horatio laughed. “It would be, like...so perfect.” He propped himself up on his elbows. “Of course, you wouldn’t be allowed to dance for anyone but me.”

“Oh really?” Max grinned darkly and straddled him again, this time sinking down to his knees on the grass, though his hips continued to sway and rock.

“Yes,” Horatio insisted and rubbed his hands up his legs, then wrapped Max’s erection in his fists. Max moaned and laced his fingers behind his head, moving with the rhythm of Horatio’s hand strokes. His head tilted up towards the night sky, eyes closing softly as he pushed himself through Horatio’s hands, his breath quickening.

“You have amazing hands, baby,” he moaned.

Horatio gazed up at his beautiful face, so serene and content. Max was just one year away from eighteen...from graduation. A sick feeling crept into Horatio’s heart at the thought of Max leaving home, going away to college. What if met someone else? Someone older than Horatio? He swallowed thickly and released Max, then rubbed his hands up his hips. “Max?”

“Hmm?” Max slowly opened his eyes and let his hands drop. He caressed Horatio’s arms then lay down on top of him, resting on his elbows as he combed his fingertips through the younger boy’s hair.

“Promise me you’ll marry me some day.”

“What?” Max laughed softly. “Where did that come from?”

Horatio licked his lips and rubbed his hands up the sides of Max’s neck. “I’ve always wanted to marry you,” he whispered sincerely. “I mean, when we’re older. Do you...want to marry me too?”

Smiling softly, Max kissed his lips. “No, I just made you promise to love me forever the first time we made love,” he kissed him again. “For the fun of it.” When Horatio just looked at him, Max groaned and laughed, “Hell yes, I want to marry you one day, crazy boy.”

“Promise?”

“Like there’s any doubt?” Max smiled and laid another kiss on his lips.

“Say it,” Horatio whispered.

“I promise you, Horatio Kaplan, that I will marry you. You and no other.” He sank down closer, shoving his hands beneath Horatio’s body. “Right here, right now...I swear my undying love to you, for life or longer.” He kissed him softly, deeply. “I love you, Horatio. You don’t have to worry, I’m not going to grow out of you, or go away and leave you behind. I’m not setting foot outside our house until I can take you with me.”

The sincerity and truth behind his words brought tears to Horatio’s eyes, and he hugged him tight. “You’re my whole world, Max.”

“And you’re mine.” He kissed his neck, then slowly on up to the curve of his jaw and over to his ear. “Should we make love? You know...to seal all these promises?”

*  *

T
ears rolled down his face as he pushed the memory away before he could experience again how amazing and intense their lovemaking had been. It was always good, but that time had been extra special. Horatio’s fears that Max might leave him behind – were banished that night. Only to be realized two years later.

“Fuck,” Horatio choked and covered his eyes with his hand, body trembling.

He raised his head and looked at the courthouse. His heart felt unstable, unprepared to encounter Max yet again that day. But he had no choice; he had to go inside.

Still, the limo door remained closed. Seth’s face rose in his mind, the hurt he had caused him by crying out Max’s name in the heat of passion. Was that the real reason he hadn’t wanted to come back to the trial? He didn’t want to watch the way Horatio’s eyes continually found Max and lingered with deep longing in their depths? Did it hurt less to just not be there to see?