Maxwell: Not Without Guilt (Phoenix Club) (12 page)

Squeezing Maddy’s shoulder with affection, Dane told him, “I suppose it has to be determined if his actions were justified, or if he could have taken another course of action. Also, I guess they’re trying to prove whether or not he was actually assaulted in the first place.”

“So him breaking down and...and vomiting, is just an act?” Maddy asked sharply.

“It’s the legal process, Maddy,” Dane explained gently. “It runs on facts and evidence, not emotions. But even so, the jurors are real people, and they saw the effect Abel’s testimony had on him. That will surely work in Abel’s favor.”

The restroom door opened from down the hall, and Abel emerged with Cole and Gabe, the men on either side of him, hands on his back. Abel was pale and looked terminally ill. Savannah rushed to him and threw her arms around him, sobbing. Abel hugged her tight and whispered softly in her ear. Then Devlin joined them, holding them both.

Cole’s face was tight as he approached Angel and Dane. The man looked truly pissed. Angle hoped to never be on the wrong side of Cole – and that look on his face.

“This is fucking tearing him apart.” Cole’s voice boiled with anger and pain. He loved Abel, that was easy to see. He and Gabe both did.

“He just has to get through the cross-examination.” Max came over and joined their little group, followed by Carl, Caleb, and Samuel. “Then he’ll be done.”

“I don’t know if he can handle any more time on the stand,” Cole said.

Angel wondered the same thing. Would he himself do any better when it came his turn to face Wade and Byrd in court – especially if his past concerning Dane was dug up? He just wanted that left alone and forgotten.

“Jensen knows his stuff,” Samuel offered. “He isn’t going to let Tate badger Abel on the stand. Though he will have to allow the man to ask certain questions.”

Gabe shook his head and rubbed his hand up Cole’s back. “I’ll just be glad when this whole fucking thing is over.”

“Are they gonna make Savannah testify?” Maddy asked, brow tight.

Horatio approached with Seth, overhearing Maddy’s question. “Unfortunately, it is necessary,” he said quietly, clearly not in favor of it any more than the rest of them. “Jensen says that her testimony will carry a lot of weight. She was there. Nearly becoming Craig’s victim herself. She witnessed what he said and did to Abel. Everything about her will reach into the hearts of the jurors.”

Angel frowned; everything about her? He got the feeling that Horatio was talking about more than just her presence during Abel’s assault. His gaze shifted to the young girl where she stood with Abel and Devlin, the three of them talking quietly. She wiped her face and glanced towards Maddy. What had Kaplan meant by
everything?

♦

W
hen the group left the courthouse and gathered at a small restaurant across the street, Horatio remained behind to speak with Jensen. Seth stayed with him, feeling out of place among the others, especially with Max as the “head” of their party.

Seth opted to wait outside on the courthouse steps while Horatio conversed with the attorney about Abel’s case and what was coming up next in the trial. From where he sat on the concrete steps, in the shadows of a large pillar, he could see the others inside the restaurant, having taken a table by one of the plate glass windows. They were a close-knit family. Much closer than most of the traditional families Seth had encountered – including his own. Not that he had a problem with his family. They just weren’t
this
bonded. And Horatio was a part of that family – or could be if he so chose.

There was a deep emptiness in Horatio that Seth had sensed right from the start. And whenever the man talked about Max, it was easy to see that he was the source. And now Horatio had a chance to fill that emptiness, but he held back.

“It’s because of you, and you know it,” Seth whispered, his tone dull. He watched Max through the restaurant window, and even from the courthouse steps he didn’t miss the man’s occasional glance towards the large municipal structure. Seth lowered his eyes, his heart aching. For a brief moment, on that beach by the villa, he had honestly believed he had a fighting chance for Horatio’s love. But it had all been a dream, from which he was now awaking. Horatio belonged to Max, and he always would.

He swallowed thickly and blinked away rising tears, then slid his fingers through his hair as he stared down at the concrete steps. He closed his eyes; he knew what he needed to do. He just didn’t know if he had the strength to do it.

It seemed only moments had passed when someone spoke, startling him. “Seth?”

His head jerked up to see Max climbing the steps towards him. He hadn’t been aware of the man leaving the restaurant. Max paused a couple steps down. Seth nodded and licked his lips slowly, anxiously; he’d never been alone with Max until this moment. “Horatio is inside, speaking with Abel’s attorney,” he said quietly.

Max nodded but made no move to enter the courthouse. “I didn’t come over here to talk to Horatio,” he said.

Seth stared at him, unsure how to respond.

“May I?” Max motioned towards the step that Seth was sitting on.

Lips tight, Seth nodded.

Max sat down and leaned his elbows on his knees, gazing across the street at the restaurant. “You know, you can join us. You don’t have to sit over here alone just because Horatio isn’t there with us.”

“Thanks,” Seth mumbled, then shrugged. “I don’t really know anyone.”

“Well, you’re not going to get to know them by keeping your distance.” Max smiled warmly, and Seth understood right then why Horatio loved him so much. The man could have just as easily given Seth the cold shoulder, done his damnedest to make him feel uncomfortable and unwelcome, but rather he had chosen to show himself friendly and invite Seth into their circle.

“Yeah, I suppose not,” Seth whispered, an unexpected knot tightening his throat.

Max cleared his throat and stared down at the steps. “Horatio mentioned that you and him were moving overseas.” A slight hesitation, then, “For good.”

Nodding slowly, Seth murmured, “That’s the plan.” He felt Max’s eyes on him.

“You really care about him.” He wasn’t asking, but rather stating the obvious.

“I do.” Seth looked at him. The man stared blankly at his hands. “So do you.”

Max’s lips tightened. “Yeah,” he whispered, then met Seth’s gaze. “I do.”

“Was it hard?”

“What?” Max lowered his eyes to his hands once more.

Seth gazed at him a moment, then replied softly, “Walking away from Horatio?”

A slight tension stiffened the man’s body. He remained silent for a moment before whispering, “The hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.” His voice was strained, and it was apparent that the memories – and the hurt – were still as fresh for Max as they were for Horatio. “Did he tell you why I left?”

“Yes,” Seth murmured.

Max looked at him, a forced smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. “Then you know you don’t have anything to worry about. Horatio and I...” He shook his head and glanced away. “There will never be anything there.”

Though the man tried to minimize the level of pain that had shown through, Seth felt it as powerfully as he did in Horatio. “Do you wish there could be?”

Shaking his head slowly, Max smiled solemnly. “Seth, I’ll tell you something I’ve learned during my time on this earth.” He looked at the younger man. “You don’t wish for the impossible. It will end up tearing you apart. When something is gone, and you know it’s gone...then you let it go. Otherwise, you’re just holding onto a ghost, and I guarantee you – it will haunt you all the days of your life.”

♦

“I
f you could go back,” Seth asked quietly, with hesitation, “knowing what you know now, would you change things?”

Max sighed. “Do you mean would I try not to fall in love with Horatio?”

“Yeah.”

Though the answer was right there, he didn’t voice it immediately. He laced his fingers and rested forward on his knees as the past memories of those few “free” years with Horatio swept through his mind. They were the best years of his life.

“I would change things,” Max whispered, throat tight. “In so many ways, Horatio is a very sensitive soul. When we were young, he eagerly gave me his heart. He didn’t hesitate.” Max shook his head slowly, vision swimming. “And I hurt him, Seth. In a way that he never recovered from.” He wiped his mouth and cleared his throat. “So yes, if I could go back and stop it from ever happening, I would.”

“But you would have to give up all the good memories, too.”

“If it would prevent him from suffering for the next two decades,” Max whispered, “I would give them up. I would rather he never loved me, and be happy in his life. Than to love me and suffer for it every day of his life.”

Seth replied softly, “I think this world would be a much better place if more people thought like you do, Max.” A shimmer of tears glistened his eyes. “There’s too much...selfishness in people, when it comes to love.”

Don’t be fooled, kid. I can be as selfish as the next guy.

Seth lowered his eyes, voice dropping to a whisper. “When you want something so bad, it’s easy to forget that you’re not always the only one who matters.”

Max sensed an underlying meaning to the young man’s words but didn’t know enough about him to figure it out. “Well, love is the strongest force out there, Seth,” Max murmured. “It can become a real battle doing what’s right – when it goes against what your heart wants.” A heavy smile weighed on his lips, and he shrugged. “Trust me on that one.”

“Is this a private pow-wow? Or can anyone join?”

Max and Seth jumped when Horatio spoke from behind them. They both stood.

“It’s an open forum,” Max smiled but felt it waver as Horatio carefully avoided prolonged eye contact. “What did Jensen have to say?”

“When the trial reconvenes, Abel will be cross-examined. And...” He sighed. “He’s considering getting Savannah’s testimony done and over with as well.”

“Today?” Max stared at him.

“Yeah.”

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” Max said. “She’s as much of a mess as Abel. Wouldn’t it be better to wait? At least until tomorrow?”

Horatio shrugged. “He thinks it might be more beneficial for the case if it was today.”

“More beneficial?” Max frowned. “Does he want to put her on the stand today
because
she’s in such an emotional state? He intends to
exploit
her emotions?” Anger simmered in Max. “I know Jensen is the best, but don’t you think that’s a bit harsh?”

“Abel’s
life
is hanging in the balance, Max,” Horatio reminded. “Jensen wins his cases because he doesn’t take anything for granted and he plays his cards as necessary. He isn’t happy about making this move. He’d intended to leave her testimony for later. But Abel’s recount of the events has the jurors in a heightened, emotional state of mind. Now is the time to get Savannah to speak.”

Exhaling hard, Max squeezed the back of his neck. “I get what you’re saying. I do. It’s just...” He shook his head. “Abel isn’t going to like this. And neither is Cole or Gabe. And I can’t imagine Savannah will be much more favorable.”

“Ultimately,” Horatio said, “it’s up to Savannah. If she refuses to go on the stand, no one can make her. Jensen strongly encourages it, but he won’t pressure her or make her feel like she’s letting Abel down by not taking the stand. But he will explain to her how it could help Abel’s case. In the end, she will be the one to decide.”

Max clamped his hands on his hips and looked across the street at the restaurant, eyes troubled. “Do we tell them?” he murmured, then looked at Horatio. “Or leave that to Jensen?”

“That’s up to you,” Horatio said. His gaze slid over to Seth and lingered as the young man stood with his hands stuffed in his pockets, eyes on the steps. “Right now, I need to run back to the penthouse.” He looked at Max. “I’ll be back before the trial starts again.”

Max nodded as Horatio moved towards Seth and touched his back. He thought about Seth implying that he was unselfish, but Max was at least honest enough with himself to admit that wasn’t entirely true.

♦

“W
hat did Max have to say?” Horatio asked once he and Seth were settled in the limo and headed through the city to the penthouse.

Seth stared out the side window and shrugged, “Not a lot,” he murmured. “He just came over to invite me to join them at the restaurant.” His gaze shifted from the window to his lap. “I like him.”

“Max is a good man,” Horatio nodded.

“After meeting him,” Seth looked up, “I feel honored that I remind you of him so much.”

Running his fingers through the young man’s hair, Horatio leaned over and kissed his neck, then said softly, “You do remind me of him. But you’re still your own man, Seth. Maybe initially it was your resemblance to Max that drew me to you.” He raised his head and kissed his mouth. “But now, I just see you.” That wasn’t entirely true – for at times, when Horatio would catch a quick glimpse of Seth, he would see Max as clear as day. But he wasn’t lying about Seth being his own man. Horatio was with him now because of who
Seth
was, not because he was caught in some fantasy wherein Seth represented Max.

“That’s nice to know,” Seth smiled, but Horatio wasn’t certain the young man completely believed him.

When they entered the apartment less than fifteen minutes later, Seth crossed the sky blue carpet in the living room then glanced back at Horatio. “What did you need to come back here for?”

Horatio slipped off his jacket and dropped it on the leather sofa then slowly tugged loose his tie and stripped it off, winding it absently around his hand as he approached Seth. He let the tie fall to the floor and squeezed Seth’s waist gently. “For this.” He kissed him deeply and wrapped his arms around his body, then gasped softly when he drew back. “This day is too much,” he whispered unsteadily, “I need to escape it, if only for a short while.”

Seth’s arms went around his neck and he initiated the next kiss, a quiet desperation in him.