Maxwell: Not Without Guilt (Phoenix Club) (10 page)

A hand gripped his shoulder then rubbed his back gently. He swallowed thickly and raised his head. Gabe slid his arm around his shoulder, and it felt good, comforting. “Hang in there, doc,” he murmured. “We’re gonna get through this. Abel is going to be just fine.”

Devlin nodded slowly. “I know.” But it still hurt so much, even now, the way he had defended Craig and had turned on Abel. No one blamed him, Abel least of all. But Devlin blamed himself. He had nearly destroyed Abel.

“None of what your brother did reflects on you,” Gabe told him quietly, sincerely. “I know it hurts to hear these things, but Craig’s guilt is his own, not yours.”

“I knew what he was,” Devlin choked out in a whisper. “I mean, I knew it, inside. And I just...” He shook his head. “If I’d just faced it, maybe...” He looked at Abel again. “Maybe I could’ve stopped him before he’d gotten to Abel.” He ducked his head and drove his hands into his hair. “But I just closed my eyes to it and didn’t warn anyone. I mean, fuck – he did it to my own
best friend
. How the fuck could I just...”

“Hey.” Gabe tightened his arm around him and hugged him closer. “Easy, doc. You were a kid, trying to protect yourself. You looked up to your brother, and you didn’t want to believe he could be that way. Our minds play tricks on us to try and protect us from the things that hurt too much. You’re not to blame, in any way. Craig’s sins are his own – and no one else’s.”

They both focused their attention forward again as Jensen continued.

“And let me tell you about this
troubled
young man, as Mr. Tate labeled him. Jesse Evers and his little sister Kimberly – now known as Savannah – were the children of addict parents, severely neglected. Often, Jesse had to go begging to the neighbors for food to feed his sister, going hungry himself on more than one occasion when there wasn’t enough food for them both. Jesse looked after his little sister, took care of her...protected her.” He gazed at the jurors. “And the love that drove him to keep her safe remained when they came to the orphanage. And when Craig Grant,” he smacked his hands down on the railing, “took it upon himself to
rape
ten-year-old Kimberly, Jesse intervened. He took the abuse in his sister’s place. Not once. Not twice. But multiple times over the course of two years.
Two years.
” He straightened up, face tight with real emotion, authentic indignation. “For
two years
, Craig Grant sexually assaulted Jesse Evers, threatening the boy that if he told – then the abuse would be turned onto his little sister.”

Tears ran down Devlin’s face as his eyes rested on Abel. The young man sat stone still, his arms hugging his waist, face wet.
I’m sorry, baby
, Devlin cried silently.
I shouldn’t have pretended it wasn’t happening; I should have told. I should have stopped him long before he hurt you
.

♦

“J
esse Evers was not a
young adult
during his years of being assaulted by Craig Grant – but a boy. A
child.
And I will prove to you that Jesse’s course of action was an act of self-defense, rather than an act of unnecessary, irrational violence on the part of a
troubled
kid. Jesse Evers was not
troubled.
He was a victim of severe sexual abuse...with only one option to make it stop.” He looked around at the jurors, his voice lowering, softening even. “And he made it stop.”

Sitting directly behind Abel, Cole could see the tremor in the young man’s body. He wanted to lean over the short barrier and wrap the boy in his arms, hold him tight, but he couldn’t do that. Not yet, anyway.

Jensen returned to the table and sat down, then leaned over and spoke quietly with Abel, his hand resting gently on his shoulder. For the man’s stern appearance, Jensen Taylor had a heart the size of Texas – for which Cole was grateful. Abel didn’t need a callous, all-business attorney who possessed no trace of human emotion. But then, Cole couldn’t imagine Horatio pairing Abel with someone like that. In his own way, Horatio Kaplan loved Abel as well.

While they waited for Jensen to call Abel to the stand, Gabe stepped out for a quick bathroom break. Cole withdrew his arm from Savannah’s shoulder as she talked quietly with Maddy and slid down closer to Devlin. He clasped the doctor’s shoulder. “You doing okay, doc?”

Devlin nodded but didn’t look so “okay.”

Cole glanced back at the doors, then leaned forward on his knees. He didn’t really want to bring this up right now, with the trial going on, but he needed to talk to Devlin while Gabe was out. “Are you working tonight?” Cole asked him quietly.

“Just one shift,” Devlin said. “Why?”

“I can’t talk about it right now,” Cole told him, “but do you think I could come to the hospital later, talk to you then?”

Licking his lips slowly, Devlin nodded. “Of course.” He frowned, concerned. “Is everything all right? Is it about Gabe?”

“No,” he assured. “No, Gabe is doing fine. This is...” His lips tightened. “It’s about something else. What time does your shift start?”

Devlin told him, “Eight o’clock.”

“Okay. I’ll come down around eight or eight-thirty.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “And don’t say anything to Gabe, okay? It’s something I need to take care of myself. I’ll talk to him about it later.”

“Of course,” Devlin nodded. “Whatever you want. I won’t say a word.”

Cole squeezed his shoulder. “Thanks.” He glanced at Abel. “It’ll be over soon. Then you two can relax. Until tomorrow, anyway.” Tomorrow it would be Devlin’s turn on the stand.

♦

W
hy the hell did you ask him if he still loved you?

The question beat at Horatio’s mind until it was bruised and his head began to ache. Being around Max, it was tearing him apart at the seams. And allowing himself to delve back into that memory of their first time making love – that had been a huge mistake. Everything was still too vivid: Max’s pleas for Horatio to say he loved him, to promise he would always love him, his insistence that he couldn’t live without Horatio, couldn’t breathe without him.

Horatio closed his eyes. A lump formed thick in his throat. He wanted to cry and despised himself for it.
Please, God, don’t let me break down. Not here, not now
. But he felt dangerously close to doing just that. The warmth of Max’s body brushing against him only weakened him all the more. It hadn’t been so long since he’d been in Max’s bed, in his arms, savoring the man’s passion for him. And he didn’t know how
not
to want it again.

He shuddered when Seth slipped his hand into Horatio’s and squeezed gently.
Oh God, Seth, I don’t deserve you, baby. You should have turned me down when I asked you to come with me again. You should have run far away from me. I am so fucked up
.

Horatio responded and wrapped his fingers around Seth’s hand, then leaned over and pressed his face into Seth’s hair. “When we get back to the penthouse,” Horatio whispered, his voice thick, strained, “I want to make love to you all night long.”

Lifting his head, Seth looked at him. There was a quiet anguish in his beautiful eyes. He wanted Horatio to love him for
him
...and not because he reminded him of a younger Max. But Horatio had already confessed to him that that was what had drawn him in the first place, his resemblance to the “Max” who had loved him openly. Seth had even allowed him to call him Max while they’d made love, and Horatio had done so. But that was before he and Seth had decided there was something more between them. Now all of that was coming back on them, no doubt crashing in on Seth as he saw the way Horatio still looked at Max, the longing and desire in him for the other man.

But Seth voiced none of it as he leaned against Horatio, laying his head on his shoulder, confessing quietly, “I want that too.”

Horatio kissed his hair and let his lips linger, his vision blurring. Why was it the innocent ones who always seemed to suffer the most?

♦

H
is mind went numb the moment he was called to the stand. His own voice sounded far away when he swore to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth –
so help me, God
. Abel’s hands shook and squeezed into fists in his lap behind the witness stand. He was thankful he didn’t have to try and stand on his feet while he gave his testimony; he didn’t think he could have managed that. Nausea churned his guts, and he wondered if he would make it through this without vomiting.

Devlin caught his eye and held his stare for a moment. The love and support emanating out from the man calmed him somewhat. His greatest fear about today wasn’t in having to tell what had happened to him, but in having Devlin and Savannah hear it. But Devlin knew what to expect, and he now knew what his brother had been. He was there for Abel; he was on Abel’s side. He wasn’t in the courtroom today to
challenge
the truth of Abel’s testimony, but to support it and back it up.

I love you, baby,
Abel told him silently, his throat aching.
I’m so sorry you have to hear this
.

When his gaze slid over to Gabe and Cole, another wave of calm settled over him, his guardian angels – who would break
into
prison if they had to, just to be with him, protect him. His eyes rested on Gabe for a moment; they had used Abel to torture him, making him believe that he was helpless to save the boy he loved. And for a man like Gabe – that kind of psychological torture was worse than any physical pain. The man gazed back at him, his love for Abel easily visible in his eyes even from across the courtroom. If things hadn’t worked out with Devlin...would Cole and Gabe have taken him for their own? As he stared at the two men, the answer was obvious and left no room for doubt or wondering.

Jensen approached the stand, drawing Abel’s focus back to the task at hand. “Abel,” he said, “I want you to tell the court, in your own words, about the day you met Craig Grant for the first time.”

Drawing a shaky breath, Abel’s lips tightened and he nodded slowly. “My sister and I had only been at the orphanage a couple weeks when Craig began volunteering there. Missus Keller, one of the counsellors, introduced me to Craig. Said he was from a Christian outreach center and was there to help, and said I could talk to him if anything was bothering me or I just felt the need to talk about things.”

“Did you like Craig when you first met him?” Jensen asked.

Abel bit his lower lip and shook his head. “No,” he murmured.

“Why is that?”

“He...” Abel’s gaze jumped quickly to Devlin then back to Jensen. “Something in the way he looked at me, it made me uncomfortable.”

“How so?”

“I don’t know...” Abel frowned. “I just felt queasy and scared.”

“Did he say or do anything to make you feel that way?”

Abel shook his head. “No. It was just something in his eyes. I didn’t...I didn’t feel
safe
with him.”

Nodding slowly, Jensen cleared his throat. “And after that first meeting, what kind of interaction did you have with him?”

“Not much,” Abel admitted. “I mean, I tried not to, anyway. He would come into the rec room, hang out with the other kids. But he was always watching me and Savannah.”

“Watching you how?” Jensen asked. “In a big brother, concerned manner?”

“No,” Abel answered quickly, shaking his head, remembering how Craig’s stare used to make him feel exposed –
naked.
“It was a look of lust.”

“How old were you then?”

“Almost thirteen.”

“Did you even understand what lust was?” Jensen asked. “Are you sure that’s how he was looking at you and your little sister?”

“I knew,” Abel said quietly. “Sometimes my parents would have company over, other users. I saw that look in both my mom and my dad’s eyes when they wanted to...to have sex with someone other than each other. I saw it all the time.”

“I see,” Jensen murmured. “And you say that Craig wasn’t just watching you...but your sister as well?”

Abel’s stomach twisted painfully at the memories. “Yes.”

“How old was your sister at the time?”

“Ten.”

“Did Craig ever approach you or your sister directly?”

Abel nodded. “A couple times. He tried to get us to play games with him in the rec room. But I would just tell him we didn’t like games, and take Savannah to another part of the room, away from him. After a while, he stopped trying to interact with us. But he continued to watch us.”

“Is the rec room the only place you ever saw Craig?”

Hugging his gut, Abel shook his head. “No. He came to my room once, during the day. I was having a bad day, one of the other older kids had been pushing me around, calling me a faggot. I was on my bed, crying. Craig came in and said that the other boy had been reprimanded.”

“Did Craig do anything while he was in your room?”

“He sat on the bed and started rubbing my back, telling me he was my friend, that I could come to him and tell him anytime someone bothered me.” Abel tightened his arm around his waist. “Then he told me it was okay if I was gay, he said he liked boys too. Then he...”

“What?” Jensen prodded gently when Abel faltered.

Abel glanced at Devlin again. Though the hurt in the man resonated across the courtroom, he nodded at Abel to continue. Abel looked away. “He started...touching me. Rubbing his hand on my...on my rear.”

“What did you do?”

“I moved away from him real quick and sat in the corner of my bed against the wall. I told him to leave me alone.”

“Did he leave you alone?”

Abel nodded. “He said okay and went to the door, then looked at me and said he liked girls too, then he left. I didn’t know what he was talking about when he said that.”

“What
was
he talking about?”

“Savannah,” Abel said thickly.

“Objection.” Tate stood up. “Speculation. Jesse Evers was not a mind reader.”

“Sustained.” The judge looked at Jensen Taylor. “Re-word your question or move on.”