Maxwell: Not Without Guilt (Phoenix Club) (11 page)

Jensen nodded, un-phased by the objection. “Why do you think he was referring to Savannah?”

Abel trembled, tears forming as he looked at Savannah, tucked beneath Cole’s protective arm, Maddy next to her, holding her hand. He bit his lip to keep his chin from quavering. “Because that night...” Abel shuddered, “Craig tried to rape her.”

♦

S
queezing his eyes shut, Devlin battled the nausea rising up fast. He didn’t know if he could stop himself from vomiting and thought it might be a good idea to run to the restroom. But if he left now, what would Abel think? He knew why Abel was so uneasy about taking the stand. He didn’t want Devlin to have to hear the details of his brother’s transgressions. Abel felt guilty about forcing him to listen to it all.

Devlin ducked his head, tears burning. It hurt so bad that Abel would feel any level of guilt about anything concerning Craig.
Abel
was the victim.

“You say he tried,” Jensen said. “What stopped him?”

He could see the tremors in Abel from where he sat. A strained look tightened Abel’s face. “I did.”

“Can you describe to the court the events of that night?”

Abel nodded and swallowed hard, his eyes catching Devlin’s stare.
It’s okay, baby, I know now the monster that he was. You don’t have to be afraid to say it
. But after Devlin’s initial reaction to Abel’s revelation about Craig...he wondered if he had forever damaged something in Abel that kept the boy from fully trusting him to be on his side.
Please, God, don’t let that be so. Please assure him that I’m on his side all the way
.

“I was asleep in my room,” Abel’s voice shook. “Across the hall from my sister’s room. She had been sharing it with another girl, but the girl had been adopted, and at the time, she was sleeping in there alone.” He swallowed thickly and glanced at his family then jumped away. “I woke up to the sound of her cries. They weren’t real loud, but enough to wake me up. I ran over to her room and...” His eyes filled, and he stared down into his lap.

Devlin’s chest tightened until it felt like it would crush in on itself. He knew what Abel had found inside that room.

“What did you see?” Jensen asked.

“Craig,” Abel trembled, then his voice cracked a bit. “He was...he was on top of my sister, trying to...” The boy looked as sick as Devlin felt. A tear slid down Abel’s cheek as he looked at Savannah, who had turned and buried her face in Cole’s shoulder. “He was trying to pry open her legs and get his hands under her night gown.”

Jensen clearly wasn’t enjoying having to make Abel recite these details. “What did he do when you came into the room?”

“He told me to get out,” Abel said. “But I didn’t. I attacked him. Punching, kicking, screaming at him to leave her alone.” More tears ran down his face as his voice thickened.

“And what did he do then?”

Abel took on a distant look. “He hit me. Then he grabbed me and told me to leave or take her place.”

“What choice did you make?”

“I couldn’t let him hurt her,” Abel choked on a sob. “I wouldn’t let him.”

Jensen rubbed his hand slowly over his mouth, his lips tight as he asked, “And then what happened?”

Abel stared at Savannah as the girl clung to Cole and cried quietly. His eyes slowly shifted to Devlin’s wet face as he spoke with an empty tone – “He raped me.”

♦

T
he young girl trembled in his arms, and Cole held her tighter, his lips pressed to her head, tears dripping into her hair. It was a fucking good thing for Craig Grant that he was already dead. Cole’s heart squeezed and clenched and he hugged Savannah closer, whispering softly to her. Then Gabe’s arm was around his shoulder, his other arm wrapping around both Cole and Savannah. Having had a bullet recently go through him, this couldn’t be very comfortable for him, but still he held onto them, his face pressed against Cole’s neck.

God, I love this man
.

When Jensen continued, Cole and Gabe faced forward again, though Savannah kept her face buried against Cole.

“Was that the only time that Craig sexually assaulted you?”

Abel shook his head slowly, throat working. The despair, and even fear, on his face crushed Cole’s heart, and he had to fight the urge to run to him, hold him, and make all his pain go away.

“No,” Abel said. “He...he did it many times over.” His head ducked, and he shook with a sob.

Jensen looked at him. “I know this is hard to talk about, Abel,” he said with gentleness. “But I need you to tell the court what, exactly, he did to you.”

“Everything,” Abel shuddered.

“Did he make you do things to him as well?”

Nodding, Abel looked down. Tears dripped off his face. “He made me perform oral sex on him.”

“Did he perform oral sex on you as well?”

“Yes,” Abel choked. “He wanted me to...” He looked at Jensen, a silent plea in his eyes to not make him say anymore, but still he went on. “He wanted me to have an erection when he raped me. It excited him, as if it made him think I liked it or something.”

Cole shifted on the bench. “Why is this necessary?” he asked tightly, thickly. “Why the fuck does he have to detail every fucking thing that was done to him? The motherfucker raped him, what else do they fucking need to know?”

“I don’t know,” Gabe murmured. His arm remained around Cole’s shoulder, fingers absently stroking the back of his head. “But everything Jensen is doing is for the purpose of winning this case for Abel. We just have to trust him.”

“I get that,” Cole swallowed hard. “I just can’t fucking take it, seeing Abel have to sit up there and talk about this shit. Look at him.”

“I hate it too,” Gabe said, notable emotion in his voice. He glanced at Devlin. The man’s head was in his hands, body trembling with quiet sobs. “We’re not the only ones.” He withdrew from Cole and leaned over, sliding his arm around Devlin. “It’ll be over soon, doc,” he whispered and rubbed his hand over the back of the man’s head. “Just hang in there. We gotta stay strong, for Abel.” Devlin nodded but didn’t raise his head, as if merely looking at Abel up there would break him apart.

♦

I
can’t do this
. Abel couldn’t stop the shakes as he told how he had begged Craig repeatedly to stop what he was doing, that he didn’t want to do it anymore, and how Craig had insisted it didn’t matter what he wanted. The tears gushed when he described how excited Craig became whenever Abel cried out in pain, and got off on hurting him.

But what hurt most of all was watching Devlin fall beneath his words, crumble under the weight of his brother’s unforgivable sins. And Savannah, having shared in some but not all of Abel’s nightmare, breaking down as she came to the full understanding of what Abel had really gone through during their time at the orphanage. Being forced to hear her brother tell how he used to fantasize about killing himself, just wanting the pain and abuse to stop – but that it was because of her that he had forced himself to endure, to keep suffering so that she wouldn’t be left there alone to be raped and abused herself.

He was a mess when the judge took pity on him and called for a two hour recess.

His legs shook and nearly buckled beneath him when he stepped down off the witness stand. Tears continued to run down his face, and his head felt light, dizzy. Jensen took his arm gently and walked him back to the gate. As soon as he stepped through, arms encircled him. At first he didn’t know which of his family was holding him, and then Devlin’s light cologne filled his senses, and he clung to him, breaking down, telling him again and again that he was sorry. Devlin crushed him in his embrace and cried against his neck.

Nausea hit him suddenly, and he pulled back quickly. “I’m gonna be sick.” He trembled and his head went light again. More hands grabbed him and moved him hurriedly towards the back of the courtroom, then the corridor and into the nearest restroom, where he vomited into the toilet. A hand rubbed his back soothingly as he forced out the remnants of the toast he’d eaten that morning, but there was nothing else to come up, though his body tried to push out what wasn’t there. He coughed and clutched the toilet seat, sweat slicking his face, tears dripping into the mess in the toilet bowl.

The toilet flushed, and then he was being stood up and moved to the sink. The cold water turned on and paper towels were dampened. Someone was behind him, their arms around him, holding him secure as the second person washed his face with the cool towels. When the dizziness abated and his eyes focused, he was staring into Cole’s concerned eyes as he continued to press the damp towels to his cheeks and brow. In the mirror, he saw Gabe behind him. The love and worry in the men’s faces broke him, and Cole drew him forward into his arms as well, enveloping him between both their bodies. His face pressed firm against Cole’s chest as more tears soaked into the man’s shirt.

Cole cupped the back of his head and kissed his hair as Gabe’s lips touched his neck, his shoulder in soft, affectionate kisses. “This is fucking bullshit,” Cole shuddered, tears thick in his voice. He was speaking to Gabe, low and pissed. “They can’t put him back on the stand for that fucker Tate to try and tear apart his testimony. How fucking blind does he have to be to see he isn’t making this shit up?”

Gabe kissed Abel’s head then Cole’s mouth. “We have a couple hours,” he murmured. “We can talk to Jensen Taylor, see if Abel will even be expected to go back on the stand.”

Hugging Abel tighter, Cole whispered dangerously, “Maybe I should have a little
talk
with Bronson Tate before he goes back into the courtroom.”

“You can’t do that, Cole,” Gabe said quietly, a warning tone in his voice. “As much as I would love to tell you to go for it, you can’t. It won’t help Abel.”

A tremor ran through Cole’s body, and Abel hugged him harder, loving him so much for his desperate need to keep him safe. Next to Max, Cole was the first one to take Abel under his wing and show such a fierce protective spirit over him. And Gabe was a close second.

When Abel shifted, they loosened their hold and gave him room to move. Cole grabbed a paper cup from the dispenser by the sink, filled it with cold water, and handed it to Abel. He drank it down. It tasted good but didn’t get rid of the burning in his throat. Cole rubbed his thumb over Abel’s wet, flushed cheek. “You gonna be okay, babe?”

Abel didn’t think so, but he nodded anyway. “Yeah,” he said thickly. He sniffed and wiped at his face. Cole handed him a paper towel to blow his nose and another to dry his eyes. Gabe’s hands were still resting on his waist, as if the man were ready at any moment to grab hold of him again if he needed the safety of his arms.

♦

“I
don’t know if Abel can take this.” Horatio shoved his hands through his hair and leaned against the wall outside the courtroom. Max lingered as the others filtered out into the corridor. “Maybe this was a mistake, having him go to court.” It hurt like hell to see Abel breaking down.

“No,” Max murmured, his hands shoved in his pockets. He stared at the floor, merely casting Horatio fleeting looks. “This needs to be taken care of, once and for all.”

“You saw him, Max.” Horatio spoke low, an ache in his voice. “What if he
can’t
take any more? He’s been through hell once, why does he have to relive it?”

“He’s going to get through this,” Max insisted softly.

Horatio stared at him, though the man refused to really look at him.
Ask me to stay, Max
. The thought hit him unexpected and unbidden. What was he thinking? He couldn’t stay. He had Seth and a whole new life waiting for him overseas. But the downcast look on Max’s face tore at him. Was
all
of it because of Abel? Or did he not really want Horatio to move away? The things he saw in Max’s eyes, and what came out of the man’s mouth – were polar opposites. He would never admit how he really felt as long as he believed that nothing had changed.

You’re wrong to keep this from him. He has a right to know. He has a right to make his own decisions based on the truth
. Horatio understood the truth in that thought; Max did have a right to know. But once he said the words out loud, once Max
knew
...Horatio wouldn’t be able to stop himself from pursuing Max. Even at the expense of others’ hearts. And he didn’t like that little bit of revelation about himself. As long as Max didn’t know, then he would stay with Carl. And Horatio wouldn’t break Seth’s heart.

♦

“I
may throw up before this is all over as well,” Angel mumbled, feeling real nausea grind at his gut. His heart broke for Abel, Devlin, and Savannah. He understood too well the horrors of life, and how it could become just one long nightmare.

Dane wrapped his arm around his shoulder and kissed his head. “I know what you mean. I’m not feeling so great myself.” He touched Maddy’s back with his free hand. The boy stood at their side, but his full attention was on Savannah as she hugged Devlin, still in tears. Maddy clearly wanted to comfort her but seemed at a loss as to how to go about it.

“Why does she have to be in there?” Maddy asked, hurt in his voice – as well as a tint of anger. “Why does she have to hear all that stuff about her brother?” The was a defensiveness in his tone, and again Angel felt a swell of pride for his little brother and the boy’s desire to protect Savannah.

“I don’t know,” Angel admitted. “It doesn’t seem necessary. But maybe it is.”

A light film of tears glazed Maddy’s eyes as he stared at the young girl. “It seems like bullshit to me,” he muttered. “Why does Abel even have to be on trial? The guy raped him – he was just defending himself. The bastard deserved to die.”

Angel was well aware that this “vehemence” in Maddy stemmed from their own experiences with Wade and Byrd. Maddy wouldn’t have blinked an eye if Angel had taken either Wade or Byrd’s life to protect himself and Maddy. The boy was doing well now that they were out of that situation, but in circumstances such as this one with Abel, anger and indignation were quick to surface in the young man. Angel suspected it might always be that way. And he wasn’t sure it was such a bad thing. Maddy had a strong sense of right and wrong when it came to how people were treated by others, and their experience had instilled a powerfully protective spirit in the boy.