Luster (13 page)

M
adame Fortesque has always known
how to make an entrance, but she completely owns making an exit. She finishes our meeting with one of her long-goodbyes. One that me and my former friends that worked for her would constantly roll our eyes over. Say what you will about Marie Fortesque—she leaves a lasting impression.

I turn to head back inside when I hear a pair of shoes come scuffling along the driveway. It’s Falyn. And she looks pissed. I want to bring her in close for a kiss and hug because it’s been two days since I’ve seen her and all… but something tells me maybe I should just hold out and see what she has to say first.

“Hi princess. What’s got you so uptight?”

Falyn’s eyes look like they’re about to bulge right out of her head. Maybe I should’ve worded my greeting just a little bit differently. Good job, asshole.

“Honestly? A lot of shit has me uptight. What was all that about Matt? She looked like she belonged to some old wannabe MILF club.”

I snort. “You aren’t wrong. I mean she doesn’t belong to some old wannabe MILF club that I know of, but anyway. Sorry, she is a bit handsy. Always has been. I used to work for her, actually. That’s how we know each other. Let’s go inside, I can get you something to drink if you want.”

I know I’m just trying to ease Falyn’s bad mood, but part of me feels like I shouldn’t have to explain myself to her. This is my house, so I play by my rules. What could she honestly think was going on? That I’m cheating on her with Marie?

I can’t let myself think like that though. I have to tell myself that things are still going well with Falyn or I’ll end up jumping ship before they get rough.

“Fine,” she replies, whipping past me.

Once she’s had a bit of wine in her, Falyn settles down somewhat and slouches down onto the couch. I don’t want to bring it up, but I know it’s going to come out, eventually.

“Marie Forteque is a very interesting person. Mainly because of what she does. I told you that after high school I high-tailed it out of the house as fast as I could. The first couple of months were rough for me, but I ran into her one day and she gave me a job. I, uh, worked for her as a male escort. She catered to the older women crowd, the cougars we’d call them. She was the reason I was able to get out on my own so quickly. And being paid so well gave me time to work on what I loved—art. So then I gave up working for her and started this up instead. If you’re wondering why she was here, I can answer that too.”

Falyn nods and I go on. “I… have been low on the funds lately. I won’t go into specifics but yeah, it’s been a little embarrassing. And now I really need the money to help out Sam and James with Liam. So I called Marie, and she asked me to commission an art piece for her. She was even nice enough to pay for it up front, and that’s why she was paying me when you came up. For the artwork.”

Not that I was expecting Falyn to have any kind of outbursting reaction, but I’m surprised by the way she looks at me. “That… makes a lot of sense, actually. Whoa, you must have been really good at your job then,” she says, taking another sip.

“That’s all? That’s all you have to say? I say male escort but you know I mean like…”

“An upscale male prostitute?” she finishes for me. “That’s not really a huge deal to me. I mean look at you—I figured you’ve had your share of women. Hey, at least you got some money out of the deal right?”

“Okay, you are taking this
way
too well,” I say slowly, wondering what’s going on inside her pretty head. “Spill.”

Falyn looks down at her glass and swirls it around, not looking up at me as she speaks. “It’s been a really crappy day. I’m sorry… I don’t mean to storm in here acting like a bitch. It’s just…”

I sit down next to her and take her glass. “It’s just what? Wasn’t your meeting with your dad today?”

Oh no. She was all gung-ho about that whole thing, telling me how she thinks he’s going to give her the company. If there’s one thing Falyn works hard and worries herself to death over it’s her father. Which if you ask me is stupid, considering how much of a dick he sounds like.

“Yeah. I had the meeting with him this afternoon. It didn’t go so well, actually. I mean I guess it kind of did but not really. I don’t know,” she says, throwing her hands up into the air. “He was sitting there telling me about me being promoted — ”

“Hey, that’s great!”

She looks at me and slowly shakes her head. “No. I mean it is great, but that’s not all. Then he said he wanted me to take over the company for him maybe in five years. Or more like he said I don’t really want to retire but if you do
exactly
what I say over the next five years I’ll do it and you can take over the company for me. It was really weird, and then he asked about the contract…”

Something seizes me and I swallow against the thick lump in my throat. “What contract?”

She blows a piece of hair out of her face and glares at me. “You know damn well what contract, Matt. The one that I have been after with you forever now. The one that started all of this,” she said gesturing between the two of us. “That one. You haven’t signed it yet and when I tried to explain it to him… he was less than impressed. In fact, I think it might have lost some of his faith in me. It was so shaky to begin with, and now… I’m not sure if he’s going to hand over the company or not. I don’t know if he thinks I’m ready for it.”

I look down at the way her hands are shaking in her lap, wishing I could do more. Wishing that I could go back in time and fix things for her. But another part of me is just angry as hell that her father would hold something so small over her head like that. Especially given how big a deal the company is to her.

“That’s the most stupid thing I’ve heard all day, Falyn. Why would he lose his trust in you just because you didn’t get one little contract signed? I mean that’s just… That seems like maybe he’s trying to hold it over your head. I don’t know why he would be spiteful like that but he sounds like the kind of douchebag to do something like that.”

Falyn’s face is ruby red and I can see patches of it starting to spread across her chest. “Really? Because I think it’s a pretty fair thing to say. I mean if I can’t even get one single contract signed, something so simple like that, then why would he trust me to run an entire company? I acted stupidly, behaved like a total rookie at this and now I’m paying for it. Dearly.”

I narrow my eyes at her, hoping that she’s not suggesting this might actually be my fault. “You acted stupidly? How so?”

I don’t like the way she’s looking at me. There’s some weird kind of controlled fire going on behind her eyes, telling me that maybe I should move back a little. She looks like she’s about to explode.

“How so?” She mirrors me. “I’ll tell you how so. I go to get a contract signed at a local contractor’s house. Then I lose my absolute fucking mind and decide to play some silly mind game with him instead of just getting the damn thing signed. That should’ve been the end of transaction right there. Simple as that. Yet it wasn’t, and instead of getting the contract signed I ended up on a wild goose chase. A very fun, very pleasurable wild goose chase but still a chase, nonetheless. And now I don’t have my contract signed. And I also look like an idiot in front my father when this whole thing was supposed to be about me taking charge and showing him that I can handle myself properly. That’s how I acted stupidly. And I can’t honestly believe I let myself do that.”

Dinah pulling her shit on me weeks ago was nothing compared to what Falyn is doing now. I know what she’s doing actually, because I’ve done it myself. Trying to distance herself from what she thought was a mistake. Me.

The same vein of rejection is opened up inside me like a main water burst and I feel all the anger filling me up to the brim. She is not going to fucking go there with me.

“Let’s backtrack here before I lose my shit,” I begin. I take in a deep breath and try to focus. I can’t just scream at her, begging her not do this. I care about Falyn too much and I don’t want to let this go, but I can’t let her destroy me in the process either. “I agree that we screwed around and didn’t get the contract signed. That’s true and I am very, very sorry for that. I can go right in there and sign it right now if you’d like. In fact I don’t even know why I made such a big deal about it to begin with. Wait, yes I do. I liked you, I knew there was something about you that I liked that made me want to keep you around. I’m not sorry for that. I would never be sorry for that. But to insist that you were being stupid by spending time with me, well, that’s bullshit. And you fucking know it too. You’re not about to just get angry with your father and take it out on me. Your father is a giant douche bag and you’re not willing to see past that for what it’s worth. Why the hell should you care if he gives you the company or not anyway? You’re a lady boss, aren’t you? You work your ass off for him anyway, even though he doesn’t deserve your respect or even your love. You give it so easily to him even when he doesn’t deserve it. But you’re gonna sit here and deprive
me
of your affection just because he pissed you off. I don’t buy that for a second, Falyn. You need to carry that elsewhere.”

I stand up and carefully put my hands on her forearms, trying to bring her back to the reality of right now. “Please don’t be mad at me. Put that anger where it goes — direct it toward your dad, not me.”

Her eyes soften, and I’m beginning to think I’m getting through to her. When she opens her mouth I know I’m dead wrong.

H
e has no idea
. He has absolutely no idea about the kind of pressure I’m constantly under.

“Not to sound like a bitch Matt, but get real. You had a part in this too. I didn’t get the contract signed because you screwed around, trying to play this little game with me, making it so that I essentially didn’t get my job done. I’m not saying it’s all your fault. It’s mostly mine, but that doesn’t matter. The point is that you did make it harder for me to get the contract signed, and now we’ve gone all this time without getting it done. I’ll have to redraw it up…. and while that doesn’t sound like a big deal to you, it’s going to be a big deal to me when I have to send it over to my father with my tail between my legs. Do you how hard it is to live with him? And I don’t even live with him anymore! You don’t get it. You didn’t grow up with this giant responsibility over your head.”

I can see the way he twists his mouth to the side that he doesn’t like what I’m saying.

“Oh you mean I didn’t grow up with a silver spoon in my mouth like you did? Yes, I know that much princess.”

Fuck that princess mess. It’s gone from cute to downright insulting now. “You want to go there? Really? Are you going to give me the same sob story about how you grew up poor, your dad was sent to prison, and you had to help raise your sister, then your brother… all that? If so, please save it. It’s a totally different thing. Just because I grew up with money doesn’t mean that I didn’t struggle too in some way. And I know that probably sounds so ridiculous of me, so I guess I’ll just shut up now since I’m not allowed to say that I struggled, even while wealthy.”

That got him. His nostrils flare and for the tiniest of split-seconds I think he’s going to turn around and punch something like the wall, but he doesn’t. He lets my words sink in and then stares right back at me, fire in his eyes.

“Dammit Falyn, I’m trying to give you the benefit of the doubt here. You think I don’t know what you’re doing? You’re trying to push me away—trying to screw this up so that you don’t have to deal with me anymore. I won’t let you do that. I’m not just some jerk to blame—lay that shit on your daddy. That’s the motherfucker you should be pissed off at, not me.”

For all the complaints I’ve had dealing with my father, the minute Matt starts talking shit about him my veins feel like they’ve been filled with lightning. Blazing anger sweeps through me. “Don’t you dare talk about him like that! You tried to play me—you’re the one who pushes people away, not me! I tried to give you advice about your family, I’ve tried to show you that you don’t have to be an ass all the time just to get your point across. I even have this contract here in my hand to give you millions of dollars, yet you’re using me as a sort of mini ATM. Then you tell me that you need money because you can’t even afford to help pay for legal counsel? Like what the hell is that all about, Matt? Is your brother actually in danger, or are you using that as an excuse—”

Matt shuts down immediately, the anger on his face replaced by something else. Something more vulnerable, more broken.

“An excuse?” he whispers, his voice hoarse. “Is my brother an excuse?” He pulls me close up against him, pushing me up against the wall behind me, and takes my hand behind him. I try to pull away but his grip is like a vice. He pushes my fingers down into the flesh on his back, right over the weird scars he has around his shoulders. “Donald is a very good actor. And an even better liar. I pissed him off one day and while I was sleeping he took some hot coal from our fireplace and stuck it on my bed so that I rolled right over on them. I was eleven. So yes, Falyn. I think my brother
is
in danger.”

I yank my hand away, tears streaming down my face. I’m still angry, there’s still so much raging in my mind that I want to be the one to throw shit and start yelling. I don’t even know at whom. But Matt backs up and walks over to the coffee table he has set up between the couches and proceeds to kick it half-way across the room. I wince as it splinters against the wall.

“You know what? I should’ve known this was going to happen. You get so bent out of shape at the littlest remark from me. Can’t handle the truth, that’s the problem,” he mutters as he looks back over his shoulder at me.

“I’m the one who can’t handle the truth?” I say, the snake in my belly coiling up and ready to strike. “If you had all that money to begin with, which you obviously did, then why didn’t you go ahead and try to pull Liam out of that house? What made you wait so long?”

He shakes his head, refusing to answer me.

I step closer, not sure why but knowing I have to finish my train of thought out loud. “You spent it on something stupid. Something that was for some reason way more important to you than your brother’s safety.”

A sound escapes his throat, a struggling noise that makes me snap to attention. Then something rips and is tossed over at me. “Get out,” he croaks. “Get the fuck out.”

I pick up the balled up paper and turn around quickly before another tear falls.

* * *

I
t takes
all night before they stop. My shirt is perpetually tear-stained. I feel like this is only a brief reprieve though and manage to somehow shuffle over to the refrigerator and grab the gallon of ice cream that sits for me waiting to soothe me.

Not even the mushy romance movie or the dim lights and delicious taste of cookie dough ice cream comfort me enough. I’m missing something, something that I didn’t realize was there before. It’s not even just Matt. I miss the way I felt so free around him. Because now all I feel is confined in this tiny little box of hopelessness.

My own dramatics make me want to throttle myself because I’ve never been one to take things so much to heart. Especially after Raymond. Losing out on his touch and the way he makes me feel… It’s like I’ve severed something deep inside myself. And I’m not exactly sure if I can fix it or not.

At some point between opening the gallon and finishing the very last spoonful, I pull out a crumpled up paper that Matt tossed at me earlier. I don’t know why picked it up, something told me that maybe I shouldn’t but I did, anyway.

And now that I’ve opened it up and see what it is I know why. It’s me, sleeping in bed.

I gasp as I take in how utterly amazing of the job he did. I have no idea when he managed to pull it off, but it looks so real, so lifelike. Of course I know the man is talented but seeing myself sketched out like this… it makes me realize how much detail and how much time he probably put into doing this.

My stomach starts to turn vicious on me. And now I know why people don’t eat gallons of ice cream by themselves. Besides the obvious risk of self-induced diabetes, I feel like I’m about to puke. Which ironically enough pretty much sums up the entirety of my day.

An hour later and I’m not feeling much better, but at least it’s late enough that I can crawl into bed without feeling like a total granny.

A thought springs up in my head. Did I just break-up with a great guy for a good enough reason? Because he was right about one thing… I can’t handle the truth.

And the truth is that I was falling in love with him.