Love's Fate (Love Trilogy #1) (24 page)

I stared in disbelief. I couldn’t respond. I didn’t know how.

“Mr. Carter?”
T
he lawyer was appraising my expression with a slight smile on his face. “I know this all comes as quite a shock, but I assure you your father took care of all the legalities before he passed. All I need you to do is sign a few forms and I’ll take care of the rest. An account has been set up in your name at this bank.” He said sliding some papers toward me. “The funds will be available within the month.” He finished.

I stared at the papers in front of me. 18.6 million dollars. I had never really considered how much money my father had. I had never imagined I would ever have the need. The lawyer cleared his throat and I looked back up at him. I realized he was handing me a pen. I took it and signed my name where he indicated.

“Very good.” He smiled as he stood and shook my hand again.

“Thank you.” I managed to say.

Slowly I left his office and walked to my car. I was in a daze of confusion. So many mixed emotions my brain could not process them all at once. I didn’t even remember the drive to the beach but suddenly I was there. Automatically I walked out to my
cliff
.

The ocean was turbulent. A storm was rolling in. I watched a piece of driftwood being tossed around by the waves. The ocean seemed to be at war with itself. Grey waves crashed against the shore violently smashing the driftwood against the sand and then pulling it back out to sea. The wind whipped against my face and I realized tears were on my cheeks.

Was I sad? I still felt numb. Why was I crying? I had hated my father since childhood. He had not been a part of my life for many years now; I felt no sense of loss. I almost felt relieved to know that he could no longer wield his control over my life. But shouldn’t I feel some grief. He was my father after all. Weren’t there any good memories I could recall? I searched my mind for any memory of my father that was not tainted with loathing. There were none.

I watched the ocean confused by my feelings, or lack of I should say. I tried to decide how I felt. Grateful? My father had never done a kind thing for me in my entire life. But now he had. He had left me everything. This realization started to sink in as I thought about the sum the lawyer had calculated. 18.6 million. A smile began to break through my frozen expression. I couldn’t even contemplate how much money that actually was. Was it wrong to feel happy right now?

I sorted through my mixed emotions as I drove back home, and decided that for this one last gesture I could be grateful that I finally had a good memory of my father
.
I walked into the apartment smiling, excited to tell Katherine the news. The apartment was empty and the phone was ringing. I wondered where everyone was as I picked up the phone.

“MICHAEL! IT’S KATHERINE! SHE’S GONE INTO LABOR!” it was Claire’s panicked voice on the other end of the line.

“W
here are you?” I asked urgently.

“We’re at the hospital, y
ou need to hurry.
” Claire sounded completely unnerved which wasn’t like her at all.

“
I’m o
n my way.” I told her “Tell Katherine I’m on my way!”

Immediately I was running full speed toward my car. All other concerns and thoughts left behind. I had only one focus now. Katherine was in trouble.

I ran several stop signs and almost rammed a passing car, swerving so hard to the left that I almost flipped my truck.

I made it to the hospital in minutes and left my truck in the loading zone as I ran through the automatic doors. I didn’t stop running until I reached the maternity ward. Immediately I saw Claire, Charlie, Amy and Dan all huddled near some double doors.

“Where is she?” I demanded as soon as I’d reached their sides.

“They won’t let u
s in!” Amy cried, tears streaking
down her face as she spoke.

Dan put his arm around her comfortingly and she turned her face into his chest as she cried. I looked frantically at the others.

“She collapsed at the house.” Charlie explained somberly. “We rushed her to the hospital and as soon as we got here they took her away. The nurses won’t tell us anything.”

I turned away from them and ran to the nurse’s station.

“Katherine James?” I said to the desk nurse. “Where is she? Is she ok? Is
the baby ok?” T
he questions poured out so quickly I wasn’t sure if she’d understood.

“Are you her husband?” S
he asked indifferently

“Yes.” I snapped.

Semantics were unimportant at the moment.

“I’ll see what I can find out.” She replied dryly and walked toward the doors where our friends waited.

A few unbearable minutes passed while I waited. I paced frantically all of my fears coming into sharp focus. Finally a different nurse emerged and came over to me.

“Mr. James?” the nurse asked kindly.

“Yes?” I didn’t feel the need to correct her on my name.

The only thing that mattered right now was Katherine.

“Your wife has gone into premature labor. Her water has broken, so the baby must be delivered. The baby is still breach so they have taken her into the O.R. for an emergency c-section.” She informed me in a kind but professional manner.

“Is she ok
ay
?” I asked helplessly.

My legs felt weak and my head was spinning. This couldn’t be happening.

“They are delivering the baby now. I will let you know how they are doing as soon as I can.” She smiled briefly and then turned and retreated back through the double doors.

My legs finally gave out and I collapsed to the floor.

Someone must have helped me to a chair. I was in a fog. People were talking to me but the words couldn’t break through. I couldn’t breath
e
. This was it, I thought. My Katherine. I was losing my Kathe
rine. I saw her face in my mind.
Her perfect face. Would I ever see it again? The question crippled me with fear.

Everything was in slow motion. It could have been hours or minutes I couldn’t tell, but finally the nurse reemerged and walked over to me. The fog lifted and I stared at her intently, expectantly but I still couldn’t speak.

“You have a daughter.” She smiled, relief washed over me for the briefest second. Only to be replaced with fear. What about Katherine?

“She is in the neo-natal intensive care unit for observation but she seems to be stable. You can see her soon.” The nurse continued.

Why hadn’t she said anything about Katherine?

“And my wife?” I asked feebly, afraid of what her answer would be.

“She’s hemorrhaging.” The nurse said gravely “She lost a lot of blood. The doctors are doing all they can. I will let you know as soon as I know something.”

I only nodded in response.

The relief that our baby was ok
ay
was overshadowed by the fear that Katherine was not. The thought of losing Katherine was agonizing. The thought of our daughter never knowing her mother was excruciating. I sobbed uncontrollably and ignored the attempts my friends were making to comfort me. Nothing could appease the anxiety I was feeling.

An hour passed. It felt like an eternity. My eyes never left the double doors. The doors that held the answers to my Fate. Finally the nurse came back out.

“I can take you to a room to see the baby now.” She told me

“My wife?” I pleaded.

“She’s still in surgery.” The nurse replied. “Would you like to see the baby?” she asked.

“Yes.”

I found the strength to stand and followed the nurse down the hall to a small hospital room. She led me to a rocking chair in the corner and told me she would bring the baby. I stared at the empty hospital bed. The bed Katherine should be
lying
in right now.

I thought of all the nights we had envisioned this day together. I was supposed to be in the delivery room when our child was born. Katherine was supposed to be lying in that bed recovering now. I imagined how she would be smiling at me, holding our child. This was supposed to be a happy day. Nothing was as it should be.

The nurse returned pushing an incubator into the room. I stood and looked down at the small helpless infant wrapped in blankets inside the plastic case. She was so tiny.

“She’s doing very well.” The nurse assured me. “Her temperature is stable and her vital signs are good. You can hold her if you’d like.”

“Yes.” I nodded.

Single words were all I could manage.

“Have a seat and I’ll hand her to you.” The nurse gestured back to the rocking chair and I sat.

She reached down and lifted the small bundle from the incubator and carried her to me. Nervously I reached out and took my child.

I looked down at her small face and was overcome with emotion. She looked just like Katherine. Her pale skin was almost translucent. Dark matted curls stuck to her forehead from underneath her small cap. I examined her delicate features. Her lower lip was slightly fuller than her upper lip and pouted out just the way Katherine’s did. Her eyes were closed and her lavender eyelids seemed paper-thin but were fringed with dark lashes. She was so tiny, so fragile, and absolutely beautiful.

I rocked slowly as I held my daughter. I thought of Katherine. I had always believed that Fate had brought us together. That we were meant to spend our lives together. How could I live without her? She had given meaning to my life. Without her I had no purpose… until now. I was a father now. I looked at my daughter, our daughter, and wondered if this had this been my destiny all along. If she had been the purpose.

“Does she have a name?”
T
he nurse asked quietly watching me.

“Destiny.” I replied automatically. “Destiny Katherine.”

The name came to me as soon as the question was asked, like I had known it all along. I smiled slightly as I remembered how confident Katherine had been that we would think of the right name when the time came.

“That’s beautiful.” The nurse replied approvingly. “Would you like to feed her?”

“Yes.” I choked on the word.

Katherine should be feeding her. She should be helping me name her. She should be here. This wasn’t right. I couldn’t do this without her. I was crying again as the nurse handed me a bottle.

“I’ll give you some time.” She said quietly. “I’ll be back to take her to the nursery in about 30 minutes.” She added then left.

I watched as the tiny bundle in my arms began to stir. Her lavender eyelids fluttered open and deep blue eyes stared back at me. So there was a hint of me in her after all. I held the bottle to her mouth and she latched on quickly. As she sucked on the bottle a tiny hand broke free from the blankets and she reached up and grasped at my hand that held the bottle. I rocked her slowly as I fed her and began humming a lullaby that I remembered from my childhood. A song my mother had sung to me.

My heart ached for Katherine. How could she be taken away from me this way? How could I raise our daughter without her? How could I live without her?

I looked down at my daughter and knew that somehow I could. I had to.

I stood on the
cliff
s staring down at the water below. The ocean was calm today. Small waves lapped against the shore serenely. It was a beautiful sunny day. The sun glistened off the turquoise waves sparkling like tiny diamonds. A light breeze carried the scent of flowers through the air. I closed my eyes and turned my face up to feel the heat of the sun washing through me as I listened to the soft sound of the waves below. I felt at peace.

“Michael.”  Claire’s voice broke through my trance and I turned to face her.

Destiny wriggled in her arms reaching for me. I took my daughter and held her to me, brushing aside her dark curls to kiss her forehead. She looked up at me with her big blue eyes and I smiled down at her. I couldn’t help smiling when I looked at her. She looked so much like Katherine.

“It’s time.” Amy said walking up to us.

I kissed Destiny one more time and then handed her back to Claire. I turned from the girls and walked over to stand with Charlie and Dan.  Charlie smiled reassuringly and patted me on the back.

“You ready?” he asked.

I nodded.

I looked back over at Claire and Amy. Destiny was playing with a loose strand of Claire’s hair as she held her. I watched my daughter for a moment, still amazed with her existence. Amazed with how perfect and beautiful she was. Amazed with how much I loved this tiny little person.

The priest walked over to join us. I looked around once more at my friends. Amy already had tears welling up in her eyes. Claire stared lovingly down at Destiny. Destiny truly was lucky to have so many people in her life that loved her so profoundly. Charlie and Dan stood at my side smiling at me encouragingly. I knew I too was lucky to have such wonderful friends in my life. They were my family.