Love Me Again (10 page)

Of course Nick was worried about leaving her. “Don’t worry, Nick. I think I will be content. Uncle Taylor has been wonderful. I will write you everyday. I know this is a busy time for you, but take time to write me once in a while.”

“Tell me about the changes as your baby grows. I hate I will miss seeing you get fat.” Abby smiled at Nick as she wiped away a tear. Nick took Abby’s hand. “Here is the rest of the money Cord’s brother gave you. I took out enough to pay for my train ticket.” 

When Abby tried to pull her hand away, he forced her hand open, placed the money inside, and pressed it closed. “Don’t be stubborn. You will have to buy new clothes for you and your baby. There is not much left, but it will hold you over until after the harvest and I will send you more.”

The train lurched and Nick whispered in her ear, “I have to go, Sissy. I will come back after the harvest and spend more time with you. Maybe I’ll be here when your baby is born.” As the train pulled away, he gently pushed her away, and raced to catch the train. 

Unable to hold back the tears, Abby sobbed softly. She watched Nick standing on the steps of the train car waving until he disappeared from sight.

Two strong arms wrapped around her pulling her close. Abby leaned against her uncle taking comfort in his embrace. “Let’s go home, Abby.”

The way he said home made her feel warm all over. She would miss Nick, but at least she still had her Uncle Taylor.

****

Time passed quickly and Abby eventually considered Uncle Taylor’s plantation her home. She missed Nick terribly, but she enjoyed her uncle’s company and they spent a lot of time together. Now four months into her pregnancy, Abby was getting bigger everyday. She filled her days sewing tiny clothes for her baby, reading, and helping in the kitchen. Not use to idle hands, she kept herself busy. 

She decided the most beneficial change since coming to live with her uncle was the time to read. He owned a study full of books on a variety of topics. She just finished reading a riveting book about The Revolutionary War.

She opened the door to Taylor’s study, and gasped in shock. Her hand flew to her mouth as the book fell to the floor with a thud. There on the huge desk in front of the window was her Uncle Taylor and a strange woman in the throes of making love. Both were nude and their clothes littered the floor. The woman’s legs were thrown back and Taylor was plunging himself between her spread thighs. Their grunts and groans caused her face to go up in flames. 

Slowly, Abby backed up hoping they would not see her. Panic gripped her as Taylor’s eyes met hers. Immediately, she turned and ran from the study, the intimate scene of her uncle having sex etched in her mind. She raced up the stairs, ran into her room, and slammed the door. Why did she not knock before she entered? She would never be able to face her uncle again without remembering the look of desire in his eyes. Unable to calm down, she paced the floor. Would he send her away? Of course he would send her away. 

Moments passed and she heard a faint knock at the door. Abby backed away from the door. Surely, he would not speak about it to her. If he did, she would die of embarrassment. Abby stood glaring at the door praying he would go away. Her eyes focused on the doorknob. Sweat trickled down her neck as she rushed forward to turn the lock but it was too late. Her heart stopped beating when the door slowly opened. There standing in the doorway was the woman she had just seen her Uncle Taylor fornicating. Abby paled a sickly white. 

The woman stepped into the room, and shut the door behind her. She smiled as she leaned against the door still breathing heavily. “Hello, Abby. My name is Judith. I am a friend of Taylor’s.”

Abby thought they must be more than friends. People didn’t do what they were doing if they were only friends. It was the first time seeing someone making love and it had embarrassed her terribly. 

Very pretty with long blond hair, which was still in disarray, light blue eyes, and sensual lips, Judith’s smile wobbled. She was petite, almost a head shorter than Abby.

Her discomfort was evident as she wrung her hands together. “I’m sorry. I guess we should have locked the door.” Still too embarrassed to speak, Abby just stood there staring at Judith. “Your uncle is worried. He doesn’t want you to think he behaves this way everyday.” Judith moved to the edge of the bed and sat down.

It occurred to Abby she was probably too weak to stand. She still struggled to breath. “I came by to speak to him about a matter, and one thing led to another.” The strange conversation was not easy for her. She kept hesitating and her hands had not been still through the whole explanation, constantly waving in front of her face.

Abby thought of the time she almost made love to Cord in the garden. Anyone could have stumbled across them rolling around on the ground like a couple of animals in season. She should not judge them harshly for something she was also guilty of herself. She lost her virginity in a barn of all places, to a man that only felt lust for her. Deciding to put Judith at ease, she touched her belly and smiled weakly. “Do I look like I can cast stones?”  

Judith giggled beginning to relax. “Taylor and I have been lovers since my husband died. He has been neglecting me as of late, so I came by to find out why. He usually paid me a visit at least twice a week. I thought maybe I did something to make him angry. I guess he was afraid you would find out about me.”

Abby sat down on the bed across from Judith and asked, “What happened to your husband?”

“His horse threw him. He died two days later of his injuries. He was a very passionate man and I miss his touch. Your uncle is very virile and I enjoy his company. In other words he takes care of my needs without the demands of marriage. I hate we have to keep our relationship a secret, but society snubs its nose at women like me, women who seek pleasure, but have no desire to wed.”

Surprise showed on Abby’s face when she asked, “You don’t want to get married?”

Abby almost laughed when Judith’s nose turned up in distaste. “Maybe some day, but for now I enjoy my freedom. My husband was very passionate but he was also very jealous and controlling. He chose my clothes, decided my hair styles. If he
didn’t like one of my friends, he would forbid me to associate with them. I could not even leave the house without him hovering close by. I could make no choices of my own.”

Abby thought Judith was extremely honest and sophisticated for one so young. She could not be more than twenty-four years old. Most women her age desired a husband.

“Don’t you worry that you will find yourself in my condition?” She wrapped an arm around her slightly protruding stomach. “I never once thought about having a baby. I guess I was too busy enjoying the sins of the flesh.”

Judith took Abby’s hand. “I was married for two years and never conceived. I fear I am barren. I would love to have a baby, but do not believe it will happen. I enjoy a man’s touch and do not intend to deprive myself of such pleasure. Taylor and I have the perfect arrangement. We make no demands on each other.”   

Since Judith was being honest, Abby conveyed, “It seems so cold to me. It sounds like sex without love.”

A wicked glint came into Judith’s eyes. “That is what I enjoy most. I am very fond of Taylor and he is a very exciting man.”

Abby would never have known her uncle was such a rake if Judith had not told her. It was hard for her to imagine him enjoying the pleasures of the flesh without commitment. Surprised, Abby thought he would want a family of his own. 

“Enough about me. Please tell me about your circumstances.”

It would be nice to talk to a female for once, but wondered how to begin. “Has my uncle told you anything?”

“Only that you took in a stranger that had been shot, and he repaid your kindness by seducing you.”

Abby’s cheeks turned pink when she thought about her short relationship with Cord. “I think I did most of the seducing.  He fought the desire he was feeling for me, but I pressured him. I fell in love with him even though I knew nothing about him. For all I know, he could be a cold blooded killer. He would not tell me who shot him or why. I am responsible for the condition in which I find myself. My brother Nick blames Cord, but I should shoulder some of the blame.”

“Did he not offer to marry you when you told him you were carrying his baby?” A look of disbelief crossed Judith’s face.

“He left before I knew myself. Nick, my brother found us in bed together and forced him to leave. Cord asked me to go with him, but I was frightened Nick or my father would be hurt if I tried to leave. I feared my brother would have died before he would have let me leave with a man we knew nothing about. So I told Cord to wait for me in town. When I arrived in town, I found out he was at the saloon. I was directed to a room upstairs and found him in bed with a whore.” Abby shivered when she remembered Cord’s hands touching the woman. How could he make love to someone else when she had given him her heart? Even after four months, the pain was still so fresh. Abby chewed her bottom lip determined not to cry. She was tired of crying over a man who did not care about her.

“Regardless of how you feel about Cord, you should tell him you are carrying his child. If he asked you to leave with him, he was probably in love with you. It would be hard not to love you, Abby. You are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. Maybe he turned to the woman when he was drunk. You did find him in a saloon. Men can be stupid when it comes to sex, seeing it only as pleasure. A woman brought up in a Christian home as you were, would only sleep with a man for love.”

Abby let out a sad sigh. “He never asked me to marry him, only to leave with him. For all I know he was using me. I will raise this child alone. I will not take the chance he may take my baby. I think he is wealthy and has the means to do so.”

“Abby, you have no idea how much of a burden you have taken on yourself. You and your child will be shunned from society. If you have a change of heart and want a husband, I’m sure Taylor can find you one. If a husband is not what you seek, then maybe you should consider finding a couple to raise your baby. I don’t think you understand the pain and ridicule you may be subjected to by narrow minded people.”

“I will not give up my baby,” she stated with calm finality.

“Are you going to be able to tolerate people calling your baby names?” Judith took a deep breath. Instead of continuing the conversation, she seemed to realize it was futile to try to talk her into allowing someone else to raise her baby. Her head tipped to one side. “If there is anything I can do for you, don’t hesitate to ask.”

Abby smiled. “I will be fine, Judith, stop worrying about me. I have made up my mind.” Leaning close, Abby hugged Judith. “Thank you for letting me unburden my problems on you. It feels wonderful to talk to a female for once, especially one that is not judging me. I know it is hard to believe, but I had no friends in Tarboro. I never had time for any. I guess that is why I made a connection with Cord so quickly. I felt lonely.” 

“Anytime you feel the need to talk, Abby, I am here for you. I’m sure Taylor is anxious to hear you
didn’t pack your things to leave. He has become quite fond of you. I should let him know everything is okay.”

Before Judith could exit the room, Abby replied, “Tell Uncle Taylor we will not speak of it ever. Please tell him I do not want him to change his life because of me.”

Judith laughed. “We will refrain from making love in the study and other strange places. I promise from this moment on we will only use his bedroom.”

Abby gave an unladylike snort. “I’ve learned my lesson. As a precaution, I will knock before entering a room.”

Chapter Eight

As Abby’s time to have her baby grew near, she became more nervous. The baby was a constant reminder of Cord. Many a night she lay awake as her baby kicked and pressed against her stomach. Was she doing the right thing not letting Cord know of the baby growing in her? Fearing he would take her baby, she decided she had no other choice but keep her secret. Still it weighed heavily on her conscious. 

The heaviness of her baby was almost impossible to bear. Taylor feared the baby would be much too big for her to deliver without the help of a doctor. An old, colored midwife in the slave quarters behind the house delivered everyone’s babies, but he feared Abby might need medical attention. He convinced Judith to move in so Abby would have a female for comfort. The two had become extremely close and Taylor knew she would be a Godsend stepping in to help with the blessed event. Abby telegraphed Nick to let him know her time was near but he had not yet arrived. She feared he would miss the birth of her baby.

While preparing for bed she felt wetness between her legs. When she lifted her gown, she saw the puddle of water pooling at her bare feet. Panic gripped her as the first
pain tore through her body. To keep from crying out, Abby gritted her teeth, and clutched the bed post. She ran to Taylor’s room not bothering to knock as she threw the door open wide and ran inside. Her mouth gaped open in shock when she saw Judith sitting on top of Taylor grinding her hips against him. She was stark naked and his hands were cupping her breasts. Abby snapped, “Don’t you two ever rest?!”

Judith grabbed the sheet covering their nude forms. Only her eyes were visible as she hissed, “I thought you said you would knock before entering a room!”

Abby clutched her stomach and gritted her teeth as another pain ripped through her body. “I’m having my baby!”

Judith
jumped out of bed, forgetting she was nude. She held Abby’s arm until the pain subsided. Taylor lay in bed holding the cover up to his neck, not knowing what to do.

“Let me get my robe and I’ll help you back to your bed.” Judith slipped on her robe. “Go get the midwife, Taylor.”

It had only been an hour since Abby’s first pain and they were coming extremely close together. Her uncle peered into the room several times only to be shooed away by Judith.

Popping his head into the doorway one more time, Taylor asked, “Should I go to town to get the doctor, Judith? If I hurry, I can have him here in a couple of hours.” His face was pale and his voice timid. 

Judith pushed a lock of hair from her face with the back of her hand. “There is no time. The baby is coming soon.” Abby let out a scream, and Taylor left the room without a backwards glance. Judith hurried back to Abby’s side and wiped the perspiration from her face. Her hair was soaked with sweat. Eyes closed to fight the pain, she was gripped by another intense spasm. Then she felt the need to push. 

Abby squeezed Judith’s hand as she pushed with all her might. The midwife stood at the end of the bed between Abby’s open legs. “Push, honey! Push!”

After several more pushes she collapsed back onto the bed, exhausted. Then she heard the loud wail of her baby. “It’s a boy, Miss Henley.”

Abby began to laugh and cry at the same time. Judith took the baby an
d placed him in her arms. He must have good lungs because his wailing was loud enough to wake the dead. She would have no trouble hearing him during the night when he was hungry.

“He is huge, Abby. I can’t believe you had such a big baby so easily.”

“What was easy about it, Judith? I feel like my insides are hanging out. Are you sure he didn’t bring them with him?”

Judith smiled lovingly at Abby and her baby boy. “Most labor lasts all day and night. You were blessed with an easy delivery.”

Abby snapped, “Let’s put him in your womb and see if you think it is easy to push him out.”

Judith chuckled, “You did great, Abby.”

Abby took the tiny hand into hers and peered down into his face as his fretful cries continued. Baby fists were shaking, little balls of rage. “Isn’t he beautiful, Judith?” At that moment the baby opened his dark brown eyes and Abby thought of Cord. She touched his head of thick black hair. She wished her baby boy looked more like her. Now she would be reminded of Cord every time she gazed at his perfect little face. 

****

Cord rode onto Henley land. He looked at all the changes the new farm equipment had made possible. Several acres of land had been tilled, waiting for spring planting. Now maybe Nick and Jacob would make a profit, instead of barely getting by on their small farm.                                           

Now mid December, he hoped he could convince Abby to return home with him in time for Christmas. They could be married and spend their first Christmas together as Mr. and Mrs. Cord Sutton. He thought it had a nice ring to it. He missed her and could not wait to see her again. He had been away longer than he had anticipated.

His brother’s telegraph had not been very promising. Adam said Abby was angry and he could not convince her to leave her farm. Determined to sway her, Cord kicked his horse into a gallop anxious to see her again.

The first winter snow had fallen and a white sheen covered everything as Cord rode into the yard. All the surrounding oak trees looked eerie without their leaves. He tried to remember how beautiful and green everything looked when he left during the spring. He wished he had not let so much time lapse before returning. A lot could happen in nine months.

Even though it was cold, he felt warm inside knowing he would be seeing Abby.  Smoke billowed from the chimney so he thought she must be inside. He imagined her standing over the old cook stove frying chicken, wearing one of her homespun dresses and her hair in a tight bun. His mouth watered at the thought of a home cooked meal. He had been on the trail for most of his absence, eating mostly cold biscuits and hard tack.   

Before he could dismount, Jacob stepped out onto the porch. “Just stay in the saddle. You are not welcome here.” His voice sounded hard and cold.

Cord took the time to study Jacob. He had aged and lost weight over the nine months he had been away. His demeanor was the same as the last time he saw him, and Cord knew he was not welcome here. “I would like to speak to Abby.”

“Abby no longer lives here.”

Cord’s heart began to beat faster. “Where is she?”

“She married Andrew not long after you left.” His expression was completely unemotional.

Cord felt as if a sledgehammer slammed into his chest. “You lie, old man.”

Jacob stepped back from the door, and motioned him inside. “Come in and see for yourself. Her things are gone. She belongs to another now.” 

Wanting to see for himself, Cord dismounted and stepped onto the porch. He stopped at the doorway and looked into the kitchen staring at the crude bench and table where he had sat and watched Abby cook. Every thing was just as he remembered. He walked to her bedroom and saw the bed tidily made; the bed where they had last made love. It was just as Jacob said. All her clothes and personal belongings were gone.

He turned his anger toward Jacob. He grabbed him by the collar and lifted him off the floor. “Why did she not wait for me? I wrote to her. I promised her I would return.”

Without an ounce of fear, Jacob stated, “She decided Andrew was the better man. She wasted no time and married him a month after you left. By the time she received your letters she was already married.”

To control his anger, Cord took a steady breath. “I asked her to wait for me.  I asked her to marry me.”

Undaunted, Jacob snorted, “Wait for what, a gunslinger? What kind of life could you offer Abby?”

Suddenly, Cord dropped Jacob and watched as he stumbled to keep from falling. The room became so hot and stuffy Cord thought he would be sick to his stomach. His insides lurching, he ran out the door. Jacob followed him and watched as he stood by his horse taking deep breaths to ease his stomach. For a few moments Cord considered going to Andrew’s farm to confront Abby, but knew he would only make matters worse. If she was married, it was too late for him.

With a heavy heart he mounted his horse and galloped away without looking back.

****

So full of excitement to have Nick with them for Christmas, Abby could not keep her mind on the task of opening gifts. She looked at her brother holding Daniel and saw the joy on his face. She chose the name Daniel because it was Nick’s middle name. He had not put him down since arriving early that morning, except when Daniel grew hungry or needed changing. Then he would quickly hand him over to her.

“You look so good, Sissy. I can’t believe you just had a baby last week. Uncle Taylor said you were huge. How did you lose all that baby fat so quickly?”

Abby glared at Taylor for calling her huge. He gave her an innocent look as if he didn’t know what Nick was talking about. “I think all my baby fat was baby. Look at him. He’s enormous. He is going to be as tall and broad of shoulder as his Uncle Nick.” 

Nick smiled proudly as he peered into Daniel’s little face. A tiny hand wrapped around his finger melting his heart.

Taylor replied, “Abby, I think you should go to bed when you finish opening your gifts. You don’t want to overdo.”

“You have been too generous, Uncle Taylor.” Abby held up one of the many new dresse
s she received from him. “Wherever will I wear them? They are much too fancy to wear around the house.”

Uncle Taylor gave Abby a meaningful look. “I thought it was time for you to start socializing. Now that you have had Daniel, you need to get out more. There are several parties planned for the holidays. Nick or I one will escort you.”

Of course Abby knew what he was thinking. It was time to find a husband. A small thread of unease swept through her. She didn’t relish the thought of finding a husband. She so enjoyed her life here with Taylor and Daniel. Not wanting to put a damper on his Christmas, Abby kissed Taylor on the cheek. Later she would tell him she had no intentions of socializing or looking for a husband. “Thank you for making Christmas so special for Nick and me. You have made us both feel welcome.” 

“You have made this old plantation feel like a home again, Abby. I am reminded of all the wonderful Christmases I spent with your mother. To tell the truth I had not even bothered with a Christmas tree since mother and father died.” Taylor gazed at the beautiful Christmas tree dripping with ornaments. “It was like old times decorating it with the ornaments from my childhood. In fact your mother made most of them. You may take several with you when you marry and have your own Christmas tree to decorate.”

Abby thought of Cord and wondered where he was spending Christmas. Was he still searching for the man that shot him, or was he somewhere celebrating Christmas with family? Where ever he was, she hoped he was safe. Suddenly she felt melancholy.

Cord had not even bothered telling her he had a brother. What other secrets did she not know about him? Not that it mattered. She would probably never see him again.

“I think I’ll take your advice and lie down before supper.” Would the time come when she no longer thought of him? She drew a breath and tried to push him from her mind. Even though she adored her precious son, true happiness eluded her. Deep down she craved what she couldn’t have, Cord Sutton.

Abby took Daniel from Nick. “Go for a walk or something Nick. You have been cooped up with us all day. I know you are not accustomed to the inactivity.” 

Uncle Taylor moved some of the boxes out of his way and replied, “Come Nick, let’s go for a ride.” 

****

Nick and Taylor had been riding for about an hour. Snow covered the ground and their breaths looked like smoke in the cold air. The fields looked desolate as if begging for the spring planting to begin.

“I hope we get plenty of rain this winter so the ground will be saturated with moisture.” Nick thought about how much farming was at the mercy of Mother Nature. Many a night he had lain awake, praying for rain during a dry, hot spell. At least Cord’s generosity made a big difference. For the first time in his twenty-four years, he had money in his pocket. Money he enjoyed spending on Abby and Daniel to make their Christmas special.

Taylor shifted in the saddle and looked over his land. “We can only hope we have rain and not another dry season like last year.” 

Changing the subject, Taylor replied adamantly, “I think we should notify Daniel’s father. Sometimes I walk into the room and catch Abby looking as if she is a million miles away. I think she still loves Cord and pines for him. I think we are doing them both an injustice keeping Daniel from him.”

In an uneasy voice, Nick stated, “Abby must make that decision for herself. My opinion, he is not good enough for her. I think he used her, then deserted her. He has made no effort to contact my sister. If he cared for her, we would have heard from him. We know nothing about Cord Sutton. We did find him with a bullet in his chest. Someone shot him, but we don’t know why. I have seen him kill. He is an expert with a gun. Besides, he may already be dead for all we know. A man that lives by the sword will die by the sword.”

“You said yourself the three men he killed deserved to die. It is hard to believe Abby would get involved with the man you just described. She must have felt he had some good qualities or she would not have lain with him. You don’t mind if I do a little investigating to see if I can find out more about him? It may be as you say and he is a man of unsavory character. If he is a decent man, I think he should know Daniel is his son. I just know I would feel better if I knew more about him. I feel responsible for Abby and would love to see her happy.”