Little Light of Mine (Club Decadence) (7 page)

“Not in person, but the pictures and video were eye openers as I’m sure you can imagine.  I finally got the message.”

Oh, my God.  A whimpering sound escaped her throat, completely devastated that he had seen this horrible side of her.  She had been desperately searching for some kind of solace in the aftermath of the rape.  Nothing worked, not the parties, or the drugs, or moving away, not the
other Doms who clumsily wielded their whips.  Nothing gave her any relief from her pain; they were just a temporary means of escape.  A fleeting reprieve from the memories, the trauma of leaving her family and friends, and worst of all the alienation of the only man she would ever love.  But the morning always came and her reality was always the same.  She turned from him, her arms wrapped around her middle as if she could protect herself from further blows.  He didn’t seem to notice, or maybe Elena thought he didn’t care. 

“At first it was hard to believe the reports but when the pictures came in.  Especially when I saw you tied to a cross with another man preparing to flog-,” his voice broke then and he cleared his throat before he continued.  “Well, the message those pictures sent was pretty clear.  You wanted something different and it wasn’t to be found here in San Antonio with me, so I let you go.”

The pain in her heart was excruciating.  He knew all the sordid details of her time in California, had seen pictures and unbelievably, there was video.  What an idiot she was to think she could keep it a secret.  She knew she had treated this man unfairly but she didn’t know he had witnessed the cluster fuck that her life became after she left him.  Naively, when she came back she thought they could reconnect, that now with her life straightened out, they could work together and possibly repair their shattered lives and have a relationship again.  But clearly he would never be able to forgive her.  He thought she was a liar, an addict, and a fool.  And she couldn’t argue those points.  She couldn’t even forgive herself.  She wanted this first meeting to be over with.  To finish up her last gig and get out of there. 

“Please, stop.  I realize I made a big mistake coming here.  We’ll be gone shortly after the last set.  I’m sorry I upset you.”  She spoke in a weak, barely audible voice as
she approached the door with her eyes glued to the floor.  If she looked at him, saw the anger and hatred in his eyes she would lose it.  “If you’ll excuse me, I’m late getting back.”

Dex didn’t budge.  He continued to block her exit and silence permeated the room as he stared down at her for long awkward moments, trying to regain his composure.  He was not proud of his shameful behavior and verbal cruelty but he wouldn’t take it back.  He hadn’t said anything that wasn’t true.  If that made him a prick, then so be it.  He took a deep breath and tried to find a civil tongue.  “I heard Hector had a stroke.  Is he going to be all right?”

Startled by another abrupt change in subject, Elena’s tear-filled eyes flew to his briefly before dipping to stare at the floor again.  “We hope so… he can’t speak and he is paralyzed on one side.  The doctors are hopeful of some recovery but they say he probably won’t ever be his old self again.”

“I hate to hear that.”  Dex looked down
at her bowed head.  His concern for her father was sincere.  “He’s a good man and always treated me well.”

“Yes, he loved you like a son.”  Her voice broke and she blinked back tears before she looked at him again.  Not quite meeting his eyes, instead staring at his powerful forearms and biceps that were crossed over his equally impressive chest.  “I’m due on stage, Dex.”   She waited for him to step aside and let her out of her dressing room.

Dex nodded and his face was grim when he gave his parting shot.  “Enjoy the rest of the show.  It will be your last in my club.”  With that final comment he was gone, leaving the door open in his wake.  Elena pushed it closed and sagged against it.  Her forehead pressed against the cool metal as she slid down the door to her knees.  Lord have mercy!  How was she going to go back on stage and sing the set of slow ballads she had planned for her final set.  She gulped deep breaths of air trying to soothe her nerves. 

She was going to have to break it to her band that they were out of a job again.  They were going to have a hard time finding another gig that paid as well.  In addition to their fee, she had negotiated a percentage of the lounge cover and the bar.  Since people were coming in droves, it had turned out to be a good payday for them.  They were also getting good exposure.  Although Club
Decadence was a private BDSM club, the lounge and bar areas were open to non-members by special invitation for occasional theme nights.  Full access to the BDSM play areas required membership and came at a hefty price. 

She was happy for Dex.  They had quite a successful operation going on here.  She also learned from some of the other employees that he and the other owners; Cap, Rick, Sean, Jonas and Lil T were partners in a security firm that provided private protection, security systems, and bounty hunter services.  She wasn’t surprised to learn that Dex was their best bounty hunter.  He was strong, tough, and very intelligent.  He was also a brilliant strategist and could get in his enem
y’s head and figure out what they were thinking.  She was surprised that he had never figured out what she was keeping secret. 

After ten minutes of deep breathing and relaxation exercises, she put on her professional mask and headed back on stage.  Her last set was full of slow ballads with themes of both love and heartache.  She compartmentalized her feelings.  It was the only way she had been able to survive the pain of the past few years.  So, she walled up her feelings in a room she constructed in the back of the mind and closing the door she locked it down. 

She sang her heart out on the last set.  Many of the tunes were acoustic so she was playing her guitar as well as singing.  Sometimes it was just her and her guitarist Ronnie or the piano man.  For her final song she sang Whitney Houston’s version of “I Will Always Love You”.  As she sang, “we both know I’m not what you need” she promised it would be for the last time.   It was just too painful.

Elena didn’t see the man sitting at a quiet table toward the back of the lounge.  Hidden in shadow he was free to drink in the sight of her.  He thought he had suppressed his feelings but they came surging back at the first glimpse of her.  Raw emotions of love, hate, rage, and desire all burned inside him, ready to consume him. 
He listened to her sing the lyrics as if they were meant just for him.  She wished him joy and happiness but he knew that wish would never be fulfilled.  His joy and happiness had walked out on him two years ago and tonight, when she was within his grasp again, he like a fool had pushed her away. 

Chapter Seven

Two interminable weeks later Dex found himself contemplating the unthinkable.  He couldn’t get Elena Lopez out of his mind.  He dreamed of her every night and woke up hard and aching.  Cold showers didn’t do the trick and he had jerked off to so many fantasies of her he felt like a randy teenager.  He even went to see her at another club.  It was a vanilla club and he had made sure he hadn’t been seen.  He just had to get another glimpse to see if the reality really matched the fantasy.  It did.  He was so screwed!

Dex took the initiative and invited her to meet him at The Club.  He told her he had an arrangement to discuss with her.  She couldn’t believe after their last meeting that he had contacted her and asked to see her.  She had been nursing a broken heart and her injured pride ever since.  Still, despite his really despicable treatment of her, she leapt at the chance to see him and talk with him again.  She missed him so much.  She dressed carefully for their meeting
, wanting to impress and portray a professional demeanor.  So, she wore a knee length navy blue skirt and demure white blouse which made her look like she was going for a meeting at Rossi instead of Club Decadence. 

She suspected he regretted letting the band go and was going to allow her and the guys to perform again.  Her friends who were also club members had called to let her know about all the member complaints that had been levied since she was released from her contract.  Regan said attendance was down on her regular nights and Megan told her there was a petition circulating demanding they bring her back.  Elena wanted this; she needed it.  And although she knew it was going to be difficult being around Dex, seeing him there every day with other women, she needed to be around the scene.  She missed it, too.    

Elena arrived promptly at two o’clock for their appointment.  No one was in reception so she waited, pacing nervously.  Sean entered from the club side and stopped short when he saw her.

“Elena, what are you doing here?  Did you forget something?”

“I have a meeting with Dex.” 

“Really?”  Sean looked at her with interest and she could almost see his mind putting her in different scenarios with his friend.

“Yes, and you’re late.”  She jumped as Dex unexpectedly spoke from behind her.  He put a hand to the small of her back and guided her to his office.  As they passed Sean, he saw the knowing little grin on his face,

“Don’t,” he said.  That one word
from Dex caused his friend to back off as his curious eyes followed them down the long hallway.  

“I wasn’t late.  I arrived right at two.”

“It is now 2:12 and that means you are twelve minutes late for our meeting.  If we continue after today I will expect you to arrive early for any and all appointments so that we can start promptly.  Is that clear?”

“Yes, Sir.”  She cringed as she heard herself easily slip back into a familiar submissive role with him.

“Have a seat, please.”  Dex indicated one of the large, leather chairs and she perched on the edge as she watched him take his place behind his huge, mahogany desk.  The deliberate intimidation of this power position was not lost on her. 

“First, I owe you an apology for the last time we spoke.  I was purposely cruel and regret losing my composure with you.  It won’t happen again.”

Elena was stunned.  Never had she expected an apology from this new, hard-shelled Dex.  The old loving Dex, yes but not the new man she had inadvertently created.  

Dex frowned at her response, “I can see by your reaction that I’ve surprised you.  I don’t remember being such a hard ass in the past.  I’m sure I owned up to mistakes when we were together.”

“Yes… but after our last meeting, well-”  Her voice cracked in her nervousness and she cleared her throat before beginning again.  “I’m sorry too, Dex.  I’m sure it was a shock seeing me after such a long time.  And about performing, Sean told me he was going to let you know ahead of time.”

“He tried.”  Dex remembered the stack of contracts.  He had found Elena’s on top of the stack the next day.  The name of her band had been listed at the top before each individual member’s name.  If he hadn’t been in such a hurry to get laid he might have paid more attention.

“I’m sure you’re anxious to know why I asked to meet with you so I’ll get right to it.  I want you Elena.”

Again he surprised her and her mouth fell open in shock.  She could only stare back at him.  He wanted her?  Like as in wanted to be with her intimately, wanted her?  Or wanted her to come back and work for him, wanted her?  “I’m not sure I understand… “

“Let me be clear then.  Our relationship ended abruptly, too much so.  I still want you, my body still craves yours, and I still want to dominate you.”  He stood up and moved to a file cabinet where he pulled out a folder.  “I am not suggesting we go back to what we had.  I don’t want that again.  I am suggesting a contract for here at The Club.”  He passed the document to her and returned to his seat behind his desk.

Elena held the papers in her trembling hands and tried to comprehend what he was telling her.  “You want me for sex?” 

“Yes, that and more.”  In his deep, controlled voice he laid out his plan.  He was offering to top her and enter into an ROA agreement.  At her puzzled expression he explained that Restricted Ongoing Acquiescence was a consensual agreement for casual play.  Their agreement would be for a defined time period of thirty days and could be renewed if both parties agreed.  It was restrictive in that it would be for more than one night of play but would not include a formal relationship.  There would be no emotional attachment, obligation for fidelity, and there was absolutely no collar.  Either party could end it at any time for any reason.  There would still be BDSM play but only at The Club so it would not extend to their personal lives. 

“You mean you would see other women, while we’re contracted.”  She was surprised at the even tone of her voice.  Inside she was crushed; he was so cold and methodical.  She cried inside
,
Mi Amo
r
, what have I done to you?

“Yes
, and of course, you are free to see other men.”

That stung even more.  It didn’t bother him if she had sex with other men.  Never in their time together had he even considered sharing.  Although there was no exclusivity clause, Elena was desperate enough to agree to anything to get the chance to be with him again.   How pathetic was that?  But she was frozen, her life contained no intimacy.  While she had friendships
, they were casual and didn’t seem to soothe the growing need inside her.  Maybe, by entering into a contract with Dex who was familiar to her, she could break through some of the ice that surrounded her heart and she could finally move on.

She had tried to play with other men but she was unable to respond.  In fact, she hadn’t had sex since the assault.  She just couldn’t.  The intimate touch of a man made her cringe and shut down.  She had gone to a few public clubs while out in California but ended up crying her
safeword before they could even get her to strip.  She didn’t know what pictures Dex had seen, but she suspected the investigator hadn’t stuck around to hear her cry her safeword and leave after only a few strokes of the flogger.

Of course, she hadn’t been able to find another Dom like Dex.  She knew their relationship had been special because of their love, trust and commitment.   And no one could come close to his inherent qualities of authority, control, and domination.  She didn’t think she would ever find someone she could trust as much to meet her need for the whip. 

After the brutality of the assault, she was surprised that she still craved it.  Her counselors had told her there were several reasons she would still feel the need for the whip.  Primarily, they thought she was looking for a distraction from her emotional pain.  All she knew was that she dreamed of Dex using his single tail on her again.  He used to make her fly, bringing her out of herself to float in the endorphin high of subspace. 

When she could no longer submit and did not have that outlet for her emotions, she had foolishly turned to the mindnumbing effects of drugs and alcohol.  Her counselors had diagnosed her with PTSD and told her she was self-medicating with drugs and alcohol to avoid the painful flashbacks to Luis’ brutal treatment, his emotional abuse and the estrangement from her family and friends.  Elena didn’t know about all that psychobabble, all she knew was that she had been seriously messed up.   

“Elena?  Where did you go?” Dex’s voice brought her out of her musing.

“I’m sorry, just considering your offer.”  Elena was about to do abandon all caution and go for it.  Her life was empty and she missed submitting to Dex.  If this was the only way to be with him, for whatever short time, a month, a week, one last night, then so be it.  She would deal with the consequences when the time came.    

“Do you have any questions?” 

She shook her head no and the next thing she knew she was signing his contract.  He wrapped up the meeting quickly after that handing her a copy of their contract along with instructions for a physical and STD screening from a BDSM friendly local physician.  She blushed when he covered the section on condom use and how there would be no play until both of them were declared clean.  Elena knew he said this for her benefit.  What must he think of her?  He knew she had been at her worst out in California, heavy into drugs and alcohol.  Now she was back, tattooed and working as a musician.  She didn’t blame him for being cautious.