Little Light of Mine (Club Decadence) (5 page)

She had always been his perfect type of woman.
  She had an athletic build, but still had curves that were perfectly proportioned for her frame.  Dex never liked a bag of bones in his bed.  He frowned because although still beautiful, that is what she looked like now.  Her face was pale and drawn and the shapeless scrubs that she wore were loose and baggy on her tiny body.  His eyes locked onto the thick gauze bandages on both wrists.  It was shocking to have visible proof of the almost unbelievable tale her parents and the doctor had told him.

He looked at her bandaged wrists for a long time then returned his gaze to her face.
  Her eyes were still open but she was now looking at him.  Her gaze was steady and her eyes were dull and emotionless.  They stared at each other for a long time, then without any facial expression or outward response she rolled over and presented him with her back.  Dex looked at the doctor.  He grimaced and nodded, non-verbally telling him this was expected.  "Go in and talk to her, see if you can get through."  The doctor opened the door and then returned to the observation window.  Dex knew he remained in case he was needed to intervene with Elena.

Dex stood by her bedside and looked down at her for several minutes.
  He then sat on the edge of her narrow bed, his thigh brushing her backside as he reached out a hand in a familiar caress across her hip and down her thigh.  "Elena, my love, won't you even look at me?"  No response.  He tried again.  "Little Light, you're breaking my heart.  Whatever it is, we can get through this, as long as we're together."

Elena rolled to her back and looked at him with a small glimmer in her eyes.
  "Together?  Are you home for good?"

"No
,
Chiquita.
 
I took leave to come back and see you when I heard you were..." he paused searching for an innocuous word, "when I heard you were hurt and in the hospital."

"Then we're not together.
  Go away, Dex.  I don't want to see you again.  Go back to your life and forget you ever knew me.  You deserve better.  Mama has your ring, I’ll get it back to you."

"I don't give a crap about a ring, goddammit.
  I care about you.  What's going on Elena?  Something must have happened.  Please tell me."  He begged her to tell him but she refused to speak anymore.  When Dex moved to the other side of the bed, she closed her eyes and pushed him away as effectively as if she had physically shoved him.  After about fifteen minutes of no response, the doctor lightly knocked on the glass door and signaled that it was time to go.  Dex leaned forward and placed a tender kiss on her cheek.  He gently brushed her dark hair off her face and tucked it behind her ear.  It used to be so shiny and soft.  Now it was dull and lifeless, just like his Elena.  Dex wanted to scream and shout at her. He wanted to put his fist through the brick wall. He wanted to pick her up in his strong arms and carry her out of there, to take her away to someplace where he could hold her, care for her; love her - just the two of them. 

In the end he whispered his love for her in her ear, kissed her gently on the forehead and then had to walk away.  He wasn't her husband yet and had no legal rights.
  Plus, she was under a psychiatric hold and wouldn't be released until her doctor or a judge decided she could.  Powerless, he had to leave her there behind locked doors where he couldn't see her, touch her, hold her.

The doctor told him he was encouraged that she had spoken more than two words to him and asked him to come back the next day to try again.
  Of course, he would.  He would do anything for his little light.  He would move heaven and earth to heal her if he could.  He left the unit and went to the waiting room where her parents anxiously awaited news.  They rushed over when they saw him.

"Did you see her?
  Is she all right?  How did she look?"  Maria unleashed a string of rapid-fire questions before he put up a hand as if to physically stop her words.

"She was awake and alert.
  She isn't speaking or eating, just lying in that awful room on that awful bed.  She is pale and looks emaciated.  Why they hell didn't you do something before it got to this point?  Why didn't you call central command?  I would have come back sooner!”  Dex was angry with her parents for letting it go so far, but he knew ranting at the guilt stricken couple would do no one any good, including Elena.

Dex paced for a few minutes then took a deep breath to calm him.
  "I didn't intend to lambaste you with my anger.  She looks horrible and we have got to do something.  I'm calling a specialist and I’ll need your help if we want to get her moved out of here."

"Dex," Hector interrupted.
  "She has no insurance; that's why they brought her here.  We wanted her to go to St Paul’s, the private hospital, but we have no way to pay for that."

"I have money.
  I just don't have any authority.  Dammit, we should have gotten married before I went back in January.  I wanted to, but she wanted her dream wedding.  Christ, this wouldn't have happened if we had gone to the courthouse like I wanted to."

"Dex, don't do this to yourself.
  Maria and I have been beating ourselves up about this and been racked with guilt the past five days trying to figure what we could have done differently.  But, woulda, coulda, shoulda's aren't going to change what happened."

"Christ!
  She asked me if I was going to be staying.  What was I supposed to say?  I can't get out of my contract immediately, these things take time.  I've got two weeks of leave then have to be back.  If she was my wife already things would be different."  Dex turned toward the elevator.  "Whatever happens, I'm not leaving her in this dump.  I'll get back to you with details when I have everything arranged."

Dex had his phone out and was setting
the wheels in motion before the door to the stairwell closed behind him.  The first call was to his dad, a retired Army medical officer now in private practice in Austin.  He could get some things moving on specialists and a referral to a better facility.  Dr. Wilkins seemed knowledgeable but he was not leaving his bride-to-be in a dirty, rundown hospital psych unit with who-knew-what kind of violent patients and probably less than stellar staffing ratios.  This, in fact, was the only thing he could control in this fucked up situation, so he moved on it.   

By Friday afternoon, Elena had been moved to St. Paul's Hospital, which was a new facility.  Her new psychiatrist was a woman with expertise in treating trauma victims.
  They had more liberal visitation policies, although still maintained the same stringent rules that would ensure Elena's safety. 

By Saturday, Elena had agreed to see her mother alone.
  She was also asking to see Father Charlie who was the pastor from the church she had attended all of her life.  The priest, was also sworn to uphold Elena's confidences, but did disclose that she had made her confession and asked for absolution.  He had also told them she had acknowledged that she knew that suicide was a mortal sin and that she had promised Father Charlie, never to attempt it again. 

By Wednesday, the reports were that she was doing better, a little brighter, had started eating a bit and was attending some individual and group therapy sessions.
  She still insisted that she didn't want to see Dex, her father, or her stepbrother Luis who hadn't come to the hospital but had asked his dad about visitation. 

By the following Friday, after four days in ICU and nine days in the inpatient psychiatric unit, her doctor declared her safe for discharge to their day treatment program.
  She would stay at her parent's home and attend daily therapy sessions from 9am-4pm.  She would also see her counselor and psychiatrist daily. 

Elena
asked that only her parents come to pick her up when she was discharged.  They had encouraged her to see Dex, but had not pushed, afraid to upset her too much since she was still so fragile.  Dex had agreed to no such plan and arrived on Friday evening for a surprise visit.  He had to return to his unit soon and in fact had a flight out on Sunday.  He wasn't leaving there without talking with Elena and having a firm commitment from her. 

Dex waited impatiently for her on her parent’s front porch.  He watched the Lopez’s van pull into the driveway.  Hector got out and moved quickly to the porch when he spotted Dex.  “Now son, I know you want to see her but I won’t have her upset.”

“Hector, she’s my fiancée and I have to leave in forty-eight hours.  With all due respect, I don’t care what you want or what she wants right now.  I have to get through to her and make sure she is OK before I have to go back.”

“Son.”  Hector hesitated, torn between what his daughter wanted and what she needed.  He knew she needed Dex.

“It’s OK, Papa.  I’ll talk with him.”   Elena’s sweet, soft voice sounded behind the men and they both turned to see her climb the steps beside her mother.  She looked better than when Dex saw her last week.  She had some color in her cheeks and her hair and clothes were clean and neat.  She still looked tired and much too thin.

Elena hugged her mother and gave her father a brief smile, then crossed the porch and sat down on the swing.  Dex looked at her parents who excused themselves, her father stating, “I’ll be right inside if you need me, Niña” before closing the front door behind them.

Dex jumped right in.  Master Sargent Russell, dominant alpha male stood front and center as he started telling her how it would be.  “I have made arrangements for us to be married tomorrow, that way I can be back stateside in about thirty days.  Until then you’ll stay with your parents.  Then, when I’m discharged I’ll move you into my place.”

Elena shook her head sadly and answered softly, “I can’t marry you tomorrow Dex.”

“Nonsense, you can still plan a big wedding and party like you dreamed.  I just need this to happen so I can get home.  Once you’re my wife I can access other leave benefits.”

“No, I can’t marry you…
ever, Dex.”

“Bullshit!  We love each other!
  Whatever this is we’ll get through it.”

“You can’t just order this away Dex.  I don’t want to marry you anymore.  I’m sorry.”

“Elena, what is happening?”  Dex went to his knees in front of her and grabbed both her hands in his.   “Talk to me, please. I’m going crazy here, wondering.”

Elena flinched at the word “crazy”.  Being in treatment had made her a little sensitive.  Spending time in a psych hospital could do that to a person.  She bowed her head and looked at their joined hands.  His big, tanned hands engulfed her smaller ones.  She could feel the rough callouses on his fingers.  He worked so hard.  

A big hand cupped her chin and Dex lifted her face so he could look into her eyes.  She averted them quickly, zeroing in on the buttons on his shirt.  “Eyes on me, Elena.”

Well-trained sub that she was, her eyes met his. 

“You know we agreed to total honesty in our relationship.  I expect you to talk to me now.” She tried to pull away but he tightened his grasp.

“I left a happy, loving fiancée a few months ago.  I need her back and the only way that’s going to happen is if you start talking to me.”

“I’m sorry Dex.  Things have changed.  I don’t want this anymore.  I’m not good for you.  It’s time for you to move on.  Find someone worthy of-“

“No.  You are not going to push me away with this bullshit about you not being good enough.  What the hell happened while I was gone?  I don’t believe you just changed your mind suddenly after being together and happy for almost two years.”

Elena’s breath hitched.  She could hear the hurt and confusion in his deep voice.  Tears welled and overflowed, trickling down her face.  She had cried so much lately she didn’t know how she had any tears left.

“Dexter, you’re upsetting her.  I think that’s enough for today.”  Hector Lopez stood in the doorway and frowned at him.  They both turned to a sobbing Elena.  Tears rolled down her cheeks and her frail shoulders shuddered as she gasped for breath. 

Dex pulled her from the swing, sat in her place then pulled her onto his lap and enfolded her in his strong arms.  Her sobs escalated but she clung to him fiercely.  They stayed like that for a long time, Dex swinging them gently as he whispered reassuringly in her ear.  Elena held on like she’d never let go.  After about thirty minutes she finally calmed down, the tears stopped and her breathing evened out, no longer gasping shuddering intakes of breath. 

He kissed her tenderly, spreading them across her damp cheeks and red, swollen eyes.  “I’m sorry, little light.  I don’t want to upset you.  Let me take you up to your room for a nap.  You’re exhausted.”

She broke her silence with a raspy voice, “I’m sorry.  I got your shirt all wet.”

Dex stood with Elena in his arms.  “No problem, little one. “  He lifted her effortlessly and carried her up the stairs to her bedroom.  He set her down next to the bed in her childhood room, still decorated as it was when she was a teen.  He sat her on the side of the bed pulled off her shoes and jeans, then before she could protest he had her snuggled into her bed and was sitting at her side.  He cupped his hand around her neck and stroked her cheek with a wide thumb as he looked down at her.   Her beautiful rich brown eyes were brimming with tears.

In his eyes, Elena could see the worry and pain reflected in the light blue depths.  “I’m so sorry for hurting you.  It was never my intention.”  She raised a small, pale hand to his handsome face.  She smiled wanly as he turned into her palm and placed a tender kiss in the center.  His large hand rose and held hers, keeping it pressed against his face.