Little Light of Mine (Club Decadence) (10 page)

Elena sat there stunned.  She had to gather herself enough to respond to him.  What should she say?

“Elena?”  Stepping
up to her, he cupped her chin and angled her face up to his.  He looked at her, gauging her condition.  “Are you with me?  You told me you weren’t flying, was that true?”  His beautiful blue eyes searched hers.

“Yes, Sir.  I’m just still in orgasm recovery,” she lied calmly.  She didn’t know how because she was actually feeling totally devastated.  “It took a bit out of me, is all.”

“Yes, it has been a while for you then, hasn’t it?  Let me get you some chocolate which will help.”  He quickly produced a piece of Dove chocolate and held it against her lips.  “Take some time and relax.  I have the room for another hour.  Oh, I almost forgot.”  He crossed the room where his black toy bag lay and removed some papers.  “Here is a limit list that I want returned before our next session, say by Friday.  I’ll need it to prepare for our next appointment.”

Still stunned by his rather business-like unemotional demeanor, Elena took the papers staring down at them blankly. 

“I have marked out the play and implements that are off limits for me.  I want you to mark the rest with a yes, no or willing to try.  I am sure you have broadened your horizons in the time you have been gone, but I don’t want to make any assumptions.”

Elena frowned she didn’t know Dex had a limit list.  She quickly scanned the checklist noticing that the whip had been marked out leaving only crops, straps, paddles and floggers under impact play.  “You don’t use your single tail anymore, Sir?”

“Of course, but that kind of intense play calls for a great deal of trust and intimacy. I don’t include any type of edge play in an ROA arrangement.”  He stood before her then, the room was set to rights and she noticed he had his bag in his hand.  Their time together was obviously at an end.  “I’ll have Master Jason come up then” he consulted his watch, “in about forty-five minutes and give you a ride home.”

Elena stood and crossed the room climbing in bed in an attempt to hide from his intense gaze.  “Thank you Sir, but I have a ride with Ronnie from my band.  Can I get back to you about our next-?”  She could barely bring herself to say it, “appointment?”

“Certainly, call me here at The Club.  If you don’t get me leave a voice mail.”  He pulled a card from his bag and she watched him set it atop her folded clothes. 

Just like a business arrangement, she was like one of his clients.  She realized she should be glad he wasn’t charging her for his time.  She lay down on the big bed and curled up in a ball pulling the sub blanket still closer around her.  Her back was to him so he couldn’t see her face.  “Are you all right for me to leave?  I have to get ready for a client at 10:30.”

“Yes, Sir.  I’m fine.”  She cleared her throat of the tears building.  Begging silently, please just go before I break down.  She swallowed and hoped her voice wouldn’t give away her emotions when she spoke again.   “I don’t want to keep you.”

“Nonsense.  Aftercare is part of the play if you remember.”  He approached the bed. 

She breathed deeply, trying to do so quietly so as not to give away her level of distress.  She continued her silent plea; please go, please go, please, just go!   She felt his heavy hand against her shoulder and he squeezed.  Elena closed her eyes tightly and tears escaped.  She realized it was the first sign of affection he had given her.  Her mind reeled as she grasped the fact that he had never once kissed her, caressed her or touched her in any way other than what was required for the scene.  He hadn’t even used her name during the scene, just calling her sub.  Devices had been used to stimulate her nipples and he had barely even touched her himself.  Lord, he had even used a vibe to stimulate her clit.  Their skin hadn’t touched other than his fingers occasionally because he hadn’t even removed his clothes.  A condom had covered his cock and she was surprised now that he hadn’t worn it while he used her mouth.  He obviously didn’t want her touch because he hadn’t allowed her to touch him, caress or hold him in any fashion.  Oh God, she lamented, he must really despise her.   Or rather he was indifferent and felt nothing for her any longer except as a sub to meet his sexual needs.  She didn’t know which would be worse.

“I enjoyed our scene, Elena and will look forward to hearing from you about next week.”  He removed his hand and she knew he stood there looking down on her. 

She implored him silently; please go now, just go! Outwardly she nodded and faked a yawn, soundlessly begging for him to leave so she could have her meltdown in private.

Finally, her prayer was granted and she heard him cross the room.  The door opened with a slight squeak before he said “I’ll send Jason in to check on you in a little while.”

She nodded again.  Her control was almost gone and she didn’t think she could keep it together another second longer when she heard the door closed behind him.  She lay there listening to make sure he was gone.  A minute passed, then five, maybe ten.  She finally rolled onto her back and swept the room with her tear-filled eyes.  Thankfully it was empty as the tears began to flow unrestrained.  She pulled her knees up as a pain seared through her heart.  This pain was worse than the broken ribs Luis had caused when he kicked her. 

In a panic, she leapt from the bed and stumbled to her clothes.  She looked at the card he had left and the words blurred as a large tear splashed on the embossed paper.  It fell from her numb fingers as she realized she had to get out of there.  She’d call Sean tomorrow and let him know.  She couldn’t come back.

Chapter Nine

Dex stopped just outside the door and shook violently as he collapsed against the wall.  He had to collect himself before he lost it, had to lock it down before he had a complete breakdown.  He couldn’t believe he had treated her like that.  He had planned to be remote and remain detached but he had never treated any submissive as coldly as he had Elena just now.  He should really go back in there to check on her and apologize.  But bastard that he was, he didn’t. 

Her leaving had left him shattered and with another year left on his Army contract, he had become brash and reckless.  He didn’t care what risks he took and often went OFP, on his own fucking program as they called it.  He never risked the team, though, because his men’s safety was his prime directive.  He had been called out by Cap and Rick a time or two when he took unnecessary risks on his own. 

During that year
, he had erected shields around his heart and resolved that he wouldn’t open himself up to another woman.  The pain, heartache and loneliness when Elena left him were unbearable and he wouldn’t risk his heart again.   So he shored up those shields again now.  If he couldn’t have a healthy, trusting relationship with her, he would fuck her, dominate her and play as often as he could hoping to get her and the need for her out of his system.  He had built emotional shields.  Maybe if he had her enough he could erect physical shields too, or at least develop a tolerance.

He told himself she was no more to him than any of his other sub contracts.  He tried to convince himself, except he was lying.  The others, even new subs that were complete strangers got some kindness and affection from him.  He had treated Elena worse than a business contact he met on any given day at The Club, polite but impersonal.  He purposely had kept his distance and limited the intimacy of the scene.  He hadn’t kissed her, he couldn’t bear it.  He hadn’t held her or caressed her that would have ravaged his already tortured soul.  He intentionally kept himself removed from the scene.  Christ, he hadn’t even taken her pussy.  That just seemed too intimate.  Her ass and a blowjob seemed more clinical.  But it had backfired because it had been absolutely fantastic to be with her again and reignited the burning desire in his gut.  He wanted her, his body yearned for her and even now, after having her less than fifteen minutes ago, his cock remained as hard as steel, his desire for her still raging inside him.  No woman before her or since had made him feel like she did.  What did he do now? 

Cap and Sean were reviewing some paperwork in the conference room late when Dex came storming into the administrative suite.  Without a word he stomped into his office and slammed the door hard enough that a couple of pictures fell off the wall in the hallway and shattered.  The two men waited about ten minutes giving him time to cool off a bit before braving the beast.  Sean knocked tentatively on his office door.

“Fuck off!”

Sean and Cap shared a look of unease before trying again.  Knowing Dex for as long as they had, they knew when he used the F-word something was up.  This time Cap called out, “Dex, we’re coming in.”  He didn’t bother waiting for a response or asking for permission and pushed the door open.  The sight of their usually tee totaling friend with a half empty bottle of Jack Daniels in his hand convinced them that this was serious.  They also knew immediately that Elena was at the bottom of it all.  Who other than a woman could cause a man to drink while holed up in his office, alone?  Especially a man like Dex, who didn’t usually drink at all.

“I don’t take orders from you at The Club Cap and only do out of respect for your position at the firm.  We’re not in the Army anymore so I am my own man.  So why don’t you and that traitorous bastard beside you just back off and leave.”

“OK, Dex we’ll go but first I gotta say my piece.”  Cap walked across the office and stood looking down at his friend across the big desk.  This was Dex’s domain.  He was the Master Dom for The Club and everyone knew it.  Despite their equal controlling shares. all the other owners ceded the control and responsibility to Dex because it was well earned.  He had the experience as a Dom and the business acumen to run The Club successfully.  Even Sean who helped manage club operations would tell anyone that he was the boss.  Tonight, Dex was hurting and whether or not the big, bad boss wanted to hear a little advice from his former Captain, he was going to.

“Life is short, buddy.  Anyone who served active duty knows that.  You gotta live for the moment.  Believe me, I learned it the hard way.  I wasted fifteen years playing around when I could have been with Megan, then I almost lost her.  If those assholes had killed her, I would have regretted that wasted time for the rest of my days.  Now, I don’t know what is going on between you and Elena but you have to reconcile yourself to the fact that there are still strong emotions there.  Ever since she left, you have been absolutely miserable.”

“I was doing fine before this bastard Sean had to bring her into The Club and stir up all this shit.”

“That just shows that the feelings are still there and still raw, Dex.  If those feelings are love or caring or even a fraction of what you had, you owe it to the both of you to give it another go.  If its hate or bitterness or a desire to pay her back for the hurt she caused, you have to cut her loose, man.  Don’t go down this path of playing with her and tormenting yourself.”

Dex rubbed his face with his hands before he raised his weary, red eyes to Tony.  “I know, but I am so messed up, Cap!  How can I be so angry with her that I want to wrap my hands around her throat, but at the same time want to fuck her into oblivion?  One minute, I want to get out my single tail to punish her and the next all I’m thinking about is holding her close and staring into her beautiful, brown eyes.”  Dex growled low in frustration.  “I am so screwed, Cap.  I thought I had all this shit locked down.”  His eyes swung to Sean and seared his friend with an angry glare, “Until she showed up here that is.”

“Hell, Dex.  I’m sorry.”  Sean walked up beside Cap.  “But think about it, she came back for a reason, man.  There were a lot of clubs she and her band could have gone to.  She’s really good.  Have you thought about why she chose this particular club?  It’s not exactly mainstream and if she wants to work on her career the exposure here is very limited and won’t necessarily help her cause.  She’s obviously searching for something, or someone and I think it’s you, man.”

“I agree with Sean.  Megan told me she had lunch with her the other day.  She told her she’s been out of the scene for over a year and hasn’t had any relationships since she left here.  What would bring her to this club if not you?  I think you owe it to yourselves to try to put whatever happened behind you and try again.  If you don’t, you’ll always be wondering what if.  I’d hate that for you man, especially if Elena is your one.”  Cap paused and looked at his friend; the poor bastard was a wreck.  He sympathized with him because it wasn’t all that long ago when he was in his shoes.

“Now we’ve said our piece, so we’ll leave you alone to commune with ‘ole Jack D
aniels there.  Hopefully, he can offer some wisdom that will clear things up in your mind if our opinions did not.”  Cap turned to leave.  “Come on Sean, let’s finish.  I need to get home to Megan.  I hate to leave her alone for too long these days.”  

Dex found himself alone staring at the closed door realizing the wisdom in his friends’ words.  He still loved her despite the pain she had caused.  The loneliness surrounded him like a heavy fog.  He had been alone for too long now.  Ever since she left there had been a hollow place inside him that couldn’t be filled.  He took another long draw from the bottle, even though he knew, that wouldn’t fill the void either.

The next day Sean called a hung-over Dex into his office and played him a voice mail. 

Sean, it’s Elena, I’m sorry to do this
, but I’m going to have to cancel our contract effective immediately.

The Club, the crowds are fantastic but it’s just…well, it’s just too painful for me.

I’m not in the scene anymore for personal reasons and it is just too intense for me and brings back too many old memories.  Whatever fines or expenses you feel are reasonable for this breach, I’ll pay them.  Somehow. 

You have my number so let me know what I owe.  I’ll send you a check by mail because I won’t be back.
                                                                     

The following week Dex was unbearable.  Sean confronted him and he admitted that he hated it but he couldn’t get her out of his head.  He was consumed with thoughts of her.  Despite her actions, he still wanted her and still had feelings for her.  As Elena had said, fate is a cruel master.  It intervened a week later, throwing Dex and Elena back together.