Little Light of Mine (Club Decadence) (6 page)

“I love you, Elena.”

“I love you too, Dex.  Always will.”

As he looked into her tear-filled eyes he followed a teardrop as it spilled over wet spiky lashes and slid down her cheek into her hair.  “Please, talk to me,” he begged.

“Tired,” she murmured and then yawned, the tears had drained her.

Dex frowned and leaned forward.  “Ok, you rest now and I’ll be here when you wake up.  We can talk then.”

She sighed in response and then drifted off.  Dex gave her another gentle kiss on her forehead, tucked the covers up around her and then stroked her hair with his big hand as she slept.  He sat next to her, soaking up every detail of her being - the fan of her long lashes against her fair skin, the small little huff of air passing between her full lips, the curve of her soft cheek as it rested against her palm.  His eyes drifted to the small white bandage covering the fresh scar on the inside of her wrist.  It would be an enduring symbol of this time in her life and the degree of her inner torment and pain.  Unable to resist, he stroked the silky length of her long dark hair.  She was so beautiful, and his chest constricted painfully as he thought of how close he had come to losing her. 

Dex spent the next forty-eight hours by her side.  Too soon, the time came for his flight that would take him back to the war in Afghanistan and thousands of miles away from her.  His leave was up and Dex was leaving frustrated and still single.  He hadn’t been able to convince Elena to get married on Saturday and her parents had supported that decision.  He also hadn’t gotten her to open up and tell him what was wrong so his tortured mind continued to come up with horrific possibilities. 

When it was time to leave, she accompanied him to the airport with her parents.  At boarding time, they stepped away and gave them privacy to say their goodbyes.

“Your outpatient therapy starts tomorrow.  If you won’t talk to me or your folks, open up to your therapist.  Whatever is bothering you, they can help. “

“I will, Dex.”

“Promise me, Elena.”

“I promis
e
mi am
o
.”

He pulled her close and whispered into her fragrant hair.  
“
Te amo
,
my beautiful slave.”  He didn’t see how those words, which had previously warmed her heart as a sign of his affection, now haunted her in Luis’ voice.  “I love you so much, Elena.  Promise me you won’t do anything to harm yourself, ever again.   I couldn’t stand it.”

“I promise, Sir.  I know that isn’t the answer.”

“Good. I hate leaving you, but three months will fly by till I’m home again for the wedding.  Only ten months until I’ll be home for good and we can start our life together.”   A tear rolled down her cheek and he kissed it away. 

“That sounds like a dream, Dex.”

“A dream come true, little light.  Now, I expect you to email and text me every day.  And, I will call or Skype every day I am able to.” 

His flight was called again and he had to go.  Reluctant to let her go, he captured her mouth in a deep, scorching kiss.  He finally pulled away and guided her back to her parents who stood nearby.  He shook Hector’s hand and gave Maria a big bear hug.  With a parting “take care of my girl,” he was off to the passenger-restricted area.  Before turning the last corner, he turned to look at her again.  She waved at him, her eyes glistening with unshed tears.  Never one to put much credence into premonitions or portents of doom, he had to acknowledge the foreboding chill that crept up his spine. 

When Dex returned to Afghanistan and re-joined his team, he was in a foul mood and his teammates gave him a wide berth.  Before transferring to the military plane for the last leg of his journey, he had checked his email.  In his inbox was a message from Elena.

Dear Dex,

I’m sorry I was too much of a coward to tell you to your face, but I can’t do this anymore.  I am moving to California.  I have taken a job as a back-up singer and the tour starts in four weeks. 

I can’t let you sacrifice for me.  I love you but I’m totally messed up.  I promise I will stay in therapy and I promise I’ll never attempt to take my life again.  I love you enough to let you go.  Please find someone emotionally healthy.  You deserve that. 

I didn’t lie when I said I love you.  I always will.  I’m just not good enough for you.

Please be happy. 

Elena

Chapter Five

Two years later

Elena waited patiently for Master Sean to meet her in the lounge.  She had an audition scheduled and she and her band mates had been set up and waiting for at least thirty minutes.  Suddenly, the double doors leading backstage and to the administrative areas swung open and Sean O’Brien came striding out. 

He was tall, muscular and handsome beyond words, just like all the other team members.  Elena often wondered what it was about the Special Forces that seemed to attract the most striking men.  Men like Dex and Master Sean. 

“Well, well, well… Elena Lopez.  I haven’t seen you in years; how long has it been?”  His eyes swept over her and she knew she was barely recognizable from the woman in his memories.  She had cut her long dark hair into a short style and dyed it jet-black.   The Goth stage makeup she wore was heavy and a stark contrast to her delicate bone structure and included heavy black eyeliner and dark smoky shadow.  She had forgone the black lipstick and exchanged it for a deep, seductive red. 

She sported several new tattoos.  At her throat and wrists were matching black curlicues of ink that resembled a lace choker and bracelets.  Her black lace dress was low cut in the front and showed off her small, rounded breasts.  Thank God for push-up bras.  On the exposed upper curve of her right breast was a tattoo  - a rose bud with a thorny stem and a droplet of red blood dripping from it.  Her own designs, the meaning kept secret from anyone even her closet friends.  It was a reminder of how something with so much beauty and potential could turn ugly and painful. 

She was thinner than she had been when she and Dex had hung out with Sean and his sub Mara.  She felt Sean’s intelligent eyes taking it all in.  Feeling uncomfortable under his intense scrutiny, she tried to redirect his focus and asked, “How is Mara?  I’ve missed her.”

Sean stiffened and his face took on a tight, pained expression briefly before donning its usual Dom mask.  “I wouldn’t know.  We split up about a year ago.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry!”  Elena was surprised.  They had been together for years, through their long deployment overseas and had been engaged before she’d left for California.  “You always seemed so happy.”

“Yeah, so did you and Dex.”  She sucked in a painful gasp of air.  “Appearances can be deceiving.  Enough of memory lane, shall we get on with the audition?”

“Yes, what can we play for you?  We have a full catalog of covers.  Rock, pop, jazz, R&B, name your poison.”

“Our member’s like to dance both fast and slow, so let me hear some of that.”

Elena picked up her guitar and they began a set of covers by Kelly Clarkson, Pink, Alicia Keys, Jessie J and she even threw in a country tune by Lonestar.  When they finished she stood looking expectantly at Sean.  She knew they were good, she just wondered if he could put aside her history with Dex and give her the gig.

“Wow.  Elena, I had no idea.  Dex told me you could play guitar and sing but I never knew.”  He stared at her with a slight upturn to one side of his mouth.  She found it sexy.  Not Dex sexy, but very nice.  “OK can you do a few ballads?  Sometimes, toward the end of the night we like a slowdown set to bring the house back down before last call.”

“No problem.” She put down her guitar and turned to Seth her piano man who got up as she slid in his place.  With her nod they opened into Billy Joel’
s
And So It Goes.
 
Her soulful voice sang the haunting melody of the end of a relationship.  It was one of the few songs Elena could play on the piano with confidence, perfected after her painful breakup with Dex.  It had also inspired her to get the rose tattoo.

She always poured herself into the ballad.  Her emotions
were laid bare as she closed her eyes and sang the heartrending lyrics, opening them only when the last chord had resonated throughout the empty lounge.  She opened her eyes and looked at Sean.  He had a frown on his face.  Standing next to him was Regan Sinclair; no she was a Spencer now.  Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she stared at her old friend.

“Every time I’ve held a rose, it seems I only felt the thorns.  Very moving lyrics, but so very sad.”  Sean’s questioning gaze slipped to her chest and looked at the rose tattooed there.  He arched a brow in silent question.  She dropped her chin and cleared her throat, uncomfortable in his presence once again.  Had he always been this perceptive? 

“I have others that are more upbeat, but most ballads are pretty sad.  Well, what do you think?”

“I should really run this past Dex first.”

“Oh.” Her voice was full of disappointment.  Dex would never agree.  “Well, thanks for the audition anyway.  We’ll get loaded up and be out in a few minutes.”

Regan elbowed Sean in the ribs.  He grunted and looked down at her with a frown.  She whispered, “You can’t let her go, Sean.  He needs her.”

Sean looked at his best friend’s ex.  She was hurting as much as Dex was.  He knew it.  Maybe with proximity…  “Elena.”  His soft, deep voice called to her and she turned back in question.  “You misunderstood.  I said I should run it by Dex, not that I’m going to.  When he’s on a case, I’m the managing partner and my decisions are final.  Can you start on Friday?”

Chapter Six

Dex strode through the parking lot and noticed The Club was packed for a Wednesday.  What was going on tonight?  He didn’t remember any special events planned for the month.  As he climbed the front steps, he nodded a greeting to a tall, slender blonde logging in members at the front door.  Attractive and eager to please, she had been hired by Dex as a club submissive, which meant she was unattached and interested in learning and training in the lifestyle.  Her goal was to find a permanent Dom among the members.  The blonde was naturally submissive and very obedient and Dex had thought about playing with her but she lacked a certain something, a spark to ignite his interest.  Maybe he would give her a try.  It had been a long time since he had been with a submissive and he was getting restless.  She called to him as he was entering the administrative suite just off the lobby. 

“Master Dex?” 

“Yes Shelby?”

“Master Sean asked that you check in with him as soon as you arrive.”

“Is he on the floor or in his office?”

“His office, Sir.”

Relieved to be back in familiar surroundings, Dex whistled as he walked to Sean’s office, which was just down the hall from his.  The door was closed but he barged right in.  Sean had ordered him to look him up first thing, after all. 

He paused in the doorway and watched for a moment as the sub kneeling before his best friend did a noteworthy job of deep throating him.  Sean was gripping her long dark hair with his eyes closed and his head thrown back.  Neither of the two noticed his arrival.  “Is this a bad time, buddy?”

“Fuck!”  Startled, Sean’s eyes flew open, and he curled forward as his sub’s mouth pulled off his cock when she turned her head at the interruption.  “I didn’t tell you to stop, Ginny.  Keep going and watch your teeth this time.”

Sean looked at his friend who stood in the doorway, obviously enjoying his discomfort.  “Ever heard of knocking, bro?”

“Not when I’m summoned to the boss’ office first thing.  I can come back.”

“No, wait.  Take a look at the contracts I put on your desk before you hit the floor.”

“Hell no!  I aim to find me a warm and willing subbie; pleasure before business tonight, friend.  I’ve been gone a month and I’m about to get a serious case of blue balls.”

“Wait, Dex.  I really need you to look at those contracts.”  His sub must have stepped up her game because Sean groaned suddenly and sucked in a deep breath.  He turned lust-hazed eyes on his partner.  “It’s important.  Look at them first.  I’ll explain later.”

Dex frowned slightly, but in too good a mood to be put off by business he left them, leaving the door open as he went.  “Asshole!” He heard Sean complain after him then “Good girl, Ginny.  Get ready to swallow it down, every drop.”

Dex opened his office door and groaned when he saw the stack of papers on his desk.  He flipped through the top few and saw standard D/s contracts for new members, lab reports, and an agreement for a new band.  Not seeing the item of importance he impatiently dropped the papers back to the desktop.  “The hell with it. Pussy now, paperwork later.”

He moved down the hall and out to the lounge where he saw a large crowd packed into the room and dancing to an impressive version of Kelly Clarkson’s “Dark Side”.  He pushed his way through to the bar and ordered a double shot of JD.  Ben was tending bar and welcomed him back straightaway.

“Dex!  How’s it going man?  You’ve been gone awhile this time.”

“Yeah, I had an interesting bounty case. This skip had very little brains but a whole lot of balls.”  He laughed as he recalled the arrest of the bail violator.  He always enjoyed a good chase.  “He made it challenging for a change.”

He turned around and scanned the bar area.  The crowd appeared to be overflowing from the lounge into the bar as people were jockeying for positions closer to the stage.

“What’s going on?  I’ve never seen a crowd like this on a Wednesday.”

“It’s Rose.  She and the band are quite a draw.  She plays on Wednesday, Fridays and Saturdays.  The members love her.”

“Rose?”  The next song changed to a slower popular song.  The familiar strains of a throaty alto singing Katy Perry’s “I’m Wide Awake
”
encompassed the room.  His eyes flew to the stage.  A petite black haired woman was spotlighted as she played her guitar.  Tattoos, wrong hair, thinner, it didn’t matter he would recognize Elena Lopez and that voice anywhere.  “What is she doing here?”

“Uh, Sean hired her.  She has been playing here for about three weeks already.  As you can see she’s quite popular.”

“Her name’s Elena.  Why’d you call her Rose?

“The Doms nicknamed her that, for her tattoo.”

“Tattoo?”

“Yeah.  A blood red rose right over her breast.”

“I’m gonna kill Sean.”

Regan spotted him first.  The crowd parted for the large man with the very angry face.  His eyes blazed with fury as they locked onto the stage, oblivious to the other club members scrambling out of his way.  “Uh oh!”

Rick turned to his wife in concern.  “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

She pointed a red tipped finger toward the back of the lounge.  “Dex!”

Four heads turned his way; Megan echoed her words “Uh oh!” 

Rick, Cap and Master Peter jumped to their feet, each murmuring a low curse as they moved to head off their friend.  They came together in the middle of the lounge just as Elena finished her song.  Heads turned as his low voice carried across the crowded room. 

“No fuckin’ way!”

As if on cue, the stage lights dimmed and Elena announced softly, “We’re going to take a short break and be back in fifteen.  I think.”

She turned and hurried toward the stairs leading backstage.  Her eyes locked with the furious man who blocked her way and she stiffened in alarm. She had been dreading their first meeting for good reason; he was absolutely livid.  Elena broke the eye contact first. If she didn’t know him so well, hadn’t studied every detail and mannerism of his handsome face she wouldn’t be able to recognize the extent of his anger.  Although he outwardly appeared to be in control, she could tell he was about ready to explode. 

Overwhelmed by the sheer masculine presence of this man, Elena bowed her head clasping her hands nervously.  She didn’t want to do this with him, at least not here.  As she looked around, she saw many of the guests hadn’t left but were watching them, waiting for another show.  She wasn’t into that type of entertainment.  If he was going to throw her out, he
could do it backstage.  She made a cowardly turn out of self-preservation and - rushing across the stage to the other exit - escaped into her makeshift dressing room. 

Dex immediately attempted to follow, intent to have it out with her straightaway only to be stopped short by Rick and Cap whose massive frames easily made the way impassable.  “Dex, you’ve got to calm down before you do something you’ll regret.”

“Throwing that woman out of The Club isn’t going to cause me any regrets, Cap.”

He tried to move around Cap, only to come chest to chest with Rick.  “At least count to ten before you do it, Dex.  You need to control your shit, man.”

“I stopped taking orders from both of you when I was discharged.  Let me by.”

Joanna, Master Peter and Regan appeared before him suddenly.  “Dex, please go easy on her.  She’s had a rough time lately.”  Joanna pleaded. 

“Her daddy had a stroke, Dex.  She came back to help her mama take care of him.”  Regan added.

Dex let that news sink in for a second. It was unfortunate but it didn't matter to him.  Shit happens and you deal with it.  It didn’t mean you could run away and hide for two years.

“Dex, give her a chance to explain.”  Joanna put her hand on his steely arm. 

“Sorry, Jo.  She had her chance.  I’ve moved on and she isn’t dragging me back into her shit!”

“You haven’t moved on, Dex.” Regan put her hand on his other arm and squeezed.  “She hasn’t either.  She’s alone.  You both are.”

Dex frowned at both women then raised his gaze to the men who stood at their backs.  “Control your subs gentlemen; they are both very close to violating club rules.  With the mood I’m in it wouldn’t take much for me to order a public punishment for their infractions.”  Shrugging off their hands, he moved around the well-meaning group to go back stage and confront his former fiancée.  He knew he was acting like an ass to his friends and their subs but he’d deal with the aftermath later.  He could only handle one disaster at a time.

Elena waited in her dressing room, if you could call it that.  It was more like a closet, made up of paper-thin walls, a flimsy door and a mobile partition.  In the crowded backstage area that she shared with her band, it granted only a modicum of privacy for a wardrobe change but not much else.  Still, she paced the cramped cluttered area all the while wringing her hands.  Any minute now she would face Hurricane Dex who would rain down a storm of monumental proportions.  She had prepared herself for this, knowing when she asked to work in his club that this confrontation was inevitable. 

The door slammed back on its hinges as Dex entered the room.  The mask was gone and his emotions were revealed clearly on his face - rage, indignation, and hostility.  He wasted no time demonstrating that fact.   “You can finish the night and then I want you gone.  Don’t come back.  Don’t contact my partners and worm your way back in here.  Your run at The Club is over.”   This was said in a cold, steely voice she barely recognized. 

“Sean said you had moved on.  I guess he was wrong.  I’m so sorry.”

“Moved on?  That’s priceless.  What the hell does that mean anyway?  How do you move on from a relationship that ended with a Dear John letter?  It wasn’t even a letter but a goddamned email!  You don’t move on from being treated like that.  That kind of betrayal burns deep in your gut for a long damn time.”

Tears threatened.  She hadn’t cried in over a year having learned to conquer her emotions and suppress them.  They didn’t accomplish anything anyway, just made you appear weak.

“Honestly, Dex.  I didn’t mean to hurt you or reject you.  I was dealing with some major stuff.”

“Really, and I wasn’t?”  The disdain practically dripped from his words.  “I guess my “stuff” didn’t matter.  It was all about you.  You never gave me the opportunity to help you deal with your stuff, major or otherwise.  We were engaged, Elena.  We also had a contract.  You were supposed to be open and honest with me, but you lied.  You sent me back to war thinking we were good, that everything was going to be OK, that we were still getting married.”

What did she say to that other than she was sorry?  Her breathing was erratic as she tried to keep the tears at bay as the pain of his words ripped through her.  No way had he moved on.  He was heartbroken and bitter, but could she really blame him?  She had brutally dumped him without any explanation.

“What have you done to yourself?  I barely recognized you up on stage.”  The sudden change of topic was startling and he paused to let his harsh words sink in, knowing he was being intentionally cruel.  But he was angry and hurt and wanted to strike back.  Watching as Elena reached up to her short black curls, he knew his words made her feel self-conscious.  Her hair had been to her waist and a medium brown when she left.  He had loved it, always stroking its silky softness, playing with it and brushing it out for her.  Never a fan of body art, he grieved for her once flawless skin.  As if she could hear his thoughts, her hand swept down her throat over her tattoo.  Her fingers lingered over the script E at the center as if she could feel every line.

Ignoring his personal attack she pleaded in a weak, raspy voice, “Dex, you don’t understand.  Things changed…”

His eyes fell to her hand and he grunted when her fingers splayed across the rose tattoo on her breast.  “You’ve changed all right.  At least I’ll never confuse the new Rose with the Elena I once loved.”  Elena gasped.  A knife in the gut would have wounded less than his words. 

“I hired a private investigator to follow you.”  Seeing her shocked expression angered him further.  “Dammit Elena, you attempted suicide then just disappeared.  I was stuck thousands of miles away and had to do something.  It’s not like I could go after you myself.  I was in God forsaken Kandahar for crying out loud.  Did you think I would just walk away?  For Christ’s sake, I loved you.”  He ran his long fingers through his hair in frustration.  When she didn’t reply he went on relentlessly spewing two years’ worth of bitterness and frustration.  “It took a while for the guy to find you but when he did… 

“It really isn’t what you think Dex.”  Knowing that whatever the P.I found couldn’t have been good, she braced herself for what came next.

“I didn’t know what to think.  All I knew was you left me and the only life you’d ever known to start running with a pretty fast crowd for some reason.  You left your family, your friends without a word of explanation.  What possessed you?  Was your life here not exciting enough?  I saw you at those fancy parties, with the expensive clothes and all those celebrities, then there
were the drugs, and let’s not forget the California club scene.” 

She choked out, “You were there?”  Humiliation swept through her.  How could that be?  Dex was still in Afghanistan while she had attended those parties and visited those public sex clubs.  It was all before she stopped using and entered rehab.