Let Me Love You (Love #4) (25 page)

“Alexis Kamryn was born at seven eleven. She’s the smaller one, only five pounds two ounces.” Mason reaches up to wipe another tear away. All the girls squeal. “Caleb Anthony was born at seven twenty and weighs five pounds eight ounces.”

MacKenzie is first to throw herself in her brother’s arms, congratulating him, and then the rest of us follow suit. After a few minutes Mason says to follow him and we do, anxious to get our first glimpse at the new beautiful babies being given a bath in the nursery. They’re both screaming, probably wishing that they could go back in where they came out.

We’re all standing around oooh’ing and aaah’ing and I find myself separated, just slightly away from the group. I have my hands planted on the railing in front of the window as a few tears slide down my face. She has my life, a perfectly fucking gorgeous life. I want that so badly.

Why can’t I have it?

Someone nudges me with their shoulder and I sigh, a smile graces my lips, tender, but there. I don’t even need to look to see who it is because I can smell the dirt and grass mixed with the clean scent that Cooper carries about himself. My body knows he’s close and has me leaning towards him, wanting just a touch, if only brief.

“You okay?” He asks, staring at his niece and nephew. The sound of his voice sends my pulse racing.

“They’re perfect.” I respond because I don’t want to answer his question. I’m not okay.

Cooper mumbles what seems like, ‘so are you’, but I can’t be certain. We stand there for a while lost in our own thoughts but not looking at each other. A few of us at a time stop in and check on Hailey and congratulate her and then, when we’ve all had our turns we each go our separate ways.

Why can’t I have that?

Because I can’t seem to even follow his lead. I could change it right now if I want to. I don’t though. Something is holding me here, living this life because I’m afraid of that other one. I wish I could just let go as easily as he did.

If I ever want that life, I have to live by the saying that’s bared on my soul and inhale the future, whatever it may be. If I want a future with Cooper, what’s stopping me?

Cooper catches me in the lobby of the hospital on my way out.

“Jay,” Cooper jogs over to me. “You didn’t answer me up there.”

I cock my head to the side, he’s kidding me right? “No Coop, I’m not okay. Do you expect me to be?” My anger slips, I’ve held back for too long. “I’m jealous of my best friends and my brother; they have what I want and can’t have. So, now you know. I’m not okay.” I turn and walk away.

I really hope Eli’s plan works because if it doesn’t I don’t know what I’m going to do.

Being home and in my own bed is the greatest feeling in the world. Well, not the greatest, but it’s pretty fucking good. Despite my best efforts to ignore it, my elbow continued to constantly ache out on the road. In the end, the coaches noticed and made me go have it checked out. Turned out to be a bruise on the bone and some swelling, nothing serious but it hurts like a son of a bitch. I’m glad we have this two week break before the season starts so I can rest it.

Wednesday evening I decide to take my bike out for a ride. The weather is perfect, not too cold, not too hot. It’s probably not the best idea with my elbow pain but I think I can handle it. I need the speed, the adrenaline rush, the wind whipping around me to clear my head.

I know that I want Jaylinn back, I don’t want to be apart from her any longer but I’m not sure how to prove it to her; or even how I go about telling her that. Plus I broke my promise about not telling anyone what happened to her. When she finds that out, it might well and truly be the last inning for us.

I grab the keys to my family’s shore house out in Seaside, figuring I could make a stop there and rest for a little while. It’s a nice long ride, about an hour away, plenty of open roads. More importantly than that, if I get down there and my elbow is too sore to drive back, I won’t be stranded. I could always stay at Fierce but I need quiet to clear my head and I’ll never get that there.

I decide to call Hunter and see if he wants to take a ride with me.

He answers on the first ring. “Hey.”

“I’m taking the bike out, want to go for a ride?”

Hunter moves the phone away from his mouth and yells at Ryder to stop screaming. “Sorry about that. When are you heading out?”

“Now.”

“Ah, sorry man. CC’s at the grocery store and I’m here with the kids.” Hunter clears his throat. “Maybe next time though.”

“Yeah sure. Talk to you later.” I end the call and stuff my phone in my pocket.

I walk into the garage and grab my helmet off the shelf, then reach for my jacket which hangs up over by the door. I place the helmet on the seat of the bike and slide into my black and grey riding jacket. Before I retrieve my helmet a memory of how excited Jaylinn was when she gave it to me comes to mind. I use my finger to trace over the number five that’s custom painted on the top of it. I grab the hem of my shirt and wipe away the finger prints that are all over the flaming baseballs on each side.

If I can just talk to her, like we used to, maybe I can make her see where I’m coming from, and where I’m at now.

Pushing the memories aside I open the garage door and back my bike out. I close the garage door and then slip my helmet on before starting up my bike. Something about the vibrations of the bike settles calms me enough to get my wits about me. It’s the noise that gets me, the steady rhythm that allows nothing but that noise.

As I pull out of my development, something urges me to drive past Jaylinn’s house just to see if she’s there. What would that hurt, right?

I honestly don’t know why I’m doing this, this isn’t me. I’ve never fought against something so hard in my life and yet here I am, practically stalking this girl just for a glimpse.

A few turns later and I’m riding down Jaylinn’s street, what surprises me the most is to see Eli’s fucking truck sitting in her driveway. Eli. As in
my
friend Eli.

I stop about a block away and pull off my helmet. A few minutes later Jaylinn and Eli walk out of her house laughing about something.

My blood swooshes in my ears and my heart is beating in overdrive. How could they do this to me? Eli isn’t like that; he’d never go after something that’s mine. Or would he? She isn’t mine though, I let her go. I watched her walk away from me. I shake my head trying to clear those thoughts out. I want her. She should be with me, not anyone else.

Part of me wants to demand what they’re doing together right now. The other part knows this isn’t my business. She’s not my business anymore.

Then there’s the part that knows I need to get out of here before I’m seen. I push my helmet back on and make a U-turn, heading back the way I came, my bike screaming as I do so.

Now I need this long drive more than anything to clear my head. They wouldn’t do this to me. Maybe Layla walked out a few seconds behind them and I missed? Yeah that has to be it.

I take the scenic route; needing the speed and control of the open road. The further I travel, the more relaxed I feel. When I get to the house, I park my bike in the driveway and take my helmet off. I walk up to the front door and unlock it. Everything is dark and cold from being closed up all winter. It smells like an attic or a basement that no one ever goes in and everything has settled.

Slipping off my jacket, I hang it on the back of a chair in the kitchen then put my helmet on the table. I walk out the back door, letting the sun warm by body from the chilly drive. It feels nice and relaxing.

The beach is deserted since it’s only April and it’s way too cold to play in the Atlantic. I kick my shoes off and then remove my socks and walk down the steps and past the sand dunes. I find a place in the sand and lay down.

It’s peaceful; the only sound is the waves crashing onshore and a seagull here or there. That’s when my mind drifts.

How did my life get like this? I used to be the player, never wanting to be tied down to one person. The cleat chasers were on speed dial whenever I felt the need for company. The only thing that ever mattered to me was baseball. That’s it.

Life was simple.

Add a girl into the mix and your whole world is knocked out of the park. One girl hit a grand slam and won the game, my heart. One that would forever be in the record books.

I need it back, her back. I’m ready to put the past in the past and start fresh.

My mind continues to spin; I can see our wedding playing out. I can see Jaylinn walking around a house, our house, bare foot and pregnant. I can picture a little girl with dark brown hair, blue eyes and looking just like Jaylinn.

I need that. I
want
all of that.

I decide to stop at the club and check in on things since I’m in town anyway. I park my bike around back and dig in my pocket for my keys to open the back door. The music is pulsing and I hear people singing along to the music.

I unlock the door to my office and put my helmet and jacket in there along with my wallet and phone. I close and lock the door behind me. I take a few steps down the hall and catch a glimpse of Jaylinn’s long dark hair. I stop where I am and watch her. She’s sitting in a booth with Eli, she leans forward, laughing again I can’t see her anymore so I quietly make my way over to them and step up next to the bar.

And then my heart stops, the world fades away. I try to take a breath but I can’t pull the air into my lungs because they’re frozen like the rest of me. Eli, my business partner and
friend
, just had his lips on Jaylinn. I grip the edge of the bar as the rage nestles itself deep inside me.

My blood pressure skyrockets, my face turns red and I begin to sweat. My body shakes from the rage fueled anger pulsing in my veins.

Both of them are oblivious to the fact I’m here as they continue to keep laughing at whatever it is they’re saying. Jaylinn’s head turns in my direction and she does a double take.

That’s when her eyes go wide and fear washes over her face, I see it right before me as she turns to Eli. Her lips move, as if she’s telling him I’m here.

My friend, if you can call him that now, looks over and I give a nod with my head for him to follow me. I don’t wait to see if he does because if he’s smart he will. I punch the door before unlocking my office and turn the light switch on.

Eli walks in with his hands on his hips, Jaylinn cowering behind him.