Let Me Love You (Love #4) (21 page)

“Want to dance, handsome?” Jaylinn says as she slides a hand on Eli’s shoulder. I guess she didn’t leave.

Her voice makes my body ache for her, to tell her how sorry I am and that we can figure out a way to get past this road block.

Eli grabs her hand and leads her to the dance floor. They’re swaying back and forth, talking to each other. I keep my emotions in check, this is my friend and my girl, they wouldn’t do this to me, would they? I can’t believe for a second that they would.

Hunter and MacKenzie both give me worried looks and I return the same look back. Jackson and Chloe are both looking like deer in headlights and it makes me chuckle.

“God, I’ve missed that sound.” Jaylinn says, surprising me. I look up and she and Eli are both exchanging a silent conversation.

“Can you take over? I’ve got to go check on things downstairs.” Eli asks.

He gives me a look that settles me. It’s like he knows how I feel without saying the words out loud. He knows what he’s doing is bothering me but by asking me to finish the dance he’s telling me that he’s not going after what I already claimed.

It’s a vast reminder of what could be happening with someone else. Jaylinn could have brought a date here tonight and that would have been a slap in my face but she didn’t.

I lead Jaylinn out on to the dance floor. She’s a little hesitant at first, unsure if this is what she should be doing. She squeezes her eyes shut and when she opens them all her resolves slips away. Jaylinn places a hand on my shoulder and her other one over my heart. My breath catches for just a minute as I nuzzle my nose in her hair, reveling in the smell of her shampoo, it smells like sunshine.

I back away slightly and clear my throat, “How are you doing?”

“Honestly?”

I give her a sad smile, “Always.”

She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “I’m fine.”

I cock an eye brow, “You’re lying.”

Jaylinn rolls her eyes, “I’m fine, Cooper. I’m not perfect but I’m dealing.”

Satisfied with her answer I bring her head to my chest and we sway back and forth to the beat of the music. She feels so fucking perfect wrapped in my arms. The smell of her hair and perfume settle something deep inside.

“I miss you, Cooper.” Jaylinn looks up to me with unshed tears in her eyes.

I don’t respond because I’m afraid of what I will say. I miss her too, probably more than she misses me. My heart is beating rapidly, I know she feels it. She still owns it and always will.

“I miss what we used to have.” Her voice breaks.

I sigh in defeat because I do too. I miss it so fucking much, “Me too.”

I want nothing more in the world than to claim her as mine but I failed her once and I can’t do it again. I couldn’t live with myself if I did.

“Things aren’t the same anymore are they?” She asks calmly, with no lighting of her eyes, no smile dancing across her face.

I hold her close to me, regretting this dance, this heartache for the both of us, but in a way I feel like it’s the closure we both need, the last play of the game. “People change, Jay. Memories don’t. You’re too good for me.”

She tenses under my hold; I know my words struck a chord with her. There is a chill between us that grows by each second. She turns on her heel and runs to the door that leads downstairs. I stand there and stare at the door she just left through.

It was too soon for this, we’re still too raw.

Hunter comes up beside me, “I’m trying to stay out of whatever the hell is going on with you two but you keep making it hard. Whatever it is, fix it before it can’t be fixed.” Hunter lets out a deep breath. “I don’t want to pick between you and her but I will if I have to.”

Hunter follows behind his sister as MacKenzie walks up next to me, followed by Jackson and Chloe.

“I’m sorry, Cooper.” MacKenzie says as she wraps her arms around my neck.

“Me too. I just don’t know what to do, Kenz.”

MacKenzie puts a hand to the side of my face, “I know that you’re holding back, Coop, but I don’t understand why.”

“It is me, I fucked up and I don’t know how to fix it.”

MacKenzie kisses me on the cheek, “You’re the smart twin, you’ll figure out.”

I chuckle, “Leave it to you to make me laugh.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Jackson and I exchange a handshake, “I’ll look out for her while you’re gone. Don’t worry about it, she’ll be fine.”

“Thanks man. I know she will be.”

Chloe kisses me on the cheek and whispers in my ear, “You’re the reason she’ll be okay.”

I wrap my arms around my sister in law, “Thanks.”

When the door shuts behind them I walk over to the bar and grab a glass to pour myself a drink.
What is that girl doing to my head? I thought everything was done and dusted.

Cooper’s been gone for three weeks and I’m barely holding it together. I was doing just fine but that changed the second he left for spring training. There was just something comforting about knowing he was only around the corner if I really needed him. I got my closure the other night at the club, but if I called him I still know he’d be at my side. Now that he’s gone everything in my life feels out of place, like the world has tipped on its axis. I’m not the type of person that gets overwhelmed; I always handle my problems head on, but with every day that passes I feel like the walls are caving in on me. Nothing is going right; nothing makes me happy, nothing is right in my world.

I’ve been hanging out with Hailey more than MacKenzie, Chloe, or even Layla because she can relate to what I’m going through. She’s all alone on bed rest and just as lonely as I am. Plus I live for the phone calls from Mason that she gets. Mason gives her the play by play on how his day is going and I know that Cooper is basically doing the same thing. It’s silly really to latch on to things like that but it’s all I have left.

On the days I have class I normally hang around and wait for Layla to get done with her classes. I’ve more or less become her taxi cab and I don’t mind. It gives me something to do with my time. Layla and I had a heart to heart about Cooper shortly after our “breakup”. I didn’t give her the whole story but enough of it to satisfy her and give her an understanding of what I was going through. When I was done telling her the story, I told her I was over it and ready to move on. She didn’t believe me for a second, I’m not surprised by that either. The more that Layla and I hung out, the closer we became and I realized that in some ways we were a lot alike, but in some we were very, very different.

“You’ve been in a funk since opening night at
Fierce
.” Layla complains.

It’s true, I have been. I used to feel like I was always moving two steps forward after that horrific night with Kevin. But now with everything I do I feel like I’m taking three steps back.

Sighing, “I know, I have been.” I agree.

“You need a little fun in your life.”

Layla has been pushing me to go out on a date, to have a little fun. She’s told me on more than one occasion that all I do is mope around. Unfortunately she’s right, but it’s the only way I can manage.

Thursday afternoon, in between classes, we’re sitting under one of the trees in the court yard. She points to a few guys that walk by.

“He’s cute.” Layla says, pointing to a tall skinny kid walking by.

I like a guy with some meat on his body, a nice smile, and beautiful eyes.
Blue grey eyes that belong to someone I’ll never have again.

“Clearly we have different taste,” I start to say before a guy that looks similar to Cooper walks by, “because…” I’ve completely lost my train of thought. The guy is dressed in black sneakers, tan cargo shorts and a black t-shirt that clings to his upper body. He’s got a black hat that’s pulled down low over his eyes, his jaw is strong and he carries himself with confidence.

Layla starts laughing, “Well, now we know what type of guy you’re into.”

The guy takes a seat at a bench not too far from where we are sitting and takes out a book from his book bag.

I glare at Layla, “Shut up.”

We were sitting here laughing and having a great time until her asshole boyfriend, Brian, shows up and rains on our parade. Layla’s demeanor changes instantly, she becomes a different person. She turns unsure and nervous.

“You have a way home?” Brian asks before kissing her on the lips.

I roll my eyes and look away.

Layla narrows her eyes at me, “Shithead here is taking me to work.”

Brian kisses her again before adjusting his book bag on his shoulder. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye.” Layla says timidly.

The second Brian leaves Layla becomes her normal self again. She’s like this every time Brian is around. Something is off with him but I’m just not sure what it is.

“Why do you do that?” I ask, annoyed by the fact that he has so much control over her.

She shrugs and takes a bite of a carrot stick from a container in her purse.

I roll my eyes, “You never answer me.” I slide my sunglasses down on my nose. “Why?”

She starts to shrug her shoulder again.

“Ugh,” I push my sunglasses back up and grab my
Kindle
out of my purse. I started a really great book last night and I want to finish it.

Layla clears her throat, “So what are your plans for tonight?”

“Oh, now you want to talk.” I respond, clearly irritated. “I’ve got to go over to Chloe’s and help get a few things ready for Hailey’s baby shower.”

She bites down on her carrot and looks over across the way. I turn to see what’s caught her attention.
Ryan.
Here we go again.

I place my
Kindle
back in my bag.
I guess I’ll have to finish it tonight when I get home.
I start gathering my books and Layla does the same.

“Hurry up.” I urge her.

She giggles, “You know, you should just go out on a date with him and make it painfully boring and then maybe he’ll leave you alone.”

“Hey Jay.” Ryan says in a low husky voice that comes out more like a growl.

“Oh hey Ryan, Layla and I are on our way out. She’s going to be late for work.”

Layla flat out laughs and I glare at her.
She isn’t helping me whatsoever.
“Oh yeah? Where do you work at Layla?”

“That new b---” Layla starts to say before I cut her off. “That new bistro down off College Drive.” I glance back over, hoping she’s going to play along.

“Yeah,” Ryan reaches up and scratches at the scruff around his face. “I’ve heard it was pretty nice.”

I raise my eyebrows at Layla whose eyes are jumping back and forth between Ryan and I. There isn’t a new bistro that opened up on College Drive, not that I know of. Clearly he’s just trying to keep the conversation going.

“Well, we’ve got to get going. We’ll talk to you later.” I grab Layla’s arm and drag her along behind me.

When we’ve gotten a few feet from him I spin on Layla, “Thanks for fucking helping me.”

She puts a hand up to cover her mouth, I know she’s laughing but she also knows I’m pissed off.

“I’m sorry. Who knew you could think so quick on your feet.” She snorts. “Is there really a new bistro on College Drive?”

“No,” I smile. “I totally pulled that out of my ass.”

Layla frowns, “Poor guy.”

I narrow my eyes at her, “Poor guy? What about poor me?”

“Just go out with him, get it over with and be done with him.” Layla says seriously as we reach my car. I hit the unlock button and we climb in.

“I don’t think that’s going to get rid of him.”

“You’ll never know.”

She’s right, I may never know. I mean, I could just go out on one date, in a public place, make it the most mind-numbing date ever and pray he doesn’t ask for another.

Sighing, “I’ll think about it.”

She reaches up to change the radio station. “Good.”

As I drive to drop Layla off the reality hits me that Cooper and I really are done. I’ll never have his strong arms wrapped around me late at night when it’s just the two of us. He’s not going to be there to dry the tears that are now falling down my face. My stomach tightens at the thought of starting a new relationship.