Katie's Forever Promise (22 page)

And that was how it had been in the beginning with Ben. Oh, how her heart had throbbed with the longing to ride in his buggy with him, to be with him, to be noticed by him. She'd longed for just one friendly glance from him. And when it happened, she'd lived with passion, with feeling, with desire, with love.

How different that was from how she was today. Drifting along. Not caring what happened. Accepting what crumbs were thrown her way. She didn't even stand up to Mabel when the teen had clearly been in the wrong. She was even willing to humiliate herself by being Mabel's bridesmaid after all Mabel and Norman had done against her.

What was she to do, Katie wondered. Would she have to accept
Mahlon, should he ask her, and try to be the best
frau
she could be while she loved another?
Mamm
would say she'd done this to herself—got herself into the mess. She'd say
Da Hah
would give her a love for her husband…eventually. After all,
Da Hah
had done that for
Mamm
…first for Katie's
daett
and then for Jesse. And
Mamm
hadn't been looking for love after being so rejected by the man she'd been infatuated with.

Katie got up to pace the floor again. But this was different.
Mamm
never had the opportunity to be with David Kauffman. To be loved by him. He'd never even asked to take her home or invited her to ride in his buggy. Daniel hadn't kissed
Mamm
, and
Mamm
had never snuggled up to him under a buggy blanket. Daniel had never written
Mamm
a note saying he was so very sorry for any wrong done and wishing her well in her life. Nor had Daniel ever been sent away even though his heart was still with the Amish. And that was exactly what had happened to Ben, Katie decided. And Ben loved her. She now knew that for sure.

Katie would go to him. She'd tell him thank you for the note. She'd ride into town, they would talk, and all would be well again. She would fly into his arms and kiss him, and they could be as they once were—two people in love and living in a world that was right for them.

Only it wouldn't be right, even if they both wished it so. Even if they both overlooked the wrong done by the other. And what would it accomplish to go to him? Without the community's acceptance, the world she knew would fly apart. Then what would she have left? But if she did nothing, what did she really have? And would Ben move away and begin a new life without knowing she still loved him?

Katie clenched her jaw. She would go see Ben this very afternoon. If she didn't go, she'd always wonder if she should have.
Yah
, she must do the hard thing and show
Mamm
the note and
tell her she had to go to Ben to thank him and talk to him.
Mamm
would object, but Katie would be strong and deal with it. Besides, Ben wasn't in the
bann
. There was no rule against seeing him.

If she was late for the hymn singing tonight, that couldn't be helped. This was her moment, her hour of decision. If she let it slip away, the opportunity and courage might never return.

Katie slipped the letter into her dress pocket and walked downstairs. Jesse was sitting in the living room eating popcorn and reading
The Budget
. He looked up with a smile, but then went back to his reading. Katie continued to the kitchen.
Mamm
was pouring glasses of apple cider.

Mamm
glanced up with a pleased expression. “You're just in time, Katie. I had thought you were stuck up in your room all afternoon. Shall I get you a glass too?”

“
Nee
, I have to do something this afternoon…make a trip into town. If I'm not back in time for the hymn singing, don't worry.”

“Katie?”
Mamm'
s mouth tightened into a straight line. “What are you going to do?”

“I'm going to see Ben.”

Mamm
gasped and the glass of apple cider that had been in her hand crashed to the floor.

“
Mamm
, please.” Katie reached for Ben's letter. “I'll clean up the mess. Read this and you'll understand.”

Taking the note,
Mamm
's eyes moved over the page as a trickle of apple cider on the kitchen floor ran toward the stove.
Mamm
lifted her eyes from the page. “I still don't understand why you need to see him. He's not planning on coming back, Katie. You can tell by this letter that Ben knows it's best if you cut off all ties. At least he's an honorable man in that regard.”

Tears swam in Katie's eyes. She grabbed a rag from the closet and bent down to sop up the cider. “That's why I must see him,
Mamm
. You might as well know. I've never stopped loving him.”

“Oh, Katie.”
Mamm
found another rag and joined Katie on the floor. “You were doing so well. I can't bear to see you hurt again—not by Ben and not by anyone else either.”

Katie met
Mamm
's eyes. “Is one really doing well when her heart aches all night?”

“Healing takes time,”
Mamm
insisted. “I know.”

“
Yah
, but your love was never given the opportunity to grow or be restored. I'm being given that chance. I can't walk away without giving Ben and me a chance. You just said that Ben has done an honorable thing. Don't you see what that says about his heart? That he's changed and grown?”

“What's going on?” Jesse asked from the kitchen opening.
Mamm
and Katie took last swipes at the cider and leaped to their feet.

“The cider…I dropped the glass and spilled cider all over,”
Mamm
explained.

“I can see that. Is something else wrong?” Jesse obviously wasn't satisfied with such a simple explanation.

“Katie is going in to see Ben this afternoon,”
Mamm
said. She picked up the letter on the table and handed it to Jesse.

He read it before looking up. “Come, I think we need to talk.”

Katie glanced at
Mamm
as Jesse disappeared into the living room. Then she looked down at the shattered glass still on the floor.

Mamm
shook her head. “I'll take care of that later, Katie. This is much more important.”

Katie followed
Mamm
into the living room and seated herself on the couch.
Mamm
sat down next to her. Jesse was sitting in his chair looking over the letter again. “When did you get this, Katie?”

Katie looked down at the floor before answering. “Lavina gave it to me yesterday at Bishop Miller's.”

“And you want to see Ben?” Jesse's hand fell to his side, the letter hanging above the floor.

“
Yah
,” Katie said. “I must speak with him.”

“You know where this action will lead?” Jesse asked, looking directly at Katie.

Katie shrugged. “
Yah
, but I guess I don't care about that right now. I need to talk to Ben. I still love him, Jesse.”

“Every time you're with this young man you get in trouble.” Jesse shifted on his rocker. “Don't you think you should let him go? Nothing
gut
seems to come out of it. The last time he broke your heart. Then his
mamm
and
daett
asked you to help out during his illness, and your actions cost you a boyfriend and, in a way, your job. What could happen next, Katie?”

“I don't know. I only know I must follow my heart on this. I need to give Ben a chance. I need to know. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, but at least I'll know for sure.”

Mamm
stepped in. “One should not be so sure of oneself, Katie. Please reconsider.”

Jesse smiled. “Sometimes life is the best teacher, Emma. I don't like this any more than you do, but I believe we must not stand in the way. Katie is old enough to make her own choices and to live with the consequences. We will trust
Da Hah
to teach her and guide her and be with her through whatever happens.”

“Katie, do you know where Ben lives?”
Mamm
asked.

Katie shrugged.

Jesse spoke up. “
Nee
, she probably doesn't, but Leroy or Willis might know.”

Katie jumped up and raced for the stair door. Taking the steps two at a time, she got to the top and ran down the hall toward the boys' bedroom. Jesse was a
wunderbah daett
! She'd known that, but she knew it in a deeper way now.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Willis drove Sparky through the outskirts of Dover toward the address that was supposed to be Ben's. Katie's heart was pounding at the thought that she would be seeing Ben in just a few minutes—if he was home, that is. But why shouldn't he be home on a Sunday afternoon?

When Katie had asked Willis and Leroy if they knew Ben's address, Willis had glanced at Leroy and then said, “
Yah
, I know.” He'd agreed to tell her the address only if he could go along.

So protective, Katie thought. Just what a brother should be. Katie had planned to go alone, but when Willis insisted, she had no choice but to accept his offer.

Willis was being a very good brother, and it was probably just as well he'd come along. She'd realized this when they'd driven past Bishop Miller's place. Laura and the bishop had been on the front porch swing eating their Sunday afternoon popcorn.

Willis made a point of waving harder than she did, clearly sending the message that they were out on an innocent jaunt. Perhaps
going to a friend's house for a few hours before the hymn singing that evening. The smiles on Bishop Miller and Laura's faces brought an ache of sorrow to Katie's heart. She'd be disappointing so many people when they found she'd gone to see Ben. But she wasn't turning back now. She must speak with him!

“His place is right over there.” Willis pulled onto a side street and stopped across from a nice, two-story house. “I'll watch from here.”

Katie gave a nervous laugh. “I'm not in any danger, Willis.”

He didn't join in the laughter. “Just saying, that's all. Don't do anything stupid now.”

“I won't,” Katie said as she climbed out of the buggy.

Katie knocked on the front door and waited. She soon heard footsteps and the door cracked open. Ben's face was troubled when he looked first at her and then at the buggy across the street. “Katie?”

“
Yah
. May I come in?”

He hesitated. “You shouldn't be here. I'm not even to speak with you. Didn't you get my note?”

Katie nodded. “That's why I'm here. I want to thank you for the kind things you said.”

“Okay, but you shouldn't come in. Who is with you in the buggy?”

“Willis. I want to come in, Ben.”

“You shouldn't,” he repeated, but he opened the door and stepped back.

Katie stepped in and took in the living room with a quick look. He didn't have much furniture, just a couch and a chair. The kitchen was equally sparse, with only a small table and two chairs. Ben wasn't living high on the hog, that was for sure.

“Do you want to sit?” Ben motioned toward the couch.

Katie sat down, and Ben pulled a chair close and sat down too.

Katie cleared her throat. Now that the moment had arrived, the words were sticking in her throat. “I came…I came to tell you, Ben…that…that I really appreciated your note.”

Ben nodded but didn't say anything.

Katie took a deep breath. “I caught a glimpse of your
gut
heart in that note. I'm not here to simply thank you, Ben. Perhaps…well, I want to ask…could we be friends again?”

Ben was silent for a moment. “Bishop Miller…does he know of this visit?”

“
Nee
.”

“You're under his authority as a church member, Katie. They told me I'm here partly because of my relationship with you.”

Katie sat up straighter. “I know…well, I figured that. But, oh, I don't know what to do, Ben! I'm so confused. Why did you write that note to me?”

He hung his head. “I never expected to see you again, Katie. At least not like this.”

“Ben…” Katie clutched her hands together. Silence fell and long moments later Katie looked up to see Ben rise and then move to sit beside her on the couch. His face was etched with sorrow, and his hand trembled when he touched her arm.

“I'm so sorry, Katie. So very sorry for everything.”

Katie placed her hands on Ben's shoulders and pulled him closer to her.

He tried to speak.

She pulled him even closer and kissed him gently.

Ben responded by embracing her and returning the kiss.

Katie never wanted this to end—this moment with his face slightly above her, his fingers tracing her face after he moved his head back to look at her. She pulled away and nestled against his shoulder just as the tears came.