Katie's Forever Promise (23 page)

“Katie, it's okay. I love you. I suppose I always will. I'm so sorry
that I ruined everything for us. I thought I'd lost you—the most precious thing in my life.”

She turned her face up toward his and kissed him again. At last she pulled away. “Ben, I don't ever want to lose you again. Not ever. This has been the most awful thing I've ever gone through.”

“I'm so sorry, Katie.” Ben's fingers stroked hers.

“Don't say that again, Ben. I've forgiven you, and the past is behind us.”

He smiled. “When I heard you were seeing Norman, I really thought it was over…that I'd really lost you forever.”

“Norman means nothing to me. I don't know what I was thinking.”

He drew her close. “When the heart is broken, who is to say how it will be mended? If Norman could have made you happy, I wouldn't have objected. I know I've brought you little but sorrow.”

“And love.” Katie looked up at him. “Don't forget that. I love you, Ben Stoll. More than you know.”

He sighed. “That leaves us in a grand pickle, doesn't it? Where do we go from here?”

She nestled against him again. “I've missed you so.”

“And me you.” He stroked her face again. “But there's a world out there that doesn't feel like we do, I'm afraid.”

Katie sighed and sat up. “I guess dreams can't go on forever. But can we at least enjoy this afternoon?”

Ben glanced out the window. “There's Willis out there. He's going to get tired of waiting.”

“Oh, Willis! I forgot him!” Katie took both of his hands in hers. “Tell me quickly then what has happened since we…since we broke up. The arrest, the sentence, going to jail—I want to hear it all even though I know it will be hard.”

Ben's face fell. “I'd rather not. Those are dark days, and I'd rather forget them. But I will tell you what I thought of during
the time. That's worth the telling. I thought of you. Of how you looked, so happy and carefree, your eyes so full of love, and how I'd been so stupid…such an idiot to lose it all. I thought of what you might tell me about the things you were learning in Switzerland.”

“Ben, I couldn't…” Katie said, but he silenced her with a finger on her lips.

“What a fool I was, Katie, to ever risk losing you. But please understand that when I began distributing the drugs for Rogge, I hadn't known you yet—other than you were just a girl named Katie Raber who lived with her widowed mother. You weren't part of the community very much. And back then my life was so empty. I think that's what led me to get involved with Rogge and drugs. The money was good too, I admit that. But then you came into my empty life and made it full. You brought in the sunshine and laughter. I'd never felt such things with any other woman.”

“Ben…”

He silenced her again by holding up his finger. “It really is true that I stopped delivering drugs because of you, Katie. I just didn't know how to get out of it any faster.”

“Ben, are you the one who gave me the money for the trip?”

He looked down. “I know it wasn't
gut
money—honest money—but I wanted to use it for a
gut
cause. I wanted to help you.”

“It came from a
gut
heart, Ben. Thank you for making my trip to Europe possible.”

“You're welcome, Katie. I'm so glad I could do something good with the money.”

“What do we do now?” Katie asked.

“I'm not sure, Katie. Have you given it much thought?”

“No, I haven't.” Katie leaned forward and kissed him.

Ben soon pulled away. “Katie, when folks find out about this visit, you're going to be in a lot of trouble.”

Katie stood up. “Well, I'll face that when it comes. For now all I care about is when I'm going to see you again. When, Ben?”

He shook his head. “I don't know, but not too soon. We have to take this slowly. We still have a long way to go before everything can be made right. The effects of my sin will not be done away with so easily.”

Katie hung her head and then reached out to find his hand. “Okay. Just don't doubt me, Ben. I love you. I came down to the hospital that night because of my Christian duty,
yah
, but my heart would have been willing all on its own—duty or not. Norman had that right, at least.”

“The only thing Norman did right was leaving you for me,” Ben declared. “And for that I will thank him someday. But for that only.”

“Then you don't doubt that we can love each other even after all that's happened? Can we believe
Da Hah
has brought us through this, and that He will take us onward?”

“
Mamm
always said you were a woman of great faith,” Ben said as his fingers touched her forehead and then twirled the hair that hung out from under her
kapp
. “She was right. Now I see it for myself. But there is still the matter of my faith. I need to make things right with the church. And I want to, Katie. I believe in the Amish way now.”

“Then you will make things right, Ben. I know you will. We belong to a great faith.”

“I know, Katie. Mostly because that's where you come from.”

Katie shook her head. “
Nee
, Ben, that can't be the only reason. It also has to be where
your
heart lies.”

Ben nodded and led her to the door. “You really should go. I'll find a way to come by and see you. I promise.” He opened the door.

“I'm holding you to that.” Katie gave Ben a quick kiss before
turning and running across the lawn. When she climbed into the buggy, Willis clucked to Sparky, and they took off for home.

“I think you've been doing something you shouldn't have,” Willis said as they were pulling out of town.

Katie didn't answer, but she kept her eyes on the road. If Willis didn't want to witness things like that, he should have stayed home. Still, she was thankful he'd brought her. And this was probably what Willis had been wishing for all along. Why else would he have insisted she see Ben right after he was shot? And today, Willis had come along quite willingly. Tilting her head up at him, she gave him a sweet smile. “I appreciate you, Willis. I really do.”

Chapter Twenty-Three

“You did what?” Mabel's shriek echoed off the kitchen walls on Monday morning as she collapsed into a chair. “Katie, what is wrong with you?”

“There's nothing wrong with Katie,”
Mamm
said as her hands fidgeted with her apron. “She went down to see Ben yesterday afternoon, and…”

Mabel was on her feet again. “You know this isn't right,
Mamm
! What about my wedding? Katie is supposed to be my bridesmaid. How can that happen now?”

“Nothing has changed.”
Mamm
reached over to rub Mabel's shoulder. “You'd better calm down. This isn't becoming for a young bride.”

Mabel flopped down on the chair again and glared at Katie. “About Ben, I don't care. The two of you deserve each other. But you would have to do this now, wouldn't you? If nothing else than to torment me. To get back at me because I won Norman's affections. I thought you were low, Katie. But this is really, really low.”

Katie winced. “I've told you before that I don't care about Norman. So don't be making this into something it isn't.” She'd been expecting a negative reaction from Mabel, but this was over the top even for her dramatic sister.

“I'm not buying any of her excuses.” Mabel spoke to the wall, as if it needed an explanation for the outburst. “But I can't have Katie be my bridesmaid under these conditions.”

“But you have to, Mabel,”
Mamm
declared. “You've already asked Mahlon to be her escort and told everyone. How will it look if you change your mind? Everyone will know you're at odds with each other. That's not how it should be.”

“That's better than the option of having people think I approve of Katie sneaking around to see that criminal,” Mabel muttered.

“She wasn't sneaking around,”
Mamm
replied. “Jesse and I talked with her about it before she left. And not very many people know she visited Ben. How would people find out before the wedding anyway?”

Mamm
was obviously grasping at straws, Katie thought.

Mabel's face turned even redder. “I can't believe you're joining Katie in this…this sneaking around! Think about what you just said! People will find out, and they'll know we knew.
Nee
! I'm having none of this.”

“Fine. I won't be your bridesmaid. I'm okay with it.” Katie shrugged. She could feel the shame of it burning inside of her, but she wasn't going to let Mabel know it. Sitting in the unmarried girl's section on Mabel's wedding day with everyone knowing she'd been rejected again, albeit in a different way, would be painful. But she wasn't going to apologize for seeing Ben. Not with the love
Da Hah
had stirred up in their hearts.

Mabel turned to Katie with a hopeful look on her face. “If you confessed to the church that you visited Ben and you know it was wrong, maybe everyone could be convinced to overlook
your indiscretion again.
Yah
, if the proper things were said to the right people that might work. They'd understand that you're troubled right now, Katie.”

Katie shook her head. “I'm afraid I can't do that. I don't regret visiting Ben.”

Mabel's face turned stony. “You've made a royal mess for me, Katie!”

Katie tried to think kind thoughts about Mabel. This wasn't going to be easy for her. Mabel would have to give some explanation for why her sister wasn't sitting in the bridesmaid's place during the ceremony. And Mabel had Norman to deal with. Likely when Norman found out, he wouldn't even want her at the wedding. If there was even a hint of scandal in the air, Norman would balk. Mabel must know that much about Norman by now.

“Please, Mabel,”
Mamm
said, trying to help. “What harm can be done by Katie sitting beside you? People will be thinking of you—not Katie—that day.”

Mabel didn't even hesitate. “It's out of the question!”

Katie turned and went into the living room. Carolyn was sitting in there, tears running down her face. The poor girl. What a shame that she had to listen to this family meltdown. Katie sat down beside her and slipped her arm around her teenaged sister's shoulder. “I'm so sorry that you had to hear that.”

Carolyn looked at her with big eyes. “Will you still be teaching school? If you're running around with Ben Stoll, will they make you stop teaching?”

Katie managed a laugh. “My relationship with Ben has nothing to do with my school teaching. Mabel just doesn't like it when people might misunderstand a situation. She's getting married, so she wants everything just right on her wedding day.”

Carolyn looked a little comforted. “Well, I'm glad to hear that. Joel would hate it if you had to quit. He loves you as his teacher.”

“That's
gut
.” Katie gave Carolyn another hug. “I have to go now or I'll be really late for school. I expect Joel is waiting outside with Sparky already. He probably wonders where I'm at.”

“I could be the bridesmaid,” Carolyn offered. “If you can't, I could do it.”

Katie smiled. “I'm sure Mabel would appreciate the offer, but you're not old enough at fifteen.”

“That's right,” Mabel agreed as she stuck her head through the kitchen opening. “Katie has left us all in an awful mess.”

Katie grabbed her coat and headed out the front door before Mabel could fire off another missile. Just as she expected, Joel was waiting for her beside the buggy, and Sparky was already hitched.

“Where have you been?” he asked. “I thought you got lost in the house or something.”

“I did get detained,” Katie said as she climbed into the buggy. “But I'm ready to go now.”

Joel didn't seem to notice her dark mood, as he climbed up, picked up the reins, and clucked to Sparky. Katie usually let him drive because it made him feel grown up.

As Joel chattered away, Katie mumbled responses at the proper places. Thankfully, he'd been spared the outburst in the house. Hopefully he'd remain ignorant of the problem while it was being worked out. As they approached the schoolhouse, Katie stared at a buggy already parked near the schoolhouse. The horse was tied to the hitching post. It couldn't be one of the children because there was no one playing on the school grounds. She guessed it could have been one of the older girls riding in alone this morning, but then the horse would have been unhitched by now.

“It's Enos Kuntz's buggy,” Joel said and glanced up at Katie as he turned into the lane. “Are you expecting him? Did you do something wrong?”

Katie smiled. “Not that I know of, Joel.” She was worried
though. Why was Enos here? There's no way he could know about her trip to visit Ben yesterday.