Jayded (43 page)

“
Yeah, I guess you
’
re right. I have heard that. So, why don
’
t you try calling him to see where you guys stand?
”
she suggests.

“
No!
”
I snap.
“
He walked away from me! I didn
’
t walk away from him. I would have never done that to him. I would have waited for him to explain rather than leaving him in the dust. I
’
m not making the next move.
”
I sniffle now, obviously upset.

Kinsey squints her eyes at me.
“
Are you in love with him, Max?
”
she probes.

Shoot! I can never lie to her; she always knows. I put the cloth back over my forehead and close my eyes so I don
’
t have to look at her.
“
No, why would you think that?
”

“
Because I can see it all over your face. Do you think he feels the same about you?
”

“
I don
’
t know, Kins. I don
’
t know.
”

CHAPTER THIRTY NINE

Kyle

It
’
s almost springtime. The cold weather is breaking, and the sun has been shining warmer each and every day. I love spring. It
’
s my favorite time of the year. I would normally be breaking out the white tees and getting a fresh shave for every weekend
’
s adventures, worrying about the next piece of ass. But instead I am in my pajamas, not showered, unshaven, and lying on my couch on a Friday night.

It
’
s been two months since I left Max down in South Carolina. She never ended up coming back. She told my parents she had to tie up some loose ends before she was able to come back to the office, so she sent Kinsey in her place.

At first, I pretended like it didn
’
t bother me. I would walk by Kinsey as if it was no big deal and she was just another regular employee. But as the days went on, I wondered where Max was and if she was ever coming back. My mother
’
s only words were
“
she
’
ll be back shortly.
”

I tried picking up the phone to call her many times, but I failed to press
“
Send
”
after I dialed. I wrote a million and one texts but never sent any of them. I guess I was too chickenshit to feel the wrath of what I had done to her. I just walked out on her and left her there, high and dry. I didn
’
t even wait to hear the full story or find out if there was any truth to what Cody was saying or not. I was too blinded by my male pride to give her the benefit of the doubt as she allowed me to do so many times before with Beth.

As each day passed, I felt more and more like a coward, and I wouldn
’
t have been able to stand it if she wanted nothing to do with me ever again. At least this way she hasn
’
t said those words, so there
’
s still always a tiny bit of hope, right? God, I need a shot of some good tequila.

I finally got the courage to speak with Kinsey one-on-one after a couple of weeks had gone by. I asked her how Max was doing; she just smiled politely, and told me to ask her myself. Man, I hated that answer. That vague excuse for an answer just ate me up inside. We once, not so long ago, would have laughed and joked with each other, but now Kinsey treats me as though she doesn
’
t know me. I guess it
’
s better than her ripping my head off.

Today, I decide to confront Kinsey one last time. There
’
s no doubt about it that Max shared her feelings with her best friend. I just need to know what I
’
m walking into before I call Max. I need to prepare myself for the inevitable, whatever that may be.

I clock in to work. I stroll down to Max
’
s office, which Kinsey now occupies, and knock on her door. She looks up at me with a look of revulsion. At this point, I know I am in trouble. I close the door behind me so nosey onlookers can
’
t lurk, and I get ready for the explosion.

“
What do you want, Kyle?
”
she growls.

I take a seat on the chair in front of her desk, fiddling with my fingers. I look down, trying to avoid eye contact.
“
I know I don
’
t have any right to ask
—”

“
No, you don
’
t,
”
she snaps.

I look up at her.
“
I need to know how Max is doing,
”
I finish.

She rolls her eyes.
“
I told you to call her yourself! You know, you
’
re lucky you
’
re even here in my presence. If my job wasn
’
t so important, I would leap over this desk, rip your balls off, and feed them to you!
”

My eyebrows lift halfway up my forehead in shock. I knew she was a tough girl, but I never knew how tough.
“
Okay, okay, I deserve that. But please, is she coming back?
”
I ask.

Kinsey is now rolling her pen through her fingers in thought.
“
I don
’
t know, Kyle. You totally fucked things up. You could have at least been a man and called her to apologize. She knows you two weren
’
t in a relationship, but she thought if anything you were at least friends,
”
she explains.

I exhale loudly. She
’
s right. I did royally fuck things up. The worst part is missing her like crazy, but I feel like that
’
s my punishment. I deserve it. I just don
’
t know if I can live with it any longer.

“
Man, I know. That
’
s what
’
s killing me inside. I miss her just being around. I miss everything about her. I haven
’
t been able to sleep in weeks because she
’
s not by my side. Is that crazy?
”
I ask, knowing she
’
ll give me the honest truth.

Her face muscles ease just a tad.
“
No, that
’
s not crazy. Sounds to me like you really care about her
—
maybe more than you realize.
”

I just nod my head. There
’
s no doubt in my mind that I care about her. Every time she enters my mind, my whole body aches. My heart feels like it
’
s missing a piece, and my soul feels incomplete. That
’
s the easiest way to explain my pain.

I stand up.
“
Thanks for the talk, Kinsey.
”

She smiles.
“
Oh, and nice job on Cody!
”
she adds with a wink and turns back to her work.

I
don
’
t feel like going home to an empty apartment tonight, so I make a U-turn and head to McGregor
’
s. I know the bartender there, which is a definite plus when I
’
m trying to get wasted. I just want to feel numb for one minute. I
’
ve been feeling so much agony and regret during these last couple of weeks; I
’
m ready to just drink my sorrows away.

“
Hey, Kyle. What brings you here without your crew?
”
Jenny asks. She pops open a Heineken and places it in front of me.

I sigh and run my hand over my head.
“
It
’
s just been a rough day.
”

She pours us both a shot of Patr
ó
n.
“
Here, this will help.
”
She slides mine in front of me with a wink.

We both raise our shot glasses and throw it down. The liquid heat burns down my esophagus and warms my belly. It gives me comfort and lines my insides, which are waiting for more. I down my first beer; now I
’
m ready for my second. I wait for Jenny to finish with a customer.

“
Let me guess, broken heart?
”
says a deep, rugged voice to my left.

I turn my head to look at him. I
’
ve seen this man in here before. He looks to be in his late sixties
—
worn down, one lonely soul.

“
Uh, no. I
’
m just a man who needs a drink,
”
I tell him. I try to concentrate on the news ahead.

He chuckles and takes a sip of his beer.
“
Believe me, I know a man that
’
s hurtin
’
when I see one. I used to be one back in the day. Still am one,
”
he tells me. He holds out his hand.
“
I
’
m Adam.
”

I put my hand in his and shake.
“
It
’
s Kyle.
”

He takes another swig of his beer.
“
I
’
ve seen you here before. You always seem to be on the prowl. I know it
’
s none of my business, but you look like shit, my man.
”

Is the guy for real? I huff and shake my head.
“
Yeah, like I said, bad day.
”

“
It was forty years ago when I lost her. Her name was Jane. She was the love of my life, and I let her slip away. I had too much pride to tell her how I really felt. I got scared. A guy like me didn
’
t fall in love. She was moving out of state for a job offer and wanted me to go with her. That was just way too much commitment for me, so I let her walk away,
”
he tells me.

Man, this all sounds too familiar.
“
What happened next?
”
I ask.

“
Nothing. When I finally realized what I had done, I tracked her down, but she was engaged to be married. She told me it was too late. I
’
ve never loved another woman after that. My heart still aches. The pain never goes away; it just gets manageable. If you love her, you need to go to her before it
’
s too late,
”
he advises me.

My blood is furiously pumping through my heart, making it pound against my rib cage. Shit! I look him over one more time. Will this be me forty years from now after I let Max slip from my fingertips? I don
’
t want to let her go. I want her by my side for the rest of my existence. What if she decided to go back to Cody? What if I pushed her back to him? I would hate myself for not manning up and allowing that to happen.

I can
’
t lose her. I won
’
t lose her. I love her. I fucking
love
her! I stand up, grab my jacket, and pat the old man on the back.

“
Thanks, man. You just saved me from making the biggest mistake of my life!
”

I head to the door.
“
You go get her!
”
The old man screams across the bar.

I think I see Jenny smile.

CHAPTER FORTY

Max

"Can I get two scrambled eggs with cheese, home fries, a side of bacon
—
crispy
—
with white toast, and an order of french toast
—
a short stack? Oh, and an orange juice as well?
”
I hand the waitress my menu.
“
Thank you.
”

Justin whistles.
“
Wow. I
’
ll have what she
’
s having,
”
he says. The waitress takes his menu and leaves.
“
What
’
s going on, Max? Hungry much?
”