Authors: Anton Chekhov
Lvov
Explain something to me – explain how a decent, honest, almost saintly woman like you let herself be taken in for so long, and dragged into this miserable mare’s nest. Why are you here? What have you got in common with that heartless – no, leaving aside your husband, what is a woman like you doing in this dead end among these no-hopers? – Oh, my dear God! – that endlessly droning, decrepit, crazy old count, and that crook Borkin with his ugly face – just explain it to me. Why are you here? How did you get here?
Anna
(
laughs
)
That’s just how Nikolay used to sound . . . exactly like that . . . and when he got worked up his eyes would blaze like coals! Go on talking, don’t stop!
Lvov
(
stands up and makes a dismissive gesture with his hand
)
What’s there to say? Please go indoors . . .
Anna
You say Nikolay is this, that, and the other, but how would you know? Can you know all about someone in six months? What you have to understand is that
Nikolay is a great man
! I’m only sorry you never knew him two or three years ago. Back then, oh, he was so attractive! I fell in love with him the first time I saw him. I took one look and – snap! – I was caught. He said, ‘Let’s run off . . . let’s go!’ I stripped my life away just like you’d strip the dead leaves off a stem, and I went.
Pause.
How different everything has turned out. He disappears off to the Lebedevs to amuse himself with other women, and I . . . sit in the garden listening to the screeching of the owl . . .
The watchman is heard knocking.
Doctor, have you got any brothers?
Lvov
No.
Anna starts to sob.
What is it? What’s the matter?
Anna
(
stands up
)
I can’t stand this. I’m going over there.
Lvov
Where?
Anna
Order the horses to be harnessed.
She goes towards the house.
Lvov
You can’t go . . .
Anna
Leave me alone – it’s none of your business. I can’t . . . I’m going to the Lebedevs. Get the horses brought round . . .
She runs into the house.
Lvov
(
following her indoors
)
No, I absolutely refuse to treat anybody under these conditions. Not getting a kopek is one thing but being turned into an emotional wreck . . .! – No, I refuse: I’ve had enough.
End of Act One.
Act Two
The reception room in the Lebedevs: an exit into the garden, doors right and left, antique, valuable furniture. Chandeliers, candelabra and pictures – under dust covers.
Zinaida sits on the sofa. Elderly lady guests sit on either side of her in armchairs; young people sit on chairs. At the back of the stage, by the exit to the garden, Kosykh, Avdotya Nazarovna, Yegorushka and others are playing cards. Gavrila stands by one door.
There is a long moment of suspension, a tedium, a stasis disturbed only by stifled yawns, small shifts, a card played, a guest wandering in from the garden and wandering out again. A Maid entering to take round a parsimonious dish of nibbles
(
radishes, celery sticks
)
is a major event. A crunch of celery draws attention to itself. The hostess, Zinaida Lebedev, smiles and nods here and there. Someone starts humming a tune and stops. The situation – a party that isn’t working – is relieved by the entrance of Babakina.
Zinaida
Darling Marfa!
Babakina
A very good evening to you, Zinaida – many happy returns to your daughter – (
They kiss.
)
–
and God grant her . . .
Zinaida
Thank you, darling, I’m so lucky. And how are things with you?
Babakina
Thank you, I’m very well.
She sits down beside her on the sofa.
Hello, all you young folk!
The guests stand up and bow.
First Guest
(
laughs
)
’Young folk?’ – you’re not so old.
Babakina
(
sighing
)
I feel I don’t belong with the youngsters any more.
First Guest
(
laughing respectfully
)
What are you talking about? You may be a widow but you can hold your own with any young woman here.
Gavrila brings Babakina some tea.
Zinaida
(
to Gavrila
)
What a way to serve tea – Bring some preserves – gooseberry or something –
Babakina
Don’t worry about that, thank you so much . . .
Pause.
First Guest
Did you come by way of Mushkino, Marfa?
Babakina
No – the Zaimishche road is better.
First Guest
Yes, indeed.
Kosykh
Two spades.
Yegorushka
Pass.
Avdotya
Pass.
Second Guest
Pass.
Babakina
Lottery tickets are going like never before. The first draw is up to two hundred and seventy thousand, it’s never been known.
Zinaida
(
sighs
)
All very nice for those with plenty of tickets.
Babakina
Don’t you believe it, my dear. The prizes may be going sky high but lottery tickets tie up your capital. The insurance alone is a killer.
Zinaida
That’s as may be, but all the same, darling, one has to keep hoping . . . (
Sighs.
)
Please God . . .
Third Guest
In my opinion, ladies, there’s no point in holding capital in the present climate. Interest on securities is too low, and speculation too risky. If you ask me, anybody with capital today is in a more exposed position than someone who . . .
Babakina
(
sighs
)
I dare say you’re right!
The First Guest yawns.
Is it quite polite to yawn with ladies present?
First Guest
Pardon, Mesdames . . .
Quite unintended.
Zinaida gets up and goes out. There is a prolonged silence.
Yegorushka
Two diamonds.
Avdotya
Pass.
Second Guest
Pass.
Kosykh
Pass.
Babakina
(
aside
)
Lord, if one died of boredom, one wouldn’t notice.
Zinaida returns with Lebedev.
Zinaida
(
privately
)
. . .
Sitting out there on your own! Don’t be such a prima donna. Sit with your guests!
She sits down in her former seat.
Lebedev
(
yawns
)
It’s God’s punishment for something. (
Catching sight of Babakina.
)
Oh, but my goodness, there sits my little sugar plum, my Turkish delight! How are you, precious?
Babakina
I’m
very well, thank you.
Lebedev
Well, thanks be to God. (
Sits in an armchair.
) So, where are we . . .? (
Calling the manservant.
)
Gavrila!
Gavrila brings over to him a small glass of vodka and a tumbler of water. Lebedev drinks the vodka and chases it down with water.
First Guest
Good health!
Lebedev
Good health is right. I’m not about to fall off my perch. (
To his wife.
)
Zyuzyushka, where’s the birthday girl?
Kosykh
(
tearfully
)
Not a single trick! For God’s sake! (
Jumps up.
)
How the devil did we manage to lose every trick?
Avdotya
(
jumps up, angrily
)
Well, don’t play if you don’t know how! What makes you think you can lead with your opponent’s suit! Then you wonder why you’re stuck with your ace!
Both come forward from behind the table.
Kosykh
(
tearfully
)
I appeal to you, everyone – I had the ace, king, queen, jack and eight of diamonds, the ace of spades and a low heart, do you follow me? – and she – God knows why, couldn’t declare a small slam. So I declared ‘no trumps’.
Avdotya
(
interrupting
)
It was me who bid ‘no trumps’!
Kosykh
That’s ridiculous! . . . Let me tell you – you had – I had – no, you had – Lebedev, you be the judge. In diamonds, I had ace, king –
Lebedev
(
stops his ears
)
Stop! – Leave me alone! –
Avdotya
(
shouts
)
I was the one who said ‘no trumps’!
Kosykh
(
furiously
)
I’ll be damned if I ever sit down to play with you again, you old trout!
He rushes into the garden. The Second Guest follows him out. Yegorushka is left at the table.
Avdotya
Well! . . . I’m all upset now. Trout, indeed. Trout yourself!
Babakina
Yes, but you lost your temper, too, Granny.
Avdotya
(
seeing Babakina, throws up her hands with delight
)
My lovely one and only! Here she is, and I’m such a blind old bat I never noticed her. My little darling . . . my dove –
She kisses Babakina’s shoulder and sits down beside her.
Let me look at you! You’re a snow queen – I’ll stop before I tempt providence – spit, spit –
She spits twice over her shoulder.
Lebedev
She’s off again. What you should do, dear, is find her a husband . . .
Avdotya
And see if I
don’t! Sinner that I am, I won’t go to my grave till I’ve seen her married. And that goes for Sasha too. I won’t rest. (
Sighs.
)
Only, where do you find a real man these days? Look at them – preening themselves like a bunch of cockerels caught in the rain.
Third Guest
You couldn’t be more wrong – young men nowadays want to stay single, and if you want my opinion it’s because of the state of society and the economic –
Lebedev
You’ve set him off. We don’t want dissertations on the state of society, thank you.
Sasha enters and goes up to her father.
Sasha
Such a lovely evening, and you’re all cooped up in this stuffy room!
Zinaida
Sashenka, haven’t you noticed who’s come to visit?
Sasha
Oh – excuse me, Marfa.
She goes up to Babakina and greets her.
Babakina
You’ve become such a lady, Sasha, you haven’t been over to see me, not once. (
They kiss.
)
Happy birthday, my dear.
Sasha
Thank you.
She sits down next to her father.
Lebedev
I know what you mean, Avdotya, and it’s not just husbands who are hard to come by – you can’t even find a decent best man. Today’s lot – no offence – have gone off somehow, they’ve turned like milk, poor things, they’re curdled – don’t dance, don’t know how to talk or drink . . .
Avdotya
Humph! They know how to drink, given half a chance.
Lebedev
Drinking’s nothing, a horse can drink. I’m talking about drinking with a point to it. In my day, you’d slog away at your studies all day, come the evening you’d head for the nearest place with lights in the window and spin like a top till dawn . . . dance the plyaska and have a laugh with all the girls and who’s-for-another, get me? – (
He makes the drinking sign.
)
–
and tell stories and philosophise till your tongue fell out. Young men today . . . (
Waves his hand dismissively.
)
I don’t understand them. No use to God or the devil. In the whole district, there’s only one real man, and he’s married . . . (
Sighs.
)
And he seems to be on the slide . . .
Babakina
Who’s that?
Lebedev
Nikolay Ivanov.
Babakina
Yes, he’s all right. (
Pulls a face.
)
Not a happy man, though.
Zinaida
You’re right there, darling, and he’s got enough to be unhappy about, poor fool – (
Sighs.
)
What a mistake that was, married his Jewess and thought the parents would hand over buckets of cash but no such luck. The moment she got herself baptised, they’ve had nothing to do with her, cut her off. So he didn’t get a kopek. He’s regretting it now, too late.
Sasha
Mama, that’s not true.
Babakina
(
heatedly
)
What do you mean, Sasha? – everyone knows it’s true! Why did he marry that Abramovna if it wasn’t for the money? Aren’t there enough Russian girls? He made a mistake, darling, and – (
Gaily.
)
–
my goodness, is she paying for it! It’s enough to make a cat laugh. He arrives home from somewhere and he’s going on at her from the word go – ‘Your parents swindled me – get out of my house!’ But where could she go? Her parents won’t take her back. She’d have to go into service, I suppose, but she’s never been trained to work. And he never leaves off. The Count has to step in, that’s what I’ve heard – if it weren’t for him, Ivanov would have done for his Anna long ago.
Avdotya
Not only that, he locks her in the cellar and makes her eat garlic till it’s coming out in her sweat.
Laughter.
Sasha
It’s all lies, Papa!
Lebedev
So what? Let them jabber away, if it makes them feel better. (
Shouts.
)
Gavrila! . . .
Gavrila serves him vodka and water.
Zinaida
And now the poor man is going to rack and ruin. He and his Jew-girl would be starving if it wasn’t
for Misha Borkin keeping the estate going. (
Sighs.
)
Not to mention how we’re suffering for it, my dear. God only knows the suffering he’s caused us. Would you believe me if I told you he’s owed us nine thousand roubles for three years now?
Babakina
(
in horror
)
Nine thousand . . .!
Zinaida
Yes, my Pavel, who can’t tell a good loan from a bad one, lent him nine thousand. And it’s not just the capital, may the Good Lord watch over it – but you’d think he might pay the interest when it’s due.
Sasha
(
heatedly
)
Mama, we’ve heard this a thousand times before!
Zinaida
What’s that to you? Why are you standing up for him anyway?
Sasha
And how have you got the nerve, talking this way about someone who’s never done you any harm? What’s he ever done to you, tell me that?
Third Guest
Miss Alexandra, allow me to say a couple of words! I respect Nikolay Alekseevich, I really do, it’s an honour to know him, but
entre nous
I’d say he’s a bit of a chancer.
Sasha
Oh, would you? – Well, I hope you feel better for it!
Third Guest
If you want proof, consider this for a fact, told me by his bulldog, Borkin. Two years ago he bought cattle in the middle of the epidemic, insured them . . .
Zinaida
Yes – I
remember that. I heard about it too.
Third Guest
He insured them, then, guess what, he infected them with cattle disease and collected the insurance!
Sasha
That’s absolute rubbish! Nobody bought or infected any cattle! It was one of Borkin’s pet schemes, he went around bragging about it. When Ivanov got to hear of it, Borkin spent two weeks grovelling. Ivanov’s only fault is that he’s too kind and didn’t send that Borkin packing. He’s too trusting. People have cheated him out of everything he had. Anyone who feels inclined has made money out of his charitable works.
Lebedev
Cool down, little Sasha – that’s enough.
Sasha
But why do they talk such nonsense? It’s so tedious! Is that all they can talk about? Ivanov, Ivanov, Ivanov – (
She starts to leave but returns.
)
I’m surprised at
you –
(
To the young people.
)
I can’t believe how pathetic you are. Aren’t you bored just sitting around? The air is thick with it! . . . Talk about something! Be some company for us! Laugh or sing us a song, or dance, just do something!