Infinity & Always (25 page)

“Yes
please,” I reply, making him laugh.

“I
love you,” he says, before turning to get back to work.

Paige
and I drink quite a few cocktails throughout the night. We are
dancing for so long that my legs are getting tired. The bar is busy
and the night goes by fast, we have barely spoken to Knox and Max.

“I’m
so hot,” Paige shouts, fanning her face.

“Me
too,” I answer, but keep dancing anyway. I am lost in the music
and the lights until a pair of hands slide around my waist and pull
me backward. My back molds to his chest and his lips trail soft
kisses down my neck. The smell of his cologne wraps around me sending
my senses into a riot.

“You
having fun?” he asks.

“Yes,
it’s better now that you’re here.”

“I
can’t stay long. I’m on glass collecting duty, but I
couldn’t resist stopping by.”

Turning
around in his arms I press my mouth to his, we long ago gave up
caring who in the bar saw us. We own it and we can damn well make out
if we want. Knox pulls back breaking the kiss and winks at me. “You
want another drink?”

“Yes,
please,” I answer.

He
continues to collect glasses and I make my way over to the bar. Max
gives me a sad smile before turning away to busy himself with other
customers. Taking a seat beside Paige I wait for Knox to come back,
he runs his finger down my back on his way past me. After he puts the
glasses into the washer, he makes us another drink.

We
hear a crash and look over at Max, who has dropped two glasses. Knox
claps and shouts at Max, who then bows his head. They are both
laughing and the energy between them seems fun like it used to be.
Swallowing a mouthful of my cocktail, I turn my eyes to watch the
dance floor. Couples are writhing against each other, girls dance in
small groups, laughing and checking out the guys. I remember when I
first started coming here, the night I saw Knox on the stage.

I’ll
never forget the way he looked at me like he could see through my
façade into the deep sadness that I was barely controlling.
His smile then was a little tight around the edges except when he
glanced at me. Like now it reaches the very corners of his eyes
brightening them and lifting his whole face. Like the night he
proposed, that was magical. I can remember every detail, down to the
taste of the salt in the air and when he got down on his knee, I knew
he was mine forever.

“What’s
that smile for darlin’?”

Turning
my face, I find Knox up close and the green of his eyes blow me away.
“I was just remembering something,” I answer.

“Oh
yeah, was it a hot something?” his eyebrows wiggle as he jokes
with me.

“No,
not hot. Wonderful and amazing.”

He
crosses his arms making his biceps bulge and gives me a quizzical
look. Smiling I lean over, kissing his lips softly, “I was
thinking about you and me.”

“Well
then think away, because that smile has been hidden for a while now.”

Snaking
his arm around my waist, he steps closer to me, burying his face in
my neck. Just breathing me in like he can’t get enough, my
focus returns to the bar, which is now almost empty. Knox places a
gentle kiss below my ear. “I’ll be done soon, would you
like another drink?”

“No,
thanks, babe.” He nods, as he leaves my side to help Max clear
out the bar. Stepping outside, I can feel the goose bumps erupt on my
skin after being in over stuffy warmth of the bar. My teeth chatter a
little and Paige huddles closer to me. “What’s with this
cold?”

“I
have no idea,” she answers.

Knox
and Max exit the bar and lock the doors. Knox immediately wraps me in
his arms, filling me with his warmth.

“Thanks,
babe,” I chatter, as we begin to walk across the road.

“Anytime
Darlin'.”

Once
home, I wash my face quickly and join Knox in bed. His warm body
molds to mine and I instantly relax. “Are you looking forward
to our date tomorrow?” he asks.

“Yep,
can’t wait,” lifting my face, I give him a smile and kiss
his waiting lips.

We
arrive at the secret mountain spot just after noon. There is still a
little mist clinging to the trees, like soft tendrils of smoke
caressing a lover. Knox spreads out the blanket as I stand watching
him. His movements are jerky and stiff like he is holding himself
tightly. Once the blanket is down he takes my hand, lowering himself
to the ground. I settle myself between his legs and look all around.

“It’s
nice up here, even if the trees are missing leaves.”

“Yeah,
we haven’t been here for a while. I like the peacefulness of
this place,” Knox says. He sighs deeply and begins to smooth
his hand down my hair.

“You
okay Knox?”

“Yeah
darlin’,” he kisses the top of my head and pulls me back
into him further. “Remember that time when we all came up here
and played football?” he asks, wistfully.

“Yeah,
it was fun. Except for the whole back rash I got.”

I
can feel his chest shake as he laughs, “It was worth it
darlin’, every time with you is worth it.” His voice
grows soft and quiet. We sit together for a while without talking,
just sharing the comfort of each other. Craning my neck I look back
at Knox, he seems so far away and lost in his own world. Meanwhile, I
am starving.

“You
hungry babe?”

His
eyes travel from the skyline to my face, slowly. I watch him inspect
every inch of my face before he answers, “Yeah sure darlin’.”

Moving
away from him, I watch him take our picnic out of the basket and lay
the food on the blanket.

“You
really went to town on the food Knox.”

“Yeah
I know darlin’, just wanted to make sure you are fed. You have
your first game soon, right?”

“Yeah,
two weeks from now and we have double practice this week too,”
I answer with a moan. He smiles at me holding out a sandwich to me.
“Babe, are you okay?”

“Yeah,
why?”

I
shrug in answer and take a bite of my food. I can’t help but
glance up at him. He is just staring at the sandwich in his hand like
he doesn’t know what to do with it.

“Knox?”

“Yeah,”
he looks up at me and smiles. “Sorry, I was miles away.”

We
eat our lunch and lie down side-by-side on the blanket, making shapes
out of the clouds. Knox clears his throat and turns to face me. He
looks like he is in pain and I feel a knot from in my gut.

“We
need to talk darlin’,” he whispers.

Nodding
my head I sit up, holding my breath, is he getting cold feet? Knox
takes my hand in his and moves to enclose me between his legs once
again. My back rests against his propped knee and I look at him. His
eyes take me in again and his finger traces slowly down the side of
my face to my neck.

“I
love you, Bailey, you know that, right?”

“Yes,”
I croak.

He
exhales another long sigh and I feel his body tense. I can see the
muscle in his jaw bounce and he runs his free hand through his hair.

“Okay,”
he says, then clears his throat, “I have something to tell
you.”

My
heart leaps in my chest, and I nod back to him. I try to prepare
myself, to not freak out when he says he doesn’t want to marry
me.

“You
know these headaches I get…”

I
nod.

“Well,
I wasn’t getting my eyes tested the other day. I was getting a
brain scan.”

My
heart stops.

“I
have a lump on my brain darlin’, I have had it for years. But
now it’s getting bigger, and I need surgery to remove it.”
His words are rushed like he is trying to get this out in one breath.
“But the surgery has risks,” he whispers.

My
throat burns and my eyes sting. My heart is beating too fast, sending
blood rushing to my ears and my breathing begins to speed up. Pushing
myself away from him I crawl away and stop on the grass with my head
between my legs. This panic attack is not like any other I’ve
experienced, this one steals my breath away and won’t give it
back. I can hear Knox calling out to me, but he sounds far away.

The
edges of my vision swim before turning black like I am in a tunnel.
Blood pounds away at my eardrums and I feel myself falling, I can’t
stop it.

“Bailey,
darlin’ wake up,” his voice filters through the haze of
blackness. “Baby, come on wake up.” The anguish in his
voice hurts my heart. Opening my eyes I blink up at the blue sky, my
breathing is normal but my mind reels.

“Knox?”

His
face appears above mine and his eyes are full of tears. “Baby,
don’t do that to me again.” He cries against my face.
Wrapping his arms underneath me he pulls me up off my back and into
his arms. His words come rushing back to me and I push him hard.

“Get
off me!” I cry, rolling onto my knees.

“Please
darlin’, hear me out,” he begs, gripping my arm tightly.

“Knox,
why didn’t you tell me before? Why now?” Angry hot tears
fall from my eyes. “Why now?”

“I’m
sorry darlin’, everything was fine up until a few weeks ago.”

My
head snaps up to look at him. “What happened a few weeks ago?”
I ask, trembling.

“I
don’t know, I’m waiting for more results,” he says.
Reaching for me again I collapse into his strong arms. How can this
be happening? Haven’t I lost enough people in my life? Knox
holds me so tight it’s hard to breathe, but I don’t move,
I want to say here forever.

“Darlin’,
I’ll be fine, don’t worry,” he whispers, into my
hair.

“When
is this surgery taking place?”

“I
don’t know, the sooner, the better,” he sighs.

Steeling
my resolve, I sit up and wipe my face with the end of my t-shirt. I’m
not going to be negative about this I can’t allow it, I won’t.

“Okay,
we can do it soon and then we can get married.”

Knox
looks into my eyes again, “I’ll see what my doctor says;
if it’s too risky we are waiting darlin’. I’m
marrying you no matter what.”

“I
know, Knox, we are getting married, and living happily ever after, we
both deserve it.” My words are strong and fierce. I’m not
sure who I am trying to convince, but I’m trying no matter
what. His lips press against mine, in a soft kiss. Opening my mouth,
I allow his tongue access, to taste me and drive me wild with desire.

“Darlin’,
slow down,” he pants.

I
grip his hair tight then release it just as fast, remembering his
headaches.

“I
don’t want to Knox, I want you now. I need you.”

My
words are almost a cry, but I hold my voice as steady as possible. He
doesn’t wait and crushes his lips to mine, pushing me down and
exploring my body with his hands. There’s an urgency between
us, like never before. Our hands grip and pull at each other as our
bodies heat up.

Knox
pushes my jeans off my feet and I wrap my legs around his waist,
wanting him. No - needing him. Needing him like I need air to
breathe, because without him I will surely cease to exist. Knox
groans deep from his throat as he pushes inside of me, our hips buck
against each other. He grips my hip with one hand while holding his
weight on the other and our eyes lock as our bodies move. His emerald
eyes bore into mine, filling me with a warmth that penetrates deep
within me.

“I
love you, Bailey. I’ve always loved you,” he chokes out.
His eyes become glassy and he blinks rapidly.

“I
love you too, so much.”

We
tangle our limbs again as he thrusts harder and faster, our bodies
come apart together, sending shudders throughout me. Knox collapses
on top of me, his sweat-soaked body cooling in the mountain air and
his shoulders shake from the weight of his tears.

***

It’s
been a few days since the mountain trip. Knox has been quiet but
attentive, treating me like I am made of fine china. I can’t
seem to concentrate though, practice is painfully slow, and I am
making too many mistakes.

“What’s
up with you?” Becky asks. She follows me off the field and sits
beside me on the bench.

“Nothing
why?”

“Your
head is not here and I sacked you twice in five minutes.”

“Yeah
sorry, I just have stuff on my mind,” I answer, not meeting her
eyes. The sky is blue with big white puffy clouds and I just want to
lie on the grass and watch them.

“Yeah, well get your head in the game Bailey because we have an
away game in two weeks,” Becky comments.

I
just nod my head and feel myself deflating, an away game. That’s
all I need, time away from my fiancé who may be having life
threatening surgery any day now. The whistle blows, pulling my
attention to the field. Everyone is looking in my direction and I
take a quick peek around me, noticing I’m the only one sitting
here. Jogging over to the group my coach frowns at me, she gives us
another play to run through.

“Mortenson,”
she says. Stopping beside me she looks at me expectantly, “Well?”

“What?”
I ask.

“What
is it? I thought the trial was over yet, you look all over the place
out there.”

“It
is over. Sorry, I was just thinking about stuff. I’m okay now.”

Pulling
on my helmet, I race away from her and onto the field. Becky claps
her hands while grinning at me. We run the play and I take off once I
get the ball. My legs pound as I race away from Becky, landing a
touchdown. It feels good and I smile for the first time today. Once
we are done, I grab my bag slinging the strap across my body and head
back to the apartment. Pulling my phone out I check the texts from
Knox, he says he has pizza waiting for me at home.

My
body hurts as I drop my bag by the front door, kicking off my shoes I
pad up the hallway to the kitchen.

“Hey,
Max.”