Infinity & Always (23 page)

“Darlin’,
that was wrong,” he mumbles against my neck.

“No,
it was right, so right,” I pant, as he pushes my bra aside and
latching on to my nipple. We both jump when someone pounds on the
door and Knox’s phone beeps at that same time. He laughs
telling me Max is outside and the manager is coming. We quickly exit
the bathroom and Max laughs at us.

“You
two are fucking crazy,” he says, as we leave the restaurant. He
grabs Knox around the shoulders and pulls him back so they can talk.

“So
you and Max seem to be getting along,” I say, to Paige as we
walk towards the bar.

“Yeah
we are friends again, but that’s it. I think it will be good if
we stay that way,” she answers, but I can tell she is not too
happy about it.

“Is
that what you both decided or him?”

“Both,”
she smiles at me, “we haven’t taken the whole dating
thing off the table, but we just want to be friends for now.”

“That’s
good, I hope it works out for you,” I say, in all honesty.

When
we enter the bar Paige and I sit in a booth, it’s not busy
tonight so Knox and Max can relax. Knox places our drinks down and
takes a seat beside me, resting his hand on my leg.

“Are
you not drinking babe?” I ask, noticing his soda.

“No,
I don’t want to be hung over doing my eye test tomorrow,”
he grins at me.

“Maybe
you should, just so you can get those glasses.”

“You
just want to live out your fantasy,” he replies leaning over to
kiss me.

“Oh
I live that one out daily,” I whisper.

Knox
rests his forehead against my temple and sighs. His hand flexes on my
leg and he rubs it up and down. “I love you so much darlin’,
I can’t wait to marry you.”

“I
love you too Knox. Are you sure you’re okay?” I am
starting to get worried by his behavior now, but he kisses me quickly
and moves back telling me he is fine. After about an hour, Knox
climbs out of the booth and turns to me with his hand out.

“Wanna
dance darlin’?”

Smiling,
I grip his hand as he helps me onto the dance floor. He wraps his
arms around me and we sway to the song. Knox sings along and twirls
me around; we end up dancing to a few songs before he yawns.

“I
think someone needs a nap,” I tease.

“Yeah,
I do.”

Grabbing
my purse from the seat I say goodnight to Paige and Max.

“Oh
Max, I’ll be in the office in the morning you want to ride in
with me?”

“Can
I drive your car?” he asks.

Rolling
my eyes, I sigh and agree to let him drive. He gives me a hug and a
kiss on the cheek.

Knox
and I walk slowly back to the apartment our hands holding tightly
together. He keeps checking me out and I pretend not to notice.

“You’re
beautiful, you know that?” he says.

“Really?
I didn’t know that,” I tease.

He
smiles and shakes his head, wrapping his arm around me and kissing my
cheek.

“I
love you darlin’,” he sighs.

Knox

I
watch Bailey get ready for work. She tells me that she will be done
by noon, and we can hang out after if I want. I agree and tell her
I’ll be waiting by the door. My heart is thrashing in my chest
as I ride to the hospital. I am barely paying attention to the
traffic around me, but I finally make it.

Parking
my bike I make my way inside and up to the third floor. Being here
brings back memories I don’t want to think of right now. I had
spent six months back and forth from this place before my mom died.
Her room was number 402 and even without walking into the room, I can
picture every detail of it. I know that there was a small crack in
the bottom left corner of the window. If you looked straight down you
can see the front entrance of the hospital and I know, many times,
when I looked out I wished, I was somewhere else.

After checking in at the nurse’s station, I take a seat in the
small but open waiting area. I have my phone turned off because I
know one text from Bailey and I’d be out of here. I’m
scared, for the first time in my life. I am actually scared for
myself. I have so much to lose now, it’s not just me anymore. I
have a beautiful woman who will soon be my wife, but what if things
are worse than I thought? What if I get the news I have always
dreaded?

“Mr.
Porter?”

Looking
up I find a nurse looking at me. Standing, I nod at her and she
smiles.

“This
way.”

Following
her down the hallway, I swallow hard. My heart is about to burst
right out of my chest and I can feel the hunger pains in my stomach.

“The
doctor will be in soon. Here is your gown, please remove all
clothing.”

She
says, and blushes when she looks at me. I just nod and turn away from
her. If I were another person, Max, I’d give her a flirty
answer but I’m not in the mood for anyone right now. Once she
leaves the room, I slowly begin to undress and slip on another too
small gown. I fold my clothes neatly just to keep busy and climb into
the bed, covering my manhood.

“Good
morning, Knox,” my doctor says when she barges through the
door. She is consulting a file again and I get even more worried.
“Have you fasted for twelve hours?” she asks.

“Yes,”
I croak out and clear my throat.

“Good,
you are next in line for the scan so sit tight.”

She
pats my leg then leaves me alone. I hate this, really fucking hate
being here. My mind drifts to when Bailey was in hospital, that night
when I snuck in to see her. She looked so goddamn bad, I wanted to
hunt down Ben and murder him. Just thinking about it is giving me a
headache, so I take a few deep breaths to calm down.

Focusing
on the small stain on the ceiling I count, I don’t know why but
I do. It keeps all other thoughts out of my mind and the simple act
of saying one number after another helps slow my heart rate. When I
count up to three thousand, two hundred and six, the door to my room
opens. Looking over, I nod at the male nurse as he reads my chart. He
tells me he will bring me down to the room for my scan. Once we are
sitting outside the room, I am trying everything I can, to keep my
modesty, the wheelchair is not helping. This stupid gown is not
staying put and I have to keep adjusting myself, for fear of flashing
the other patients around me.

After
another lengthy wait in the hallway, I am finally brought into the
room. My nerves are frayed and I am pissed off too. This fucking gown
is annoying the fuck out of me. They guy tells me to lie down as he
adjusts the bed I am on, and reminds me to relax before leaving. When
the machine begins to hum, I close my eyes and think of Bailey. The
way her hair tips the top of her ass. The way she smiles at me when
she catches me watching her, her eyes. So blue you could drown in
them and her smile, that amazing smile that captured my heart over
three years ago.

I
loved meeting her and getting to know her, not the tough-chick
persona she sometimes displays, but the deeper more fragile part of
her. The haunted girl that lay under that exterior; she reminded me
so much of myself. But she is tough too, it takes a special person to
get through what she did and I know she can pretty much get through
anything life throws at her.

The
machine stops and I breathe a sigh of relief. When I am back in my
room, I quickly dress and feel way more comfortable. Turning on my
phone I have a text from Max making sure I am okay and one from
Bailey asking if I will be Clark Kent or Superman tonight. I laugh at
her text but don’t reply. I don’t trust myself right now
not to tell her the truth.

Lying
down on the bed I close my eyes for a bit. I am tired from not
sleeping last night and my head is hurting. I don’t know how
long I slept for, but my doctor wakes me up with a rough shake.

“Oh
sorry,” I say, sitting up and rubbing my face. She looks
neutral, I don’t know how or why, but she looks different than
the normal happy smiling face.

“I
have bad news, Knox,” she starts and I blink my eyes a few
times because I am taken off guard by her words.

“Okay,”
I say and prepare myself for what she is about to say.

Leaving
the hospital, I call my dad and ask if he is home. He tells me he is
at the lake house but will be home by three. I text Max to meet me at
dad’s after work and make my way there. I have a couple of
hours to kill so I change into my swim trunks and grab Max’s
surfboard. I’m not too good on it, but I just need something to
hold on to, something tangible to keep me afloat.

Sitting
on the board I just stare at the horizon, my mother consumes my
thoughts again. I keep remembering those last six months, the last
time she had fun with us. The last day of her life; a day that ripped
me in half. I remember walking into the hospital, that awful smell of
disinfectant assaulting me. My steps, though steady were unsure
because I knew what I was walking into. On some deeper level, I knew
I was going to say goodbye to her that day.

“Hey,
what are you doing?”

Turning
around, I spot Max with his hands out by his side standing in the
sand in his suit. He is smiling at me as I paddle back toward him.

“Hey,
what’s up? No specs?” he asks, laughing at me, taking the
surfboard from my hands. We walk into the house and I see my dad
sitting at that table drinking coffee. I go dry off and change back
into my clothes. Once I join them in the kitchen, I take a deep
breath.

“You
okay bro?” Max asks, noticing my stiff posture.

“Yeah,
I just need to talk to you both.”

They
exchange looks as Max sits at the table with a soda. He passes one to
me, but my stomach is in knots and I can’t bring myself to sip
it.

“So
what’s going on?” My dad asks.

“Okay,
so my headaches are getting worse,” I begin, Max instantly
leans forward resting his elbows on the table. “I just need to
say this, so I’m going to say it, but you are sworn to
secrecy.” My dad and Max both arch an eyebrow in question, but
I have to continue quickly.

“I
wasn’t getting my eyes tested today, I was at the hospital
getting a brain scan. I have a lump on my brain that has gotten
bigger. It was small for years, so I never bothered about it and that
is why I get headaches. But over the last two years it has grown and
now I have to get an operation to have it removed. I don’t know
if I will though because there is a chance I may not survive.”

Swallowing
hard I look up at them, both are pale and staring at me.

“What
do you mean years?” My dad asks.

“I
found out after Mom died; I didn’t want you to worry so I said
nothing,” I answer.

“That
was almost ten years ago,” my dad says looking shocked.

I
nod my head and take a gulp of the soda Max gave me. I look over at
him and he is pissed. I can see anger in his eyes, mixed with tears.

“Fuck
you,” he whispers. “Fuck you Knox!” he screams at
me. Standing he knocks the chair over with force. He clamps his hands
on top of his head and paces the room. “You’re an asshole
you know that! I fucking knew, I knew,” he says, more to
himself.

“Max…”
I start.

“No!
No, don’t you dare ‘Max’ me. You’re a selfish
bastard, Knox, you should have told me!” he shouts at me again
as tears fall from his eyes. “After everything we’ve been
through together, don’t you think I deserved to know?”

“Max,
please just listen to me,” I beg, standing up to meet him.

“No,
I don’t want to know, go die for all I care! I hate you, I
fucking hate you.”

He
storms over to the sliding glass door, pushing it so hard it bounces
back to hit his shoulder. After a fight with the door, he storms off
to the beach. I am about to go after him and explain, but my dad
tells me to sit down and leave him alone.

“You
should have told us, son,” his voice is low and hoarse from
unshed tears.

“I’m
sorry, Dad. Mom just died and I found out, I didn’t want to add
to the grief.”

He
shakes his head and clears his throat. “You should have told
me, Knox,” he whispers, finally shedding the tears he has been
trying to hold back.

“I’m
sorry Dad, I am, but it was the right thing to do at the time.”

He
wipes his eyes and nods at me, without warning he grabs me into a
hug. I am trying so hard to be strong here, but I finally lose it. My
tears come hard and fast and I sob onto my father’s shoulder.

“We’ll
get through this son, we will, I promise. I’m not losing you,”
he whispers. Nodding, I bury my head against his shoulder. Everything
is in my grasp, but it could all be gone in a heartbeat. Dad and I
separate, he excuses himself for a minute and I take a seat out on
the patio. I scan the beach for my brother, but I don’t see
him. I’m worried about him. After a few minutes I start down
the beach, I make my way to the rocks way down the end. I can see him
sitting on top with his legs hanging over. We used to sit here for
hours after my mom died. Climbing up beside him, I take a seat, he
ignores, me and looks the other way. I wait in silence with him, as
the waves crash off the rocks. Finally, he turns to me.

“I’m
sorry. I don’t hate you,” he says.

“I
know you don’t, I’m too good looking to hate.”

He
snorts and shakes his head, “Not the time for jokes, bro.”

Smiling
I wrap my arm around his shoulders and we just sit there watching the
sun descend. “What are you going to do?” he asks.

“I’m
not sure,” I answer.

“This
is shit Knox, I knew something wasn’t right in New York. I just
knew it.”

His
fists clench in his lap and he grinds his teeth.

“Max,
I’m not leaving you. You’re one of three people in my
life who I love and I don’t plan on checking out at
twenty-five.”