If I'd Only Known (Milan Women Series Book 1) (8 page)

The
only other person she encountered was his native housekeeper, and she declared
she spoke no English so when she spoke all Perri managed to understand was the
word ‘gone’ and since she wasn't versed in Spanish, it was pointless to
question her of Barrington's whereabouts, or if he'd even left word for her.
Besides that, Perri didn't much care for the way she was looking at her, like
she was intruding on her domain or something. She was a very beautiful woman
with stunning eyes the color of emerald green.
Bet he was sleeping
with her, too
, she thought bitterly.

Perri
was embarrassed and didn't know how to respond, so needless to say, she
high-tailed it out of there with as much dignity and grace as she could fathom
in that given predicament. If the truth were told, by the time Journey arrived there
to pick her up she barely made it out Barrington's front door with her pride still
intact. As for her heart, well, she wouldn't even discuss that. It was
pointless considering it lay crumpled on Barrington's bedroom floor where she
left it after dressing in a hurry to escape him once and for all. She hoped.
Perri knew Barrington Rashaad Knight was not an easy man to forget. She was
going to need time, and plenty of it.

He
could have at least been a man and told her to her face it was over, that she
meant nothing but another notch in his
experienced
bedpost. Instead,
he'd chosen to be a coward, tuck tail and run before she even woke up.

“How
could you, Barrington? How could you?”

“I
hate you, Barrington . . . I hate you.”

“Oh
God, oh God . . . . Why?”

I
love you, Perri
, Barrington's lie echoed in her head.
So
much for true confessions
, she thought bitterly.

“I
love you, Barrington.” Perri closed her eyes tight, hoping to squeeze out the
pain of loving and losing what she deemed her first love. “But you didn't love
me back.” She shook her head. “Not really. You didn't love me back! God,
Barrington . . . why don't you love me, too?” her voice cracked and she knew
she was done. Perri thought she'd choke and honestly wanted to, as she
collapsed on the floor, giving way to the flood of tears that seemed to have no
end in sight.

One
Year Later

Man,
did Perri really hate it when the brothers from Blue-Eyed Soul came home. Most
times she was on guard because having heard it through the grapevine she could
prepare beforehand; but then there were those all too frequent times when she
wouldn’t know they’d come home until actually seeing one of them out somewhere
and, it was a pretty safe bet that if one of them was there the other was not
far behind. And guess which one she happened to see out today? Yes, that’s
right, the
one
she truly did not want to see and, for the past twelve
months, went out of her way doing almost anything imaginable just to avoid an
accidental
run in with at all cost. But fate just was not on Perri’s side today and it
seemed that destiny was bound and determined to have her own way whether she
liked the outcome or not—and she definitely did not like the way it seemed to
be going down thus far.

“Is
he gone yet?” Perri asked, trying her level best to keep Imani content, at
least until they were in a relatively safety zone. It was her feeding time and
since Perri had her daughter on a set schedule, Imani was none too happy her
mother hadn’t started nursing her yet; and Perri was feeling bad because she
knew Imani was hungry and here she was trying to avoid what seemed to be the
inevitable.

Journey
overtly glanced in the opposite direction and back to the clothes rack she was
pretending to browse through. “Not yet,” she discreetly whispered.

Perri
rolled her eyes irritated that she was being inconvenienced to such a ridiculous
degree. “What is he doing, buying out the store? No, wait, let me guess; he’s
probably trying to holler at some hoochies or something of that nature. Am I
right?”

Journey
giggled and answered with a question. “Would it bother you if he were?

“Yeah,
right, Jern. Like I really care what he does or whom he does it with.” 
Lord,
please forgive me for lie number one.
“As long as he passes me right on by
he can do whatever he wants.”
Lord, please forgive me for lie number two.
Perri absolutely refused to acknowledge the gnawing pain of jealousy currently
stabbing at her heart concerning her first and only true love.

“Perri
Tania Milan,” Journey demanded, “who you trying to fool? You forget I know you;
and I’m telling you right now, girl, it does bother you that the only love of
your life is within walking distance of you and you can’t even parade your
perfectly size three hour-glass shape by him with that eat-your-heart-out
attitude.”

“Whatever,
Jern,” Perri said, irritated with her best friend’s misplaced loyalty.

“Um-hmm,
that’s exactly what I know,” Journey smirked.

Unable
to help it, Perri laughed out loud. “Just stay on your job and let me know when
he leaves, Dr. Ruth.”

“Not
to worry, Perri, your girl Journey is on it.” She glanced over her shoulder,
her eyes widening as she moaned, “Oh, no.”

“What?”
Perri’s heart started hammering overtime in her chest. “What is it, Jern?” Even
as she asked, “What’s going on?” her blood pressure shot through the roof.

“Don’t
get mad, honey,” Journey hesitated before saying, “but I don’t see him now.”

“Girl,
don’t play with me.” Perri anxiously watched her friend continue to look in
each direction. Unable to wait another minute, she snapped, “Well, where is
he?”

“Don’t
know. I don’t see him anywhere. I guess the coast is clear, so let’s make a run
for it.”

Perri
seemed to be stuck like glue to that one spot, her legs wanting to run but her
heart silently whispering to her to face her problem head-on. “Or maybe he’s
lurking around the same vicinity, and that’s all I need is to run into him as
I’m trying to make a clean escape,” she complained as Imani fidgeted in her
arms, gnawing on her finger.

“Well,
standing here thinking of all the negatives won’t get you out of here any
faster. I say we make a move while we can,” Journey insisted.

“Easy
for you to say; you’re not the one hiding out with a hungry baby.”

“You’re
right. But I do know my goddaughter, and if you don’t soon pop that tit in her
mouth, she’s going to blow the cover on us all.” Journey chuckled.

Perri
strapped Imani back into her stroller. “Okay, Jern, here’s what we’re going to
do.” She stood up to her full five-six inch frame like she was commander in
chief of the CIA. “You take Imani with you and go out the side door in JC
Penny; I’ll meet you at the car.” Giving Journey the keys, she said, “Make sure
the car is running and ready to flee once I get in.”

“And
just what will you be doing while I’m busy stowing away your love child?”

“I’m
going to walk down in the direction you saw Barrington in.”

“What
if you see him or he sees you?”

Perri
shook her head and said, “Guess I’ll have to swallow my pride and acknowledge
him.” Seeing the doubt in Journey’s eyes, Perri tossed her hands in the air.
“What else can I do?” She patiently rocked her daughter’s stroller as she
started to whine. “It doesn’t matter if Barrington sees me so long as he
doesn’t see my baby.”

“You
mean
y’all’s
baby, don’t you?”

“Jern,
please,” Perri pleaded with her friend’s disapproving eyes. “I need you to help
us. Just go ahead of me; I’ll be a few minutes behind you. We’re less likely to
be noticed that way.”

Journey
quickly pushed Imani’s stroller toward JC Penny. Unfortunately, before she made
it past Footlocker, at a snail’s pace, Perri watched horrified as her worst
fear came true. Barrington came barreling out of Footlocker and ran slap-dab
into Journey’s shoulder. Perri froze as the seams from her carefully
orchestrated indirect lie unfolded right before her eyes.

“Pardon
me,” Journey said without looking up, guilt and shame staining her cheeks.

“No,
excuse me,” Barrington insisted, “I’m at fault, not watching where I was going.”

Imani
really started to cry and Perri wanted to run to her daughter, but for the life
of her, she could not make her feet uproot from that spot.

“Looks
like I upset your baby, I apologize for that,” Barrington said with genuine
concern.

“No,
she’s fine; hungry but fine. I better get going so I can feed her,” Journey
rushed the words out while trying to sidestep Barrington without him seeing the
face that mirrored his own.

Barrington
smiled but made no attempt to step aside. He knew it was a sad and lonely day
in his life when he asked a stranger, “You can’t feed your daughter in here?”
Without waiting for an answer, he bent down tickling Imani underneath her chin.
“She is beautiful.”

Unawares
to Barrington, Imani was a breastfed baby, so naturally she turned her head to
the side, mouth open, latching onto his finger and ready to go to town on what
she perceived was her favorite nursing nipple. It would have been funny had
Perri not been so horrified by her daughter’s childlike behavior. Not that she
could fault her since she was a child.

“Whoa,
little one,” Barrington said and laughed. “That’s not your bottle, Cupcake.”

Swallowing
hard, Journey insisted, “We’ve got to go now.”

Looking
up, Barrington said, “Don’t I know you?”

“Um,
no you don’t,” Journey lied and despised her deceit. “Sorry, I really have to
leave.”

By
that time Imani realized her mistake and made sure everyone within hearing
range did, too, as she wailed her full disappointment immediately bringing
Barrington’s full attention back to her. Without a second thought he undid the
strap, picking her up and bringing her to his chest, where she instantly calmed
down. Perri could see the horror on Journey’s face and she didn’t even want to
imagine the look of her own.

“Okay,
little one; you’ll eat soon,” Barrington promised Imani. “Where’s her bottle?”

Journey—a
true sucker for emotional moments—now had a smile on her face.

It
dawned on Barrington who she was. “Journey Stillwater,” he announced with a big
grin.

“Huh?”

“I
knew you looked familiar, girl!” Unable to help himself, Barrington glanced
around. He ignored the disappointment of not seeing the one woman his heart had
never stopped loving. Bringing his attention back to Journey, he wanted to
know, “Why did you deny it?”

Coming
back to reality, Journey caught her mistake and panicked. “Oh. Well, I um . . .
well, see, I um . . .”

“Oh
I get it.” He chuckled.

“I
seriously doubt it,” Journey mumbled under her breath.

“You
didn’t want Crush to know you had a baby.”

“Say
what now?” The only thing able to throw Journey off her game was the mention of
that
name. Ignoring the pain in her own heart, completely at a loss for
words, Journey could only shake her head as she watched Perri heading toward
them.

“Journey,
how is Perri doing?”

“Perry?”
Journey parroted not knowing what to say at this point.

Barrington
teased, “You know Perri, your other half. It’s been a minute since I’ve seen
her around. Are you guys still backup dancing for the locals?”

“Not
so much anymore.”

Barrington
caught himself and grimaced. “Sorry.” He stroked the little bundle still
resting content against his chest. “I guess you’ve kind of been slowed down a
little, huh. When did you have a kid anyway? I didn’t even know you were
pregnant.”

“That’s
because she wasn’t.”

Joy
flooded Barrington’s heart, knowing to whom that familiar voice belonged
without looking. Turning, he looked down, connecting eyes with the woman who
still had his heart.  “Perri . . .” her name came out barely above a whisper.
The woman still took his breath away and held the power to effectively render
him speechless.

Why
did he have to break them?
Perri’s eyes narrowed at him even
as tears stung the back of them. They would still be together if he had truly
loved her the way he claimed; instead, he used her without pause or apology as
he hit it and quit it. If she had meant anything to Barrington for real, she
was certain they would be married, happy and in love, raising their beautiful
daughter together. They could have been a real family all along. But he had to
go breaking her heart. She gazed up at Barrington, fighting the urge to throw
herself in his arms right along with Imani.

“I’ll
take her now,” Perri announced with a tone that left no room for protest. She
reached for her daughter. “Please give her to me.”

She
wanted to look away as he stared down at her long and hard. The secret she
fought so hard to keep had finally been discovered. It was ironic. Her heart
ached but not because she’d been exposed. She was so ashamed of the part she
played in making sure her secret never saw the light of day. She knew
Barrington well; knew this kind of betrayal he could never forgive. It should
have made her feel better knowing he’d want no part of her now. But she felt
sick to her stomach, knowing she’d just broken his heart. For the moment it
didn’t matter that he’d broken hers first. She could only watch as she saw joy,
confusion, anger, hurt, and surprise knitting his eyebrows together. He had an
expression of someone who walked up on a conversation, hearing just enough to
catch his undivided attention, like he was trying to figure out if he heard
what it sounded like he heard. Perri couldn’t blame him. It hurt to see it.

Barrington
found it hard to breathe through the acute tightness in his chest, not wanting
to believe the woman he loved was capable of such cold and calculated
deception. He carefully brought the baby in his arms down and, for the first
time, got a full view of her face.

Why
the hell would she do that to me?

He
couldn’t believe he was looking into a pair of yellow eyes with green flecks in
them that resembled his own. From there, he scanned every inch of her face,
which was the spitting image of his own; for that matter so was every detail
about her face. She had her mother’s brown hair, but where Perri’s was almost a
golden brown, Imani’s was a light brown, straight and slightly curled at the
ends, though he suspected hers would eventually turn to golden curls. The only visible
difference about his baby was her skin, which looked almost an ivory shade
where his own had a natural golden tan for a white man. He swallowed hard as
tears stung the back of his eyes, and he struggled against the emotions warring
within him, battling for control as he glared at the woman who had suddenly turned
out to be a cold hearted and dangerous stranger.

Barrington
suddenly understood the thin line between love and hate, and how easily it
would be to fall prey to committing a cowardly act of domestic violence. And if
he had been less of a man, right now, his hands would be wrapped around Perri’s
beautiful, flawless neck. Lucky for her his mama didn’t raise no damn fool
because, God help him that was her only saving grace right now.
Jesus just
saved your life, girl!
How the hell could she be so damn cruel?