If I'd Only Known (Milan Women Series Book 1) (4 page)

His
cock jumped and he grinned, trying his best to control his emotions and libido.
“There you go answering a question with a question again.” Needing Perri to be
really still lest he lose all self-control, Barrington’s hands went to either
side of her hips to still them from moving as he concentrated on breathing
normally.

“There
you go making something so simple complicated again,” she said shifting her
hips slightly, hoping to feel the brunt of Barrington’s hard-on in the center
of her core which was throbbing with need.

Barrington's
face contorted like he was in pain, Perri swallowed hard, trying to figure out
why he acted like he didn't want her, or even want to want her. She wanted to
cry, and knew she would if he didn't hold her soon. She decided to get a little
bolder, rocking forward on his erection which was already rock solid.

“Baby,
don't,” came out of him in a strained whisper, his hot desire was about to push
through his skin and Barrington wasn't sure how long he could remain a
gentleman.

Like
a sharp, blunt instrument cutting through smooth, rich, creamy butter, his
words knifed her, seeped in her veins, lodged in her chest . . . and broke her
heart. Looking in his eyes, Perri never dreamed this particular man, beautiful
hero to her that he was, would crush her with two careless words.

Let
me tell you something, Perri
, she could hear Madear
saying,
don't ever let anyone strip
you from you. You got you.
You got your dignity, and that's all you ever need to make it this life, that
be so ugly and unfair. You hold on to you, no matter what. You hear me, Sugarplum
?

Who
knew today she'd find out firsthand how true Madear's words were?

Willing
all her dignity to the forefront, Perri forced her chin up two notches. Just
like that she climbed off Barrington’s lap and ran out of the room, ignoring
the pain in her heart that mocked her every step of the way.

Where
the heck am I going? This is my house! He's the one who needs to get out
,
she thought about to open the front door and make a mad dash out.

“Perri?”
Barrington caught up to her at the door, wondering where she was going. They
were in her house. If anyone should be preparing to leave it was him. And
hadn't he just tried to tell her that, to do exactly that? Wasn't he prepared
to walk away from her without taking her invitation to sex that she was openly
offering him no matter how painful it was for him physically? Hell, he was just
trying to respect her innocence and it had her running away from him without an
explanation whatsoever.

“Let
me go, Barrington!” she ordered in a semi hateful tone.

Instead
of complying, he kissed the top her head, holding her to his chest tightly.

“Why
are you doing this to me?” she whispered, her voice cracked.

Closing
his eyes, he told her honestly, “I'm not doing this to you, baby. Believe it or
not, Perri, I'm doing this for you.”

Her
laughter held no humor. “That's supposed to be my line, isn't it?”

Turning
her stiff body around to face him, Barrington gently lifted her chin, forcing
her to meet his probing gaze. “This is not a line, Perri.” He shook his head in
denial as well as hurt and confusion. “Why won't you believe me?”

“Why
won't you just tell me why you don't really want me?”

“Wait.
Not want her
? What?” Shaking his head, Barrington blinked, thoroughly
confused. “Where did you get a crazy idea like that, Perri?”

She
jutted her chin out. “If it's so crazy, Barrington, then you must be insane,
because I got the idea from your actions. Or shall I say lack of them?”

Barrington
tried his best not to, he really did, but before he could stop himself, he
broke out laughing.  Perri shoved his shoulders hard with both palms. He yelped
and continued laughing.

Perri
glared up at him, really wanting to smack the cockiness right out him. “Don't
you laugh at me!” she demanded. When he only doubled over and laughed some
more, she stomped on his right foot and ran out the door, pulling her keys out
of the pocket of her jeans as she did. When she got to her car, fumbling to jam
the key in the lock, they fell out of her hand, slapping her feet. She quickly
snatched them up off the ground and attempted to force them in the lock again.
And again, they fell to the stupid ground. “Dumb keys,” she fussed to the air.

Catching
up to her at the car, Barrington scooped up her keys and held them in the air.
“Don't you ever do that again, Perri,” he grated through clenched teeth.

“Damn
you, Barrington. Give me my keys!” she ordered in a not so low tone.

“Not
until you stop acting like a fool.”

Perri
half laughed, half grunted. “You don't have to worry about that. This is the
last time I play the fool for you.” Pushing at his chest with both hands, she
yelled up at him, “Give me my keys. Now!”

He
stared down at her. “Not until you tell me where you think you're going.”

“I
don't owe you any explanations.”

“Wrong,
Perri. I just told you I love you, girl. I think I deserve to know why you
having a hissy fit.” The look in his eyes told her he meant to get an answer.

“Why
don't you just go back wherever it is you came from and leave me alone,” she
turned and started back up her driveway.

“Oh,
no you don't, Perri.” Barrington caught hold of her arms as she struggled
against him. “You are not just gonna walk away without explaining yourself.”

“Turn
around and watch me.”

“I
am; like a hawk. That's why I'm telling you, you’re not walking away from me
until we settle this thing, whatever
it
is.” He honestly didn't have a
clue.

“Well,
I tell you what.” She tested his grip on her arms; it remained tight. “You let
me go and I'll think about listening to you.”

“Are
you gonna be a good girl if I do?” He was not her fool.

She
wanted to haul off and slap the tar out of him. Too mad, stunned, and hurt to
do anything, she remained quiet.

“I
can't hear you, Perri. Is that a yes or no?” His hold on her wrists tightened
as she squirmed one last time.

“Yes.
All right!” she shouted.

Slowly,
Barrington released his grip on her, but he held on to her hands. “Okay,” he
announced like it was an introduction “why are you so mad?”

Giving
him the evil eye, she challenged, “Wouldn't you like to know?”

“Will
you just answer me straight out,” he snapped.

“Don't
you yell at me, Barrington Knight!”

“Why
not, Perri? You certainly don't think twice about yelling at me.”

“That's
because you deserve it.”

“What
I deserve is an answer. And I'm damn well gonna get one.”

Perri
rolled her eyes at him as hard as she could, then folded her arms and looked
out into the distant street. Unable to focus on anything, she blinked back
angry tears.

If
Barrington wasn't so annoyed he would have laughed at her again. Standing there
like a spoiled brat of a child who'd just threatened her parents' that she was
gonna hold her breath until they gave in to her wishes.
Well, she can have
as many temper tantrums as she wants,
he
thought
, she's still
gonna answer me.

“I'm
waiting, Perri.”

“Go
home, Barrington.”

Okay,
it was cute before; now it's just downright annoying.
“Look,
girl, I came all this way to see you. The least you can do is be a decent
hostess.”

Is
he crazy
?
“Did I ask you to come over here?”

“No.”

“Well,
then.”

He
tried to hide his grin. “That didn't stop you from letting me in, did it? It
also didn't stop you from kissing my face off.” He did laugh this time.

Her
jaw gaped open. “Me?” she pointed at him, “You're the one who pounced on me.
And you did it just so you could take pleasure in pushing me away like some
little pest who got too close,” she accused and glared at him disgusted. “You .
. . you . . . you . . .

Her
mind went blank as she searched her brain for something, anything bad to call
him. She could tell by the smirk on his face he wanted to laugh at her some
more and that only pissed her off that much more.

“Like
I said, Barrington, go home.” She started toward the house again.

“Aw,
hell, I've had about enough of this. I'm sick of this shit, Perri.”

“Good!
Be gone,” she called over her shoulder.

“Oh,
I will.”

“Good!”
She stomped even harder up the driveway.

“But
you're coming with me.”

“Barrington,”
she yelped as he lifted her off the ground. “Put me down!”

“I
will . . . soon enough.” Opening the door to his Escalade, he shoved her in the
passenger side, locking the doors as he did so. He stood there and watched her
struggle to get the door open to no avail. Then he stared at her a while longer
as she beat the side window. At that point, Barrington informed her, “They're
childproof locks, Perri, which is exactly what you're acting like right now; a
child!” Stalking over to the driver side, he got in, slammed the door, started
the engine and, backed out of her driveway with her cussing him all the way.

Fifty-five
minutes later, Barrington pulled into his driveway. Instead of going around to
her side, he pulled Perri out of his side right along with him, scooped her up,
and carried her up his walkway. He'd already called ahead and told his
housekeeper, Nia, to leave the door unlocked for him.

Barrington
opened the door and pushed it shut with his foot. He then walked up his winding
staircase and did not stop until he walked into his bedroom. Once inside, after
closing and locking the door, he made his way over to the middle of his room,
and only then, did he release Perri as he deposited her not so softly in the
center of his bed. He looked down at her with a satisfied grin that he wouldn't
even bother trying to hide.

“Now,”
he announced, “you're on my turf, and you will listen to me.” When she just
hoisted herself on her knees and sat back on her haunches, then bit her lower
lip, staring up at him, Barrington just about lost all sense of reality as he
fought the urge to pounce on her body for real this time. He shook off his
desire, or at least he attempted to.
Damn, even mad as the devil, she's sexy
as hell.

He
automatically started to sit down before he caught himself, knowing it was
safer for him to stand and keep somewhat of a physical distance between them.
“Look, Perri, I don't like it when you're mad at me, especially when you won't
tell me why. And I don't know what made you think I don't want you, when
wanting you is all ever seem to do. But I know you're a virgin too, Perri, and
as much as I want to be your first, I don't want to hurt you.”

“Too
late, Barrington, you already accomplished that.”

He
swallowed back a curse, and sat on the bed, pulling her into his arms. She
struggled against his touch. He then pulled her onto his lap and held her
tight. As if all the fight had suddenly drained out of her, she stopped
struggling, but her body remained stiff in his arms. He kissed the center of
her back and kept kissing it until she finally relented and melted against him.
“Sweet Perri, it's not supposed to be like this,” he spoke softly. Too softly.

She
slowly turned around and her breath caught, her lungs suddenly too heavy to
breathe through.
He was too darn fine
.
“I don't believe this crap
of you.”

Crap
?
“Are
you sure you're black?” He laughed out loud. “Perri, what girl over the age of
eleven says
crap
anymore?” He got so tickled he laughed again.

With
an elbow, she shoved him in the ribs. “Looks like you met your first one.”

“Ouch!
Damn it, Perri. Would you stop that shit?” She's definitely black. Just country
as hell, he decided.

“Before
or after you stop laughing at me?”

Rolling
his eyes, he sighed hard. “Are we about to play tit for tat again?”

“Are
you about to start asking dumb questions again? Because if you are—”

Kissing
her mid-sentence, he swallowed the last of her words. He needed her to listen
to him, and he could only think of this one way to get her to shut up.

Pushing
angrily at his chest, “Dirty dog,” she hissed.

Ignoring
her name calling, Barrington kissed her again, this time, more deeply and much
longer until he felt her push at his chest again.

“Why
are you doing this to me?”

Barrington
closed his eyes; his heart just about stopped beating in his chest when he
heard her whimper, probably out of pure frustration; frustration that he was
putting her through. “I'm sorry, Perri,” he sincerely apologized.

“Why?”

He
opened his eyes and met her intense gaze, glimpsing unshed tears in her eyes.
He cursed himself inwardly for putting them there. “Because I did something to
make you believe I don't want you as much as I felt and
know
you wanted
me back at your place.” He kissed her cheek softly. “For that, baby, I am so
very sorry.”

Perri
quickly showed him the back of her head and looked down at his hands clasping
her belly. Something warm in her stirred and she felt herself soften. Then it
just hurt because she couldn't make her heart harden toward him. “Why?”

“I
just told you.”

“No.”
She shook her head, hesitating then said, “Not that. I mean, why don't you want
me like I want you?”

“Because
I want you more.”

Damn.
Every defense she spent much energy building against him was now useless . . .
just like her trying to stay mad at him. She was eating out of his hands like a
hungry hippo, and was convinced he knew it, too. Perri slowly looked back at
him. “But you had your chance to have me. I offered myself to you. That wasn't
easy to do. And it was even harder to have you pull away from me, Barrington.”
She resented the tears welling up in her eyes. “How could you embarrass me like
that?”

With
the pads of his thumbs, he brushed her tears, and slowly licked away the
remainder that lingered behind. Then he said, “How can I make you happy?”

“Love
me.”

“I
do love you, baby. I told you that.”

“Yeah,
you did. You said you love me and yet you won't
make love
to me.” She
nodded. “Yeah, Barrington, that makes a lot of sense in my mind.”

“It
makes perfect sense in my way of thinking.”

“Either
you have one warped sense of humor, or you're just plain cruel one.”

“Neither
of your accusations applies to me; not when it comes to you.” He kissed her
shoulder blade.

“Stop
that,” she ordered, ignoring the sensuous fire it sent through her.

“Why?”

“Because
you have no intentions of taking it any further; you're just teasing me again.
I don't like it and I want you to stop it now.”

“Give
me your hand.”

“What?”

“Your
hand, Perri, give it to me,” he ordered.

“Barrington—”

He
took her right hand in his and proceeded to place it against his chest. Smiling
at her affectionately, he told her, “This is what you do to me, sweet Perri.
Every time I'm near you, or hell, even when I'm away from you for months at a
time . . . this is what you do to me, girl.” His look intensified as he gazed
in her eyes. “I want you so bad, Perri, I can damn near taste you in my dreams,
and I feel it all the way in the center of my gut.”

“Really?”

“What
you mean
really
? Of course I mean really.”

“Why?”

“You're
so damn sexy, Perri. You're like picture perfect, girl. How could I not want
you?” He lifted her chin when she looked down embarrassed. “Hum?”

Perri
bit her lower lip to stop it from quivering.

“Un-un,”
Barrington protested. “Don't do that, baby. Let me.” He nibbled her lower and
upper lip, making playful bites and then soothing it with his tongue.

She
moaned inside his mouth, partly frustrated, but mostly fixated on her strong
desire for him. “Please, Barry,” she panted.

“What?”

“You
know.”

“Tell
me what you want, Perri.”

“You
know,” she accused.

“Tell
me what you want, Perri,” He repeated the words deliberate and slow.

Perri
swallowed hard and answered, “You, Barrington, to make love to me.”

“Why?”
He kissed her neck then, like a savage beast in heat, tongued her throat until
she whimpered and went limp against him. “Why?” he repeated.

“Huh?”
Her brain was mush from here to yonder; she could barely breathe.

“Why
do you want me to make love to you, Perri?” He pressed a soft but questioning
kiss to her lips. “Why?”

Licking
her lips, she tasted her man. “Are you for real? Why do I want you to make love
to me?” She stared at him mindlessly.

“What's
wrong, Perri?”

“I'm
thinking about the best way to answer your question.” Her mind went back to his
words; the explanation he gave back at her house. “I'm not an experienced
woman, Barrington. I have no
experience
when it comes to the ins and
outs of bedroom foreplay.” She blinked and dared to go on. “But I know I want
to play with you and I know I want to be with you, wherever that is,
Barrington. I want to be right there with you experiencing
us
together.
Yes, I'm a virgin. But so what? Does that make me undesirable?”

“Baby,
no,” he quickly denied. “On the contrary, it makes you even more desirable. It
makes me wanna take you, brand you, make you mine. If I do . . . .

How
could he explain it to her? “I just don't want you to think I took advantage of
you when you realize you gave your treasure away.”

“You
said you love me, Barrington.”

“And
I do.”

“Are
you planning on going somewhere?”

“Not
in the slightest.”

“Then
my treasure will still always be somewhere near me.”

He
chuckled at her childlike reasoning.

“Did
you ever think about it like that?”

“No,”
he admitted.

“Maybe
you should.”

“I
am now.” Holding her, he kissed her neck. “What am I gonna do with you?”

“What
do you wanna do with me, Barrington?”

He
shook his head, grinned and answered, “Make mad love to you, girl.”

“If
that madness includes passion,” she shrugged, “do what you feel, baby.”

“Perri,
I hope you know what you're asking me; you better know what you're doing to me.
Once I start, I'm not gonna be able to stop. If this is not what you want,
baby, you better let me know right now, or else, get ready to be pleased inside
and out, in every way imaginable,” he forewarned.

“Unless
it's with you, I'm not going anywhere, Barrington. She kissed him passionately.
“So, how does this thing work? Tell me what to do.”

Shocked
at her terminology, Barrington complained, “You don't have to make it sound so
crass.”

Perri
giggled. “I'm not.” The look on his face made her giggle again. “I'm just
trying to let you teach me while I learn my lessons well.”

“Yeah?”
Watching her nod, Barrington said, “Lesson one, then, don't ruin the moment
with careless words.” He couldn’t fake-force a smile at this point, he was so
damn hot for his woman. Then he kissed her, drawing her tongue inside his eager
mouth. He gently eased her off his lap, transferring her to his bed where he
proceeded to slowly undress her, first with his eyes then with his hands. He
took the liberty of kissing, stroking, kneading every inch of her body. She was
beautiful to him.

Perri
thought she'd die when Barrington sought to remove her clothing a little at a
time, like he was giving her time to back out or something. She wasn't going to
change her mind. She knew what she wanted. Knew she wanted this man for
herself. Knew she was probably not going to regret it. Knew like she knew her
name she was going to make love with this man who tortured her by
slowly
undressing her. “Hurry, Barrington,” she called out impatiently.

“No,
Perri,” he insisted. “Because it's your first time, baby, it has to be right.”

“Well,
hurry up and make it right.”

He
had to laugh, kissing her deeply until she was straining against his erection,
which had become painful for him. He knew she was prepared to receive him in
full on this particular day. Breaking their overheated kiss, he stood back,
staring at her, taking her in her beautifully naked form from head to toe.

Perri
felt self-conscious under the scrutiny of his intense gaze.
The man is
ogling me.
“What are you staring at me like that for?” She tried to recover
from his delicious deadly kisses.

Pulling
her to her feet, he kept staring. “You are so damn beautiful, Perri.” Smiling,
he slowly circled around her, his grin growing bigger when he noted the extra
junk in her trunk.
Damn
,
baby, your ass is the bomb
! “You are so
damn hot and sexy.”

She
probably turned seven different shades, all of them said, “Thank you.”

Taking
his leisurely time, he perused her body, committing every minute detail to his
memory, for a sweet reminder of her when he was on the road. Then Barrington
realized, for her, something inside him had stirred, bringing him to his knees
as she pulled on the invisible strings of his heart. Picking her up, and this
time, carefully lowering her on his bed, he knew he loved her even more at that
moment in time, and sought to express it all the more as he took his sweet time
gingerly exploring her body, every terrain of it.

Barrington
held her naked body close to his, inhaling her unique scent and committing it
to his memory; he now knew her original womanly scent and would forever be
familiar with it. Satisfied he could pick Perri out from any other woman on the
face of the earth, it was only then that he allowed her eager hands to undress
him, however, she wasn't so slow with her hot pursuit of him, and that
surprised him. But it was a pleasant surprise that made his heart first
flutter, then turn over like a cartwheel in his chest.