I Surrender (22 page)

I am trying desperately to shove past him to slap that smug bitch in the mouth.

“Ava seriously stop it.” He has the nerve to be chuckling happily. I’m glad he finds me amusing, as I am about to fly off the handle and smash that handle into Indie’s plastic face!

After he finally stops laughing, he says, “Babe, listen to me. I appreciate you getting so fired up but don’t. Indie and my mom can both go to hell. Mom can say she’s changed until she’s black and blue in the face, but that won’t change the fact she deserted us when we needed her the most. I’ll never forget that so you have nothing to worry about.”

“I’m not worried, I’m livid. How can she just pretend nothing ever happened?” I yell still trying to push past him to confront Indie.

He wraps me in his arms and I am engulfed in his smell. “Because that’s what she does. When reality is too hard, she copes by going into denial. Now that there is no escape from reality she wants to make amends. It’s too late.” Jasper is so calm and I realize this is old news to him. This isn’t the first time his mom has tried to pull the sympathy card.

“Why the hell does Indie still keep in contact with your mom?” I ask, trying to calm down but failing.

“They have always gotten along, even if we weren’t seeing each other at the time she would keep in touch with mom.” Jasper strokes my hair playfully; leaning forward kissing my neck in hopes of reassuring me everything will be okay.

“Just another way to keep her claws firmly embedded into you!” I snarl shrugging him off. His attempt to reassure me is not working.

“Are you jealous?” laughs Jasper, looking at me amused.

Damn straight I am, but more so I am mad at those two conniving scheming women. I only scrunch up my face annoyed.

“Naw baby that’s sweet.” He teases me and I playfully punch him on the arm. He always calms me down, eventually that is.

“Okay Bruce Lee I think you’ve had enough for one night, I’m taking you home.”

*****

Jasper is in the bathroom getting ready for bed and sleep is the last thing on my mind. I am still fuming from my encounter with Indie, and thinking about Jasper’s mom adds fuel to that inferno because I know Jasper will go see her. That’s the kind of person he is and it is the right thing to do. No matter what she did to him, she is still his mom.

I tear off my jeans and t-shirt and crawl under his covers in my underwear and bra.

Jasper turns off the bathroom light and strolls into his bedroom, hands raised in surrender. “You calmed down yet?”

I cross my arms angrily over my chest, my back resting against the bedhead. I am glad someone finds this amusing.

He pulls back the covers and slips in besides me. “Baby, don’t be upset. I’m not. That mom wound has closed over a long time ago.” I calm down slightly as he strokes my face, searching my eyes. “But I’m going to go see her. I would be a shitty son if I didn’t.”

“You’re what?” I knew it was coming but that doesn’t make it any easier to digest.

“Ava,” he exhales noisily. “Two wrongs don’t make a right. Just because she doesn’t know the meaning of family, doesn’t mean I have to stoop to her level. You know I’m right.” He is right but I can’t help the irritation brewing.

“I know,” is all I sigh.

“That’s it, no fight?” he asks kissing my shoulder.

“You’re right. I don’t like it but you’re right. If anything was to happen to your mom and you didn’t go see her you would never forgive yourself.” Jasper pulls me into his chest, my head tucked under his chin.

Then I have an idea and berate myself for not thinking it earlier. “I’ll come with you. Probably not the best way to meet your mom but I can be there for you.”

He replies quickly, “I appreciate the sentiment but you’ve got school. You can’t just take off for two weeks midterm.”

“Two weeks?!” I question stunned. He’s right, I can’t afford that much time away especially with exams approaching, but I was expecting a weekend visit not fourteen days! Can this day get any worse? Not only is he leaving me but he’ll be gone for an eternity.

“Now is probably not a good time to mention Indie will also be there,” he asks biting his lip lightheartedly.

“WHAT!” I take it back; my day has just gotten a whole lot worse. Indie being alone with Jasper, consoling him during his mom’s recovery, using that as an excuse to offer her boobs as a sympathy pillow. There never will be a good time!

I am about to leap off the bed before I explode, but Jasper again stops my rant and rave. “Ava look at me.” I turn to face him as he places both hands on my cheeks. “You have nothing to worry about alright. I will be crawling into your bed after two weeks of missing you like crazy. You won’t even notice I’m gone.”

“That’s unlikely,” I sulk.

“I have to do this baby, please tell me you understand,” he asks, his worried eyes searching my face.

“I do, doesn’t mean I have to like it. But I get it. Go see your mom and I’ll be here waiting for you when you get back.”

“It’s only two weeks Ava, might be even less. You might realize you like me gone.” He jokes half-heartedly; we both know this is going to suck.

I look into his eyes and I am on the verge of a meltdown. “I’m going to miss you,” I whisper. Seriously when did I become such a crybaby?

“I’m going to miss you too, so we better stop wasting precious time talking.” Jasper begins kissing my neck, trying to push me down.

I stubbornly remain seated. “Why? When are you leaving?”

“I was thinking tomorrow night if I can organize a flight in time.”

“Tomorrow!” I yell. Seriously this conversation is getting more and more depressing.

Jasper senses my despair and brushes the hair away from my face. “Think of it this way, the sooner I leave the sooner I’m back.”

His positive spin on a shitty situation is not making me feel better. I can’t help it, I don’t like this. He will be surrounded by Indie and his mom. I don’t know his mom but from what I have heard, I know nothing good can come out of this. But she is his mom, this is his decision to make not mine and as his girlfriend I have to support it, even if I don’t like it.

“Come here,” he coos. I hesitate but can never turn him down when he speaks to me so endearingly. I shuffle into his lap wrapping my arms around his neck. “I like that you’re so upset I’m leaving, means you care that I’ll be gone.”

“Of course I care, I care a lot,” I admit shyly. Is this conversation going to involve the L Bomb? I am not ready for that just now, I can’t get my head around him leaving with his ex to see his deserting mom let alone tell him I think I am in love with him.

“Well I care a lot about you too,” he smiles. “And I know I’m going to be missing you every hour of every day until I am pressed up against you.” I melt under his intense stare, his eyes are languid and fervent and I realize this will be the last time in two weeks I will be able to caress Jasper. With no time to waste I press my lips to his and claim him.

Pushing those thoughts aside, I move to straddle his lap wrapping my legs tightly around his waist. He groans as I move sensually against him and he removes my bra, bringing his lips to my chest entrapping a nipple. How can this feel so new? Every time I am with Jasper he makes me feel like it’s the first time we have explored each other.

He slips his hand between my legs and touches me over my underwear. This feeling is more intense then when there is no material separating us. He increases the tempo and I ride his fingers begging for a release but Jasper wants to take this slow and removes his hand. He laughs at my disappointment and flips me onto my back, peering up at me from his onslaught of kissing my breasts.

I raise my hips, giving him a silent plea with what I want, but he won’t budge. I know it’s not due to lack of excitement on his behalf as his arousal is evident through his boxer shorts, but I can sense Jasper wants to savor this moment as it will be the last we will have for a while. His teeth lazily drag across my flesh, down my stomach over my hips and he leisurely kisses me over my underwear. For the love of god if he doesn’t take off my undergarments I am going to rip them off!

Reading my frustration, he slips them off my hips and gradually kisses my core. His skillful mouth licks, blows and sucks at me and I am riding a wave of pleasure, he adds to that bliss by adding two fingers. His clever mouth is licking every part of me, up and down and tonguing my center often enough for my hips to buck off the bed in pleasure. He is taunting me, stopping just before I am about to release. I hear a contented sigh of satisfaction slip past his lips as I am squirming and whimpering under his skillful mouth. His hands on my thighs are holding me steadily in place as I am pulling at the sheets under my fingers waiting for him to get down to business, but he is still tormenting me.

That bastard.

But finally with his exceptional mouth and fingers working me in just the right way, I have no hope and I explode yelling out incoherent words. Before I have time to return back to earth, Jasper replaces his hands and mouth with himself and slips into me gently. He waits for my muscles to accept him as he is embedded so deep within me. He kisses below my ear and begins his sweet tortuous onslaught on my body.

“You are my world Ava.” He exhales while moving steadily inside me.

I let out yet another pleasurable moan and Jasper bends down to kiss the hollow in my neck.

He increases the tempo, assaulting my insides with unspeakable pleasure, and I know he is close. I am barely holding on, this is too much.

“I’m going to miss you, so much,” he says in between glides. I can only nod as I have no coherent words, and am on the brink of blacking out with him working me so vigorously.

“Being without you is going to kill... I love you Ava.” And with that we both detonate in pleasure.

Convulsions overtake my body and the aftershocks are felt long after Jasper withdraws from me. I don’t know if it’s his actions or words that make my release the most powerful I have ever had. Either way I don’t care... Jasper White loves me.

Chapter 31:

Don’t Let Me Go

I
awake shivering in anticipation as light butterfly kisses are fluttering across my bare back. I am lying on my tummy, one arm braced by my head and the one buried beneath the pillow. My face is squished, turned to the side and I can feel a hint of drool dribbling out of the corner of my mouth. How embarrassing.

I dare not open my eyes as I know the sight before me will tear my heart in two. I vaguely heard him early this morning organizing a red eye flight headed for Chicago tonight. If I keep my eyes shut I can pretend it was all a dream and Jasper isn't really leaving me.

“Why are you sighing?” I hear Jasper whisper softly near my ear, kissing the outer shell. Another shiver, this time in pleasure rips through me and a slow smile spreads across my face. How can his voice alone have this affect on me?

I feel his fingertips trace small circles over my arched neck then slowly slide down to my shoulder where he places a light kiss. A breath hitches in my throat as I feel his short fingernails slither down my arm, sashaying his fingers across the crease in my elbow. All the while my eyes are still shut and I am anticipating his next move on his sensual journey of me. I hear him shifting and repositioning himself and the experience of being blind to him, trusting him is a heady one.

I am waiting with bated breath and am rewarded when my pillow dips slightly. Jasper’s scent overwhelms my senses, and I know he is lying near me as I can feel his warm breath flutter against my cheeks. This feeling is not one I will ever tire from, nor will I ever tire from seeing Jasper's angelic face. I open my eyes because I miss not looking at him. Yeah this time apart is going to suck.

My eyes drink in the sight before me. He has on no shirt and is all hard muscle and sharp contours. The crease between his collarbones is crying out for me to pay it some well deserved attention with my tongue. I peer lower and lick my lips when I see his abs rippling under my scrutiny. I sigh; slightly disappointed he’s wearing pants.

I scan back up to his face and I notice his hair looks damp, like he's showered and I wonder what time it is. I strain my neck to look at the night table over Jasper's shoulder and it reads 11:37am. Holy shit I've been asleep for over ten hours. What a lazy cow!

Jasper can read my concern and chuckles. “I didn't want to wake you. You looked so peaceful and your sleep talking was quite entertaining.”

I hide my head in shame as I've been told I do sleep talk a lot. Suddenly I feel a blush hit my cheeks as I wonder what escaped my comatose lips.

Jasper reads me like a book and grins holding his hand up in a scout salute. “I promise it'll never leave this room.”

Ugh what the fudge did I say? Hopefully nothing too embarrassing or incriminating. Speaking of incriminating Jasper told me he loved me last night. I don't know if it slipped out because he meant it or because he was lost in the throes of passion. Either way I can't just blurt it out now.

“I’d give a penny for your thoughts.” He smirks as his left dimple is practically punching me in the face with its cuteness.

“Only a penny,” I reply brushing wisps of hair off his face.

“Yeah but with the amount of thoughts passing through that brain of yours, my pennies would amount to a small fortune.”

He's right. I need to stop over thinking everything. Whether it was Jasper's hormones or heart talking he still said it, unlike me. I wish I could because I know I feel it but… but what Ava, I question myself. I wish self-confidence came in a can. I would buy shares in the company!

I hear Jasper’s quiet laughter and I peer over at him. “You are your own worst enemy. Stop over thinking Ava and just let life happen. You start dissecting everything and life becomes pretty boring. So stop over thinking and start living.” Jasper is forever the scholar. I wish I had his confidence.

Before I can question anything further my tummy belts out a huge embarrassing grumble. My eyes widen in shock and I bite my lip mortified.

Jasper rewards me with a deep throaty laugh. “You may keep me guessing but your stomach certainly doesn't.”

I bite back a giggle and Jasper jumps off the bed, leaning down offering me his hand. “Come on grumpy guts I’ll make you breakfast.” He looks over at the clock and corrects. “Make that lunch.”

I slip my fingers into his warm palm and I thank whatever Gods that may be watching over me for helping me find my way to Jasper White.

*****

Breakfast /lunch is perfect. I can tell Jasper is apprehensive cooking for me, afraid I will be critical of his skills in the kitchen. I dare not admit his cooking skills are the least of my concerns as he stands barefoot and topless scrambling my eggs. My hunger lies elsewhere, and my scrambled eggs are not it.

After a pleasant breakfast I shower and feel a million times better. I left a few girly items at Jasper's which has come in handy for days like today. Jasper mentioned over breakfast that he is catching a flight later this evening. I try not to pout and behave immaturely but fail miserably.

Jasper sensing my uneasiness has taken me on a drive but won’t let me in on where we’re going. I am curious but grateful for the distraction.

His hand has never left my leg since we left on our mysterious journey. We are heading out of suburbia and deeper into the valley.

Staring out the window and taking in the wilderness I think about my life and how I've changed. Is that change for better? I’d like to think so. I’m trying my hardest to be open in my new relationship because I owe that to Jasper. The time spent apart taught me a valuable lesson and I never want to feel that again. Jasper accepts me flaws and all, and he doesn't push. When he once told me he's my passenger and will follow my lead, he has stuck true to his word. How did I get so lucky?

I hear his truck tires crunch over gravel and I know we have reached our destination. He has taken me to a beautiful winery where the vineyards can be seen for miles. Jasper turns to me, sunlight kissing his face, making him appear ethereal. I take a visible breath as he leaves me breathless.

I notice he is fiddling with an unlit cigarette. He's nervous.

I raise an eye brow at him. “What's wrong?”

He toys with his bottom lip as he replies, “The way you look at me.” I mentally slap myself, was I drooling while undressing him with my eyes?

“I’m sorry?” My reply is a question as I don’t quite understand his meaning.

He clarifies quickly. “The way you look at me, I've never had anyone look at me that way.”

“Are you blind?” I scoff. “Are you totally oblivious to the heads you turn just by walking into a room?”

Jasper shrugs looking out the window. He's quiet for a long while and just when I think he's not going to respond he confesses. “They mean nothing to me. You do. I love you Ava.”

I sit dumbfounded and incoherent. His words are beautiful and instantly bring tears to my eyes. But I still can't bring myself to replicate his sentiment. What is wrong with me? Am I an emotional mute? I know I feel the same way but why can't I say it?

Jasper sighs softly. “It's okay Ava. You'll say it when you're ready or when you mean it.” I attempt to retort, tell him I do I love him, but actually saying it, makes it all the more real. And I'm still scared of getting hurt again.

He runs his hands through his messy hair and down his face. “I want you to tell me when it feels right for you. I won't push you. I know Harper hurt you but trust me. I haven't given you reason not to.”

His words unleash a waterfall of tears. How is it he knows me better than myself?