Howl (11 page)

“I’ve hated myself for lying to you.” I put
my head on one hand; the other wiped a few tears from my
cheeks.

“Obviously not enough to stop seeing him.”
The words were icy daggers in my chest. “I do know why you’ve been
lying. I get it. But it really hurts just the same.” Tristan sat
across the table from me, initial anger dissipating. A few tears
clung to the rims of his eyes.

It wasn’t just that I was dating a human; I
had betrayed my twin – my other half in so many ways. Tristan and I
have shared everything from before birth and beyond. We never kept
secrets – he was the one person on this earth that I could tell
anything and everything to. I wanted to make a vow to never, ever
again lie to Tristan but as soon as the thought crossed my mind so
did Jaime’s face. Was I actually willing to choose Jaime over
Tristan? Who am I becoming?

“You really care about him?”

“Yeah, I do. More than words can
express.”

“If you kept your human, what kind of future
would you have? You can’t deny who you are forever.” He sat back in
chair and studied me. “One thing is absolutely certain: you can’t
have both a human mate and your pack, Sophie. It’s too risky for
all of us.”

I thought of my pack, my family – my brothers
and sister, Mom and Will, Granddad. Of Tristan sitting not more
than two feet from me. The love I felt for my family was
unparalleled as was the duty to keep my kin protected.

But Jaime? Wonderful, passionate,
kind…dangerous Jaime. I knew in the depths of my soul that he
should be my mate, bound together under the brilliant silver
moon.

Did I have it in me to choose? And what if I
stayed with Jaime and he turned on me? Could one love actually
destroy the other?

~Complications~

After the explosive argument with Tristan and
Lorelei, I spent a week battling with myself until I finally
decided to give up Jaime. I swore to myself that I would. I avoided
speaking to him for another whole week afterwards. Text messages
were not answered though I reread every word like a pathetic puppy
lapping up the final remnants of a milk bowl. I told myself that I
just needed to find the right moment to break it off
completely.

But that moment never came. Eventually my
resolve broke and I began texting back. Texts turned into phone
calls and calls turned into sneaking to the research center at
three a.m.

“Every move I make is suspect.” I laid my
head in my hand and leaned against the Jeep door.

“Who found my texts?”

“Tristan. He thought maybe I had a secret
boyfriend and went through my phone to find out if I was seeing
someone. He told Lorelei and they haven’t told anyone else yet but
they are keeping a very close watch on me.”

“Maybe we should just cool it for a
while.”

“What?” I couldn’t believe the words had come
out.

“I’m just saying that if you’re target number
one right now, maybe we should take a break for a while. At least
until your family backs off.” Jaime’s voice was thick.

“I know you don’t mean that.” I
whimpered.

“No, I don’t.”

Several minutes of silence passed as I stared
out the window into the pitch of night.

“Tell them the truth.” He challenged.

“You know I can’t do that.” I protested.

“Why not? You haven’t tried. If they’re
worried about you getting serious too young, tell them to meet me.
I’m a good choice and you know it.” Jaime wasn’t a good choice, he
was the best choice. Any other family would be ecstatic to have
their daughter date someone like Jaime. Solid career with good
income, dedicated, intelligent, exceedingly attractive,
kindhearted, adoring…. The list could go on and on. But he was also
human. No list of positives could negate that.

“It’s not like that Jaime. I’m bound by their
rules and you know that.”

“You keep talking about these rules but you
are more than willing to secretly break them. How much longer do I
have to wait until you can be mine completely, out in the open?
Maybe if I talked to Thomas…”

“No!” I blurted out a little too loudly,
frustration seeping into my voice. “I’ll…think of something. Just
give me a little more time. Please?”

“How much time? A few weeks? A few more
months? At some point I will want a real future, not just ‘maybes’.
I want a girlfriend I can move in with and possibly build a life
with; you know, buy a house and have a family.”

I swept a hand through my hair and nearly
growled. Something in my face must have told him he’d gone too far.
Jaime sighed. “Look, I’m sorry. This is harder for you than it is
for me and I’m making it worse. I’ll give you some more time.”

“Thank you.” I muttered bitterly. I couldn’t
keep this up forever. Something would have to give or I would break
apart.

Making my way for home through the moonless
night, I traveled slowly and deliberately through a section of
forest that circles up and around my house so as to avoid my scent
trail leading directly to and from the research center. Lost in
thought I stepped over dried up branches and newly turning leaves.
The scent of fall carried throughout the forest. Summer, with its
warmth and promise of brightness, was quickly ending. Cool weather
was stealing in and soon everything around me would be barren, the
glorious leaves and fragrant flowers of fine weather laid waste.
.

As I walked, I heard a rustle from a few
hundred feet to my left. I stopped mid-step and my ears twitched as
I listened for movement. My nostrils took in the scents around me.
Nothing out of the ordinary at first. Then a familiar scent caught
on the breeze and I turned.

“What’s a beauty like you doing lurking in
the shadows?” Daniel’s voice was pleasant as he approached me but
his jaw was hard set.

My mind scrambled back and forth between
excusing my presence at such a late hour and wondering what he was
doing out as well. We had both been caught in dark of morning,
wandering at a time when both should not be out. Awkwardly, he
fiddled with a few silken strands of ponytail while we studied one
another.

“Couldn’t sleep.” I stuttered slightly.
“You?”

His eyes swept to mine. “Couldn’t sleep.” He
repeated, clearly not buying my lie but nowhere close to calling me
on it. Burning curiosity crept into my mind but sense kept it in
check.

I bounced on my heels while he uncomfortably
turned away then back again. “Are you heading back?”

“Uh, yeah. I mean, I was just heading back
when I heard you.”

He grinned at me, regaining his slightly
cocky manner. “Walk with me?”

I nodded and together we made our way through
the thick of night, each as unwilling to speak of our reasons for
sneaking out as the other.

The morning and afternoon passed without
another word from Daniel, though several times I could have sworn
he was watching me. The sensation of being watched crept over me
but when I would glance up, his face was turned away or he appeared
to be engrossed in conversation with a member of my family.

*

“So you were out late last night.” Mom gave
me a sideways glance at dinner that evening.

My heart pumped wildly as my eyes jerked up
to meet hers.

“I apologize, Sabina. That was my fault.”
Daniel cut in before chugging his glass of water. “I couldn't fall
asleep so I came downstairs and found Sophie reading on the couch.
I asked if she wanted to go for a walk with me.”

My shock at his lie had to be clear as day on
my face yet no one seemed to notice. Instead, my mom beamed at
Daniel from across the table. “Oh, well that's fine. I bet it was a
nice night for a walk.”

“Indeed.” He nodded gaily and went back to
his soup.

*

Over the next few weeks life went on inside
our pack as usual except that Daniel never left. Gavin and Granddad
had taken quite a liking to him. So much so that they suggested he
stay until after fall harvest, maybe even until spring. They said
it would be great to have an extra set of hands to help around the
house.

He heartily agreed and warmly embraced my
pack as a group of friends. This gave him plenty of opportunity to
be around me whenever he chose.

“I can’t decide if I want kale or spinach.
What does your mom prefer?” Daniel stood in front of the greens
section of the market.

“She likes either one.” I said, growing
impatient.

“Your mom is a great cook, by the way. I’ve
never enjoyed dinner so much in my life.”

“Yeah, she is.”

“Who taught her to cook if your grandma is
gone?”

“Granddad taught her.” I put a hand on my hip
hoping he’d get the picture. He didn’t.

“Can I ask what happened to your grandma? Or
is that too personal?”

I sighed. “Grandma died in childbirth with
Mom and her sister Eve. Granddad was so heartbroken he left their
home in New York State and came down here to start over.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Daniel did look sorry.

Maybe I should be nicer to him. I thought
grudgingly. He is trying really hard.

“It’s okay. It’s kind of hard to mourn
someone you’ve never met. Like my dad. I was so little when he died
that I don’t have any memories of him, either.”

“I hear ya. One of my best friends from
childhood was a human boy named Gregg. He got cancer at eighteen
and passed within a year. Having been so close made his death so
much harder to bear.” Daniel’s handsome face tightened with
recollection of this pain. “You know I’ve never told anyone about
Gregg.” He cleared his throat. “My family isn’t very fond of
humans.”

It was my turn for sympathy. “I’m so sorry
Daniel.”

He grabbed some spinach from the shelf. “I’ll
just go with this.”

“I’ll ring it up.” I took the bunch of
spinach from Daniel’s hand, accidentally touching his palm as I did
so. His lopsided smile beamed at me. My cheeks burned as I realized
how hot he was. Ugh…Shake it off. I ordered myself. No way was he
going to get to me. I wouldn’t play into his hands just because he
was a super hot guy who opened up for a minute.

“Five dollars and ten cents.” I put the
spinach in a bag and took Daniel’s ten dollar bill, carefully
avoiding touching him again.

“Thank you Sophie. See you at home.” Daniel
took his change and winked.

It isn’t your home. My irritation
returned.

I turned on my heels and walked over to a
woman examining different baked goods. She and I had a long
discussion about the different homemade breads which took my
thoughts off Daniel.

I was ringing up the lady’s banana nut bread
purchase when Brad, one of our stock boys, came over to my station
with a huge bouquet of white roses wrapped in a lovely pale pink
paper with an embarrassingly giant yellow ribbon. Brad put the
flowers down next to my register. “Hey Sophie, some guy just bought
these from Mrs. Tanner’s booth and he requested that I hand deliver
them immediately.”

“What?” I did a double-take. “Who did you say
it was?” I asked, too surprised to be more eloquent. Hadn’t Daniel
left? I don’t want him buying me flowers.

“Some guy over at Mrs. Tanner’s booth. He’s
probably still there if you want to go thank him. I’ll watch your
station.” He smiled at me and took the banana nut bread from my
hands.

I took off my long maroon apron
apprehensively. I looked all around Mrs. Tanner’s booth but I
couldn’t find anyone other than a small group of older ladies
debating over whether or not to buy the marigolds or dusty millers.
I stood by the booth for a few minutes feeling like an idiot when
someone grabbed my hand and pulled me to the right through the back
door.

The sun shone blindingly bright in my eyes.
For a fraction of a moment I wasn’t sure who had grabbed me.

Jaime spun me around and planted a soft but
heated kiss on my lips.

As rapidly as I succumbed to his kiss I
jerked back, eyes darting around the empty patch of grass and trees
behind the market.

“The coast is clear, I promise.” Seriousness
hardened Jaime’s face.

I let out a slow breath. “Thank you for the
roses.”

“You’re welcome. I thought you needed roses
today.” The tense muscles of his jaw slackened then slid into a
grin. His face was too perfect for words. His sparkling bright blue
eyes matched the smile on his face. They warmed me more than the
sun ever would.

“I can’t stay. I just stopped by for a few
minutes.”

“I’m glad you did.” I didn’t want the pain to
show on my face. There was never enough time. “I’ve missed
you.”

He wrapped a muscular arm around my waist and
brushed my hair back from my face. Jaime pressed his lips against
mine, soft as velvet. The little black cloud of melancholy
evaporated as he held me tighter. This is why I stay.

“I’ve missed you, too. Any chance you can get
away after work? Just for an hour or so?”

“I doubt it.” I whispered.

“Maybe next time.” He grumbled and broke free
of me.

“This Friday.” I spit out the words before I
could realize what I had said. “I’ll find a way. I promise.”

Jaime planted a kiss on my cheek. “See you
then.”

I walked back into the farmers market a
little lightheaded. As I tugged my apron over my head I caught a
glimpse of a dark ponytail out of the corner of my eye. The
ponytail was gone by the time I turned to look. Daniel? I mentally
replayed in my mind Daniel taking his bag and money and turning to
leave. He did leave, didn’t he? I had thought so. But then Brad
said about the flowers. Daniel could have turned back. Did he see
or hear anything? What if he told on me? My chest seized and I
couldn’t breathe. Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod.

The rest of my shift went by like molasses in
January as these questions, and the possible answers, strenuously
played out over and over in my thoughts. I was half-tempted to skip
out of work early, tell my manager I’d taken ill, until I realized
that it would only bring the inevitable to light that much sooner.
Which was worse – the unveiling of my double-life or waiting for
the reveal?