How to Love (33 page)

Carlos met his eyes, and fuck, it was all Mike could do to stop himself from striding across the small office and grabbing him and kissing him. Carlos looked as beat-up as he felt. What was going on?

“I’m heading out right away,” Carlos said. “Doing some stand-up paddle lessons this morning at the beach.”

Jesus Christ.

Then Carlos sighed, and said, “But I have a few minutes. I’ll be right there. Just let me finish here.”

Mike went into his office, leaving the door open. He booted up his computer and stared at it sightlessly while he waited for Carlos to join him. When he walked in, he carefully closed the door behind him but remained standing there.

They looked at each other. Mike’s chest tightened. “What’s going on, Carlos?” he asked quietly. “Where have you been the last two nights?”

“Staying with my parents.”

Mike squinted. “Why?”

“I needed to get away,” Carlos said. “I needed some time alone to think about things.” He rubbed his forehead. “Things are really messed up, Mike.”

“Because of Jules.”

“Yeah.” Carlos lifted dark eyes full of pain. “I didn’t know…how much this was gonna hurt. I didn’t know how I really felt about her.”

“You know I feel the same.”

Carlos pressed his lips together briefly. “Yeah.”

“But that doesn’t explain why you left.”

“I know how you feel about Jules. You made that pretty clear. I’m not sure how you feel about me now.”

What the fuck? Mike stared at him open-mouthed. “That hasn’t changed,” he said roughly. “Fuck, Carlos, you should know that.”

“I
don’t
know that. And honestly, I’m not sure what I’m feeling for you right now.”

A hot knife sliced through Mike’s insides. “
What
?”

“I was so pissed off at you. I don’t know…” Carlos looked down at the floor. “I’m still pissed off.”

“You blame me for what happened. I know it. Fuck, I’ll take responsibility for it.”

“Have you talked to Jules?”

“No. She won’t answer my calls or my texts. She won’t open the door. I thought maybe you were in there with her.”

Carlos stared at him. “Nice that you trust me so much,” he said bitterly.

“It’s not…oh hell. This is a fucking rat’s nest. Have you talked to her?”

“No. She won’t answer my calls either.”

Mike read the blame in his eyes. “I want to fix things,” he said, then realized he was almost shouting. “I want to,” he said again. “I just don’t know how when neither of you is talking to me. Come on, Carlos. We’re a team. We’re in this together, right?”

“Are we?”

“I don’t understand how you can doubt that,” Mike said slowly. “I know I screwed up. I’m sorry. Are you saying…we’re done?” He couldn’t believe that, even though he’d been afraid of that for the last three days.

Carlos’s face tightened and he swallowed. “Mike. I don’t know. Maybe I just need a little more time.” He turned. “I’d better go. People will be waiting at the beach.”

He opened the door and walked out.

Unbelievable. He couldn’t fucking believe this.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Jules managed to avoid Mike and Carlos until Friday. It actually hadn’t been that hard, since she knew Mike’s hours were pretty regular. She hadn’t even seen Carlos all week. She was almost surprised one or both of them hadn’t shown up at the gallery, given how she was sneaking out, making sure they weren’t around as she came and went, not answering her door or their calls. But that couldn’t go on forever and unless she wanted to find a new place to live, she was going to have to face them some time. Friday evening as she was on her way out to meet Neve for a drink, she came out of her front door at the moment Mike climbed out of his car in the driveway next door. She squared her shoulders, lifted her chin and said, “Hi.”

He closed the car door and took a few steps closer. “Jules. Hi.”

They looked at each other. Ah, hell, his eyes were shadowed, his eyebrows pulled down, his mouth tight. She licked her bottom lip and swallowed, clutching her car keys.

“I wish you’d talk to me,” he said quietly. “I want to fix things between us.”

“And what about Carlos?” Hell, she shouldn’t have asked that.

He gave her a frustrated look. “That’s what I meant,” he muttered. “Us. Carlos. You. Me. But hell, Carlos is gone.” Mike shoved a hand through his hair, messing it up even more than it usually was. “He left.”

Her knees almost gave out. “What do you mean, he left?”

“He’s gone to stay with his parents. He’s so pissed off at me for messing things up with you… I guess he’s trying to figure out if he can get over that.”

“But you…you two…” They were a team. Invincible. So good together. How could this be?

“I told him I’d try to talk to you to fix things,” Mike continued, his voice still low and raspy. “But you won’t talk to me, so how can I?”

“You can’t fix things, Mike,” she said, voice shaky. “You can’t fix me.”

He stared back at her. “Jules. You don’t need fixing. You’re not broken.”

She gave a short laugh. “No, not broken. Just fucked up.”

“Jules, I get it. I…” He turned his face up and closed his eyes. “I guess it doesn’t matter anymore.”

Her insides twisted painfully, her heart squeezing. She watched him go inside his house and shut the door. Pressure built behind her eyes, behind her cheekbones, and she tightened her lips and drew in a shaky breath through her nose. God. Carlos had left.

She took another breath and let it out, then climbed into her car to meet Neve at Laguna Dorada. Neve was sitting at the bar, talking to her brother Matt, the owner of the brew pub, and sipping a margarita.

“Hey, Jules,” Matt said as she took the stool next to Neve. “What can I get you?”

Neve turned and smiled at her, but then her eyes widened.

Jules looked at him blankly, her mind still dazed from her conversation with Mike. “Um…”

“Bring her a couple of tequila shots,” Neve said. “Patron. With limes.”

Matt lifted an eyebrow but poured the shots and set them in front of Jules. Then he disappeared to look after other customers. Jules tossed back one of the shots and ignored the limes. Heat streaked down her throat and into her belly, then spread out to her fingers and toes.

“What now?” Neve asked. “I thought you looked like crap earlier in the week, but now you look even worse.”

“Thanks.”

“Aw hon, you’re gorgeous as always. You know what I mean.”

“I just ran into Mike,” she said and told Neve what had happened.

“Oh shit.” Neve frowned. “That’s…weird.”

After a few seconds, Jules said, “It is weird. I don’t get it. Mike said something about Carlos blaming him, and him wanting to make it right. I don’t understand that. Don’t they realize this is my fault?”

“How is it your fault, hon? I thought you were mad at them for lying to you about what they wanted.”

“Well, I am,” Jules said slowly, sliding the second glass of tequila toward her across the polished wood surface of the bar. “But it’s obviously my fault that they’ve split up.”

“You think they’re fighting over you?” Neve tipped her head to one side. “I know that wouldn’t be the first time guys have fought over you, but…it sounded like they were pretty solid.”

“I thought they were,” Jules whispered. She stared down at the bar. Then she lifted the shot and tossed it back. “I guess…I hope they aren’t fighting over me. That would be stupid. I feel guilty. I wish I could give them what they want.”

“Do you?”

Jules eyes burned. “I just want them to be happy.”

“Aw, hon.” Neve reached out and rubbed her back. “Let’s have another shot of tequila.”

“On top of that, my dad won’t let Olivia and Madison come visit me this weekend,” Jules said. Her mouth twisted. “He’s pissed off at me for not going out with his friend, so he’s punishing me.”

She’d had enough tequila that she started telling Neve the story about how her dad had tried to set her up with his friends. She never liked telling people because she hated to look vulnerable or pitiful in others’ eyes, but Neve was her friend, and hell, she was already pathetic enough, this probably wouldn’t matter. Neve was appropriately horrified and sympathetic.

“Has that affected your relationships with men?” she asked, looking at Jules with searching eyes.

“I don’t have relationships with men, remember?” Jules signaled to Matt for more tequila.

“Never? Even when you were younger? A teenager? Didn’t you date and have boyfriends?”

Jules shrugged. “I had no respect for boys who I could get to do whatever I wanted. Guys in high school were easy to manipulate. Same as my dad. It was easy to manipulate them because of how I looked. And it was the same with the men my dad introduced me to. I knew what they wanted. I knew how to get what
I
wanted.”

Neve sank her teeth into her bottom lip. “It’s hard to imagine a father would want that for his daughter.”

“The women he married were both like that, why wouldn’t he think that’s what I would want too?”

“But still…his daughter.” Neve shook her head. “Did you ever tell him how you felt?”

“No. I started to last weekend, but it’s not worth it.”

“You know, if you ever want to see your sisters again, maybe you should do that.”

“What? Talk to my dad?” She recoiled from the thought.

“Yeah. Maybe if you did that, you could move on from it. Instead of carrying that around with you all the time.”

“I don’t carry that around with me,” Jules said. She laughed. “I got over that a long time ago.”

“Uh, no, hon. I don’t think you have.” Neve glanced at her watch. “Dammit, I have to go. Are you going to be okay here? You can’t drive home.”

“No.” Jules was definitely drunk, but she knew better than to do that. “I’ll call a taxi. Or find a ride.” She swung around on her stool to survey the pub.

“Um. Okay. I’m gonna say bye to Matt. Damn, I wish I hadn’t made this date.”

“It’s okay. Thank you, Neve. You’re a sweetheart.”

Neve snorted and slid off her stool. Then she reached for Jules and hugged her shoulders. Jules wrapped a hand briefly around Neve’s arm, closing her eyes, affection and gratitude flooding her. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Jules watched her talk to Matt down at the other end of the bar, saw Matt look back at her. She toasted him with her glass, and he smiled then nodded to Neve. She was telling him to keep an eye on her, she’d bet money on it. That should have annoyed her, because she could look after herself, but it was kind of nice to have someone who cared.

Glumly she looked down into her empty glass. Actually, it was really nice to have someone who cared.

“This seat taken?”

Her head turned at the deep voice beside her. A stranger stood there, smiling at her, a very good-looking stranger, very tanned with sun-bleached blond hair and nice shoulders.

“No,” she said. “It’s not.”

He slid onto the stool next to her. She looked around for Matt or one of the other bartenders working that night to see if she could order another drink. She caught Matt’s eye and lifted a hand.

He stopped in front of her on the other side of the bar. “Another one?”

“Yes please.”

“Maybe you should dilute that tequila a little, switch to a margarita,” Matt suggested.

She frowned at him then shrugged because that was probably a good idea. “Okay.”

Matt looked at the man beside her. “What can I get you?”

“Whatever’s on tap.”

Matt moved away to get the drinks.

“I’m Errick.”

Jules gave the man a half-hearted smile. “Jules. Nice to meet you.”

“You meeting someone here?” he asked.

“No. I was having a drink with a friend, but she had to leave for a date.”

“Ah. Lucky me, then.”

Jules gave him a look up through her eyelashes. He was flirting with her. Geez, she was all alone, looking like an emotional wreck, and he was flirting with her. Then she couldn’t help but smile. This was familiar territory for her, after all.

She sent him a warmer smile. “Maybe I’m lucky too.”

Matt set her glass in front of her and shoved the beer toward Errick. Jules glanced at Matt and saw the faint crease between his eyebrows. She smiled reassuringly at him. Once again, she was perfectly capable of looking after herself, even after a few shots of tequila.

“So what do you do for a living?” she asked Errick.

“I’m a golf pro. At the country club.”

“Really?” She lifted one eyebrow and stirred her drink with the straw. “Golf, huh? I guess you have to be pretty good to work as a pro.”

“Yeah.” He grinned. “I’m more than pretty good.”

“Confident too,” she murmured. She let her gaze wander over his athletic body. Clearly he spent a lot of time outdoors.

“And how about you?”

“I’m a photographer.”