How to Love (32 page)

But right now, Mike was righteously pissed off too. He needed to blow off steam. He stalked out to the garage and grabbed his bike, then headed for the beach. As he pedaled along the smoothly paved walkway that lined the beach, the breeze cooled his face and gave him a chance to think. He looked out toward the ocean, across the wide stretch of pale sand, dotted with sunbathers and swimmers stretched out on towels, some shaded with colorful umbrellas. At the volleyball court a couple of teams hit the ball back and forth over the net, girls in bikinis, guys bare-chested. Any other time he might have stopped to watch, or maybe even play, but not today.

He kept on going past the beach then up the hill toward the golf course. He had to pedal hard, shifting gears and using his muscles to climb the incline, but expending energy was good for him, letting the adrenaline rush of anger that had heated his veins dissipate a little. Fight or flight. He was, in a way, doing both, using his muscles, using his body, but yeah, he was running away from it all. Sometimes you just needed a time out, time to regroup. He’d give that to Carlos too, locked in his bedroom, and to Jules.

He couldn’t accept losing her.

Maybe not being completely honest with her hadn’t been the best way to handle it. But how the hell did anyone know that? Even Jules probably couldn’t say she knew for sure how she would have reacted if he’d told her the truth. She’d say that if she’d known she wouldn’t have gotten involved with them, but she didn’t know that for sure. Sometimes you couldn’t predict how you’d act in a situation until you were actually in it. When it came to people, especially three people, with their own personalities and quirks and hang-ups, all bets were off. It was unpredictable.

Much as he liked to plan and strategize, he could accept that. He had to accept that or admit he’d failed spectacularly.

Maybe he had.

He stopped at the golf course, dismounted from his bike and leaned it up against the stone wall. He surveyed the view of the ocean from this height, almost unbearably blue and beautiful, flecked with creamy whitecaps and colorful sailboats, stretching out to blur into the horizon. He leaned against the wall, warmed by the sun, the breeze cooling his sweat-dampened body.

He couldn’t let that niggle of doubt, that little poke of fear inside him, take over. After meeting her family, after hearing about what had happened between her and her father, he felt like he understood Jules a lot better than he had before. Better than she understood herself, he had a feeling. Somehow he had to get her to be honest with herself. She was hurt and lonely and didn’t want to admit it. She had feelings for them and didn’t want to admit it.

He just had to keep telling himself that, until he had a chance to make it all right.

But his confidence took a shit-kicking when he got home and discovered Carlos was gone.

He made himself macaroni and cheese for dinner and watched a rerun of CSI. He sat by himself as the house grew darker, drinking a couple of beers. When he decided to go next door and see if Carlos was there, Jules didn’t answer her door. Her car was parked in the driveway, but that didn’t necessarily mean she was home if someone had picked her up.

His gut hollow and aching, he returned home to wait for Carlos. A few episodes of Law and Order and Criminal Minds later, and a few more beers later, when Carlos still wasn’t home, he sent him a text message. When he didn’t get an answer, he called him. Still no answer. Fuck! What was going on? Were he and Jules together?

Okay, so maybe that was how Carlos had felt when he’d found out Mike had told Jules he loved her without him. He hadn’t intended that to be anything against Carlos, hadn’t even thought of that, had just wanted to tell Jules how he felt. He had no idea why he thought they might be together now, but damn, it was fucking making him crazy.

Pissed off all over again at both of them, he went to bed. He was drunk enough that he fell asleep pretty quickly, or maybe passed out, he didn’t know. But when he woke up in the morning and discovered Carlos hadn’t come home, he didn’t just feel anger—fear held his guts in a tight icy grip.

“Hey, Jules.”

Monday morning, Min’s voice spoke from behind her as she sat at her computer staring dejectedly at the image of Mike and Carlos on the screen.

She turned. “Yeah?”

“There’s someone here to see you.”

Her heart leaped. Mike? Carlos? “Who is it?”

“Here’s his card. He says he was in a few weeks ago and bought a picture and he wants to talk to you.”

She frowned at the card. Pierson Dobbs, VP of Marketing, Jackson Cole.

She’d shopped at Jackson Cole. Local retailer of sporting goods and casual clothing. They had stores in every mall in California and were reputedly expanding rapidly. She didn’t know this guy though. But possibly he was a customer so she’d better go talk to him.

Holding the card, she rose from her chair.

“Are you okay, Jules?” Min clasped her hands together, watching her with a little wrinkle between her eyes.

“Of course.” She smiled. “Why do you ask?” As if she didn’t know. She’d tried to put on a game face when she was at the gallery, especially with customers, but clearly they could see something was bothering her.

“You’re not yourself this week. You seem really…distracted. You don’t look well. Are you sure you’re feeling okay?”

“You know, I do feel a little run down.” She shrugged. “I need to start eating better probably. Let’s go see what this guy wants.”

As soon as she saw him looking at a framed photograph she recognized him. He’d purchased a picture and had asked whether Mike would be interested in doing any other modeling. He’d taken one of her cards and now he was back. Maybe he wanted another picture, which was always a good thing.

Plastering a wide smile on her face, she approached him with her hand extended. “Hello, Mr. Dobbs. How can I help you today?”

He smiled and shook her hand. “Hi there, Ms. Stockwood. How are you?”

“Very well, thanks.”

“Do you have an office where we could talk?”

She blinked. “Of course. Come with me.” She caught Min’s eye. “We’ll be in my office,” she told her.

Upstairs she shifted a chair around for him to sit in and sat herself, not behind the desk, but at the small round table she kept there.

“I see you have some new photographs up,” he said. “Those ones of the rock formations are stunning.”

“Thank you. Did you see the new nudes as well?” She knew he’d bought a nude photograph, so didn’t hesitate to mention the ones she’d taken of Mike and Carlos together. “The couple?”

“I did see them, as a matter of fact. They’re really captivating.”

“Thanks.” She smiled at him.

“I have a business proposition for you,” he said. He nodded at the card she had laid on the table. “As you know, I’m the Vice President of Marketing at Jackson Cole. I was very intrigued by your work after I was here last time. I went to your website and put together a proposal for our Board of Directors, which I’m happy to say they approved. Now it’s up to you.”

She stared at him blankly, keeping her face pleasant and professional. What the hell was he talking about?

He smiled. “Let me explain more. We’re planning to launch a new clothing line, moving our brand even more upscale. We want to combine that whole surf culture with an upscale clothing line. We’re planning an extensive advertising campaign as a part of our integrated marketing communication.”

“Oh.” She kept the interested smile firmly in place.

“We want a really unique look to this campaign, something that will differentiate us in the minds of consumers, stakeholders, competitors.”

She nodded.

“Your photographs really struck a chord with me. When I saw your other work on your website, I knew it’s you we need to work with us on this campaign.”

Holy freakin’ crap. Was this really happening? “Oh,” she said.

“Our home office is near here,” he said. “As you may know, we have a casual California influence to our apparel design. We’re a Southern California company and we’d love to set some of the photographs here in San Amaro. Others could be done in studio. We like the idea of using local talent. We love the black and white, low key lighting that you do. We like the nude images.”

“Um…nude images don’t really show off your clothing that much.”

He laughed, showing white teeth in a tanned face. “True. But sex sells. I’m kidding. Sort of. I’m seeing photos of models in jeans, naked from the waist up. Male. Female. Both. Of course we have to carefully crop the images. We don’t want full frontal nudity, just hints of it. Your images portray that perfectly, the sexual suggestion that’s very erotic and yet completely tasteful.”

Her head spun and energy sparked through her. “Um. Thank you. Thank you so much.”

“We’re trying to communicate a new message for a company, how we’re evolving. The company directors are completely on board with this and they loved your photographs too.”

Speechless, she stared back at him, her attempts to be professional and calm long gone.

“Are you interested?” he asked.

She wanted to leap across the table and hug him but some control remained. “Yes, I am,” she replied, although her insides were dancing. “Thank you again. This is amazing!”

“You’re a very talented photographer,” he said. “Not just technically. You have a lot of emotion in your photographs. If you can bring that out with our models, this is going to be huge.”

She nodded, still dazed, and they set up a time for her to meet at his office the following week. She told Min and Anna who were beyond excited, then went back to her office and sat down again.

God, she wanted to tell Mike and Carlos. She bit down on her trembling bottom lip at the thought that they were no longer in her life. She couldn’t rush over to their house after work to share this exciting news with them. She knew they would have been so happy and proud of her, and that would have made her pleasure even greater. By far. Sharing it was much more fun.

She’d managed to avoid seeing them the last two days. Someone had come to her door last night, but she’d stayed in her dark bedroom until he’d gone away. She’d peeked out her window until she saw Mike leave for work before she headed out herself. She couldn’t avoid them forever but for right now, she had to.

But damn, the heavy solid mass in her stomach hurt, her entire body weighed down with sadness. Not even this incredible turn of events was enough to make her feel better.

She needed to keep busy. She had work to do. Also she would have Madison and Olivia come this weekend, that would keep her busy and reduce the chances she’d run into Mike and Carlos. She picked up the phone and called Candy to arrange it.

“Oh, Jules,” Candy said. “Um. I talked to Brad about it and he says he doesn’t want the girls visiting you.”

She sank back in her chair. “What? Why?”

“I don’t know. He seemed angry. He didn’t say much, just said they weren’t to go stay with you.”

Jules stared at her keyboard blankly. “Well. They’ll be disappointed.”

“I know.” Candy sighed. “I would let them come, if it were up to me. I was looking forward to a weekend all to myself. I was going to go to the spa.”

Jules rolled her eyes. “That’s too bad.” She didn’t give a shit about Candy’s thwarted spa plans. The ache inside her intensified as she ended the call.

She laid her arms on her desk and rested her head on them. Well, shit. Her dad could be an asshole, she knew only too well. If he was deliberately punishing her because she’d annoyed him, it didn’t really surprise her, but the sad part of it all was that he was punishing Madison and Olivia too.

Well, she’d find something else that weekend to fill her time. Hell, maybe
she’d
go to the spa. There was a lovely one in town and she’d never even been there. It wasn’t her thing really, but it could be nice to be pampered, groomed, rubbed and massaged by someone who expected nothing more than a tip in return.

Monday morning also had Mike dragging his ass into the office, still confused and pissed off. Carlos better damn well be there so he could find out what the hell was going on.

But Carlos wasn’t there.

“He came in early this morning,” Amanda told him, preparing for her cycling tour into the hills. “He got all his gear and headed out early to meet up with his group.”

He’d gone on an all-day kayaking expedition over to one of the islands.

Shit.

Mike had tons of work to do too, problems with their payroll system and with their website. The ache in his head and in his gut made it hard to concentrate. Clearly Carlos was avoiding him. Where had he stayed last night? This was fucking nuts. Surely to God he’d come home tonight so they could talk.

But once again Carlos didn’t come home and Jules wasn’t answering her door or responding to his text messages. Mike wasn’t sure which was greater, his anger at both of them or the growing fear inside him that his whole world had just been blown apart.

The next morning Carlos was at the office. He was talking to Amanda and Jim, one of their other guides, when Mike arrived. Mike gave him a pointed look. Not wanting to be airing their private problems in front of staff he said, “Hey, Carlos. Need to talk to you about a few things. In my office.”