A Vision of Loveliness
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Authors: Louise Levene
A Vision of Loveliness
Louise Levene
For My Mother
You won’t regret a single moment that
you devote to becoming lovelier.
Contents
Wear gloves whenever you can bear to;
go without a handbag as often as possible.
‘Bag bag bag bag bag bag BAG.’
It was the old woman in the greasy tweeds. As she leaned towards Jane with the handbag, the hairy fabric of her skirt gave off an unmistakably nasty,
leaky
smell.
‘You forgot your
bag
, duckie.’
It wasn’t Jane’s handbag. She wasn’t even carrying a bloody bag. But she was flustered by the old woman’s unexpectedly posh voice, by her sweaty yellow face as she loomed across the table of empties, holding the handle by one tobacco-stained hook.
‘Your baaag, deah.’
Jane took it, too embarrassed to start explaining. They were about to leave the pub but Tony had gone to the Gents’ and she didn’t want to be stood in the street on her own. Not round here. She glanced down at the bag on her lap. It was an impressive-looking mock-croc affair and it clunked open expensively, releasing a delicious whiff of suede and scent and a glimpse of an Hermes label. Not mock croc at all. Croc croc.
Jane fidgeted the mirror from its special pocket and pretended to be admiring herself while she scanned the inside: handkerchief; comb; compact and a face: a face that gazed gorgeously out at her from a shiny black and white card. Jane’s eyes batted between the mirror and the snapshot: pretty faces, late teens, dark hair, wide eyes; but the girl in the bag peered out with a look of such friendly, flirtatious glamour, such fabulous
finish
, that Jane wanted to run to the Ladies’ and borrow a lipstick. Just behind the photo was a torn manila envelope. She clicked the bag shut.
There must have been a hundred quid in that envelope. Jane looked about her as if expecting the rightful owner to pounce but there was no one in sight who could possibly lay claim to a beautiful crocodile bag full of fivers. Jane and Tony had got to the pub just after it opened and there had been no one there then either. It must have been sat under the bench since lunchtime – more than likely, given the state of the floor.
The old woman was eyeing her nastily over her pink gin. Tony still wasn’t back. Jane pretended to take an interest in the pub’s
characters
– that’s what Tony had called them. Loud-mouthed drunks more like.
The pub had filled up with Friday drinkers. By seven o’clock most of the ‘swift halves’ would have dried up, leaving the regulars to it, but for now the small bar was heaving. An optimistic little sales rep in a sheepskin jacket with dandruffed shoulders was telling a home-dyed blonde that he had a friend who took photographs. His showroom was always on the lookout for new models for the new models – if you took his meaning. Jane sized her up with a saleslady’s eye. A large fourteen. She wouldn’t stand a chance modelling anyway: too short; too top-heavy. The blonde, who would put up with a lot for a large gin and orange, stroked absently at her squirrel-fur jacket and patted her coarse platinum flick-ups. She didn’t bother to listen. If she had, she would have heard it before. She was perched on a bar stool and the man patted her knee as he spoke. It wouldn’t cost her a penny. She stared down at his paw resentfully but there was talk of dinner at the Regent Palace (paper napkins, but you couldn’t have everything) and she decided to let the hand slither across the nylon and under the hem of her tight skirt.
A pair of regulars were squirming round her to the bar, smoothly borrowing a ten-bob note from a familiar face in the crowd as they passed.
‘Who
are
all these people? Your pub’s not your own. Where are they all
from
, for God’s sake?’ said one of them, a tall, fat man in a big black hat and a poncey pink Indian silk scarf knotted at his neck. And suede shoes. Poof, probably. Only poofs wore suede shoes.
‘Streatham, darling. Streatham
Common
. I told you we should have gone to the Fitzroy,’ drawled his friend, a rat-faced toff in a covert coat the colour of dishwater and a striped tie so horrible it had to mean something. You got them like that in the shop: debs’ delights with frayed shirtcuffs and stiff collars: pricing cashmere but buying lambswool.
‘Don’t they have any fucking pubs in fucking Streatham?’
Aye-aye.
Lang-guage
. The smoky room was suddenly short of oxygen as drinkers on all sides sniffed disapprovingly. The landlord’s face flickered a warning and the double act closed down, concentrating on their scrounged gins. Too bloody cold to go looking for another pub.
There were actually some very nice pubs in fucking Streatham. Proper pubs with saloon bars and carpet.
The smelly old woman had started up again.
‘I
sa-a-a-aid
: You-wouldn’t-like-to-buy-me-a-
Drink
, would you, duckie?’
Tony had fought his way through the bar and was signalling for Jane to join him at the door. She grabbed her coat from under the bench and slid the handbag down the side of her carrier, taking care not to crush her new outfit. The owner’s name would be inside somewhere. She could sort it out tomorrow lunchtime.
‘A
drink
, duckie.’
The woman kept her money in an old Oxo tin which she was now banging up and down on the table. The pub had only been open since half five but there were already four sticky dead glasses crowded in front of her next to the half-finished
Evening News
crossword and the tin ashtray was full. The Edwardian drawl had become loud and shrill, rising above the chinking hum of the bar.
‘
Drink
. Deah.’
Jane stood up to go, lifting her carrier clear of the glasses as she sidled out from behind the table, her knees hobbled by the heavy little stools and snagging her already laddered stockings. The old woman lurched out of her seat and grabbed Jane by the sleeve of her sweater.
‘The least you can do is buy me a Drink.’
She turned to address the room but the room kept its head down, afraid she might start on them. She rubbed Jane’s sleeve between her twisted yellow fingers.
‘Crocodile and
cash-meah
but she can’t find the price of a gin. Mean little Bitch.’
Tony had been waiting for Jane by the entrance but the tide of fresh drinkers washing into the bar had forced him outside. His puzzled face appeared round the door.
‘I’m sorry. My friend’s waiting.’
Jane inched towards the exit, carrier bag on one arm, coat on the other. Men made a show of making room – ‘Let the little lady through’, ‘Not going are you, girlie?’ – but actually edged even closer, brushing against her body as she passed. She felt helping hands at her waist, on the small of her back, the inevitable pat on the backside.
‘I’m sorry. I thought you were right behind me. Meet someone you knew?’
‘Some woman wanted me to buy her a drink. Never seen her in my life. She was drunk. Do you often go in there?’
‘It has a lot of Atmosphere,’ said Tony, apologetically, as he helped her on with her coat. ‘Augustus John used to drink in there.’
Did they really. What difference did that make? It was still a horrible pub.
‘You sure you won’t change your mind and have a bite to eat?’
Not on your life. If that was his idea of a nice pub she dreaded to think what the meal would be like. Foreign probably.
‘I’m sorry, I can’t. Aunt Doreen has tea on the table at seven. I’ll be lucky if I make it. It’s nearly half six.’
‘Another night?’
Oh God. How to make him stop? Crew-cut, fifty-shilling suit, nylon shirt, body odour. Did she have to spell it out? She’d only agreed to ‘one quick drink’ as a thank you. Without Tony she wouldn’t have the precious contents of her carrier bag: a Hardy Amies cashmere and wool dogtooth-check costume.
Buy the best suit you can afford
. Tony worked in the accounts department at the Savile Row boutique and told her that they were selling off that season’s samples and misfits at an invitation-only sale on Friday lunchtime. Jane had got there on the dot with £10 from her post office savings. Hardy Amies suits retailed for nearly thirty guineas – six weeks’ wages – and she wasn’t sure what kind of discount she’d get. In the end the pricing was up to Tony who let her have it for a fiver.
She had spotted her suit straight away: short, exquisitely draped jacket, real horn buttons, pencil-slim skirt with a nice deep wrap at the back. She tried it on in the back room filled with half-naked size-ten salesgirls and under-buyers looking for a bargain. There was a really nice violet dress and coatee as well but she couldn’t afford both and the black and tan dogtooth was more of a classic. The house fitter wouldn’t leave off about Jane’s stock-size figure. Not a single alteration. Jane could hardly wait to get home and try it on again.
‘How about Monday?’
‘Monday’s my day off. Look, I’m sorry but I’ve got to get the bus. Thanks awfully for the drink.’
Awfully
. She blushed as she said it. What was all that about?
Tony insisted on walking her through Soho to the bus stop in Regent Street. The butchers, cakeshops and smelly delis were all shut up, blinds pulled down inside the windows. The coffee bars were quieter now that the pubs had opened. The usual warm, fatty whiff of roasting meat was already farting out of the back of the Regent Palace but it was too early for proper restaurants and it was far too early for the tarts – thank God – although Jane did glimpse one old trollop in a dressing gown pinning a card to the side door that led to her room above a chop-suey joint in Wardour Street: ‘busty young model upstairs’, apparently. Flat as a board she was. Imagine paying fifty bob for that. It was supposed to be more if they took their clothes off but it was hard to see why, looking at her.