How to Defeat Harmful Habits (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (32 page)

– Rid your residence of binge and trigger foods (usually sugary or starchy), and stock up on healthy snacks.

– Stop focusing on weight loss. Instead, focus on healthy, balanced eating.

– To determine whether a particular food is okay to eat, think about how it makes your body feel.

•
Practice following these guidelines:

– Eat three meals a day at scheduled times.

– Eat small snacks between meals, and do so only at preplanned times.

– Eat meals and snacks at the breakfast or dining table and never in a vehicle, bedroom, bathroom, or when in a hurry.

– Eat nothing before or during meal/snack preparation, or after the meal/snack is over.

– Determine to truly experience your food, noting its color, size, taste, shape, texture, and scent.

– Eat slowly, chewing each bite, enjoying the flavor.

– Take time to relax as you eat your meal. Think about things other than eating, such as a visit with someone or the scenery outside the window.

– Take just one or two bites of fattening foods. Such small amounts won’t make a difference to your body.

– Remind yourself that everyone feels full and clothes feel tighter around the waist after eating. These feelings will go away as your body digests the food and puts it to use.

As you seek to gain God’s perspective on food and to make God-honoring decisions regarding your food intake, remember what the Bible says:

“So I commend the enjoyment of life
,
because nothing is better for a man under the sun
than to eat and drink and be glad
.
Then joy will accompany him in his work
all the days of the life God has given him under the sun”

(E
CCLESIASTES
8:15).

For Cherry Boone O’Neill, the most critical “do’s” for family and friends include pouring out loving compassion upon the struggler and dispensing huge doses of hope. Cherry said, “Dan and I have found that hope is among the most positive motivators in achieving health that loved ones—and victims of eating disorders—can have. Maintaining hope for ourselves, and sharing hope with others, allows for the possibility—even the likelihood—that a distant light is glowing at the end of the dark tunnel.”
¹⁰⁶

When all is said and done, people who are struggling with anorexia and bulimia truly need
hope for their hearts:

“Now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you”

(P
SALM
39:7).

The female figure can be a fanatical issue. Tell a young woman her thighs are too big or tease her about a bulging belly, and she can immediately spiral downward into a dangerous world of dieting and self-starvation. One comment is often all it takes for a young woman’s self-esteem to sink and her figure fixation to rise. Therefore, family and friends must be keenly sensitive to teasing and offhand comments, particularly in a society where eating disorders are rapidly enslaving more and more young women because of society’s glorification of thinness. Be sure to

“be completely humble and gentle;

be patient, bearing with one another in love”

(E
PHESIANS
4:2).

As a loving support person, here are some good things you can do:

•
Deemphasize dieting and
emphasize healthy eating habits and fitness.

•
Arrange schedules
to eat more meals together.

•
Critically discuss
the unhealthy body images portrayed in the media.

•
Clearly expose
the massive amount of retouching done to published photos of models.

•
Create a scrapbook
of healthy body images.
¹⁰⁷

And here are some good truths to remember:

“Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit
,
who is in you, whom you have received from God?
You are not your own; you were bought at a price
.
Therefore honor God with your body”

(1 C
ORINTHIANS
6:19-20).

Here Are the Do’s
¹⁰⁸

•
Do
learn everything you can.

Knowledge is your friend, and ignorance is your enemy. Find the best material you can at the library, on the Internet, or from competent professionals.

“Listen to advice and accept instruction, and in the end you will be wise”

(P
ROVERBS
19:20).

•
Do
confront in a loving way.

Confrontation is not easy! But doing nothing is the opposite of truly loving someone.

“Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing”

(P
ROVERBS
12:18).

•
Do
seek professional help for the one in need.

A mark of wisdom is acknowledging your need for advice. Locating a specialist in eating disorders may require asking a pastor, a physician, or a school counselor for help.

“Pride only breeds quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice”

(P
ROVERBS
13:10).

•
Do
talk about emotions, and strive to reach deeper levels of communication.

Ask, “Why do you feel this way?” Seek to uncover the underlying causes behind this crisis.

“The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out”

(P
ROVERBS
20:5).

•
Do
listen, listen, listen with your heart.

The best conversationalist is someone who knows how to listen. People love to hear their words repeated: “So what you are saying is…” Listening and repeating what is said helps build trust and opens up communication, which in turn leads to healing.

“[There is] a time to be silent and a time to speak”

(E
CCLESIASTES
3:7).

•
Do
verbalize your genuine, heartfelt love by using tender, endearing terms.

Positive reinforcement is crucial. Using tender terms such as
precious
or
dear
, or saying a person’s name in a tender way, will often help someone to feel nurtured. Make sure your concern sounds genuine and not contrived. A pet name can be especially endearing to both men and women.

“A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver”

(P
ROVERBS
25:11).

•
Do
express love with physical affection.

Looking someone in the eyes, reaching out to touch a hand, or a gentle touch on the shoulder can be helpful. In certain family relationships, hugging, holding, and kissing can be especially meaningful.

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity”

(P
ROVERBS
17:17).

•
Do
be honest about the dangers.

The debilitating effects of eating disorders wreak havoc on the body. Those in need of help need to learn to think about the very real long-term dangers of eating disorders.

“Encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone”

(1 T
HESSALONIANS
5:14).

•
Do
stay with your loved one around the clock.

In high-risk situations, for a limited period of time during a health crisis, enlist other nurturing people to be present, if necessary. Frequently, being present with the sufferer means paying the high cost of commitment, but salvaging a life is worth the cost.

“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother”

(P
ROVERBS
18:24).

•
Do
pray faithfully.

Let your loved one know you are specifically praying for him or her by name. Pray with the person for the courage to overcome and to know healing.

“The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective”

(J
AMES
5:16).

And Here Are the Don’ts

Cherry Boone O’Neill states a definite “don’t” for family and friends of strugglers
—don’t expect a quick fix
.
¹⁰⁹
Eating disorders are a complicated phenomenon, an intertwining of emotional, physical, and spiritual issues, and
time
is a necessary healer. It may take years for a sufferer to fully rebound and regain self-control, and even then, some people can relapse into old routines at any moment.

Another important “don’t” from Cherry:
Don’t fail to forgive
. Anorexics and bulimics are desperately in need of the “70 times 7” principle of forgiveness taught by Jesus, which tells us to
always
forgive.

•
Don’t
be forceful or controlling.

One mother succeeded in getting her daughter to eat by distracting her from negative thoughts with constant praise and unconditional love during all of her waking moments.

“Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones”

(P
ROVERBS
16:24).

•
Don’t
be unrealistic about your expectations for change.

It has taken nearly a lifetime of negative thinking to reach this point. It may take a long time for full healing to take place.

“A man’s wisdom gives him patience;

it is to his glory to overlook an offense”

(P
ROVERBS
19:11).

•
Don’t
naively assume that all well-meaning doctors who treat anorexics and bulimics are equally capable. Find a competent, compassionate specialist who ministers to the inner needs of patients and with whom the patient can develop a deep bond of trust. If necessary, seek a second or third opinion.

“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed”

(P
ROVERBS
15:22).

•
Don’t
let anorexics see the numbers on the scale when they are weighed. Tell them you will relieve them of the responsibility of knowing their weight. No matter what the number, their negative thinking will tell them it’s too high. If they don’t have a number to fight, that’s one less negative they have to contend with.

“The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction”

(P
ROVERBS
16:21).

•
Don’t
expect an anorexic struggler to rejoice at putting on needed weight. Strugglers have a well-developed mental and emotional aversion to gaining weight. Their spontaneous reaction to weight gain will naturally be negative until their thought patterns and beliefs have changed through the renewing of their minds.

“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will”

(R
OMANS
12:2).

•
Don’t
fail to request help from a former anorexic. Former anorexics know all the tricks, such as poisoning their food, exercising under the sheets, and slipping food up their sleeves to discard later. Nothing is more reassuring to someone with an eating disorder than a helping hand from someone who’s been there—someone now living in victory.