How to Defeat Harmful Habits (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (29 page)

And at age 14, Cherry fell off.

Every person who is starved for love needs to know about and accept the love of the Lord so they can meet their deep-seated inner need for love. Our God of love says,

“I have loved you with an everlasting love;

I have drawn you with loving-kindness”

(J
EREMIAH
31:3).

Young Cherry felt continual emotional pressure as a member of the touring musical group The Pat Boone Family. “Stared at on stage…scrutinized in fan magazines,” seen as perfect, Cherry soon developed an
unhealthy
dose of self-consciousness along with an
unrealistic
perception of her physical image.
⁷³

“For a performer, physical appearance becomes of primary importance,” Cherry recalled. “Suddenly, every imperfection, real or imagined, is a focal point for alteration and improvement.”
⁷⁴

And at age 13, just one offhand comment by an 18-year-old guy about the virtues of being thin prompted Cherry to start dieting. A year later, she turned to anorexia to trim unwanted pounds, and she continued to struggle with this eating disorder for the next decade.

Those who know what it is like to struggle for years with an addiction or any kind of affliction know through personal experience the necessity of having faith in God our Savior, who offers hope—not only for the future but also for the present. They know the need to have a life-changing relationship with the Lord, who goes before you and will be with you, and who will never leave you nor forsake you. The Bible says,

“The L
ORD
himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged”

(D
EUTERONOMY
31:8).

Teenager Cherry Boone had a typical battle with her feelings, but her emotions were anything but skin-deep. Deep, deep down, she hated herself.

“Furious hatred of my fat translated into a furious hatred of myself,”
⁷⁵
Cherry recalled. She completely rejected her God-given body. Along with not eating, she began a daily, two-hour exercise regimen that she practiced “religiously”—for years. At 5 feet 7 inches tall, Cherry should have weighed around 140 pounds. But over time, her obsession made her tip the scales at a scant 92 pounds—almost 50 pounds
under
her appropriate weight.
⁷⁶

Often Cherry wore baggy clothes to conceal her skeletal physique. But one day a loose garment slid off her back, revealing ribs protruding from an emaciated body. Cherry’s mother was
horrified
.
⁷⁷

Cherry struggled with how her body looked. However, acceptance of her God-given body would be essential to achieving victory over anorexia and bulimia.

If, like Cherry, this is your struggle, even though you may have difficulty accepting your appearance, know that God sees you and loves you as His precious creation. You are valuable to Him. The more you realize that God is with you from the moment you are conceived until your final breath, the more you will be able to value both your body and your life.

Do you know that God designed you as a one-of-a-kind creation? Do you know that God considers you so special that He has a personalized plan for your life? Do you realize He knit your body together while you were still inside your mother’s womb?

Realize the thoroughness of God’s knowledge of you. He states you are “wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). And His thoughts are always with you. You are always on His mind. That should give you comfort.

Read Psalm 139 and say out loud the truths found in these verses. Then you will begin to see how precious you are to God.

Jena and Her Sinister “Sister”

The sinister “sister”…the taunting twin…she stood, stared, and glared .

“Cake?” she sneered as Jena undressed before the bathroom mirror, preparing to shower. “You ate cake last night? What were you thinking? I never gave you permission to eat cake. And now you’ll pay for it, you greedy pig. Get on the scale. Now!”
⁷⁸

The words Jena heard were not audible; rather, they were thoughts blasting chaotically through her brain, drowning out the voice of reason. Her mind was in mayhem as she apologized and promised not to eat all day. But the sinister “sister,” the evil twin inside her, wasn’t finished.

For almost all of her life, Jena Morrow had been tormented by a three-letter word—
fat
. And she remembers precisely when the struggle began. She was riding in the family car when suddenly her eyes were drawn down to her thighs and she became alarmed at how they “squish themselves out wide” on the seat.
⁷⁹
Jena’s eyes then roamed a little higher to her pink windbreaker, which was puffed out at the moment, making it appear as though she had a baby in her belly. And all of a sudden—not at age 13
but at age 3
—Jena concluded she was fat.
⁸⁰

And here’s irony from Jena: “I have never actually
been
fat, and yet I cannot recall a time when I did not
feel
fat.”
⁸¹
This false perception on her part triggered a terrible turn of events that almost took her life. The distorted image Jena had of her body drew her into the dark and dangerous world of anorexia, and to this day she still has to fight to stay in the light.

What surfaced at age 3 ran rampant at age 12 when a nightmare scenario emerged that would frighten anyone struggling with body image distortion—the dreaded gym class shower. Jena did
everything
she could to avoid gym class—continually feigning illness, hiding in bathroom stalls, even trying to rebreak a healed broken ankle. But eventually she was found out, and after informing a school social worker in no uncertain terms that there was no way she would take off her clothes to shower, the school official probed a little further and found out about Jena’s perception of her own body.
⁸²

And just how did Jena perceive her body? “I told her I hated mine and would like to cut it up.”
⁸³
That’s all the social worker needed to hear to send Jena to a child psychiatrist, who soon declared her “emotionally unstable.”
⁸⁴

Through her middle and high school years, Jena continually struggled, but it wasn’t until college that anorexia assaulted her body like never before and Jena found herself at death’s door. Her desire to lose weight took her on a downward spiral toward a desire to literally shrink or disappear. And then yet another desire was spawned that came from no less than the pit of hell itself—
self-destruction
.

Once, after shoving three handfuls of cereal into her mouth Jena panicked and downed an entire bottle of ipecac, an antidote for accidental poisoning. The recommended dosage? One tablespoon, followed by eight ounces of water. Jena never made it to the water, for her stomach immediately began to lurch and churn violently. Vomiting ensued all throughout the night. The next morning, Jena was surprised she was still alive.
⁸⁵

Wanting nothing more to do with emetics, Jena turned to laxatives and worked her way up to taking about 25 pills a day. In early spring 1996, Jena weighed what she did at age 10—about 90 pounds. Although her family was appalled, the eating disorder would continue to dominate her life. Jena was hooked—she was a hardcore addict of anorexia.
⁸⁶

Jena described the “high” that initially accompanied her self-starvation—the euphoria that anorexics experience when they start seeing results such as looser and looser jeans and having to pull up plunging waistbands. This high is caused by chemical changes that occur in the brain that are similar to the releasing of endorphins following a jog in the park or sexual intimacy.
⁸⁷
“An eating disorder, in the beginning, is like being in love,” Jena explained. “Everything else takes a back seat to your new passion.”
⁸⁸

But Jena’s passion turned excruciatingly painful as her body began to writhe in agony from sustained abuse. Further down the path of self-destruction, Jena became “a gobbler of pills”
⁸⁹
—any pills she could find, including her grandmother’s Alzheimer’s medication and her dog’s thyroid tablets. Jena describes that as one of her darkest seasons, and soon her life turned almost totally black. It all began with a muffin.

Jena had never wanted anything more in her life. The buttery, sweet smell was wafting through her car. She wanted to devour the muffin she had just purchased. At this time, the signs of starvation were well evident—Jena’s lips and fingernails were blue, her teeth were chattering, and the heater in her car was cranked up even though it was summer.
⁹⁰
But then the sinister sister, the evil twin, made her presence known, and the accusations began to fly.

Jena took just one tiny bite of the muffin, and then tossed the rest out the window. While at a stoplight, she grabbed what comprised her usual diet and downed 15 laxative pills along with a handful of diuretic tablets and caffeine capsules. It proved to be a woeful wake-up call, as Jena later began shaking uncontrollably experiencing raging fever. It was then that she finally agreed to get help at a Christian treatment center for eating and anxiety disorders.
⁹¹

Up to this time, Jena had struggled for many years with a distorted body image. Absolutely nothing had shaken her terrible misperception of herself. So it was remarkable that for one brief moment,
she came to see herself as she really was
. She tried on a bathing suit, and standing before a dressing room mirror, she couldn’t believe what she saw.

I stared at my reflection. My legs were milky white, webbed with blue veins, and my feet were a ridiculous shade of purple. My upper arm was precisely half the width of my elbow, and my thighs were no wider than my knees, all the way up. My face was scariest of all: gray with sunken eyes and cheeks, and a big, blue vein bulging and pulsing at the center of my forehead.

In a flash of clarity, I caught a fleeting glimpse of the ugly truth, and I had an epiphany:
I had become a monster
.
⁹²

Drained physically, emotionally, and spiritually, Jena began feeding on truths from the Bible that related to her struggle. The Word of God became a healing balm to Jena’s wounded soul, and she began eating nutritionally.

But then she suffered a setback. She suddenly became distraught over her increasing caloric intake and growing waistline—disappointed because thousands of dollars in treatment had not yet “cured” her. Soulful sobs swelled up and spilled out. Jena was outside in an arid desert environment, sitting on a bench with an unopened Bible by her side. After what seemed an eternity, she finally summoned the strength to open her Bible, which “happened” to open to Isaiah chapter 58. Jena’s eyes were drawn like a magnet to verse 11: “The L
ORD
will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame.” Jena couldn’t believe it. Joy began to sweep over her, for there she sat in the
sun-scorched
Arizona desert receiving a promise from her heavenly Father that He indeed would strengthen her frame.
⁹³

Hungering for more words of life, Jena turned to one of her favorite passages, Jeremiah 29:11: “‘I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the L
ORD
, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’” Tremendous peace washed over Jena as she realized God’s plans for her life superseded her own, that He was in control of
everything
, and that He had never intended for her to be the one controlling everything. There had been several times when Jena should have died, but that was not part of God’s plans for her. Instead, He began using her to minister to other young women who struggled with anorexia.

“But what happens after I return home?” is a typical question. “Will I revert to past patterns?” is a serious concern. And indeed, the sinister sister, the taunting twin came charging back into Jena’s life. “You ate cake—you greedy pig!”