How to Defeat Harmful Habits (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (27 page)

“I have a hard time eating when other people are present.”

“I have a hard time asking for help.”

“I avoid letting people really know me.”

“I feel a lot of guilt over my past.”

“I feel a sense of shame about who I am.”

“I feel a sense of low self-worth.”

“I feel good because I’m a perfectionist.”

“I wish I could just disappear.”

“I wish I could stop my pain.”

If this list accurately reflects your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, you will quickly and completely identify with the words of Job:

“I cannot lift my head, for I am full of shame and drowned in my affliction”

(J
OB
10:15).

Princess Diana sought love and attention not from the world, but from those most closely around her.

And yet they didn’t “get it,” for she was constantly on the front pages of newspapers and magazines. The last thing she needed, they mistakenly presumed, was more
attention
.

But the princess continually cried out—to the point of injuring herself. “I didn’t like myself; I was ashamed because I couldn’t cope with the pressures.”
⁵³
She would cut herself on her thighs and arms, sometimes even in front of Prince Charles.

An adoring public helped Diana carry through with her official duties and provided some relief from her emotional pain.
⁵⁴

Princess Diana described her bulimia as a “secret disease,” something you inflict upon yourself because “your self-esteem is at low ebb and you don’t think you’re worthy or valuable.”
⁵⁵
Stuffing her stomach with food created a false feeling of comfort, like “a pair of arms” around her. But the momentary solace always gave way to disgust as she peered down at her bloated stomach, and Diana would then vomit up all the food. Not once, not twice, but up to five times a day.
⁵⁶

Diana suffered from bulimia for “a number of years.” The bingeing and purging occurring daily with alarming frequency during the most stressful periods of her life.
⁵⁷

But eating disorders can cover the gamut, with some people engaging in the practice of bingeing and purging only once or twice a week. Others habitually chew their food, savoring the flavor and texture, and then spit it out. And still others will induce vomiting not after two packages of cookies, but after just two cookies.
⁵⁸

Bingeing and purging was an escape mechanism for Diana, a distraction from her stress-filled marriage.

“I was overcome by trouble and sorrow…I have suffered much”

(P
SALM
116:3; 119:107).

Eating disorders are merely the surface symptoms of an underlying problem. Those suffering from these eating disorders have believed lies and have lost sight of the truth. But God wants us to face the truth, as seen in this psalm:

“Surely you desire truth in the inner parts;

you teach me wisdom in the inmost place”

(P
SALM
51:6).

Those with eating disorders experience…

•
Confusion over values
—which is more important:

– Appearance or achievement?

– Thinness or intelligence?

– Beauty or brains?

•
Deception of self and others

– Stealing food or laxatives

– Cutting food into tiny bites to appear to be eating; secret rituals with food

– Lying about eating; pretending to swallow food but spitting it out later

•
Depression over feeling
“
fat
” (even though their weight is normal or they look like skin and bones)

– Processing information becomes utterly painful

– Logical thinking becomes virtually impossible

– Life becomes a subconscious—or a conscious and deliberate—attempt at suicide

•
Compulsion for some feeling of control

– “Eating is the one part of my life I can control.”

– “I can eat as much as I want and still not gain weight.”

– “This way I can make the pain go away.”

•
Loneliness because of the desire to avoid discovery

– “I long for closeness, yet I’m scared of it.”

– “I feel claustrophobic if people get too close to me.”

– “I just cannot talk to anyone about this problem.”

•
Low self-worth because personal value is based on appearance