How The Cookie Crumbles (37 page)

I had to get out of the house before I did something violent to Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Jake. I got that it was frustrating for him to not be able to play hockey, but he didn’t need to take it out on me! I skipped classes and came down here, and most of the time I seemed to be taking abuse. And not only that, an hour earlier, he was being adorably sweet. I had to keep reminding myself that he was usually a nice guy and not a total jerk.

But Jake said I could come and live with him for three months. So, did that mean we were going out now? I mean, living with someone, even for a short time, is huge. And was I going to be in the guest room, or his room? I tried to avoid thinking about how the heck I would explain this to my parents. All I knew was that I was excited. I liked being with him, and we had a lot of fun together, well, when he wasn’t concussed.

I looked out at the Pacific Ocean. It’s funny that it could be the same ocean that I grew up around and yet look so different. Here the ocean was vaster and wilder; back at home in the Cove, it was tamed and placid. It was getting windy out and I hadn’t brought a sweater. I turned around and went back to the house. Jake had apparently gotten enough energy to eat dinner, but not enough to put the dishes in the dishwasher. I cleaned up the kitchen and then went to my room and finished some readings. I didn’t hear anything out of Jake’s bedroom, so I assumed he was asleep, but I was too pissed off to bother talking to him. I got washed up, brushed my teeth, and went to sleep in my own bed.

As I lay there, I realized something. Maybe Jake was scared about his concussion and that’s why he was shutting me out. Guys can be so ridiculously macho and not want to appear weak. I got up and tapped lightly on the door. I didn’t hear anything, but I walked in anyway.

Jake didn’t say anything, but I sensed he was awake. I sat beside him on the empty side of the bed, and put a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey,” I said.

“Hey,” he answered me, but he didn’t turn over to look at me.

“Look, if something’s bothering you, you can talk to me about it,” I told him.

Jake turned onto his back. He looked at me, and even in the darkness I could see him thinking and wondering.

“It’s okay,” he said finally. And then he reached out and pulled me down close to him. “But I’d like it if you slept with me.”

Jake

I felt better in the morning. My headache was completely gone, and I figured it had been a different kind of headache, so maybe not even related to the concussion. I would take it easy in training, but I could maybe even get back on the ice tomorrow. I’d run everything by the King’s medical staff first, they had experience in this kind of shit.

Frankie was all packed up and ready to go. She was getting a cab, since she didn’t want me driving yet. I was planning on driving as soon as she left, but I wasn’t going to argue about it. She walked over to where I was sitting and gently pushed my hair back with her hand.

“I’ve made up some meals for you, they’re in the fridge, so you should be fine for a while. And Luke will be back late tonight, so he can take you to the rink tomorrow.”

“Thanks, Frankie. It was nice of you to come here and look after me.” I pulled her onto my lap and kissed her. She felt so good, her body was soft in all the right places. I mean, what was I worried about? Frankie was a chick who was into dressing up in costumes for me! I tried to imagine that her living here was going to turn out fine, but I still had some nagging doubts.

“So, I guess I have to go back and get everything settled for January. Sort out my courses and stuff. I’m so excited about coming here!” I could see the organizing part of her brain going into overdrive already.

“Relax, babe,” I told her, kissing her hard until I felt her really getting into it. But I felt nervous too, and I figured now was the time to tell her how I felt. “I like having you here,” I told her, honestly. “But you know, I’m not a relationship guy, right?”

She went all quiet and stared at me. “What are you talking about?”

“I dunno, I’m young, I’m not into, y’know, serious stuff.” I felt like a douche saying it, but it was the truth.

“So, all summer, when you were after me to go out with you – it was just to have sex? And now that we’ve had sex, you don’t want to go out with me anymore?”

Now Frankie looked really upset, I tried to hold her, but she pulled away. I explained, “No, it’s not like that, sure I want to hang with you. I dunno, I’m just trying to tell you what I’m like. If you come and live with me, or us, well, it’s not like we’re, y’know, living together or anything.”

“We’re just roommates?”

“Well, no … we can still do stuff….”

“Like?”

“Stuff like we do now, but it’s not like we’d be, y’know, in a thing.” Now I sounded like the douchiest douche ever. I hated talking about shit like this.

“So, let me make sure I have this straight. We could go out places. And we could have sex. But we wouldn’t be in a relationship or anything?”

“Yes. I mean, no. Oh, fuck this, Frankie. I’m just trying to be honest with you.”

“So… like friend with benefits?”

“Yeah! Like that.” Would that be okay with her?

“Oh Jake,” she sighed. She looked like she was making an effort not to cry, or maybe not to strangle me. After a deep breath, she spoke. “Look, I never asked for anything from you.”

“I know, babe. It’s not you. You didn’t do anything, but other chicks….”

“I’m not like other chicks,” she said softly. She seemed smaller somehow, and she finally let me put my arms around her.

“I know.” I kissed her on the head. I was glad she wasn’t getting mad, but I still wasn’t sure that she got what I meant in the first place.

Frankie looked up at me, her brown eyes all wide and glistening. “Don’t you feel it? Like when we have sex and afterwards, I feel so close to you – it’s amazing.” When I didn’t answer her, she looked down. “I guess not. Maybe you’re right; it’s better not to rush into anything. No commitments, we’ll just see how it goes.”

“You’re the amazing one,” I told her, relieved. I didn’t think it would be this easy.

Frankie didn’t say anything; she got up and grabbed her purse. “Whatever, Jake. It’s nice that you’re letting me stay here. Look, I think I’ll wait outside for the cab.” She reached for her suitcase, but I got it first.

“Don’t worry, Frankie, everything’s gonna be cool,” I told her, walking out with her. I was pretty sure it would be.

45. Different Strokes

I gave Jake a goodbye hug and got in the cab. “Don’t cry, Frankie,” I kept telling myself. As the cab pulled away, I turned and saw Jake going back into the house. Not that I thought he would watch me leave like some lovesick swain; he was more likely to head in and eat all the food I’d left like some brain-damaged swine.

Okay, a slight overreaction. But really, what was wrong with me? Was I always going to be so stupid when it came to guys? I thought Matt was ready to get married, but he wanted to break up. I thought Jake wanted to… I don’t know… at least date me, but all he wanted to do was have sex and put another notch on his bedpost or hockey stick or whatever. How could I have been so wrong about him?

I knew I cared a lot about Jake. While at first I thought we were a mismatch, he had completely won me over. Instead of the buttoned-down types I usually liked, I was into a laidback guy who made sex into a crazy, sloppy mess where nothing was off limits. And I loved the laughing and talking before, after and during. How ironic that a person who always wanted her life to be exquisitely planned and predictable suddenly wanted a life that was messy and crazy. And fun. Now I wanted to fight in bed and laugh in bed, and not have any idea what might happen next. But what was the point of caring if he didn’t care?

Jake was at least being honest with me, and if I had thought about it harder I would have remembered he said the same thing all summer: that he wasn’t into relationships. That first night we slept together, I wanted sex as much as he had, so I couldn’t pretend he was some big seducer. Sex was a natural progression of our relationship, but I was the only one who wanted it to progress beyond that.

I began to think about the internship in Los Angeles. While I had been overjoyed to find out I was going to get it, now I felt a little conflicted. I mean, it’s one thing to go and stay with a guy you’re interested in and another to stay with a guy who’s not interested in you. It was weird though, I still got the feeling that Jake did want me to come and stay, but he wanted to make sure it was on his terms. Maybe I should think about turning it down, but it was a great opportunity. I couldn’t afford to come here and pay for an apartment of my own, so I didn’t have a lot of options. And Beatrice would think I was an idiot if I turned it down after she recommended me, and I got all the references from my profs. I had already started rejigging my credits to graduate in the fall.

I sighed. I guess I was stuck coming to Los Angeles in January. I hoped the internship was fantastic, because my social life was going to suck.

Jake

I finally got the green light to play again against the Lightning. Altogether I was only out for two weeks and I had just missed a week on the ice, so I was pretty close to game shape. Still it seemed like a lot had happened in that short time.

On the morning after the game, I felt a little extra sore but not too bad. I got in a couple of big hits that got the crowd going and showed everyone that I was fine.

But even a couple of weeks after I was back playing, I was still thinking about Frankie. How sweet she had been, taking care of me even when I was acting like an asshole. How hot she had been, giving me that awesome fucking blowjob, all dressed up as a nurse. Seriously, if I ever bragged that I had a girlfriend who wore costumes to get me going, the other guys would think I was the luckiest fucker on the planet.

Or the stupidest one, since I told her we were off.

And now Domer was deserting me. He had started dating this girl he met at a charity event at the hospital. Theresa was really pretty and nice too, a nursing student but an aspiring actress as well. Anyway it wasn’t all serious or anything, but he was out a little more. I could still hang out with Clarkie and Lurch, but it wasn’t the same as last year, when Domer, Link and me were the three amigos partying our asses off. Guys kept getting older and changing, settling down. That sucked. I didn’t know if this was a recent thing or something I had just started to notice.

We played Calgary at home on my 23rd birthday. It was a rough game, and I got speared in the nuts by this one asshole. I went down like a light, but the ref didn’t see shit. We ended up winning, and then a bunch of us went out. Duper decided that a birthday deserved champagne, so we started popping bottles. I was getting pretty wasted, but Domer had my back so I didn’t have to worry about getting home.

The champagne attracted some ladies to our group. Two girls in skimpy outfits, a blonde and a brunette, came over to us, all giggly and excited. “Hi there,” the blonde said, “You guys look totally familiar, are you like a team?”

“Oh my God! You’re Jake Cookson!” The brunette was all excited. “I watched your game on TV tonight, and now you’re here! Oh my God! You’re all Kings.”

I grinned happily at them and looked over at Domer, who shrugged. That meant he was not interested. They weren’t that bad looking, but he was picky.

“Oh, and I saw what happened at the end! Are you okay? You know….” And she motioned towards my balls.

“Well, I don’t know if they still work,” I told her, grabbing them with a half grin. “Maybe you could give me a little help in that department.”

“You are so bad!” She fake-smacked me, and then she leaned in closer and whispered to me, “Oh, I can make sure everything’s in working order.” She brushed her hand over the bulge in my pants. Her friend was leaning up against me too, pushing her tits into me.

“Anyone want to dance?” I asked, and they both nodded at the same time. We laughed, I took one on each arm, and all three of us went out on the dance floor. “Don’t any of your teammates want to dance?” the blonde asked, looking back towards Bear, I think.

“Some of them don’t like to dance,” I told her. Bear wasn’t the partying type.