Hope for Us (Hope Series Book #3) (21 page)

“Jack needs to hear good things about his father.” She leaned her head against my chest, her leg draped over me and the other bent under her. I ran my hand up and down her thigh. “Josh has some good points, too, right?”

“Yeah, of course, he did. He had great taste in women." I said and winked. She giggled, "You saw good in him, too. Otherwise you wouldn't have been with him.”

I wasn’t sure why I asked the questions, more than anything, I wanted to talk to her about Josh and never felt comfortable doing so before. She brought it up so I nudged her along.

“I am starting to forget things about him. He was intense and had those sad dark eyes.”

“He was funny, too.” I said and laughed. “He had a weird sense of humor, but it was intellectual. Like it took you a while to get it.”

“Yeah. He made me feel good when he tried. Complimented me and made me feel wanted," she said. "And, he loved you. You were his hero."

My eyes welled up and I leaned in and kissed her and pulled her tight.

“I’m happy you got to see that side of him. When we were kids, he made people feel comfortable around him. He could have been a real asshole, but he wasn’t. He was a lot of other bad things, but he wasn’t a dick.”

“When we found out he died, you wouldn't look at me. I figured you were unsure how to feel about him after what he did to me.”

“Yeah.”

“Have you forgiven him?” A tear fell down my cheek, and I turned away from her, but she grabbed my chin and turned it back to face her. “I don’t want to hate him, and I don’t want you to feel like you have to hate him, too.” 

I shook my head and leaned over and wrapped my arm around her. I laid us both down on the bed on our side, our faces inches from each other. I cupped her chin and kissed her lips and whispered, “I don’t know how to stop hating him for hurting you.”

“You don’t have to hold onto it. You need to let it go.”

“How?”

“Maybe when we talk to Jack about him,” she bit her lip, “we’ll figure it out. If nothing else, we have Josh to thank for giving us Jack.”

I squeezed her close, and she melted against me.

I could stay like this with her forever. It all seemed so normal, talking about our future. For the first time since we got back into each other’s lives, it felt possible.

“Hey,” she stared in my eyes, “I am so in love with our family.”

I leaned in to kiss her, but she turned her face.

“Jackson. I …” she blinked a few times, but turned back to face me. “Do you want to have more kids?”

I stared at her for a moment, thinking about the question. The idea of Carrington having my baby made a sense of pride swell in my chest, but her gnawing on her bottom lip clued me in to quashing that enthusiasm.

“I do.” I held her face. “Why do you ask?”

“I was wondering how important it was to you.”

“You don’t want to have any more kids?”

“Oh my God, of course I do. I want to have a little Mitchell baby.” I grinned. “But, what if I’m not able to have another baby?” I lost the grin.

“Carrington, are you trying to tell me something?”

“No … I mean. I don’t know. My doctor said there are no physical reasons why I can’t conceive a child, but you never know. I wanted you to know that.”

“Well, I’m not going to lie. Being a father is important to me. I have the greatest father in the world, and I feel like it would be honoring him to be able to pass on to my son what I learned from him.”

“Aww, that’s beautiful.”

“And if Jack’s the only one to get that wisdom then I am okay with that.”

“Are you sure?”

“Listen, the fact you want to have my child is pretty freakin’ cool, but you already gave me the best gift in the world.” He reached out and touched my face. “The privilege of loving you and Jack the way I've always wanted to.”

“God, you’re so good at this mushy stuff.”

“Yeah well, I have a lot of good stuff saved up. I’ve been waiting seven years to use it.” 

We woke up to the sound of her phone ringing on the nightstand. The caller ID had Mr. Griffin photo on it. We looked at each other, and I answered the phone. 

“Mama.” We exhaled.

“Hey, sweetie. You okay?” Carrington asked.

“Can I have Chick-fil-A on the way home tomorrow?”

“Sure.”

“I hate hospital water.”

I muted the phone. “What’s hospital water?”

“The clear soup they make him drink.”

“Where’s Jackson?”

“Hey buddy,” Jackson said as he rolled on his back. “How you feeling?”

“Good. Grandpa Griffin and I think you should come right out and throw to Sherman’s side. Like ten times in a row. No way will they expect it.”

Carrington narrowed her eyes and I laughed. “It’s a good idea. I’ll mention it in the offense meeting tomorrow. See what they think.”

“Cool.”

“Sweetie, we’ll be there soon, okay? See you before you go to bed,” Carrington said.

“Okay. Love you both,” Jack said and hung up.

I rolled back on my side and pulled Carrington closer. 

“It’s not a bad idea. Might throw Sherman off his game,” she said.

“Yeah, doing the unexpected seems to work in most cases. Until the person figures it out.”

“Then we change it up.”

“Keep you on your toes,” I said.

“As long as you remember at the core one universal truth.”

“What’s that?”

“You’re better than him.” I grinned and pulled her in closer. “And I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“Come on, Mama. Tell them we have to go,” Jack said. He’d had enough of the hospital.

“Why are you in such a big hurry to get out of here?” Carrington asked.

“Duh, FSU Game starts at twelve thirty.”

“Duh, Mom,” I said, and Carrington pouted at me.

We made it home in time for kickoff, even with a stop at Chick-fil-A. 

I had a couple of hours before team meetings at the hotel.

I always got nostalgic watching FSU football. My time in college was bittersweet, but I leaned more toward sweet now that I had Carrington and Jack in my life. 

“What are you grinning about?” Carrington asked.

“Nothing. I’m just. I’m good.” I leaned over and kissed her cheek. She smiled, my favorite sight in the world. We turned back toward the television and focused on the game. Jack sat in the corner of the couch on the floor. Giving attention to the game and his chicken nuggets in equal measure.

The broadcast showed a flashback scene of me playing in college, talking about the last time Florida State had this talented of a team.

“That is so cool,” Jack said. He watched the game. “How come my dad didn’t play football?”

We both stopped in mid bite and turned to face Jack. He hadn’t looked at us. He stared at the screen watching FSU march down the field.

“He did play…” I looked at Carrington to make sure it was okay for me to continue. She smiled and nodded. “In middle school, but he hated to get tackled. In seventh and eighth, he could outrun people, but by the time we got to high school, everyone could catch him, so he quit.”

“What position did he play?”

“Running back.”

Jack giggled and continued watching the game. Another few minutes ticked by and he asked another questions.

“Did he meet me?”

“I know he saw you once. The nurses didn’t know who he was at the time, but they told me later he stopped by and asked about you,” Carrington said.

“Do I look like him?”

“You’ve seen photos, what do you think?” Carrington asked.

“Yeah. I do.” Jack stood up and walked over to where we sat on the couch. He sat in front of us on the coffee table, his legs crossed Indian style with his elbows on his knees and his chin in his hands. “Brian said my dad would have gone to jail if he didn’t die.”

“Did he tell you why?” I asked.

“He didn’t know. He said my dad was a bad guy.”

“Jack, you dad wasn’t a bad guy, but he did a bad thing,” I said.

“What did he do?”

Carrington touched my hand, and I let her continue.

“When I was pregnant with you, your dad hurt me, and that’s why you arrived early.”

Jack looked from Carrington to me and back at Carrington again.

I watched Jack process this information. Work it around his head until he could understand. I tried to think of a way to explain in another way, but nothing came to mind.

“Jack,” Carrington said. “He was excited about you. He thought it was really cool to be having a son and he tried really hard, but he was sick.”

“Like me.”

“No, not like you. He drank and did drugs and got into fights when he did those things.”

“Why was he sick? Why didn’t he just stop?”

“Sometimes people take drugs and get addicted to the point that they need to keep doing them and even though they want to stop, they need help to stop and your dad didn’t get help,” I said.

Jack sat silent for a moment. He rocked back and forth, and I didn’t know what his little quirks meant, yet. I waited.

He stood up. “Mama, I’m sorry.”

“What do you have to be sorry for?” she asked.

“He’s my dad-”

“Jack, what your dad did had nothing to do with you. You weren’t even born yet. You don’t have to apologize for him, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I want you to understand that a lot of people are going to say a lot of things about your dad and Grandpa Griffin. They might even say bad things about Jackson and me, but they can’t hurt us. If someone says something, you can come talk to me. And if you don’t want to talk to me, you can talk to Jackson or Grandpa Griffin, but it’s nothing worth getting yourself sick over, okay.”

“Blake and another kid at my school said they read about it on the Internet. They said he was really bad. ”

“No, he wasn’t all bad. He was sweet most of the time and when I told him about you, he was so excited.”

“I’m still sorry. Not about him, but that you got hurt.”

Jack crawled into her lap and hugged her tight. I caught Carrington’s eye, but she had to look away. She maintained control of her emotions, but we were both touched by Jack’s reaction.

We both spent so much energy avoiding this topic with each other, my shoulders relaxed and the tension in my heart released now that it was out in the open.

“I know, baby. Thank you. I’m sorry, for not talking to you about your dad sooner.  I wasn’t comfortable talking about him because I only knew him for a short time and it’s hard for me to remember the good things from the bad.”

I rubbed Jack’s face and turned to Jackson. “But Jackson knew him a long time and he has a lot of great stories about your dad. You can talk to him about Josh as much as you want.”

“Really?” Jack asked Jackson.

“Yeah. Anything you want to know. Josh and I met when we were your age.”

“Cool.”

Jack reached over and hugged Jackson, but the broadcaster announced a Florida State touchdown and Jack’s attention turned back on the game.

He scrambled back to the floor to grab the remote and rewound the play so he could watch his Seminole's score.

Carrington and I looked at each other. She shrugged her shoulders and smiled. I pulled her close and finished watching the game with a goofy grin on my face. Now that we opened that dialogue, it seemed there was nothing stopping us from being together.

I wanted so much for Jack to all of a sudden sit up and start growling or something, anything to get Jackson to stop watching him. I knew how he felt. I used to do that, too, especially after what we went through over the last few days. Hell, what we’ve all been through over the last seven years. I keep watching Jackson watch Jack. He looked different, more engaged, more attentive, more grounded in his life. In our life together, that was what we were doing here, right. Ingraining ourselves into each other’s lives because the alternative was not an option anymore. I didn't think we could not be together if we tried.

But, like he said, he was in charge now. I decided to follow his lead and see where it took us because my way took us to a place I didn't even want to exist in anymore. The place where I convinced myself daily that I didn’t need love in my life. If you have to remind yourself of something daily, there might be a reason why it won’t stick. It might be because it was bullshit.

"What?" He caught me staring at him.

"You can't watch over him twenty-four seven."

"I know. I'm just making sure."

"Making sure of what?"

"Making sure he's still breathing." He raised his eyebrows and shook his head, then laughed.

I looked over at Jack, stood up, and reached my hand out.

"Come on."

Jackson took my hand and stood. He reached out to rub Jack's back, as I led him to the front porch.

The sun hid behind the houses, but the warm day remained in the air. I sat on the second step and Jackson sat behind me. He pulled me to his chest, wrapping his arms around my waist. I leaned my head back and we sat in silence for a long moment. I felt his heart beat in his chest and when he leaned over to kiss my neck, it increased.

I looked at his watch.

"You have to go, soon."

"Yeah, but I don't want to."

I turned around. He leaned over to kiss me, but I placed my hand on his chest and held him back.

"You have to go to work, Jackson."

He narrowed his eyes. "You trying to get rid of me already?" He laughed and then stopped when I didn't join him.

"No. Of course not, but I'm fine. Jack is fine. It's time for you to get back to work. We’re not going anywhere."

This time when he leaned down to kiss me, I let him. I grabbed the bottom of his shirt to make sure he didn't pull away too soon. I loved his kisses.

He cradled my head in his hands, not ready to let me go. We stayed that way, breathing each other in.

I imagined we were giving the neighbors quite a show, but I didn't care. I had my Jackson back, and I didn't care who knew it.

His phone alarm made us stop.

"I really hate your phone."

"I know. I'm sorry. You're right. I do have to go."

We both stood up and Jackson walked to the bottom step. He turned and gripped the banister, and I did the same.

"What, no cheesy movie lines to seal this moment?"

"Nothing comes to mind."

Jackson looked up with his signature goofy grin. He cleared his throat.

“I got one for you.” He ran his hand through his hair.

"Ok, lay it on me."

“Will you marry me?”

“What movie is that from?” I laughed and looked down at the steps. Jackson wasn’t laughing. I looked up. “What?" My eyes blinked more times in those five seconds than they had in my whole life.

“Marry me.” My eyes teared up and I sat back down on the step. I wrapped my hand around the railing. Clinging it to it until my heart stopped pounding in my chest. The sound drowned out every other sound in the world.

Jackson kneeled in front of me. He took my hand and kissed it, his lips lingering long enough to make me let go of the breath I held. "Do you trust me?"

I cocked my head and exhaled, trying to regain control over my emotions, but that was short lived as Jackson reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a small velvet pouch.

He is freakin serious.

"Do you trust me?"

"Uhm, I think ... sure." I shrugged my shoulders. Would my answer be the same once I saw what was in the pouch?

He dug into the pouch and pulled out a sparkly shining ring.  My eyes couldn’t see past the glare from the sun reflecting off the perfect diamond. I wondered if he planned to ask me at this precise moment giving the effect. It wouldn't put it past him. Something Jackson Latre Mitchell would do; he was all about the details.

"Then, say yes." I looked down at my hand, and he had already slid the ring on my finger. I didn't feel a thing, like it floated over my skin waiting for my answer.

"You think we are ready for this? After all, we've only been dating for four weeks."

"It's been longer than that."

"Oh, you mean the three weeks we dated in college."

"Yeah, that and eight years that I have been in love with you." His eyes grew wide and he fidgeted while holding my hand. My reaction was not what he hoped for. I felt bad about that. My eyes settled on the gleam in his eye as it faded and as the grin on his face disappeared.

I grinned as a movie line popped into my head.

“This is an incredibly romantic moment and I am ruining it, aren’t I?” He watched me.

I lost my impulsive nature back when I moved my son halfway across the world to be with this man before. It made me a little gun shy. I had planned every single moment of my life from that moment since, and if I were being honest, all hell had broken loose since he showed up back in my life. I shivered as I felt the weight of the ring increase. It wasn’t overbearing, it settled kind of nice; solid and secure. I bit my lip and stared back down at the ring. I knew with all my heart that I wanted to spend my life with this man. 

I laughed.

"You're starting to give me a complex. What's so funny?"

"It's funny, even back in college, I thought about what it would be like to marry you. I totally pictured it.  I thought, if this guy knew what was running through my mind when I looked at him, he would run away fast.”

“Are you sure about that?”

I lost my smile. His smirk warmed my heart. I peered at the ring.

“Jackson, aren’t we doing this all wrong?” I stood up, which made him stumble back and he stood up, too. “Aren’t we supposed to date for a few years and then we get engaged? Plan the wedding for a while and then get married?”

“According to your timetable, we’ll be sixty by the time we try to have kids.”

I frowned. “Carrington.” He grabbed my hands and wrapped them around his waist. He pulled me into his chest.

I tried to pull back, but he placed his hand on the back of my head and prevented me from going anywhere. While his possessive gestures would turn off other women, they had the opposite effect on me. It made me want him more.

“Seriously, don’t you think we’ve waited long enough? Just say yes.”

I raised my left hand and watched as the ring caught the last of the sunset. It glittered in the light and illuminated my heart. The same gleam returned to his gorgeous blue eyes. I sighed and said, “Yes.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” I laughed.

“See, now was that so hard.”

“No,” I leaned back,” but is this how it’s going to be from now? You making all the big decisions in our lives?”

“Maybe.” He looked down at me with a smirk on his face.

“Oh, great. Then, I’ll quit my job and sit around looking pretty all day.”

“If that’s what makes you happy. Ugh.” Jackson stepped back and rubbed his ribs where I’d hit him. I didn’t mean to hit him that hard, but I needed him to stop being so smug and listen to me.

“Jackson, I love you and I will marry you and you know you’re probably right about most things, but you are not in charge of me. It’s not your way and it’s not my way. I know we don’t have much practice with this, but I hope we can find a way to do this life thing together. Okay?”

Jackson pulled me in and his lips landed on mine, demanding and hot and amazing and the opposite of what I tried to convey with my little speech, but I didn’t care.

I wanted to be his wife, so I gave in … this time.