Hope for Us (Hope Series Book #3) (14 page)

Jackson turned the television on as I fixed dinner. He sat slumped on the couch and I peeked a glance at him. Jackson Latre Mitchell sat on my couch, watching my television, while I fixed him and my son dinner. I sighed in relief, but this time it was because the idea of us as a family didn't scare the hell out of me.

I finished putting dinner on the table.

“J, dinner’s ready.” He switched the television off and stood up. He stretched and his shirt rode up and I caught a glimpse of his perfect abs, my favorite body part along with his arms and hands and legs and incredible butt. He caught me checking him out and laughed. He winked and texted someone on his phone.

Jack showed up even before Jackson could sit down.

I held my hand out.

"What?" Jack asked.

"Your phone?"

"Aw man." He pulled it out his pocket and handed it to me.

I motioned for Jackson to sit at the head of the table and I sat on his right, Jack in his regular seat on the left. Jack watched Jackson and I interact under his hooded eyelids, too afraid to look either one of us in the eye.

With the food piled on everyone’s plate, I paused, watching the two men in my life in one place and was beyond grateful.

No one spoke during dinner. The silence killed Jack, but I enjoyed it. With the content look on his face, I knew Jackson enjoyed it, too.

The screaming doubts and the screaming negative voices in my head silenced for the first time in a long time. I sighed and smiled at Jackson but jumped when Jack put his fork down. He looked back and forth between the two of us.

“What is going on?”

“What do you mean?” I shoved a piece of chicken in my mouth and chewed. “Nothing’s going on.”

“You two are acting funny.”

“Besides you riding your bike through the streets of Arizona risking your life for no good reason at all, no, nothing else is going on.” Jackson said.

“Come on, I said I was sorry.”

“We know.” We both said in unison and continued eating.

“Come on. You’re killing me.”

We cringed at his use of words, blushed and smiled. Jackson choked on a piece of chicken and took a sip of water.

“Are we all friends again?”

“I don’t think I can answer that,” Jackson said.

“Yeah, me neither.” I shook my head and concentrated on the food on my fork.

“You know. If you hadn’t done something so dangerous today, we might be in a more talkative mood,” Jackson said. “I think it's better we just eat in peace and quiet. Reflect on what we did or didn’t do today.”

“I know what I didn’t do today,” I said. “I didn’t do something behind my mother’s back today.”

“Yeah, me, too.” Jackson turned to Jack, “What about you Jack, can you say the same thing?”

“You two are weird.”

“Okay, I do have one question,” I said. “Did you really think you were going to get away with it? I’m just curious.”

“That’s a good question. Did you think I would be so happy to see you that I would ignore the fact that what you did was dangerous and irresponsible?”

“I wanted to see you.”

“So, was it worth it?”

“It got you two back together,” Jack said and smiled at himself as he shoved food into his mouth. “Yeah, it was worth it.”

Jackson and I looked at each other.

He had a point.

After dinner, Jack’s first punishment chore was doing the dishes alone while Jackson and I sat at the kitchen table watching him. When Jack finished the kitchen, he turned towards us and held out his hands.

“What now?”

“Upstairs, take a shower, brush your teeth, and go to bed,” I said a little firmer than I intended. Jackson put his hand on my leg, and my mind flashed back to our kiss from earlier and I knew as soon as Jack went to bed there would be more kisses to come. 

“We’ve all had a long and exhausting day. Why don’t we all go to bed and start again in the morning?”

I kept my protest to myself.

We both looked at Jack and he hesitated but turned and walked out of the kitchen and upstairs.

I grabbed Jackson’s hand, and he rubbed his thumb in little circles on my wrist. It sent a chill through my body, and I held on tighter.

“I should probably go.” He held my hand up to his lips and kissed it. I didn’t want him to leave, but he yawned and his eyes were red and heavy. I didn't ask him to stay.

We stood up and I followed him to the door. His hand wrapped in both of mine. We walked out on the porch and the chilly air made goose bumps spring out over my arms. Jackson pulled me into his arms and wrapped them around my back, rubbing them up and down to generate some warmth.

“You okay?” I asked, my voice muffled by his shirt.

“Yeah,” he said and kissed the top of my head. “I’m tired and I still have some work to do since I left the facility early.”

“I’m sorry.”

He held me by the arms and looked down at me. “I’m not.”  He smiled and leaned down and kissed me. He pulled away, but I pulled him back, not ready to let go. His lips brought stability and a sense of calmness to my soul that I didn’t realize I missed until that moment. I needed more of this feeling. I needed more of Jackson.

Our lips parted and Jackson gave me another strong hug and we whispered goodbye, but the calm remained. When his tail lights disappeared, it was there. I went back in and headed upstairs. 

I found him in his room in his pjs, reading a book.

“Hey, Jacky.”

“Hi, Mama.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, you?”

“Yeah.”

“Did Jackson leave?”

“He went home.” I didn’t like the sound of the word leave anymore.  I sat at the end of his bed and rubbed his foot through the blanket. “I love you, Jacky.”

“I know.”

“Jackson loves you, too.”

“I love him.”

“Do you understand how crazy it makes both of us when you do something like what you did this afternoon?”

“Yes.”

“Jackson and I have a lot in common, but our favorite thing in common is how we feel about you.”

Jack smiled and crawled over to me and wrapped his arms around my neck.

“I’m so sorry.”

“I know, baby.” I pushed his hair out of his face. “You’re still grounded for a week.”

“Ugh.”

I held him close and as we both yawned, I tucked him in and headed back to my room.

I crashed as soon as my head hit the pillow. I felt like I hadn’t slept in a year.

I couldn’t sleep.

As soon as I arrived home, I caught up on some film work and wrote some notes for my receivers. After that, I went to bed and missed Carrington. That, combined with her body pressed up against me, lingering in my mind, made it hard to fall asleep. I gave up after an hour of tossing and turning. I picked up the phone to call her but put the phone back down. I needed to work this out myself.

I told Carrington I could do both; be an NFL quarterback and everything she and Jackson needed from me, but I had no clue how I was going to do it.

I pulled out my iPad and took a look at my schedule for the rest of the season. We had to find a balance. I had football, and she had a job. She needed her time with Jack, and we needed time to spend alone, too.

Something nagged at the back of my mind, and it came to the forefront when I looked at the calendar in February. We had all the time in the world together in the off-season, but Carrington said she didn’t want to live her life based on my seasons. Not to mention, preseason and post-season, too.

I rolled over and looked at the time on my phone. I called my dad.

“Jackson, what are you doing up so late?”

“I could ask you the same questions.”

“Well, I’m old, and when you’re old, you don’t need that much sleep.”

“Dad, you’re not old.”

“Tell my knees that.” I chuckled with him. He ran three miles a day, no matter what.

“Who are you talking to?” my mother asked. My mother’s voice filled my ears and calmed my anxiety.

“Your son.”

“What’s wrong, Jackson?” my mom asked.

“She has three sons. How did she know it was me?”

My mom must have heard me, because she laughed.

“Because Stephen and Patrick already called tonight.”

“What’s wrong, son?”

“Nothing, I just had a questions. How did you do it?” I paused trying to figure out how to word the question. “Be a husband and father and play professional football?”

“What do you mean, how did I do it? I just did it.”

“Yeah, but you taught me that whatever I do, I have to do it one hundred percent.” I cleared my throat. “So, how do you give one hundred percent to three things at the same time?”

“Well, son, you’re categorizing them wrong.”

“What do you mean?”

“I never said I want to be the best football player, best husband, and the best father. I wanted to be the best man I could be. As long as I worked one hundred percent on that goal, the rest naturally fell in line.”

“Oh man, Dad.”
Only fathers can come up with a lines like that.

“Son, as usual you’re overthinking it. Is this about Carrington and Jack?”

“Yeah.”

“You understand what you’re getting into?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you’re in love with a woman who has a child. I know how you feel about Jack, but it’s a lot different being his godfather and being his father.”

“I realize that.”

“Do you? Because, whether you’re there or not, you have to consider his feelings for you are going to change and he’s going to look at you in that manner because well, he doesn’t have any other father figures in his life.”

“I know.” My tone lost all of its confidence.

“Does he know about Josh?”

“Not really. I mean, he knows his name, and he knows he died, but he doesn’t know what happened.”

“Eventually, she is going to tell him the truth and there will be some things for you to deal with regarding that. Are you ready for that?”

“I have to be ready for it.” I ran my hands through my hair and leaned my head back. “I love her. I love them both. I’m not scared of being Jack’s father.”

“I know you love them, and you want to take care of them. Let me ask you something? Does your need to take care of them have anything to do with Josh?”

A good question, one I should be asking myself. I sighed and thought about it.

“I don’t think so. I mean, maybe back when Carrington came back to school it had a little bit to do with that, but I remember how I felt about Carrington the first time I saw her and you know what, I feel the exact same way about her now.”

“And is it the same for her.”

“I don’t know, but she does want to give us another try.” The thought warmed my heart. “She’s scared to give up control because that’s what Josh took from her.”

“She told you that?”

“Yeah, which is progress, because she’d never talked about it before.”

“Well, it sounds like you both want the same thing. Now you have to figure out how to get there.”

“We have to spend time together.”

“Yes, that’s important.”

“Ugh, so again, back to my question. How do I have time to do it all?"

“Son, that’s nothing but a scheduling issue.”

My dad laughed at his own joke, and I laughed at his laugh.

“Thanks, Dad.”

“You’re welcome, son. Get some sleep.”

“You, too. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

A scheduling issue—that’s something I could fix.

I tossed and turned for a few more hours, but when the sun peered into my bedroom window, I got up, showered, shaved, and jumped in my car as I dialed Carrington’s number. 

“Are you really calling me at six am?”

“I’ll be there in five. I’ve got something to show you. ”

“Email it to me,” she said.

“I can’t go to work this morning without kissing you.”

She giggled, and I knew that got her up.

I arrived a few minutes later, and Carrington opened the door as I skipped up the steps. She wore the cutest little boy shorts and her tank top rode up enough to show a flash of her light brown skin on her cute little abs. I scooped her up and kissed her until her body went limp. Nothing on me was limp.

“Good morning,” she said.

“Morning.” I carried her inside. “God, you feel good.”

She tilted her pelvis to move against me, and I held her tighter and ran my hand over her ass.

“Whoa, before you get too excited and go too far, Jack will be down in a few minutes.”

“Great, that gives me just enough time.”

She squinted and glared at me. “Enough time for what?”

I sat her down and patted her on the butt with the folder.

“What’s that?”

“I’ll show you.” I grabbed her hand and pulled her into the kitchen.

“You want coffee?”

“Please.”

She prepared the coffee as I pulled the print out of my schedule and laid it on the counter.

She handed me the cup and jumped up on the counter. She leaned over and kissed my neck. I forgot about the schedule, pulling her face around and kissing her again.

Did I mention how much I love her lips?

“Okay. What is all this?”

“So, I figured it out last night. This is my schedule and I have all these pockets of time that we can spend together.”

“Okay,” she said extending the word out as if she didn’t quite understand.

“Okay, so like today is Thursday, I don’t have to be at the facility until ten am, so I can stop by at six am for breakfast.”

I looked up at her and she shook her head.

“On Friday, I go in early, but I am free after the walk through. And, look here, I take Tuesday afternoon off, so I could pick Jack up and do something, just the two of us and I’ll have him back for dinner or we can all go out together. Of course, I realize you have a job, too. If we need to make some adjustments based on your schedule, let me know.”

She started giggling, which turned into a full on cracking up laugh when I looked at her.

“Are you making fun of me?”

“No.” She tried to control herself, but it took her a few minutes to regain control. “I’m not really, and this is great. Really, it is, but it’s kind of hard to stick to a schedule with an eight-year-old.”

“Well, look at it as more of a guideline and not so much a schedule. I want you to see that I do have time for you and Jack in my life.”

“I know and I love you for it, but it’s not necessary. You don’t have to prove anything to us. It’s enough to know you want to be with us and when you can, you will. I’m not worried about that.”

“When did you become so easygoing?”

“I don’t know. I guess being in love changes a person’s perspective.”

She smiled and her eyes sparkled. I didn’t notice Jack walk in until he spoke.

“Good morning, Jackson.”

“Hey, buddy.”

“Hi, Mama.” She leaned over and kissed Jack on the forehead. All the drama from yesterday forgiven.

We watched Jack as he poured himself some cereal and milk and took it to the table.

“I do like this idea,” Carrington said and pointed to Tuesday on the schedule.

“What idea?” Jack said with a mouth full of cereal.

“Yeah, too bad you pulled that stunt yesterday, you’ll still be on punishment next Tuesday.”

“What’s happening on Tuesday?”

“Nope, you’ll have to wait until the following week.”

“Yeah, and I guess he got lucky that you have an away game this weekend. I would have to go to the game all by myself.”

“Uh-uh, no way you’re leaving me. That’s not fair.”

“Jack,” I said, and he snapped to attention. “We’re joking, but please stop saying that. No one owes you a life that’s fair. You are blessed with what you have and you need to start appreciating it.”

Jack looked at Carrington, and she lowered her eyes and took a sip of coffee. He turned back to me.

“Yes, sir.” Jack lowered his eyes and finished his cereal.

“Okay, baby, Ms. Ella will be ready in five minutes. Run up and get your bag.” I watched their morning ritual and admired the synchronized rhythm of it all. He came back down with his backpack on. He turned while Carrington reached into the refrigerator, pulled out a brown sack and placed it in his pack.

“Have a good day," she said. 

“I will,” he said as he turned and kissed her on the cheek.

Jack turned to me, his eyes wide. He took one step, and I pulled him into my arms.

“Ugh.” He groaned and giggled.

“Have a good day at school,” I whispered to him. “Stay out of trouble.”

“Right home after school,” Carrington said.

I waited in the kitchen while Carrington walked Jack out to the neighbor’s car. I wondered if the two boys from across the street had confessed to their parents. I sat at the kitchen table and looked over the schedule.

She walked back in a few minutes later. Carrington placed her hands over my shoulder and on my chest, her chest pressing into the back of my neck. I took one hand and kissed it. Her hand continued down my chest, grabbed the bottom of my shirt, and lifted it. I took hold of it and helped her by pulling it over my head and discarding it on the floor. I grabbed her arm and led her around the chair, and she straddled my lap. I wore sweat pants, and I couldn’t hide my excitement from her. She snuggled on my erection, moving her hips over it. She discarded the robe, and I worked on her tank top, moving my hands up her torso.

“See, I told you the schedule needed to be flexible.”

“Oh, when I said breakfast, I meant sex.”

I ran my palm over her breast and she took in a shallow breath. I squeezed her nipple and she arched her back, which angled her hip to push further into my groan. I grunted and she smiled and I groaned. She had a sexy smile.

My other hand found its way inside the waistband of her shorts in the back. I slid it over her curves, around her waist, and rubbed the back of my hand down her abs. My hand slid further down and settled between her legs, and she gasped when I touched that perfect spot.

Her legs twitched, and she scooted away from me. I snaked my arm around her back and pulled her close.

“Jackson.” She breathed my name.

“Look at me, baby.” We locked eyes and my fingers rubbed harder, and I held on firm. Her breath quickened, and she bit her lip. I leaned in to kiss and nibble on the same lip. She sought out my tongue and massaged it as her body shivered and she pushed my hands deeper between her legs.

When she relaxed the grip on my hands, she stood up and pushed her shorts off as I pushed my shorts down. She climbed back on my lap and wrapped her hands around me. Her wetness coated my fingers and I laced my fingers through hers as they wrapped around my dick.

Her hands felt amazing, but I wanted inside of her. I lifted her with my other arm and she guided me as I slid into her.

“Oh, my God,” she gasped.

She settled on my lap, and we didn’t move right away. We both enjoyed the sensation of being like this with each other. She studied my face, tracing the lines of my jaw and my nose with her fingertips. I memorized every inch of hers with my lips. I kissed her forehead and her nose. I found her lips and kissed her deep. I pulled away to watch her as she moved.  Her lips opened and her tongue snaked out and licked her lips as if she needed to taste where my lips had been, and it was the sexiest thing I had ever seen. I looked in her eyes and felt like I could see into her soul.